Breaking The Habit
by twiXlite
Summary: After a tragic incident Edward&Bella break up, resulting in Edward leaving town. Seven years later, they've both changed dramatically. What happens when they meet again? Will they be able to work out their differences, or is the past too much to handle?
1. Edward

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

**I wasn't planning on posting this, but a friend of mine on here convinced me to post it. I hope you enjoy it =D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**Edward**_

As I walked off the stage I felt the familiar surge of adrenalin still buzzing through my veins.

It was a buzz I lived for.

Even though my body was exhausted, my mind was going a million miles a minute. Well, more like a second.

"Great show, guys." Our manager, Demetri, congratulated us as we all made our way backstage. We all nodded and grabbed ourselves something to drink. We may all love it, but it was exhausting.

I wouldn't be anywhere else though.

Nowhere else in the world compared to being on the stage. It was where I had wanted to be ever since I was a kid. And now I was here. Doing what I wanted. Living my dream.

Every time I walked onto the stage, I was overwhelmed. The crowds were enormous. If someone had come up to me a couple of years ago and told me that I would be performing to crowds en masse then I would have laughed in their face.

Especially with where I was before all of this started.

With how low my life had been.

I couldn't help but wonder how and why my life had changed so much in such a short amount of time. It helped me to remember that I couldn't take anything for granted. I had to make the most of my time here.

I just wish I'd had that philosophy seven years ago.

It would have been nice to know what I do now back then. To know how stupid I was. To know that my whole life would change because of what had happened.

But I couldn't go back and change the past.

What's done is done. And there is no way to set it right.

Even if I could go back, I couldn't change what had happened. Maybe I could change my behaviour, but the circumstances would have remained the same. I would have ended up just as I am now, though probably without the ability to go on stage and entertain like I did now.

And that wasn't something I would change. Not a chance.

Not for anything.

"Hey, Ed!" My band-member and best friend, Emmett shouted at me from across the room. "We're going on the town. You coming?"

Trust Emmett and Jasper to be going out on the town after a show. I might be the one with the adrenalin buzz, but normally it was short-lived, dying out after I had gotten off the stage. Even so, normally I was the livliest of all of us but after a full show they had energy that left even mine in the dust.

The two of them were my best friends. They had been there for me when I was at my absolute worst. When I had first left my home town and moved to New York, I didn't have anyone. Until I met those two that is. They helped me get on my feet, gave me a place to live and helped me find a job. I owed these guys my life.

More than once, the two of them had worked together to drag me out of the bottomless pit of despair and self-pity I had become so well acquianted with.

I owed them everything.

I shook my head and smiled at them. "Nah. I'm just gonna head back to the apartment."

"Alright then." They both shrugged, not moving. I could tell that they were worried about me. My health hadn't been too great lately. Well, for the last couple of years. No one outside the three of us knew that it was down to a few _habits_ I'd had after I'd moved to New York. Let's just say that because of a few unwise decisions on my part, my immune system was shot and it took me about a full day to recover from a full show. A set of a couple of songs and I would be fine about mid-morning the next day, but after a full show like we had just done, there was no use in trying to get me to do anything the next day. I literally didn't have the strength to get out of bed. The exhaustion simply took over. This knowledge wasn't widely known and I wanted to keep it that way.

They knew not to push when I said I didn't want to go out. They were fine with it. Even the others in the band weren't one hundred per cent sure why I crashed the day after a show. I guess they put it down to poor health. I hated lying to them, but unfortunately, I found it was necessary. They didn't push, something for which I was thankful.

"Hey, what show are the ticket winners coming to see?" I asked the two of them and they looked at each other.

"Um, Friday's I think." Emmett replied, trying to think. It was always amusing when that happened. And it didn't generally happen too often so you had to make the most of it when it did.

"Alright." I turned around, heading for the other exit. "See you guys later."

"See you." They called, before turning out of the door behind them.

I sighed and made my way to the other exit. I could hear screaming and names being called as Emmett, Jasper and the rest of the band made their way to the large car that would take them into the city. I rarely went out with them, but I didn't really mind. After previous experiences I wasn't really up for the party routine, which was kind of depressing for a twenty-five year old rock singer I know, but still. Besides, I wasn't able to drink, so watching other people have what I can't is not really something I relished doing.

I quickly made my way down the steps of the secluded exit to the stadium and climbed into the black car that was waiting for me.

We were back in New York, so I was going back to the Penthouse apartment that Emmett, Jasper and I shared. It was a big improvement to the one that we had lived in when I first came to the city. It was huge. Easily accomodating the three of us. We each had such contrasting personalities that space was required or else we would be tearing each others heads off. I think the only reason we didn't when I first moved to the city was because I was in such a low place emotionally. We each had our own spacious bedrooms with en suite, it had a living room, kitchen, with separate dining room, that had been changed automatically into a music room of sorts. Instruments such as guitars that Emmett and I owned, Jasper's drums and such and even a baby grand piano of mine. I didn't play keyboards or piano or anything in the band, that was all Emmett, but the piano had been a love of mine since I was younger.

_Not that anyone had noticed._ I thought miserably as the buildings passed us by. _No! _I mentally scolded myself. _That life is behind you now! Leave everything in the past where it belongs. The people, the place, they're over two thousand miles away from you now. Leave it where it belongs._

Even after these little mental pep talks of mine, I couldn't really get the memories to leave me alone. They were always there. Constantly haunting me. I couldn't escape them.

The ones of my parents were easier to push aside. It didn't hurt so much trying to forget about them. They were never there for me to remember anyway and what few memories I did have of them were always filled with disappointment and frustration from them.

But the other memories.

They were the ones that stayed with me. That caused me to lose sleep.

They were the ones that caused me to fall.

I was stupid and reckless.

Whether or not I was stupid and reckless for leaving or for allowing myself to fall into the situation in the first place I hadn't quite worked out yet. You would have thought that after seven years I would have gotten over it.

Over _her_.

But she was the only one I ever thought about when my past flicked through my mind. Her face was the only one that lingered with me, keeping me awake at night.

As I climbed out of the car and made my way across the lobby, quickly grabbing any mail that we'd had delivered before stepping into the elevator that took me up to our apartment, I couldn't help but think of her. I knew that I couldn't. That I _shouldn't_. My therapist said that if I kept dwelling on _her_ then I would never be able to move on with my life. I would be stuck in the same emotional rut that I had been in for the last seven years.

Even though I knew it was unhealthy of me, some part of me didn't want to forget her.

What we'd had was huge.

I shook my head as the elevator doors opened and I walked into our apartment. I sighed, feeling the regular depression start to wash over me as I walked over to the fridge. I wanted a drink, but that was out of the question.

I opened the fridge and took a can of coke out of the door, my eyes falling on the six pack that was stuffed neatly in the back. Jasper and Emmett didn't like to leave alcohol lying around, but I told them it was fine. And it was. Just because I was on the wagon big time, didn't mean that they had to be. I didn't want them to feel obliged to keep alcohol out of the apartment because of me and I hated that they did.

I popped the can open and settled down at the kitchen table, opening the newspaper that Emmett had insisted be delivered to the apartment since we got back. He never read the damn thing so why he wanted it delivered I don't know. Thankfully, he didn't insist it be delivered while we weren't here as well, or else we'd have a hell of a lot of recycling to do each time we got back. A lot of the time we weren't even in New York. We were off around the world on tour or doing something else. I didn't care though. I lived for it.

I flipped through the newspaper, not really paying attention to what was written there. Just looking for something to do I guess.

I glanced at the clock and saw that it was just after midnight. As good a time as any to go to bed I guess. I was just going to be a wreck either way.

I closed the newspaper and threw the empty can in the bin, turning the light in the kitchen off as I walked through to my bedroom. I flipped the light in my room on and sighed. It was always the same. Coming home, no matter where I'd been or what I'd been doing, it was always the same. I was always alone. I wouldn't let anyone get close to me at all. Not after what had happened with ……… God! It even hurt to think her fucking name!

Jazz and Emmett were the only two who knew the whole story of what had happened between me and … _her_.

Even though they knew, they didn't understand. They didn't understand what had affected me so much that I had to leave town. That had convinced me to turn to drinking and drugs.

The drugs.

That was one of my worst decisions to date.

I knew that now.

Back then, all I could focus on what getting my next hit.

It started out small. I would go out a couple of times a week, after work and stuff, with a couple of the guys I worked with, to try and get to know them better. I also went to try to forget. I saw now that even if I hadn't had people to go with, I would have gone anyway. The guys that wanted to go from work were just conveniently going.

After a while it became every night. I just wanted to forget, but it seemed that no matter how much I drank, I couldn't forget. Nothing could take anything away from me. It was all there. The pain that I felt everyday was there. It wouldn't leave. Ever.

The only time I could get away from it was when I passed out. Which wasn't very often seeing as I could hold my alcohol pretty well.

It was then that I met James.

He first introduced me to weed. Something I accepted gratefully. Even though, I had never really liked drugs before, the state of mind I was in at that point in time, I wanted to try anything I could to get rid of the images and memories I held within my head.

The weed worked to a certain extent, but only for a short while. I was able to block out the pain that was in my heart, but it was never enough. That was when James introduced me to my good ol' friend cocaine.

The buzz I got off of it was intense. It was something that I hadn't felt before. I felt as though I could take anything on. I felt as though I could do anything. It would give me the ability to do anything I put my mind to. I didn't let on to Jasper or Emmett what I was doing. They had no idea. I didn't want them to find out.

In the beginning, I wasn't dependent on it. All I wanted was an escape. A way to forget. I knew that I could have, _should_ _have_ found another way to do it, but at the time, I wasn't looking for a long term solution. Before I knew it, an occassional hit was turning into daily. And it was that way for a long time.

That was before I was introduced to amphetamines and methamphetamines as well. I had never even considered taking anything like these before, not that I had thought extensively about becoming a cocaine addict either, but that had just sort of happened. When James came up to me with the pills and needle offering me some, I was pretty freaked. I thought that he was offering me heroin and that was something I _was not_ going to touch, even when I was high.

After he explained what it was I agreed to try it. And pretty soon, I was hooked on the high that I got from them as well.

I was falling into a pit and I knew it, but I couldn't bring myself to stop. Jasper and Emmett still seemed pretty oblivious to what was going on with me. Not that they didn't ask. I'd just become a decent liar is all.

I'd kept it hidden for four years. How I wasn't quite sure, but I'd managed it. I was at a loss to how I could keep it hidden. Because I was hitting up practically, no _actually_ every day, I had lost a lot of weight, due to the appetite suppressant side to cocaine and the heightened energy I felt from the amphetamines.

I knew that Jasper and Emmett knew that there was something wrong with me now. They were working it out, but I didn't know how close they were. Some part of me wanted to run. To get out from underneath them before they really _did_ find out about everything. I was still drinking pretty heavily and spent pretty much every night out of the apartment, coming back after they'd left for work, and flaking out for a couple of hours, before getting up, hitting up, cleaning myself up and acting like nothing was wrong. They seemed to buy it, but I could see something else working in their eyes.

Another part of me wanted them to find out. I was ruining my life and I knew it. I wanted them to find out and help me. I wanted to tell them, but I guess the fear of them discovering my closely guarded secret was too great for me to do so.

It didn't matter either way though.

They found out soon enough.

Maybe taking the amphetamines in injection form hadn't been the best idea. It was the best way to get the fastest rush though, so that's how I did it. I was extremely careful though, and didn't share needles. At all.

Didn't stop the marks that appeared above my veins though. And unfortunately Jasper saw them one day when I was changing. He and Emmett had flipped out at me. Even then they didn't know the full story of why I left my hometown.

They made me get help. I wish that I'd been strong enough to admit to them that I needed help, but I guess that the small amount of dignity I still had left in me, didn't want me to admit that I needed it.

So after six months in rehab I was clean. That was when we had gotten together with some other friends and started the band. We weren't looking to get signed or anything. Just looking for something to do in our spare time I guess. But we were signed, and that small decision to form a band had changed my life immensly.

We were now world famous. Not something I had ever imagined could happen. It all happened so fast that I didn't really know how we got here. All I know is that our first album had sold over 4.8 million copies in it's first year and it was still selling at a phenomenal pace. Something I never would have thought would happen.

I owed everything I had to Jasper and Emmett.

If it wasn't for the two of them, I would probably be on the streets or quite even possibly dead or in jail. None of those propostitions sounded too enticing, so I was thankful every day for the friends I had and the opportunities I'd been given, purely through meeting them.

Even so, as I stepped into the shower, turning the temperature right up, I couldn't help my mind flicking back to what had happened back in my hometown before I left. I couldn't help thinking about …… _her_. It hurt to think about her, but I wasn't able to stop myself.

_It was seven years ago!_ I thought to myself angrily. I should be able to get over it by now. But it was too deeply embedded in my head and my heart to let go. I know it was stopping me from moving forwards with my life, but I couldn't bring myself to let go.

I climbed out of the shower and dried off before pulling on a pair of comfy sweats and an oversized sweater I owned. Before my addiction had become completely out of control, this sweater had been my 'come down' sweater. I hadn't had much use for it, seeing as after a while, I hadn't even gotten to the 'come down' part of the high before shooting up again.

I had been stuck in a rut.

And now I was thankful that I was out of it.

I turned off my light and curled up on my bed, not bothering to climb underneath the covers, as I knew I would get hot in my sleep and kick them off anyway. I always did after a show.

I wouldn't be expected to surface until at least Thursday evening or Friday morning.

_Great. _I thought as sleep clawed at my consciousness. _Those damned ticked winners._

Get it over and done with, then everything will be alright.

Focus on the show.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next day, I was pretty much dead to the world. As I knew I would be.

Jasper came in to check on me, just as either one of them always did.

They would make sure that I had woken up, and then leave me be for an hour or so, before bringing in a glass of orange juice.

I couldnt't eat while I was like this.

I would just bring it back up.

Plus, I didn't have the energy to eat anything. It wouldn't have made any difference.

"Hey, mate, how you doing?" I heard Emmett's low tones after Jasper had left. I slowly turned over and looked at him, before my eyes forced themselves closed again. "That good huh?" He chuckled, before mumbling an "ow". He obviously had a hangover. I wondered how much he had drunk. Knowing Emmett, it would have been a lot. He very rarely got a hangover, so when he did, you know that he went full out the previous night. "All right, just came to see if you're okay."

I mumbled something that even I didn't understand and wiggled so that my head was underneath my duvet. He was used to this behaviour so I don't think he thought anything of it. You can never be too sure with Emmett though. He could be confusing sometimes. Even more so than Jazz and myself.

And that was saying something.

I closed my eyes and tried clearing my mind, knowing that sleep would help me shake this off a lot faster than if I was awake. Sleep heals apparently.

I managed to get my breathing under control and I guess I slipped off into another unconscious state because the next thing I knew I was being shaken awake by Jasper.

"Come on, Ed. Wake up." He called. I lifted my head out from under my duvet and glared at him. "Don't look at me like that." He chuckled. "We gotta get going. Got to be at the stadium in an hour."

"What time is it?" I moaned, sitting up slowly, glaring at Jasper for waking me up.

"'Bout half two." He told me walking out of the room. "Hurry up!"

"Alright, alright." I mumbled, climbing out of bed and jumping in the shower. As I washed myself down, I couldn't help thinking back to how I got myself into this state. What was it that caused my immune system to go to hell? Why did I crash like I did after a show? Nobody else had the problem I did after a show. They were all up for going out afterwards, but I knew that if I did, I wouldn't be able to function for days afterwards. But then again, none of them were coke addicts for four years were they?

Stepping out of the shower I towelled myself dry and walked out into my room, loosely tying the towel around my waist. I walked out to see an outfit laid out on my bed. It seemed that Siobhan, Jasper's sister and our stylist had sorted out our outfits for tonight already. I got dressed and made my way out to he kitchen where she, Emmett and Jasper were sitting making some food.

"EDWARD!" Emmett shouted, causing Jasper to jump and Siobhan to fall off her seat.

"Jeez, Emmett!" She screeched glaring up at him. I helped her up, chuckling at her expression.

"Sorry, Shivs." He grinned sheepishly at her. "It's just great to see our Eddie join the land of the living again."

"How're you feeling, hun?" She asked as I sat down.

"I'm okay." I smiled at her. I loved Siobhan. She didn't know the full story, only Jazz and Em knew that, but she was always there for me. She was like a sister to me. We both knew that there was a line that neither of us would cross. She was beautiful, of course. She and Jasper looked very much alike, but then again being twins you would expect that. The both of them had the same blonde hair that they gained from their father, but whereas Jasper's eyes were blue, Siobhan's eyes were a clear green, suiting her pale skin perfectly. "How was your trip?"

"It was okay." She grinned, knowing that I meant her little conversation with the floor. I couldn't help the pang that spread through my heart at that thought. _She_ was always tripping over. I lost count of the amount of times I had to save her. I would do it again though. I would do it all over again.

Jasper shoved a huge plate of sandwiches on the table and we each grabbed one, eating them eagerly. Siobhan hopped off the stool she was sitting on and bounced over to the freezer, opening it and peering inside.

"Who ate my cookie dough!" She screeched, glaring at Emmett again who blushed and tried to sink in his seat. "Emmett!"

"You're in trou-ble!" Jasper and I sang at the same time, each of us earning a glare from Emmett.

"Sorry Shivs. I was hungry. I'll buy you some more. Ow!" Jasper and I laughed as she threw one of her shoes at him. "I'll buy you two more tubs, hows that?"

"Good." She smiled smugly, picking up her shoe and sliding it back onto her foot. "Right come on!" She grabbed the plate and walked towards the door. "Time to go!"

"Hey!" The three of us shouted at the same time, following her, wanting the sandwiches more than anything else at this point in time.

"Good boys." She cooed walking away from us, the plate elevated on her hand. She made her way out into the elevator that would take us downstairs and we had to wait until the doors had closed before she let us have the sandwiches again. "It's almost too easy." We all scowled at her. She knew that the only way to get us to do what she wanted to was to threaten our food. And it always worked. Note to self: hide food.

We made our way to the car that was waiting to pick us up and all climbed into the back.

"You guys nervous?" She asked us, grinning.

"Shivs, come on!" Jasper replied, exasperated. "Since when are we ever nervous?"

"I know, but still..." She raised an eyebrow at him. "You never know."

"Meh." He waved her off and stared out of the window.

We drove around the back of the stadium, stopping at the unmarked entrance so we could get in without being mauled or snapped by the paparazzi. That was one of the most annoying things about our job. Constant photos. I hated them. The others didn't like them, but they weren't as pissed off by them as I was.

We were met by Demetri, Phoenix, Brad and Joe. "Right guys, the contest winners are in the back room and eager to meet you guys. Edward, we need you on stage for your initial sound check now. Well, you know the routine."

I nodded and headed off to the stage, while the others made their way to the back room.

"Hey, Ed." The guys greeted me as I walked out onto the stage, gazing over the empty stadium.

After I did my initial sound checks the rest of the band came out and did theirs. This was pretty routine by now. Emmett was just finishing up doing his keyboard soundcheck, when I found myself thinking about _her_ and everything else I left behind when I left my hometown. I couldn't get her out of my head. Even now, even after all this time. It was insane. I didn't know what to do. I wondered if she still lived in Forks. I doubted it. She was too big a personality to stay in that small town.

"Right! They're letting 'em in." Demetri called and that was our signal to get off the stage while they let the audience in. This was always the most nerve-wracking part of the performance. The waiting to go out onto the stage. Being _on_ the stage I absolutely loved. It was like nothing but the performance mattered. Nothing else existed. It was just me, the mike, the band and the audience. That was all there was.

But the waiting. Being able to hear the band. That was something else entirely. This was always the nerve-wracking bit.

"You alright, Eddie?" Emmett asked, clapping me on the back.

"I'm fine." I replied, punching him on the arm. "And don't call me Eddie."

"Sorry, dude." He grinned at me, the glint in his eye telling me that he wasn't going to relent on that name. He never did, no matter how many times I told him to.

"Where are the contest winners?" I asked, wondering where they'd gotten to.

"They're down in the crowd now. Right in the front." He grinned at me. "Tell you what, they're all fucking beautiful. Who knew we'd get _that_ lucky. And I think that one of them kind of has a thing for me."

"You think that every girl you meet has a thing for you." I laughed, punching him on the arm again.

"Nah, I mean it." He feigned hurt, rubbing his arm. "I mean.....nah, what's the point? You don't really care do ya?"

"Nope." I said popping the "p" and shaking my head, watching as the last of the audience filled the stadium.

"Right, guys." Demetri shouted, motioning for us all to get into position. "Marks."

"See you out there man." Emmett clapped me on the back again, before heading off to the other side of the stage where he would be coming on.

I took the microphone I was handed Joe walked out on the stage getting the crowd started. Jasper was the next up, highlighted by the spotlight that shone down on him. I saw him wink at someone in the crowd and then grin as Phoenix made his way onto the stage, followed by Brad and then Emmett.

The music started up and I took that as my cue.

_Here we go._ I thought as I made my way onto the stage and any nerves I had felt a moment ago disappeared as soon as the music really started.

This is where I belonged.

This was my home.

**Like I said, I wasn't planning on posting this. I was planning on keeping this as a private story, but a friend convinced me to post it.  
Let me know what you think of it.  
I know it's following a pretty cliche storyline, but there are a lot of differences I've added in.  
Review and lemme know.  
xx**


	2. Bella

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**Bella**_

"Bella! Bella! Bella! Oh my God! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!"

Who needed an alarm clock when you had Alice Brandon? Not me that's for sure. She was always completely hyped up. On what I haven't a clue, but I had a sneaking suspicion that the little pixie had found some way of sneaking sugar into her daily diet.

Something Rosalie and I had expressly forbidden.

"Alice!" I moaned, trying to roll over and get back to sleep. She was having none of that though. She stood up on the bed and actually belly-flopped on top of me, causing me to scream and try to jump up.

"What's going on?" I heard Rosalie's panicked cry, followed by her laughing when she saw what the commotion was about. I pullet my duvet off of my face and scowled at her.

She was gorgeous. Just being in the same room as her was enough for any girls' self esteem to take a serious nose dive. She was tall and blonde, with – as I'd heard many a male comment – 'legs that carried on forever'. Standing at about five foot ten, long blonde hair and gorgeous hazel eyes, she was more like a model you'd see on the front of the swimsuit addition of Sports Illustrated, rather than her favourite place – under the hood of a car.

Alice was amaingly beautiful as well. She was the complete opposite to Rosalie. Standing at four foot ten, she was tiny. A pixie in every aspect of the word. She too, caused a girls self esteem level to take a serious knock when she walked into the room. With her short black hair always carefully styled into about a million different spikes and her entrancing ice blue eyes she was stunning.

And then there's me. Boring old Bella. About five foot seven, I was completely average height. There really was nothing special about me. With my long brown hair that refused to behave even on good days, and mud coloured eyes, I really was boring. Alice and Rosalie kept trying to convince me otherwise, but I knew they were just being good friends. I didn't believe them.

"What do you want Alice?" I mumbled, pushing the annoying pixie off me and looking at the clock beside my bed. "Seven AM! What the- Alice!" I moaned, flopping back on my bed, throwing my arm over my eyes. Needless to say, I was _not_ a morning person. "Tell me what you want and go." I used the arm that wasn't over my face to point towards the door.

She just laughed at me. Just as she always did. "Silly Bella." She giggled and Rose laughed from where she was in the doorway. That was the problem with living with two early risers. The day starts early, whether you want it to or not. "Guess what?"

"What?" I mumbled, not in the mood for Alice's games. But then again, when was I ever?

"They're here!" She squealed.

"What's here?" I asked, peeking out from under my arm. "Who is it a 'who' question?" I looked at Rose and she was standing there grinning as well.

"The verification codes for the tickets!" Alice squealed jumping up and down where she was on my bed. Is it possible to get sea sick without the sea? I certainly think so.

That must mean it was Friday. Alice and Rosalie had entered some contest to win tickets to go and see a band they were both in love with. Well, I'm not sure whether it was the band per se, or rather specific _members_ of the band. Alice was in love with the band's drummer, Jasper Whitlock and Rose was deeply infatuated with one of the guitarists/vocalists Emmett McCarty.

Personally, I wasn't a huge fan, not having really heard their music, which lately is practically impossible because they're played everywhere. In some weird way, I prided myself with being able to avoid them. Alice and Rosalie thought that I was being ridiculous when I said I didn't want to listen to them over and over again.

They had entered the contest and much to all of our surprise they had won. I don't know what the contest involved but they won three tickets. One for Alice. One for Rosalie. And of course, they wouldn't be happy if the third one wasn't one for Bella. I didn't mind. It might be worth going to see what all the fuss was about.

"Come on, get up!" Alice grabbed my arm and literally pulled me up off of the bed. For such a tiny person, she was damned strong. I wasn't going to be fighting with her any time soon.

"Why?" I moaned, sitting on the edge of my bed as Rose stood there, grinning and shaking her head at me.

"We have to get ready." Alice said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We can't meet the members of Linkin Park looking like this can we?"

The second part to the prize that Alice and Rosalie had won were backstage passes before and after the show. We would be able to go behind the stage and see what was happening before the show started, then being escorted down the front of the stage and into the very front of the audience. After the show we would again be escorted around backstage so that we could meet the band. That was the part Rosalie and Alice were looking forward to the most.

And they were going to take all of their excitement out on me.

Just like they always did.

It made me wonder if Alice and Rosalie even had anything to wear that would be suitable for a Linkin Park concert. I mean, I've heard a couple of their songs and the genre they seem to play in doesn't really fit with any of their clothes choices. I'm sure they have.

"Right come on." Rosalie walked over to me, grabbed my hands and pulled me up off of the bed. "In the shower you." She pushed me towards my en suite and threw a towel at me before shutting the door.

I guess that settles that then.

As I peeled off my pyjamas, I thought back to why I didn't listen to Linkin Park at all. I actually thought that they were an incredibly talented band. But the lead singer had a voice that was too familiar. And it hurt to listen to them. I couldn't listen to them without thinking of …… _him._

Why couldn't I get over him?

I mean, it was seven years ago that things had finished between us. And I was the one who finished them. I didn't mean to though. It just came out. And before I had gotten myself together enough to explain to him that I needed him and that I hadn't meant it, he had gone.

Disappeared.

No note.

No goodbyes to anyone.

Not even his parents knew where he had gone.

He'd just upped and left and that was the last anyone had seen or heard of him. All I had received was a bouquet of white roses and lillies that had appeared on my dresser, containing nothing but a small card with _'I'm sorry. No matter how things are between us, you will always have my heart'_ written on it. I heard nothing else from him. I still had the card with me, even now, so many years later. I hoped that he was okay. I wanted to try to find him, but in a country as big as America there was practically no way that I would. I had no idea whether he would be using his real name, if he wasn't what name he would be using.

It would have been futile.

And all I could do was to think that I'd made the biggest mistake of my life letting him go. All I could do was sit in my room and think. What if? What if I hadn't said those things? What if I had stopped him before he left me standing there? What if I had come to my realisation a little earlier? Would I still have him?

I guess I'll never know.

That was one of the reasons I moved across the country for college.

I left dreary little Forks, Washington where I had grown up with my mother and father and moved all the way to the opposite coast. New York to be specific. I had attended Columbia University and gained my degree in English Literature. Now I was an editor for Random House Publishers. I loved my job. And the fact that it paid well was a bonus. To me it wouldn't matter if I was paid in peanuts. I loved the job and that's all that mattered right?

I was hoping to get my own book published at some point, but I guess I was too scared to let anyone read it to gain an opinion. Alice and Rose keep telling me that I need to get a backbone and just do it and if I didn't, then the opportunity would just pass me by and the only person I would have to blame was myself. I knew they were right, but I was just scared to do it.

I climbed out of the scalding hot shower and wrapped my towel around me, tucking it in at the front so that it wouldn't fall down. I ran a brush through my hair, knowing not to do anything more than that or else I would have my fingers broken off one by one. All the same I wanted to get the tangles out.

I walked back into my bedroom and was surprised to see that Alice and Rosalie had laid an outfit on my bed for me. It wasn't the fact that there was an outfit on my bed, because that was a daily occurance but it was the _actual_ outfit that took me by surprise. It actually looked like something a regular person would wear, instead of having come straight from the catwalk.

It was made up of a long sleeves purple and blue striped undershirt, that would carry on just past my hips, a black t-shirt with the Linkin Park logo on the front and picking it up I saw that it had _Linkin Park_ written there in large white letters. They had also left me some jeans that wouldn't cling to my skin like a glove. They were faded, slightly baggy, low-rise jeans, that were slightly torn on the right knee, but not excessively. I liked them. There were definitely things that I would wear again, that is, if I was allowed. I could see that they had also picked out some black Etnies for me to wear. This was definitely one of the better outfits they had picked out for me.

I quickly got dressed and Alice and Rosalie bounded back into the room just as I was adjusting the top underneath my tshirt. In the mirror I could see that they were wearing similar outfits to mine. They were both wearing different style t-shirts to mine. Alice's had _LINKIN PARK_ written in huge white letter across the front and Rosalie's had a smaller version of the band logo on the front of hers and when she turned around I could see that her's, like mine, had the band name written across the back.

"Right, Bella. Sit!" The two of them commanded. And I did.

I knew not to get in the way when it came to these two and their "Bella Barbie" time. Personally, I think that it was their favourite time of day. They were already fully made up, hair done and everything so they had more time to get me ready. How they did theirs so quickly and then had to spend forever on mine was something that really confused me.

"Okay, you can open your eyes now." Rosalie announced as I felt one last sweep of a brush across my face.

I opened my eyes and my eyes widened at the girl I saw there. She was stunning. Definitely on a par with Alice and Rosalie. Her doe-shaped brown eyes were smoky and stood out from the rest of her face. Her skin was flawless and slightly bronzed with a light dusting of power. Her eyelashes were long and flowing and her pouty lips were covered in a light touch of nude lipgloss. The make up fit with the outfit completely.

It took me a minute or two to realise that the girl in the mirror was me! I couldn't believe that Rose and Alice were able to make me look like this, but somehow they always managed to do it. My hair was straightened and glossy, shining when I moved my head and the light would hit it.

"Thank you so much guys." I said turning around and enveloping the two of them in a hug.

"No problem honey." Alice replied wrapping her arms around both Rosalie and myself. "You look beautiful."

"Yeah." Rosalie nodded as she pulled back from the two of us. "And who knows, maybe you'll snag yourself a sexy band member tonight." She grinned at Alice who was standing next to her nodding with a huge smile on her face.

"Oh, you guys, I don't know…" I trailed off, not really knowing how to argue my point. Though they tried to, they didn't understand how it felt when … _he_ … left town. I haven't been the same since. Honestly, I hadn't _been_ with anyone else since. Yeah, I'd been on dates, but nothing past a second date, and that was usually to tell them that I didn't feel the same way. I just couldn't get _him_ out of my head.

"Oh, Bells come on!" Alice whined at me. "It's been seven years."

"I know but-"

"No, Bella, Alice is right." Rosalie cut me off. "What happened to the two of you was horrible, it really was, but you need to move on sweetie. And I mean more than a date or two. You need to _move on_ if you get what I mean." She looked at Alice. "We love you, we really do, but you need to get over E-" I shot her a look, silently begging her not to say his name. It had been years since I'd heard his name out loud, but it still stung. "Him."

"I know." I sighed. "And I've really tried, but …… I don't know. Maybe some part of me still needs closure or something."

"Maybe." The two of them mumbled at the same time. Rosalie was looking at me, her eyes worried and Alice was looking at the floor by my feet, seeming deep in thought.

Alice and Rosalie were the only ones, other than my parents that knew what had happened between the two of us. They knew everything. They also knew that he had left town, and they were _not_ happy about that. They had wanted to track him down and castrate him. Until I pointed out that I had no idea where he was.

"Come on." Alice perked up, grabbing my hand and dragging me out of the room. "We need to go or else we have no way of getting in."

"Alice, we're escorted backstage before and after the show and into the audience just before the show starts." I argued and she stopped halfway down the stairs, causing Rose and myself to walk into her. She didn't budge though.

"I hadn't thought of that." She mused, looking up at us and smiling. And I knew _exactly_ what that smile meant.

"No!" I almost shouted. "No shopping!"

"Oh, come on Bella!" She pouted and I heard Rosalie giggling behind me.

"No." I stood firm and crossed my arms over my shoulders.

"Please." She made her puppy dog eyes at me. Normally those would work, but I really was not in the mood for shopping today.

"No Alice." I tried to hold back a smile at my next thought. "Besides, if we shopping you're going make me try on loads of different clothes aren't you?" Not being able to lie when it came to shopping, she nodded slightly. "And then, all of yours and Rose's hard work on my hair and make-up will all be for nothing."

That shut her up. Literally. Her mouth closed with an audible snap. "Alright. You win." She narrowed her eyes at me. "This time."

I grinned victoriously at the back of her head as she made her way back down the stairs. We all walked into the kitchen to get some breakfast. I looked a the clock and noticed that it was almost ten o'clock. I still didn't understand how it took so long for them to get _me_ ready when it took the two of them about the same length of time I was in the shower to get completely ready.

After making ourselves a breakfast of pancakes, along with Alice prattling about doing lord knows what, we finally walked out of the door at almost eleven and hailed a cab to take us to the stadium. Without all the traffic it should have taken us about twenty minutes to get there, but seeing as the roads were always at a complete standstill at this time of day, it took us almost an hour. We could have walked it, but it was too far for us to walk, especially if we were going to be on our feet all day anyway.

When we got there, we saw rows of people already lining up. Some were in sleeping bags lining the streets and it looked as though they had been there all night. We climbed out of the cab and paid the driver before we walked up to the stadium, our eyes raking over the many fans that had obviously camped out overnight. They were all watching us, clearly not pleased about the fact we were just walking up to the entrance.

"Um, hi." Alice said skipping up to the security office. The guy standing there looked ready to tell her to shove off and get to the back of the line, as did those waiting to get in themselves. "We're the winners of the Linkin Park contest."

He looked her up and down before saying something into his walkie talkie. "Wait here. Their manager's gonna come and check for something." He grumbled at us, his voice in complete monotone. He obviously didn't care whether or not someone was coming, but was obliged to radio through.

About ten minutes later, a tall blonde man appeared from behind the doors. "Hello." He smiled at us. He was wearing an earpiece, had a walkie talkie and was holding a clipboard, so I got the impression that he was someone important. "My name is Demetri. I'm the manager of the band." Yup, definitely someone important. "Do you have the verification code that should have been sent through to one of your cells' this morning."

"Yup, I have it here." Alice grinned showing him the code on her phone and he checked it against what he had on his clipdboard. At least that's what I guessed he was doing.

He smiled widely at the three of us. "Okay, then." He nodded at the security officer Alice had spoken to and the doors behind Demetri opened slightly. Enough so we could get through, but no one could follow us in before they could close again. We could hear the moans and angry shouts of those waiting outside as the doors closed behind us.

I looked around the stadium and it was absolutely enormous. It could easily fit at least ten thousand people in here. I was guessing it was normally used for football or something like that, but the section that should have been grass was covered in some tarpaulin material, obviously so that the field wouldn't get chewed up by the masses of people that would be standing there in just a few hours time.

A stage had been erected at the opposite end of the field, with the appropriate fences and barriers to keep the audience back from the band. _High security in this place_. I thought as I saw many people in security uniforms walking around, some concentrating on the edge of the stadium, and others centering around the stage area.

"Right." Demetri said calmly, moving away from us, beckoning us to follow him. "The band isn't here yet, but they should be arriving in two hours at the most. Sound checks and everything. And in that time, we need to get your security badges made and give you your backstage passes."

"Security badges and backstage passes?" Rosalie asked, smiling at Alice and myself.

"Yes." Demetri turned to look at us as we were walking along. "You won't be able to get backstage without a pass and the security badge means that you can go anywhere backstage. Other than the men's room obviously."

"Wouldn't want to go in there anyway." I joked and Demetri grinned at me while Alice and Rosalie giggled.

"I should hope not." He chuckled as we made our way across the covered field.

We walked in silence the rest of the way and he motioned for us to stay put while he went backstage and grabbed our passes. Security wouldn't let us pass backstage without them, even if we were with Demetri. He reappeared in moments, and handed each of us a laminated pass, attached to a red ribbon. He told us to keep them visible at all times, so no one could question whether or not we were authorised to be back there.

We slipped them on and followed him into a small makeshift office where someone was sitting with a digital camera hooked up to a computer. This was obviously for the security badges Demetri had mentioned.

"Now if one of you could sit on the stool, then we can get these badges made." Demeteri grinned at us.

In true Rosalie fashion, she sat on the stool and had her picture taken first. They quickly manipulated the photograph onto the I.D. they were making and then it was printed off onto a plastic card, which was slipped into a clear plastic wallet that was attached to a ribbon. They did all this in under a minute, which, to me, was amazing. Alice went next and they did the same thing with hers, and with the same amount of speed. I hated having my photograph taken, but I did it because now that I was here, I was actually excited.

Demetri handed me my badge and we followed him out of the small room and to the main backstage area.

It was incredible. It was huge. And busy.

There were people moving things and checking things everywhere. It was an absolute circus. But it seemed to be organised chaos. Everyone seemed to know what they were doing and where they were supposed to be.

I didn't really register anything that Demetri was saying as we walked past everyone setting up for the show later on.

"Isn't this incredible?" Rosalie giggled next to me and Alice was walking along nodding on my other side. It really was. "I can't wait to see the bad though. I wonder if they're as hot in real life as they are on TV." She was swooning. Badly.

I heard Demetri chuckling in front of us and he turned as he was walking. "Let me guess." He looked at Rosalie. "You like Emmett." It wasn't a question. It was statement. Rosalie nodded, her mouth slightly open. He looked at Alice. "You are quite fond of Jasper."

"How'd you know?" Alice asked disbelieving while she nodded.

He chuckled and tapped his nose. Now, who would he say that I liked? Did he know that he wasn't really into the band that much. Or at least that I was but the vocals were too close to someone else I knew? No. There was no way that he could know that much.

"And you." He pointed at me, still holding his clipboard. "You don't really have any preference, but I after tonight I can see you taking a shine to our Eddie."

I stopped in my tracks. Did he just say _"Eddie"_? Too close of a name. I shook my head and tried to ignore that fact.

"You're not gay are you?" Rosalie asked, and I gaped at her.

"Rose!" I hissed. "That's not something you can just come out and ask someone!"

"Don't worry about it." Demetri chuckled, shaking his head. "No, I'm not gay. But I've been with these boys since the beginning I've seen what girls go for which guy. It gets easier to guess after a while." He grinned and continued to walk.

He led us into a fairly spacious makeshift room, that was filled with couches and had a table in the middle.

"This is where the band comes to relax before the show. They all sit in here, while they're doing invdividual sound checks." Demetri explained as we sat down. We sat at chatted to Demetri for a little while. Apparently, today it was up to him to make sure that everything was okay with us and that we were happy with everything. He commented that it was easier accomodating the three of us than it was the band. We had to laugh at that. I had absolutely no idea how long we were talking. All I knew was that I was starting to get hungry again.

"Yo, D!" A deep booming voice made me jump about a foot in the air, along with Alice and Rosalie.

Demetri laughed and shook his head. "That was Emmett." He explained and I felt Rosalie tense up beside me. "The band is here. I'll be right back." He stood up and walked out of the room.

"What do you think they're like?" Alice asked, her voice small and timid now that she was here. I knew how she felt. The excitement I had been feeling was at its peak and was now fading into anxiety. What if they didn't like us? What if they told Demetri not to let us backstage after the show? What if they told security to throw us out right now?

"I don't know." I shook my head. "I-"

I was cut off by the door opening again.

I couldn't help but feel my jaw drop as I saw the person standing there.

He was huge!

This _had_ to be Emmett! There was no way that a voice that loud could belong to anyone else.

"Well, well, well." He grinned, clapping his hands and rubbing them together, looking at the three of us. "What do we have here?"

"Emmett, play nice." Another voice called from behind Emmett, walking into the room. The voice came from a tall, blonde man. I knew this to be Jasper. Alice's crush. I looked at her and she was practically a puddle through looking at him. Rosalie was the same but her eyes were glued to Emmett.

"Sorry." He apologised, tipping an imaginary hat as the remaining members of the band filed into the room, laughing at him.

I looked around and saw that there were only five members in the room. I swear that there were six members.

Jasper introduced each of the members to us, and it was a moment or two before one of them, I think Jasper had introduced him as Phoenix, left to go and sort something out with his soundcheck. I don't know. It's all musician speak to me. I don't really understand any of it.

"Hey, where's Eds?" Emmett asked, looking around at the men sitting around him, realising that one was missing.

"Not a clue." Jasper popped open a can of what looked like Red Bull. Obviously needed it for energy for the show. "I think he's doing is soundcheck or something. Open the door." Emmett did so and a melodic voice floated through the air, singing broken fragments of lyrics, piecing them together. "Told you."

"He could have come and said hello to our lovely guests first." Emmett gestured towards us and we all smiled at him. He really was likeable from the moment you met him. You wouldn't imagine that he was a rockstar.

"It's a bit rude." Rosalie added softly and Emmett chuckled while Jasper just shook his head.

"That's just Ed." He shrugged. "You'll meet him later."

"That's if he doesn't disappear." One of the others pointed out and the others nodded and shrugged.

"You really think Demetri will let him?" Jasper laughed and the rest of them chuckled. "Nah, it's just how he is. He'll be around later. You will get to meet him."

"That's good." Rosalie smiled. She might be completely besotted with Emmett, but she did like the lead singer's, who I had just learned was called "Ed", voice. That name was too similar. Too close. I hoped I would be able to look past it and talk to him. Not completely avoid him because of his name. Wasn't fair to him.

"Why do you do that?" Alice asked, her eyes never leaving Jasper.

"Have to test the acoustics." Jasper explained. "You know, the way the sound travels around the arena. Have to make sure that all the equipment, instruments and such are working, you know, basic stuff. Also, with Ed, it gives him a chance to warm up his voice." I nodded to his answer. It made sense that he would need to warm up his voice. I mean, the couple of songs I had heard of theirs, it seemed as though it was a big strain on his voice.

We sat and chatted with them for a while. Emmett and Jasper seemed to be equally as interested in Rosalie and Alice as the girls were in them. For some reason, they reacted a little funny when they asked me my name, sharing a worried glance. I wondered what that was about, but decided not to bring it up.

After a while they had to leave and Demetri brought us in some sandwiches, apologising that they didn't have anything more. We said that it was fine, and it really was. It didn't matter to us what we ate as long as we got some food. I mean, I was vegetarian, but other than that, we were open to anything.

After he left, Rosalie and Alice went on about how dreamy Jasper was and how adorable Emmett's dimples were. I had never seen the two of them like this before. It was interesting to see.

Before long, Demetri appeared again and escorted us around back, and out through the side of the stage. We walked around the front of the stage and the three of us stopped as we saw the size of the crowd. By this time, the whole stadium was full and it seemed everyone was screaming, calling for the band.

We were helped over the barrier by the security guards who pushed the crowd back so that we could climb over. Front and center. Perfect.

We also had perfect view of the screens, which being honest, we were so close to the stage that they kind of weren't needed. Still, they were useful.

We tucked the passes beneath our t-shirts, not wanting to risk them being taken at all or getting lost. Besides, I kept getting evil looks from a blonde girl next to Alice, so I didn't want to encourage her to hate me.

Suddenly, the lights dimmed and there was a sound of gunshots followed by a steady strumming of guitar. The show was starting and I couldn't help but feel excited, especially when I now knew the band. The drums started along with the band and a spotlight hit Jasper and Alice squealed louder than I had ever heard before. He winked at her and she jumped up and down on the spot. If I didn't know any better I'd say she was on speed or something like that.

The band members were appearing one by one as the instruments started playing.

"Oh, my God, they're starting with 'One Step Closer'!" Rosalie squealed. "I love this song!"

She started jumping up and down as well and I couldn't help but grin and laugh at the two of them as I turned back to the stage.

The song had started now, and the singer had started singing. It was even more familiar now that I was hearing it live.

My smile disappeared as I saw _why_ the voice was familiar. It couldn't be. It wasn't possible. What the hell was _he_ doing on the stage in front of me?

Here?

_Edward._

**There's chapter two.  
Again, let me know what you think.  
Review please.  
xx**


	3. Talking? Not So Much

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**Bella**_

This wasn't happening.

It couldn't be happening.

Even though people were going crazy for the band around me, I couldn't move.

"Bella!" I heard Alice shouting beside me. "Bella, what's wrong?"

The band was moving onto their next song now, meaning that there was a slight lull in the music.

"Bella!" Alice and Rose shouted at the same time, causing me to tear my eyes away from Edward, who was now engaging the crowd. He was oblivious to the fact that I was in the crowd. I was so close, and yet so far.

"That's Edward." I stated simply and they looked at each other and then back to me, clearly confused.

"Yeah." Alice said slowly, trying to grasp what I meant. "That's the lead singers name. We told you that before he came on Bells."

"No." I shook my head. "You don't understand." I looked between the two of them. "That's _Edward_!"

Both of their faces fell at exactly the same time as they both realised who I was talking about.

"You mean……" Rosalie started as they began a new song, which the crowd went wild over. "That's _your_ Edward?"

"Well, he's not mine anymore." I sighed, looking back at the stage where Edward was singing with a passion I had never heard before. "Yeah. That's him."

Rosalie's face dropped instantly. "He'd better watch out." She snarled.

"No! Rose!" I grabbed her arm. "Please. Don't do anything. Everything that happened between us. It's _my_ fault. I can't blame him for it."

"You might not be able to Bells, but I _can_." She warned through gritted teeth, and I knew that Rosalie would make good on her promise. I looked at Alice and saw that she had the same look on her face. This was not good. They were going to blame Edward for something that wasn't even his fault.

"She's right Bella!" Alice shouted over the crowd. "He should learn that if you mess with one of us you mess with all of us."

"But I didn't even know you guys back then." I countered and she shrugged.

"Nows as good a time as any to start knowing then isn't it?" She smirked at me. I had to get them to stop thinking like this. I didn't want Edward to get hurt in any way.

"And _how_ exactly are you going to get close enough to him to warn him?" I asked the two of them and they both grinned at me.

"Two words." Rosalie said smugly, holding up two fingers, putting one of them down for each word. "Backstage. Passes."

_Crap! I had forgotten about us going backstage to meet the band. Shitfuck!_ With seeing Edward on the stage I had completely forgotten about the pass that was at this momeng tucked down my shirt so I wouldn't lose it. _How the hell am I supposed to do this?_

"Alright!" Alice screamed as Edward started on the last chorus of the song. "Let's forget who it is up there, and remember that one) he's hot! Two) he's got an awesome voice and three) we are here, front row and a Linkin Park concert! This is no time for serious conversations."

"Agreed." Rosalie shouted and I couldn't help but grin in agreement. I tried to forget about the fact that it was Edward – my ex-love Edward – up on the stage at this very moment in time. I wished that I could forget that.

I actually succeeded until the intro to a song that I knew started playing. It was the beginning to _Leave Out All The Rest_. A song that Edward had written while we were still together. He'd thought that no one would remember him after he was gone, so he wrote that song to ensure that that wouldn't happen. Well, he got what he wished for. No one's going to forget him now are they? That song always brought a tear to my eye and even, now, after so long, it still had that effect.

But it was the next song that really got to me. The passion with which he sung it was incredible. It was as if he believed the words will all the conviction in his heart. And the terrible truth was, that he did. He really did believe them. The passion and effort he put into the last chorus was incredible. He really loved doing what he did. And I was probably the only person in the world who knew that he had always wanted to go and study music at Julliard, but had always been put down by his parents so he never had the opportunity to apply. According to his parents performing arts was beneath him had he _had_ to attend medical school, because it was what his parents wanted for him. He had always been made to feel like a disappointment, and it seemed that judging from the conviction he sang that song with, he still believed that he was.

_And I know I may end up failing too_

_But I know_

_You were just like me _

_With someone disappointed in you_

_I've become so numb_

_I can't feel you there_

_I've become so tired_

_So much more aware_

_I'm becoming this_

_All I want to do_

_Is be more like me_

_And less like you._

_I've become so numb._

Everyone else went absolutely crazy over that song, and I knew that it had become a huge hit for them. If only people knew what it was really about. They would be surprised.

He sang the rest of the songs in the same way. He put so much passion into everything he did on that stage, and I wondered why and how he wasn't completely and utterly exhausted right now. How he could keep going I had no idea, but he was doing it. It was easy to forget that I had a history with him as I watched him wrap the entire stadium around his little finger. But then again, he had a knack for dazzling people. And, yet again, I was one of those being dazzled.

That was until he began singing some particular lyrics. They seemed vaguely familiar, though I don't really remember hearing them at all.

_I closed both locks below the window_

_I closed both blinds and turned away_

The window in Edward's room had two locks on it. One on either side to make sure that it didn't accidentally open in the middle of the night. It also had two blinds splitting the window in half.

_Sometimes delusions aren't so simple_

_Sometimes goodbyes the only way_

After I had ended things he had told me that maybe we were just being delusional. I didn't know whether he meant it or now. I till didn't but this song wasn't helping any.

_And the sun will set for you_

_The sun will set for you._

_And the shadow of the day,_

_Will embrace the world in grey_

_And the sun will set for you._

_Cards and flowers on your window_

After I had discovered that Edward had disappeared there was a bouquet of white roses and water lillies on my dresser. My favourite. Only Edward knew that. And there had been a simple card on them. _I'm sorry. No matter how things are between us, you will always have my heart._ Was all that was written. That was the last thing I ever heard from Edward. At least until today.

_Your friends all plead with you to stay_

_Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple_

_Sometime's goodbyes the only way_

This song reminded me of everything I felt and thought when Edward and I split. That was a decision I regretted making now. I had felt like leaving was the only way I could move on. Was that how he had felt? Was that why he had left?

_And the sun will set for you_

_The sun will set for you_

_And the shadow of the day_

_Will embrace the world in grey_

_And the sun will set for you_

_And the shadow of the day_

_Will embrace the world in grey_

_And the sun will set for you_

_And the shadow of the day_

_Will embrace the world in grey_

_And the sun will set for you._

It was all too familiar. Too real.

It struck a chord within my chest. One that I thought had been buried and forgotten about a long time ago. Obviously I was wrong.

I managed to push the song to the back of my mind while they played. I concentrated on Edward and the sound of his voice. How passionate he was when he sang. How he moved across the stage. His facial expression when it came to different songs. There was no doubt he was a natural performer. His expressions were always that of enjoyment, but there were other flashes that I caught int here as well. Hurt? Anger? Pain?

I could have sworn that I saw them flicker across his face as he sang.

Maybe I was imagining it.

Wouldn't be the first time.

It had come to the last song and at the moment we were watching and admiring Jasper doing quite an impressive drum solo. Alice was swooning majorly of course and Rosalie and I were admiring Jasper's abilities on the drums.

"Alright!" Emmett's voice rang out across the stadium and everyone, including Rosalie, Alice and myself. "Alright, we gonna do this old school."

"Hell yeah." Edward's velvety voice came across, and I felt my heart lurch. His voice hadn't changed at all in seven years.

"Alright you wanna do this?" He turned to Edward who grinned at him and they high-fived as they walked past each other, crossing to opposite sides of the stage. "Alright we're gonna do this old school. You guy over here, you gonna be my side, over there Ed's gonna lead you guys."

I looked up and he was standing there. Right in front of me. I hadn't been this close to him in years, and suddenly, I wasn't close enough. I had to fight the sudden urge to leap over the barrier, and grab him off the stage. I don't think I'd get very far though, even with a security badge.

They were doing the whole "lead your side" thing. Edward started it off and you know what? It worked. I had the feeling that if it was anyone else, then it wouldn't have worked. At all.

"You!" Edward jumped off whatever it was he was standing on. I don't speak musician so I don't know. He jumped off whatever it was, and pointed towards the crowd who all started cheering and screaming. "Have been absolutely amazing tonight!"

"Whoo!" Emmett whooped causing me to grin. He winked at us. He had spotted us earlier in the show and at one point come over to us in the middle of a song, being held by a security guard, leaning over us into the audience. Somehow, I knew that it would only be Emmett to do something like that. "Goodnight New York!" The crowd went absolutely nuts and Alice, Rose and I untucked our security badges and backstage passes as Demetri walked along the front of the audience, signalling a security guard to let us over.

With the help of the security guards, we climbed over the barrier and followed Demetri along the front of the stage, where the band were still occupying the crowd, saying goodnight and throwing things like drumsticks and guitar picks at them. It was working and it seemed to be something they did after every show.

"You girls ready?" Demetri asked as we walked up the stairs that led backstage. Alice and Rosalie nodded at him and agreed feverishly. Even though we had already met the band, that was when they were all mellow before the show. Now, they were more than likely to have adrenalin pumping, and completely different characters.

I on the other hand, bit my lip in agitation. Could I come face to face with Edward again? Did I have the strength to talk about what happened seven years ago?

I guess I would have to find out sooner or later.

And it was just sooner rather than later that I was finding out.

We walked backstage and saw through the gaps that the band were making their way off stage now, leaving the still roaring crowd to their own devices, screaming for them to come back.

"Bells?" Alice asked quietly, looking at me with concern in her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I mean you don't have to do this." Rosalie added in quiet tones. Demetri looked at us quizzically but decided against asking. A wise choice Demetri.

"I'll be okay." I said nodding quickly, tapping the heel of my left foot on the floor, a clear sign that I was nervous. Was I okay? I guess I really didn't have time to ask myself that question as I saw the familiar bronze hair, slightly damp from sweat, but that just made it even more appealing than it was normally, making its way towards us.

"Guys!" Demetri called out and the band stopped. "Your winners are here." He bowed as though he was in a cartoon, introducing princesses.

Alice, Rosalie and I looked at each other and the both of them positioned themselves so that I was out of view. I didn't want Edward to see me and then bolt. Or did I? Honestly, I wasn't sure about _what_ I wanted. They couldn't see me, but I could see _him_ perfectly. He was still an Adonis. Rosalie and Alice turned slightly and smirked their approval, also telling me that they would be grilling me as to _why_ I let him go later on. I wasn't looking forward to that.

"Yo, Edward!" Emmett shouted, running up behind Edward and throwing his arm around him. Edward seemed to buckle slightly under the weight of Emmett's enormous arms, but he was laughing nonetheless. That meant that he wasn't hurt.

_Why the hell did I care?_

_Because you were in love with him at one point._

_Touche_.

I tried to shut off my internal voice, but knew that there was no point to some extent. It was always there.

Emmett was laughing with Edward as they approached the three of us. I was sure that Edward not seen me yet, or else I was sure that he would have run in the opposite direction by this point.

"Hey, how your …… " Emmett pointed to his neck. "You know, after the …… whole thing?"

Edward laughed at him. "It's between a hitch and a kink. With a side of a twinge." He chuckled and Emmett laughed. "Seriously though, it's okay."

"What happened?" Rosalie asked, her voice usually sweet. I could tell that she wanted to grill Edward for what happened with our break-up. Even though I didn't know Alice and Rosalie then, they still felt incredibly protective over me about the whole thing.

"Smart ass here, hurt himself during the last show." Jasper quipped walking up beside the duo. "Not the first time either."

"You've hurt yourself before?" Alice asked, her voice genuinely concerned.

"Yup." Emmett answered for Edward, popping the "p". "I remember, last year, he broke his thumb mid show, didn't tell anyone and had to be rushed to the hospital straight afterwards."

"You didn't tell anyone?" Rosalie did sound concerned now, but I was sure that it was for his sanity and not his health.

"Nope." Edward replied, popping the "p" just as Emmett had done.

"Why not?" Alice and Rosalie asked at the same time, catching him off guard.

"Because he's a dumbass, that's why." Emmett clapped him on the back and Edward rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up." I knew that tone. He was getting irritated. _Better stop now, Emmett_.

It seemed that Emmett knew that particular tone as well, as he held up his hands in defeat. He looked at Rosalie and Alice, and then searched for me. "Hey, where's B?" He asked and I grinned. He had either given me a nickname or couldn't be bothered to say my whole name.

"B?" Edward sounded confused and I wasn't surprised. When the rest of the band had been meeting us, he had been doing his sound checks.

"Yeah." Emmett whined. "The third winner. Where is she?" I thought that I should make an appearance now. Purely, because I could see Emmett pulling the mother of all strops if I didn't.

I gently nudged Rosalie and Alice to the side and stepped in between them, my hair covering my face. I could see Edward's beautiful face through the veil that was my hair. His face was confused at why I thoought I would have to hide myself away from him. _Oh, if only you knew._ I thought flippantly.

I took a deep breath and flicked my hair out of my face and looked Edward straight in the eye. I saw his jaw drop and his breath hitched as a mixture of all sorts of different emotions played in his eyes. I saw a mixture of pain, anger, betrayal, disappointment, loss, and probably the most prominent, hurt.

I tried to stop myself from shaking as I stopped in front of him, but I feared it may have come through in my voice when I spoke to him.

"Hello, Edward." Was all I felt I could say before my voice broke completely.

When he spoke, it was no more than a whisper, but everything was contained within it. All the hurt and loss that he had suffered. That I had put him through. It was all there in that single whispered word.

"Bella."

**EPOV**

_What is she doing here?_

I knew that the shock of her appearance must have shown on my face because everyone stopped around us, looking at the two of us curiously.

"You two know each other?" Emmett asked, looking between Bella and myself.

"Kind of." She whispered, not breaking eye contact with me. _Kind of_? I wanted to shout and scream at her. _Kind of?!_

"Bit of catching up to do, then?" The blonde one of Bella's friends was looking between Bella and myself warily, as if she thought I was going to pounce on Bella for some reason. The thought had crossed my mind, but probably not in the way she thought of.

I'd thought that I was some way over her. But seeing her right here, right now, in front of me, I knew that I had just been lying to myself. I hadn't gotten over her. Not even in the tiniest way. B She was still as beautiful and sexy and made my heart race just looking at her. I would always be under her spell.

"Rose." Bella warned her, her tone icy. I knew that tone anywhere. She was getting pissed with something. Maybe they had said something before they'd come backstage. I didn't know.

"Alright, then!" Emmett bellowed, catching everyone by surprise. "We're done here! You girls want to come with us out on the town?"

"You guys have just done _that_ concert and you're going out on the town?" The shorter on of the three girls gaped at everyone.

"Sure." Jasper shrugged, grinning at Emmett and myself. I shook my head and chuckled at him. "Why not? Still buzzin'."

"Okay, we're in." She smiled at Jasper. _Oh, yeah. He's got a major fangirl there._ I noticed how the blonde one of the three was gazing at Emmett and decided that he wasn't kidding. She really did have it bad for him. I wouldn't doubt him again.

"Let's go then." Emmett held out his arm for the blonde one, Rose, I think Bella had called her. She giggled and hooked her arm around his as Jasper did the same with the little black haired girl.

"Are you going?" Bella asked in a quiet voice while our friends made their way out the door.

"No." I shook my head, not meeting her eyes, knowing that I wouldn't be able to focus if I did.

"Can we talk?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Could I handle talking to her? Did I really have the strength to talk to her? I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. "Um, I guess so. Just……" I looked around, watching people packing up after the show. "Not here." Her face became confused. "Too many ears." I really didn't want people finding out about what had happened between Bella and myself. Not for myself, but for her. If people knew, then it would be everywhere. And I wanted to keep some of my previous habits out of the publics knowledge.

I motioned for her to follow me and I started towards the door I had left through after the last show. She followed me, closely, not wanting to get lost. I made my way to the car that was waiting for me, and gained a curious look from the driver. I shook my head, indicating that it wasn't what he thought it was and he nodded.

She climbed into the car after me, keeping her distance. I was glad that she did, because I don't think I could have handled her being too close to me. I was seriously testing my resolve her being in the same car as me.

"So." She said softly. "How've you been?"

"Good." I nodded, glancing at her before looking straight ahead. "You?"

"I've been good." She smiled at me, before she looked back out the window.

_Wow! Awkward much?_

We didn't say anything else for the remainder of the journey and we made our way across the lobby that led us to the elevator that led up to my apartment. I turned slightly to see her eyes wide in amazement as she took in the apartment building I lived in. I had had the same reaction when I first saw it, but I had become used to it now, so it didn't amaze me as much anymore.

I stepped inside the elevator just before she did and pressed the button that illuminated PH.

"You live in a penthouse?" She asked me, her voice full of surprise. I shrugged, not looking at her, wanting to get this over and done with. Maybe after she left, I could gain some closure and finally move on in that area of my life. I mean, yes, I've had one night stands and maybe a relationship that lasted about a month, but none of them ever meant anything to me. My heart was never in it. How could it be? Especially when it was still held by the woman standing next to me.

The elevator suddenly seemed even smaller than it had before and I was acutely aware of the electric current that buzzed between us. It was still there, even after all these years. It was the way that I'd known she was in the room. As soon as I felt it, I knew she was there, and the stronger the current, the closer to me she was. And it was raging between the two of us now. And it was taking all of my resolve not to grab her and _show_ her how I still felt about her.

The elevator opened up into the apartment and I heard her gasp when she saw the place.

"This. Is. Incredible." She breathed turning around as she walked slowly into the living room.

"Make yourself as home." I gestured for her to sit down as I took off my shoes and made my way into the kitchen. "Want a drink?" I asked her.

"What do you have?" She asked from right behind me, causing me to jump a little.

"Um, we have coke, regular and diet," _Thank you, Shivs._ "Sprite, Moutain Dew, water, o.j. oh and uh, Budweiser." I turned to look at her and she smiled.

"Can I have a Bud, please?" She asked in a small voice.

"Sure." I grabbed her a Bud from the pack that was tucked away in the back of the fridge and passed it to her, passing her a magnetised bottle opened Emmett kept on the fridge "in case of emergencies" as he put it. I grabbed a can of coke for myself and took the bottle opener from her, sticking it back onto the fridge.

"You not having one?" She indicated the Bud she had in her hand before tipping it up and taking a swig.

"Uh, no." I shook my head, tearing my eyes away from her. I wasn't sure which one I wanted more right now. The beer or her. They were both tormenting me. "I don't like to drink after a show." I lied smoothly.

"Is that why you don't go out afterwards?" She asked following me into the living room, sitting down at the opposite end to the couch as me, slipping her shoes off and tucking her feet underneath her. I nodded, not meeting her eyes. I wasn't ready to look her in the eyes yet. I knew that they would be as entracing as they were seven years ago if I did. I wasn't ready to fall.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked her, nonchalantly, fiddling with the tab on my can.

"I think you know…" She whispered gently and I could see her fiddling with the paper on her beer bottle.

"Bella…" I whispered, closing my eyes. "I really……"

"I know." I saw her look back up at me out of the corner of my eye. "We need to talk about it though. I mean, you just left…… I didn't know what to think."

"What do you want Bella?" I asked, my voice still a whisper.

"What?" She sounded confused.

"What. Do. You. Want?" I asked again, my voice a little stronger now. I opened my eyes and looked at her, a bit surprised when I saw that she was right next to me, a look of pain on her face.

"I've wanted only one thing since I let you go." She whispered and the next thing I knew, her lips were on mine enveloping them in a passionate kiss. Without breaking the kiss, she took my coke out of my hand and placed it on the table next to us.

She flicked her tongue along my lip and I opened my mouth, knowing exactly what she wanted. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her closer to me as her hands fisted in my hair. Her tongue began massaging mine and I felt her gasp slightly when she encountered the tongue bar running through it. That hadn't been there when we had last seen each other. Word of warning, when Emmett dares you to get something pierced when pissed, don't do it!! I came back with a tongue and a nipple piercing that day. I'd kept both of them, but still, I wouldn't take Emmett up on it if the opportunity ever came about again. Who knew what else he would dare me to get pierced. Not going there.

She moaned into my mouth and I felt myself getting hard underneath her. I grabbed her thigh and pulled her over so she was straddling me, never breaking the kiss other than for air. Even then it was fleeting.

The current buzzing between the two of us was unbearable and everywhere her fingers grazed my exposed skin was hot, burning even. It was like we had never been apart. She still knew what made me crazy, just as I seemed to for her.

Grasping underneath her ass, I stood up, and she wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. Lips still connected I made my way to my bedroom, not really wanting Emmett and Jasper to walk in on this. Not sure how well that would go down, especially when I told them who she was.

I kicked open the door to my bedroom and kicked it closed behind me. Emmett and Jasper wouldn't disturd us. They knew that if I wasn't in the living room or kitchen after a show then I was flaked out in bed. That would come in useful tonight.

She slid down onto the ground, her lips still connected to mine, arms around my neck she walked backwards towards the bed, pulling me after her.

She collapsed backwards onto the bed, when the backs of her knees made contact, and she took me down with her. I supported my weight on my forearms as her hands made their way down my chest to the hem of my shirt. She pulled it up and I lifted my arms up aiding her where I could. She pulled me down onto the bed, flipping the two of us over so she was on the top. She began kissing her way down my chest, smiling against my skin when she encountered the bar that ran through my nipple.

Still smiling, she gently kissed it before taking the very tip of my nipple between her teeth and biting down gently. She quickly sucked on it, taking the bar into her mouth and playing with it with her tongue. It actually felt incredible.

I reached down and gently pulled on the hem of her shirt, bringing it up over her head. She lifted her arms up and I pulled the _Linkin Park_ tshirt she was wearing over her head, dropping it to the floor along with the undershirt she was wearing. She was beautiful, sitting there on top of me in nothing but her bra. I had thought that I would never be able to see that again and I was so thankful that I did.

I sat up, pushing her back slightly, before wrapping my arms around her back and unclasping her bra. I pulled the straps down her arms and tossed the annoying garment across the room,where it landed on my door handle, hanging there conspicuously. I immediately took one of her breasts in my mouth, while one of my hands massaged and kneaded the other, earning low moans from her.

I flipped us over, so that I was on top of her again, her breast still in my mouth, where I licked, sucked and bit down gently on her nipple. She was moaning and writhing beneath me, and it only spurred me on.

Slowly the hand that wasn't paying attention to her breast moved down her stomach, and I popped open her jeans, gently beginning to slide them down. I looked up at her and saw that her hooded eyes were staring at me, urging me on as I laid kisses down the line that led down her stomach to her belly button.

I lifted up her hips, removing her jeans and panties, tossing them away somewhere as I continued to lay kisses lower and lower on her abdomen. I looked up at her again, my lips still firmly placed on her skin, telling her that she could stop me if she wanted me to. She didn't do anything so I moved even lower, spreading her legs and placing a soft kiss on her warmth.

She was ready and waiting for me as I flattened out my tongue and licked her entire length in one swoop, causing her back to arch and her to gasp my name. I had forgotten how amazing it sounded coming from her in that way. I swirled my tongue around, occassionally flicking that sensitive bundle of nerves, the place I knew she wanted me to pay special attention to, but ignoring it on the whole.

"Ed-Edward!" She gasped, writhing above me on the bed. I placed an arm over her hips and held her down. "Edward! I-I-I-I need-"

"What do you need?" I asked, breathing gently on her wetness, causing her to writh even more. I smiled to myself, still knowing everything that got her going.

"You!" She screamed as I gently took that little bundles of nerves between my teeth, nibbling, sucking and licking softly, allowing the bar through my tongue to stimulate it even further. From the sounds that she was making on the bed above me, the rumours about tongue bars were true.

"Come for me." I whispered. "Come for me, Bella."

And she did. I smiled to myself as she screamed my name and came hard and fast. I eagerly lapped it up, savouring the taste of her on my tongue. I had gone too long without her and I needed to taste her even more.

She grabbed fistfulls of my hair and pulled me back up the bed, pulling me down so that my lips crashed to hers. She didn't seem to care that she was tasting herself on me. I certainly didn't mind.

I felt her hands moving down my back, heading down towards my belt.

She made quick work of my belt, and she had my pants and boxers down in no time flat. I kicked them off and they landed with a thump on my floor at the end of the bed.

"Edward." She moaned as she moved down to assault my neck, sucking and biting down. _That's gonna leave a mark_. I though, not really caring.

"Are you sure?" I looked down at her and saw nothing but certainty and lust in her eyes.

"Yes." She nodded. "Don't worry. I'm on the pill."

I positioned myself at her entrance, not taking my eyes off of hers and pushed myself into her. I let out a moan as I slid into her. This was right. This was how we were supposed to be. I had no doubt about that now.

I wouldn't be anywhere else other than here, hearing her calling my name and writhing beneath me, her movements matching my own as we sped up the pace pushing ourselves closer and closer to the edge. I was so close and when she screamed my name and I felt her walls clench around me I was lost to my own climax.

We were both still as we rode out our orgasms together, shuddering and panting, sweaty and exposed.

I slid out of her, missing the contact instantly as I pulled my duvet over the both of us and she wrapped her arms around me, resting her head on my chest. I couldn't help but sigh as I pressed a kiss to the top of her head, hearing her breathing levelling out.

Even though I had wanted this for the last seven years, I couldn't help one thought that kept running through my head:

_What have I just done?_

I couldn't help thinking that we've just made a _huge_ mistake.

And it was going to make the situation between the two of us so much worse.

**So there we have it?  
Will their little reunion make their situation better or worse?  
Will they be able to work out what happened all those years ago?  
I've put a link to the concert tracks on my profile. All in the order they sing them in. Enjoy!  
Please review :D  
xx**


	4. Jumping To Conclusions

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**Bella**_

I woke up the next morning with a pair of arms wrapped around my waist.

I looked up from the chest that I was so comfortably snuggled in and saw the perfect features of the man that I let go.

_Oh, holy crap! What have I done?_

I gently unwrapped his arms from around me, and eased myself out of the bed. I realised that I was still naked and carefully scanned his immaculate room for my panties. Discovering them, I pulled them on, and not wanting to walk over the other side of the room to gather up my tshirt, I grabbed Edward's off of the floor and shoved it on. I got up off the bed and made my way to the door, trying not to laugh when I saw my bra hanging off of the door handle. I decided to leave it there for the time being, slowly and quietly making my way out into the kitchen.

I padded my way through the enormous apartment, trying to find the kitchen for something to drink and eat. I didn't want to hang around here but I knew that if I just upped and left now, I wouldn't be able to get the answers that I needed from Edward. I would never be able to discover why he left, why he didn't tell anybody that he was leaving or why he came to New York, if he even lived in New York. It was pretty safe to say that he didn't live in New York the majority of the time. He travelled with the band more often than not, and I wished that I had known he was in the band before I went to see them. Maybe I would have been able to sort everything out _before_ today.

Oh well, I can't change the past. I can only hope to change the future.

I made my way into the kitchen and was startled to hear a familiar giggle coming from one of the rooms on the other side.

"Okay, Jazzy, I'll be back in a minute." I heard the door close and stood with my arms folded across my chest as Alice made her way into the room, dressed in pretty much the same way as me. She stopped dead when she saw me standing there in front of her. "Bella!"

"Hey, Ali." I smirked at her. "Have some fun last night?"

"Maybe." She giggled. She straightened up, her eyes narrowing suddenly. "What are _you_ doing here? Did you and Edward talk? Did you work everything out?"

"Not really." I admitted, looking down at the ground, a blush appearing on my cheeks. "There wasn't really much talking at all."

"Oh, Bells." She moaned, running a hand through her hair.

"I know, I know!" I moaned, sitting down on one of the stools, Alice not far behind me. "I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have come here. Fuck knows what I've done. I'm a fucking bitching idiot!"

"Why do you say that?" I heard another familiar voice say from across the living room. I looked up to see Rosalie standing there looking stunning in one of Emmett's shirts. I smirked thinking that she and Alice were probably doing the same thing with Emmett and Jasper that I was with Edward last night. Although with them, it probably wouldn't have the same repercussions as we would.

"Bella ……… slept with …… Edward last night." Alice mumbled, looking away from me. I know I should have been mad at Alice for telling, but I knew that if she didn't then I wouldn't and Rose would have been more pissed at the both of us for not telling her when she _did_ find out.

"Oh, Bells." She moaned walking up to me and putting an arm around me. "Why did you do it honey?"

"I don't know." I admitted honestly. "I really really don't. I mean, I came up here with the _full_ intention of talking to him, you know, sorting things out, finding out what really happened. But…… he was just sat there, looking so vulnerable and he was ……… _my_ Edward all over again. I don't know."

"Did you start it?" Alice asked in a small voice. I nodded. "Uh-oh." She whispered.

"Tell me about it." I muttered, putting my head in my hands. "He's not going to forgive me."

"Of course he is." Rosalie snapped as she started rubbing circles on the bottom of my back. "Hell, he's as much to blame for this as you are."

"No, Rose that's it." I sighed, looking at the two of them. "It's all me." I shook my head, forcing myself not to cry. "When I broke up with him, I just …… I could literally see his heart shattering right in front of me. I …… broke him and now, the first time I see him afterwards and _this_." I indicated towards the bedroom in which Edward was still sleeping. "This happens. What the fuck am I going to do?"

"I don't know." Alice sighed, placing a hand on my knee.

"I guess I should go in there and talk to him." I sighed, sliding off the stool and meeting the gaze of my two best friends. I started walking towards the bedroom and stopped suddenly turning around. "Hey, did you two-?" They giggled and nodded. "And were they-?" They sighed and nodded. "Wow! Demetri was right."

"Oh yeah." Alice laughed and Rose smirked at me.

I turned back around and slowly and quietly opened the door to Edward's room. He was still asleep in the same position he had been in when I left the room. That wasn't normal. At least, not for the Edward that I used to know. Maybe he had become a deeper sleeper, especially due to the amount of energy he was expelling on the stage almost every night. It was a bit much to expect him to be his regular perky self when he was doing that.

I sighed, looking at him sleeping and I slowly gathered up my discarded clothes from last night and stepped into his en suite. I didn't get in the shower or anything because I thought that that might be over stepping the boundaries a little. I mean, yeah, we may have slept together last night, but we still have a lot of shit to work through. Hopefully, when he woke up we could do that.

I dressed quickly and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to make it at least somewhat presentable. I checked in the mirror and saw that my make-up from yesterday was practically smudge free, something I wasn't counting on. That was a bonus I guess.

I didn't brush my teeth, again with the boundaries thing, but I did wash my mouth out with his mouthwash a couple of times, hoping that that would do until I could get back to my apartment. Looking at myself again, I reasoned that I was at least presentable and made my way back into the bedroom.

Edward was _still_ in the same position he had been in when I woke up. Something was really not right here. I walked over to him and flicked on a lamp that was behind him. I didn't want to startle him too much with the light, but I needed to see if he was okay.

Nothing.

Normally, light had at least some sort of effect on him. He would always begin to stir when the faintest light would filter into my room. But now…nothing. Something was wrong.

"Edward?" I whispered gently, brushing a few strands of hair out of his face. My fingers brushed his forehead and I found he was covered in sweat. Was he sick? "Edward?" I called a little louder. Nothing. Not a peep.

I started to worry now. I gently shook him, calling his name. He was breathing, so I knew that he was alive, but there was no other reaction from him at all. What the hell is wrong with him?

I stood up and quickly went out into the main living area to see Jasper, Emmett and an unknown blonde woman sitting on the stools that Alice and I had been on only ten minutes or so before.

"Hey, Bells." Emmett greeted as though we were old friends. But then again, it felt like I _was_ old friends with this enormous teddy bear.

"Mornin' Bells." Jasper crooned, taking a sip of his coffee. "I want you to meet my sister, Siobhan."

"Hi." She smiled at me. She and Jasper really did look alike. They had the same colour hair, and skin tone. Their cheek bones and jaw lines were practically identical, only she had a ver feminine look about her. And her eyes were green compared to Jasper's blue.

"Hey." I greeted them all. "Um, do you guys know what's up with Edward? He's not moving at all."

The three of them shared a glance and it was as though they were having an internal conversation and I felt rude just being in the same room.

"It's okay Bells." Jasper assured me, looking at me again.

"Yeah, this is normal." Emmett smiled at me, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I mean, Eddie just crashes the day after a concert. He'll be right as rain tonight. Latest tomorrow morning."

"Oh." What a lameass answer. "Any idea what's up with him?"

"His immune systems shot." Jasper explained, setting his mug on the counter in front of him. "When he works himself too hard, like he does at a show, then it takes his body longer to recover. It's kind of become a natural thing for him recently."

"Any idea what caused it?" I asked, curious and Jasper and Emmett glanced at each other again.

"This is something you really need to talk to Edward about." Emmett smiled at me again and Jasper nodded along with him. Okay, so they were hiding something from me. I just didn't know what it was.

"Okay." I mumbled. "Where are Alice and Rosalie?" I asked, noticing for the first time that my friends weren't in the room with us."

"Oh, they went to get dressed." Emmett said, disappointed. "Personally, I wished that Rose would have stayed in my shirt, but hey, what are you gonna do?" He shrugged, looking at Jasper, who nodded.

"Same with Alice." He mused, sounding far away. I could tell that both of them were imagining my best friends in less than what they were wearing when I saw them that morning.

"Ugh! Men!" Siobhan grumbled, hitting them both upside the head.

"Ow!" They both moaned at the same time, grabbing the backs of their heads and glaring at her, while she stood there with a smug smile on her face.

"What was that for Shivs?" Jasper moaned like a child.

"Oh, you know, dear twin of mine." So Jasper was a twin. Didn't know that.

"I'm gonna go check on Edward." I said, pointing behind me with my thumb. I smiled and waved at them slightly before turning around and walking back into Edward's room.

The lamp was still on and I walked over to Edward's bed, where he was still sleeping like an angel. He looked so peaceful and, fuck! he was still beautiful! He always would be though.

I sat down on the floor by the edge of the bed, resting my chin on my hands, just watching him. I didn't need anything else in that moment. It was dawning on me that I had been a fool to let him go. I resolved in that moment, that I would do anything and everything I could to get him back. I knew he probably wouldn't take me. I had shattered his heart into a million pieces, but I wouldn't give up.

He shifted slightly, causing his arm to move across him.

I smiled and took his hand in mine, turning it over so that I could kiss his palm gently. Screw the boundaries. I just wanted to be near him. I looked up at him and I noticed something on his arm that wasn't right.

If Emmett was right then it didn't matter about the amount of light that there was in the room, it shouldn't affect him.

I flicked on the lamp next to me so I could get a better look at Edward's arm, not believing what I was seeing. Not for a moment.

But they were there.

Track marks.

Numerous scars from repeated injections.

And they only came from one thing that I knew of.

Heroin.

Edward was a junkie.

Maybe that was why he was so calm with me when we met again last night.

Maybe that was why he didn't put up a fight when I kissed him on the sofa last night.

Maybe that was why he slept with me last night.

Because he was high!

I couldn't stop the single tear that ran down my cheek.

I pushed myself away from the bed, and practically ran out of Edward's room and into the main living area. I stormed over to the sofa, not caring that people were looking at me as I saw down and shoved my shoes on, nearly in hysterics.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Rosalie and Alice were at my side in an instant. "Did he say something?" They both flashed Emmett and Jasper evil glances.

"No." I sniffed, not looking at either of them. "No. He didn't say anything. Let's just say, he didn't _need_ to say anything."

I got up and made my way towards the elevator. "Shit!" I heard Jasper curse and he and Emmett stopped me, one of them grabbing my arm as my friends and I stepped into the elevator. They may have really fallen for Jasper and Emmett, but to each of us, friendship comes first. "Bella!" He looked at me pleadingly. "Please. It's not what it looks like. Edward, he-"

"Look, Jazz." I held up a hand, cutting him off. "When he wakes up, can you just tell him that I know and …… tell him not to contact me. I don't want anything more to do with him."

Even though it broke my heart to say it, I didn't know what else to do. I mean, Edward was a junkie. The scars on his arms proved that. When was the last time he hit up? Last night before the show? Maybe while I was there, in the bathroom or something in the early hours of the morning? Who knew?

"Bells?" Alice sounded worried as we walked through the lobby and I hailed a cab on the street. "What happened? What's going on?"

"Not here." I mumbled, looking at the both of them as a cab pulled up. "Too many ears." I said softly, repeating Edward's line last night.

We got in the cab and sat in silence for the whole journey. I didn't want to talk about anything right now. I couldn't talk about anything right now. All I needed was the safety of my own apartment. Where I was familiar with everything, where I knew everything would be okay. Only then would I feel safe talking about anything.

We paid the cab driver and made our way up to our apartment.

It may not be penthouse, but it has more than one storey, so we loved it. It was _us_ and that was all we ever needed to be.

I excused myself and made my way up to my bedroom, shedding my clothes from last night and dropping them in the dirty laundry hamper before grabbing a towel and walking into my bathroom. I turned on and stepped into the shower as the water started getting hotter and I let it relax all of my muscles. I was sore this morning. That might be because there hadn't been anyone since Edward. He was the only one I had _ever_ been with and lets just say, he's not exactly small.

Washing my hair through with my favourite shampoo I felt all of the stress over Edward washing away from me, down the drain, along with the remnants of last night. Maybe that was what I had needed. Some closure. But I couldn't help but think that that wasn't the last I was going to see of Edward Cullen. I hoped it was though. I didn't want to have to face him with what I knew.

I walked out of my bathroom and changed into a pair of old sweats and an oversized jumper, something I knew that Alice wouldn't have approved of, but I didn't care. I was lost at the moment, and I needed comfort over style.

There was a faint knocking at my door and when I called them to come in I saw a timid Rose and Alice standing there in the doorway.

"Are you okay, Bells?" Alice asked walking over to the bed and that seemed to be the key to the floodgate.

The tears started falling and I couldn't stop them, no matter how hard I tried. They just wouldn't stop.

"He's …… he's …… he's a junkie." I whispered, not looking at my friends. I heard the both of them take a deep breath, calming themselves for the moment.

"What do you mean he's a junkie?" Alice asked, not trying to sound patronizing. Just making sure I had the right facts.

"Yeah, are you sure that's what-" I cut Rose off, even though I knew I was going to pay for it later.

"He has track marks in his arms." I looked between the two of them, sobbing. "I saw them when he was asleep this morning. Big, ugly scars." I sniffed, wrapping the blanket that Rose offered me around my shoudlers. "I just…I don't know."

"Shit." Was all that came out of Rose's mouth and Alice didn't say anything. She just sat there with her eyes closed, breathing heavily. "That bastard."

"What?" I looked at Rose and saw that she was seething.

"How could he do that?" She growled. "I mean, how could he do that to himself? To you?"

"It's not like he knew that it would be us that won those tickets." I mumbled, looking down at my bedspread. "It's not like he knew what would happen last night. I mean, for all he knew, we would never see each other again."

"That's not the point Bella." She snarled. She was really pissed. Why, I didn't know. It wasn't like we knew anything about him. It wasn't like _I_ knew anything about him anymore. "The point is that he's fucked up. Majorly. Do you want him in your life anymore?"

"I don't know." I shook my head. "Not if he's doing that shit. No I don't." And I didn't. He knew I hated any form of drug. That was something I couldn't deal with. Maybe if it was an alcohol problem or something I could have handled it. It would have been hard, but drugs. No. That was something I couldn't handle.

"Well there you go then." Alice mumbled opening her eyes. "Maybe, you have to look at last night as closure. I mean, you've been hung up on this guy for what, seven years?" I nodded, knowing that it was true. "Maybe now, you have the closure that you needed to move on."

"You think so?" I asked, looking between the two of them.

"You know what they say, to get over someone you have to get under them." Rosalie smirked and I smiled slightly.

"Maybe." I whispered, more to myself than to the others.

We were silent for a long while after that. They were right. Maybe I should look at last night as a sign that Edward and I were over. I should look at it as a one night, closure deal. With what I knew about Edward now, I couldn't get back with him. Not knowing that he was killing himself everyday. Knowing that he was shooting up, or whatever they called it. I couldn't handle that.

I slowly got off of the bed and made my way over to my vanity, sitting down on the stool and opening one of the small drawers.

I took out the small envelope that rested in the draw and took out the small card that lay within it, reading over the words written in Edward's beautiful script.

_I'm sorry. No matter how things are between us, you will always have my heart._

I reached over onto my dresser and took up the lighter that I used for lighting candles and sparked up the flame, putting it to a corner of the card, watching as the beautiful words were engulfed by the flames.

I dropped the card onto a plate that I had left on the vanity from when I had last burned a candle two days ago.

I couldn't help the tear that escaped as the words disappeared and the card shrivelled up into nothing.

It was time to forget Edward Cullen and move on.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After I burned the card, I felt some sort of peace.

I think it was peace anyway.

I had let go of that stage of my life and was determined to move on.

I spent the day in bed, sleeping off the exhaustion that had built up from the previous night. I needed the sleep. I needed to work through everything that I had felt the previous night and that morning. And I knew that I couldn't do that while I was so worn down with everything.

Rose and Alice stayed with me, falling asleep alongside me.

I woke up to find that the two of them were already awake and talking quietly between themselves. I looked at my clock to see that it was 2:47PM the next day. I really _had_ spent the day in bed. I reasoned that it was Sunday, so I really didn't have any reason to get up.

"Hey." Alice whispered, running her hand through my hair gently.

"How're you feeling?" Rose asked me, a small smile playing on her lips.

I thought about it for a moment. "Okay, surprisingly." I smiled at the two of them, sitting up in between them.

"Good." Alice grinned at me. "Because we have a girly night planned. Movies. Ice cream. You know, how we used to."

"You know what?" I put my arms around the both of them, smiling at my two best friends. "That sounds absolutely wonderful."

"Good." Rosalie grinned. "Because you don't have a choice."

I got up out of bed and walked over to my window, watching the hustle and bustle of the Manhattan street below me, smiling to myself. I _did_ feel surprisingly okay. I looked over at my vanity, seeing the charcoaled piece of card on there and I felt a sense of closure. Last night was just that.

Getting over Edward.

I would now be able to move on with my life.

I hoped at least.

Just then, my phone rang and looking at the caller ID I saw that it was 'Mike', a guy that had been hounding me for the last couple of months, since I spilled coffee all over him as I walked out of Starbucks.

"Hello?" I said, flipping open the phone.

"Hey, Bells." He sounded cheery, as usual. "How are you?"

"I'm doing okay?" I answered, sitting down at my vanity, ignoring the pointed looks I received from Alice and Rose. "How are you?"

"Better now." I could hear the smile in his voice on the other end of the phone. I couldn't help but smile at his cliché line. "Um, I was wondering…"

"Yes?"

"I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight?" He asked, sounding unsure of himself. That was probably due to the fact that I had turned him down numerous times. Well, each and every time he had asked me out.

I looked at Rose and Alice and then back down to the burned piece of card and made up my mind. "Actually, I _am_ free tonight. What did you have in mind?"

"Really?" He sounded like if he were Alice he would be jumping up and down right now. "Um, I was thinking dinner at that Italian place."

"Sounds great." I smiled a genuine smile. Mike was a good guy, and I only now realised why I had never accepted his offer before. It was all because of Edward. Some small hope that we would get back together. But now, what with what I had discovered this morning, I knew that was never going to be a possibility. "What time?"

"Say, seven?"

"Sounds great."

"Great." He was definitely grinning that boyish grin of his. "I'll pick you up from yours?"

"Yup." I agreed, popping the "p". "See you then."

"'Kay."

We said our goodbyes and hung up. As I closed my phone I looked up to see Alice and Rosalie staring at me wide-eyed. "What?"

"I think that was going to be our question." Alice countered smiling that evil little pixie grin of hers. "What was that?"

"I have a date tonight." I smiled and Rose and Alice squealed.

"With?" Alice was bouncing up and down on the bed.

"Mike." I waited for their onslaught. They thought that Mike was a little creepy and stalkerish, but I just saw it as being over enthusiastic.

"Really?" Rosalie sounded shocked. "Why the sudden change of heart? This couldn't be to do with a certain bronze-haired, lead-singing, fuck-up, could it?"

"I don't know." I shrugged. "I mean, Mike's a good guy and I guess that Edward was the reason I never really gave him a chance." I looked back up at them and squared my shoulders. "You know what, this date is going to be stage one of F.E.C." I nodded, determined.

"F.E.C?" Alice asked her brow furrowing in confusion.

"'Forget Edward Cullen." I explained and she and Rose nodded.

"Okay, what time is he picking you up?" Rosalie asked walking up behind me and fiddling with my hair.

"Seven." I told her and Alice's jaw dropped.

"What?" She practically squealed. "That only gives us four hours to get you ready!"

I never did understand why Alice had to spend so much time getting ready. It was just the way she was I guess.

I hopped in the shower and went through my normal ritual of letting the hot water wash away all my tension and apprehension before using my favourite strawberry shampoo and conditioner, followed by my strawberry bodywash.

Jumping out of the shower I wrapped a towel around myself and walked back out into my bedroom, where I saw that Alice and Rose had left out my outfit, complete with underwear on my bed. They had given me a light blue wrap around dress with intricate floral designs travelling around the hem. It was one of the only things I had agreed on with the two of them on our latest shopping trip.

I put the underwear on and then slipped on the dress, before knocking on my door three times to let Alice and Rose know that I was dressed.

They walked into the room and sat me down in front of the vanity and began working on my hair and make-up. And what did I do? I behaved like a good little barbie-doll and sat still.

After what seemed like an eternity, I was finally allowed to open my eyes and what I saw there made me gasp. It was me, but it wasn't at the same time. The girl in front of me had soft flowing brown hair, twisted into gentle curls. He make-up was almost natural, save for a slightly smoky eye and gentle eyeliner. Her full pouting lips had been coated in a clear lipgloss that made them look even more enticing. I had a hard time believing that this was me.

Rosalie passed me a pair of blue heeled sandals that matched my dress and Alice handed me a blue clutch bag that I knew would be filled with the 'necessities'.

After slipping on the shoes, we walked downstairs and saw that we still had thirty-six minutes before Mike arrived. Gave us time to chill and chat about what we thought would happen on the date.

When the knock on the door came about half an hour early we all looked at each other confused. Who could be knocking for us at this time.

I got up to answer it, just in case it was Mike being over enthusiastic and getting here early.

When I opened the door, I saw someone I didn't expect to see standing there.

It was Edward.

And he looked like he'd seen better days.

Actually scratch that. He looked awful. It was like he hadn't slept in days. His normally dishevelled hair looked as though he had run his hands through it continuously all day, which knowing him he probably had. His eyes didn't hold that spark and life that they once had. They were cold and full of pain. He had the very essence of tortured soul and something told me that it wasn't a show.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, ice and venom clear in my tone, making him wince slightly. I wanted to feel for him, but after what he had concealed from me, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

"Bella." His voice, though still beautiful and velvety, was full of pain and sorrow. "I need to talk to you."

I stood there, not knowing what to say. I closed my mouth, setting my jaw and squaring my shoulders, remembering his big 'secret'.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I said calmly. "Leave me alone."

And before I had the chance to see anything flash through his eyes or across his face, I closed the door on him, leaning back and exhaling a breath I didn't realise I had been holding.

I had done it.

I had shut Edward out.

Finally.


	5. I Have To Know

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**Edward**_

When I woke up the either later on that day or the next, Bella had disappeared.

Not that I was expecting her to stay. But I would have thought she would at least stick around to see if I was okay. I mean, I would have if I was in her position. There wouldn't have been anything that could tear me away.

Maybe it was that she didn't feel the same way about me.

Which lead me to the question: what _was_ last night for her?

Was it just some sort of bonus night or something? A one time fuck?

I don't think I could handle it if it was.

I looked at my clock and rolled over moaning, seeing that it was 4:27PM on Sunday afternoon. Of course she didn't stick around. Who would for that length of time?

_You would._ My little internal voice told me, and it was right. I would.

I rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweats and a tshirt, noting that there was no evidence of Bella's visit in my room, other than my clothes from Friday night strewn haphazardly around the room. Nothing at all. All that lingered of her in my room, was her scent on my pillow. But that would soon dissipate.

I just hoped that there was more for us and that last night wasn't the last time I would see her.

I made my way into the kitchen, where Jazz and Em were sitting at the counter, talking in hushed tones. They both stopped and looked at me when I walked in, their expressions making me feel a little nervous.

"Okay, if you two don't know how to make a guy feel uncomfortable, then no one does." I told them, half-joking as I squeezed past Jasper, making my way towards the coffee machine.

"Sorry, dude." Emmett was quiet today, which was unusual. I wondered what was going on.

"What time did Bella take off?" I asked turning around and looking at the two of them, not missing the anxious glances that they exchanged.

"Um, she took off pretty early yesterday morning." Jasper admitted. "Guess she was a little freaked."

"What about?" I asked, acting confused. They didn't know that Bella was _the_ Bella. The Bella from my past. The one that had practically destroyed me. They wouldn't have let her anywhere near me if they did. We may have been guys, but Emmett and Jasper were incredibly protective of me when it came to that area of my life.

"She knows, Edward." Jasper sighed, looking down at the counter.

"Knows what?" I asked, my tone guarded. What could she possibly know that she didn't already? I mean, everything I was and had done was down to her. There was nothing that she didn't know. Then it hit me. There _was_ something she didn't know about. "Don't tell me……"

"Yeah." Emmett nodded, slowly. "She knows about the drugs, Ed."

"How?" I closed my eyes and ran my hands through my hair. This wasn't happening. This _could not_ be happening. "How did she find out?"

"She saw the track marks on your arms." Jasper explained and I balled my fists into my hair, not caring about how much it hurt, because this…what I was feeling inside my chest … that hurt even more.

"Fuck." I whispered, knowing that the other two would have heard me. "Shit. This isn't happening." I sighed, trying to get myself under control. If I didn't then I could collapse again. Not something I wanted to experience. It had happened before when I got too emotionally stressed out. "Why did this have to happen? Bella hates anything to do with drugs. The only thing she can stand is Tylenol and other prescription stuff." I was mumbling, more to myself than to the others, although I knew that they were listening.

"How do you know that?" Emmett asked, confused.

I opened my eyes and dropped my hands to my sides, not believing that he had asked me that question. "Are you serious?" He nodded, looking at Jasper, who just looked confused. "That's Bella." They nodded, slowly, looking at me as if I had lost it. Who knows? I probably had. "You guys don't understand. That's _Bella._ _The_ Bella."

Emmett's mouth dropped open as Jasper swivelled in his seat to look at me clearly.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He snapped. Jasper was pissed. He never swore, not even under the most stressing circumstances. Unless he felt the need to obviously. And now was one of those times. "Edward, are you fucking serious?"

I nodded and Emmett slammed his fist into the table. "Fuck!"

"Did you tell her that I'm clean?" I asked, frantically looking between the two of them. "Did you?"

"She didn't give us the chance man." Emmett seethed. "She went into your room after she came out, looking pretty worried about you, asking whether or not you were sick or some shit. Then about a minute or so later she came out, seeming pretty pissed, shoved on her shoes and she left."

"Did she say anything?" I asked the two of them.

"She told me to tell you that she knows and that ……" He stalled looking pretty worried.

"What?" I snapped, not wanting to wait. I knew I was being pretty shitty right now, but I didn't fucking care. The girl that still held my heart thought that I was on drugs, not wanting to hear the truth. I had to straighten this out. "Jasper! What?!"

"She told me to tell you not to contact her." He sighed in a quiet voice. "And that she doesn't want anything more to do with you."

In that moment, I felt like my heart was being ripped out for the second time. Once, I could barely handle, but not twice. Not twice.

I wasn't going to let her slip through my fingers this time.

I was going to fight for her this time.

"Do either of you know where she lives?" I asked them, hoping they might know seeing as both of the girls they fucked last night were friends with Bella.

"Dude, are you sure you want to-" Emmett started but I cut him off.

"Yes, Emmett, I fucking well do. And when I want your opinion, I'll give it to you." I snapped. I knew I was being the biggest prick right now, but I didn't care. All I wanted was Bella. To let her know the truth. I knew that they wouldn't hold it against me. They knew how I felt about this girl. What she'd done to me. Hell, they were there for most of it.

"Alright." He mumbled, grabbing a piece of paper out of his back pocket. "Rose wrote this down for me earlier. She and Alice told me that the three of them live together."

"Thank you." I mumbled, grabbing the piece of paper from him and jogging back into my bedroom.

I jumped in the shower, quickly washing myself down and washing my hair, before climbing out and towelling myself dry. I think that if there was a record for the quickest shower known to man, then that would have broken it.

I pulled on a pair of jeans and a black button down, shoving on my converse, before grabbing my wallet, keys, phone and the address off of my table and heading back out into the main living area.

I stopped at the doors to the elevator and sighed, waiting for the elevator to reach our floor. "I'm sorry, guys." I apologised, turning to face them. "I didn't mean to-"

"We know." Jasper nodded and Emmett gave me a small smile.

"Go get her." Emmett mumbled, giving me a thumbs up and I couldn't help but smile as the elevator doors opened and I stepped inside, pressing the button to go down to the main lobby.

I practically ran through the lobby before hailing a cab outside. I couldn't be bothered to call the car around. It would take too long. I needed to get to Bella now.

I gave him the address on the paper and he started driving immediately. It didn't escape my notice that his eyes kept flicking to my face in the rearview mirror. It was getting quite annoying actually.

"Wait a minute." He breathed suddenly. "You're that guy from that band……_Linkin Park_!"

"Um…yeah." I mumbled, looking back out the window.

"My little girl went to your concert Friday night. She wouldn't shut up about the lead singer." He grinned, obviously thinking about his daughter.

"Um, yeah. That's me." I really didn't want to be having this conversation, but I knew that he would be telling his daughter about meeting me, so I couldn't be rude. I couldn't do that to a little girl, no matter what mood I was in.

"Really?" He raised his eyebrows at me and I nodded, knowing that he could see me in the rearview. We pulled up outside the address printed on the paper and I handed him the cash I owed him. "Hey, um, I don't know how this sounds but, would you be able to sign something for my daughter. It's her birthday today and I know that something from you would mean the world to her. The tickets to the concert on Friday were kind of her birthday present from her mother and I."

I couldn't help but smile. "Of course." I shifted forward on the backseat. "You got anything to write on and with."

"Yeah." He pulled out a pad and a pen, handing them to me.

"What's her name?" I asked and he grinned at me.

"Hollie." I nodded and wrote down a short but meaningful message.

"How'd you spell it?" I asked, knowing that there were quite a few ways of spelling it. I didn't want to get it wrong. "And how old is she?"

"H-O-L-L-I-E." I nodded again. "And she'll be seventeen."

_**Dear Hollie,**_

_**Happy 17**__**th**__** Birthday.**_

_**Your father tells me that you attended the Linkin Park concert on Friday.**_

_**I do hope you enjoyed it.**_

_**He mentioned you couldn't stop talking about it, and thank you for the praise.**_

_**I hope you have a great day today.**_

_**All the best,**_

_**Edward A. Cullen**_

I put the lid back on the pen and flipped the cover of the pad back over and handed it to him. "There you go." I smiled at him. "Tell her happy birthday from me."

"Will do." He smiled at me gratefully. "This'll mean the world to her. Thank you so much."

"Don't worry about it." I climbed out of the cab and made my way towards the building. Thankfully, it wasn't a building that you had to buzz to get in.

I walked through the door and looked at the paper again, running a hand through my hair, making a fist and pulling on it, ignoring the pain it caused. I discovered that she was on the second floor so I made my way over to the elevator and climbed in. I pushed the button for the second floor, running my hands through my hair again.

What the hell would I say to her?

I realised just then that I had no idea.

But I couldn't go back now. I needed her.

I needed to see her.

I needed to know that the other night meant as much to her as it did to me.

The elevator door dinged and opened and I walked out onto her floor. I looked at my watch, hoping that it wasn't too late. 6:28PM. That's not _too_ late, I reasoned. She would still be up. I just hoped that she would talk to me.

I walked down the corridor and stopped outside her door, taking a deep breath before knocking lightly.

I heard muffled movements before the door opened slowly.

She stood there, lookingn as beautiful as ever, wearing a blue wrap around dress that hugged her figure perfectly. She had her hair and make-up done and I realised that she must be going out somewhere.

"What are you doing here?" I couldn't stop the wince that overcame me as I heard the piercing tone of her voice. It was full of venom and hate. What could she have thought to make her use that tone. She had never used that tone with me before.

"Bella." I could hear the pain coming through in my own voice. I hadn't wanted it to be there, but I couldn't stop it. "I need to talk to you." I was inwardly praying that she would talk to me. I _needed_ her to.

Her stance seemed to shift and she seemed to close down at my words. "I'm sorry, Edward." She stated calmly and coldly. "Leave me alone."

With that she closed the door in my face. The other night had obviously meant nothing to her after all.

After everything…everything she put me through…she couldn't even talk to me for five minutes.

I guess I meant nothing to her.

All those years we spent together.

After everything we went through together.

Our parents trying to split us up.

Our friends, ex's and those with crushes on us, trying to worm their way in between us.

None of that mattered to her.

I wasn't going to leave though. I wasn't going to let her carry on, thinking that I was still a junkie. I wasn't. I was clean and she needed to know that.

I rested my head against the door, sighing to myself. "Bella." I whispered, hoping that she would hear me. "Bella."

I lifted my head off of the door and leaned back against the wall opposite, sliding down it and wrapping my arms around my knees. I rested my head on my knees, thinking through what I was going to do. I _had_ to get her to talk to me. I had to get her to listen to me. She _needed_ to know that I wasn't the same guy I was four years ago. I was clean.

_I'm clean!_ I thought to myself. _I'm clean! I'm clean! I'm clean!_

She _had_ to know that.

I stood up slowly, resting my head back on the wall, closing my eyes and sighing deeply.

"Hey, man." A male voice called to me. I looked up and saw a blonde guy standing there, staring at me with a concerned look on his face. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I nodded, my voice hoarse. "Just thinking."

"In the hallway?" He sounded confused and I nodded.

"Good a place as any." I mumbled and he shrugged, knocking on Bella's front door.

I sighed, closing my eyes again. This was probably the guy that Bella was all dressed up for. She was going on a date. Why didn't I see that before.

I really did mean nothing to her.

I turned around and walked down the hallway, in the opposite direction to the elevator, not wanting to see her as she greeted this guy. Not wanting her to see my heart shatter for the second time.

I heard her come to the door and they greeted each other enthusiastically.

I closed my eyes and slid down the wall, curling up as I felt a traitorous tear slide down my cheek. I heard Bella close the door and she and whatshisname walk down the corridor, chatting animatedly. I didn't move. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone or anything anymore.

I meant nothing to her.

After everything …… we weren't strong enough.

I wasn't good enough.

_I should never have left._

But if I hadn't left, I wouldn't have the life I have now. If I hadn't left I would have been stuck in some career that I hated after being bullied into it by my father, and there would still be no guarantee that I had Bella. After all, she was the one who broke it off with me.

But she still had my heart.

She always would.

A while later, I wasn't sure how much longer, I heard a door open and two female voices talking happily about something or other. I caught the tone of 'swooning' as they called it and realised that they must be talking about their recent love interests.

All girls had the same tone when they talked about that particular subject.

"What are _you_ still doing sitting here?" One of them asked, her voice filled with venom. It was a voice I recognised.

I looked up and saw Alice and Rosalie standing over me, staring daggers at me.

"I don't know." I whispered, shaking my head.

"Don't you think that you should leave?" Alice said, her voice as cold as Rosalie's had been. Bella had obviously told them about her discovery and they still believed that I was in fact a junkie. I shrugged, taking my eyes off of both of them and staring at the wall straight ahead of me.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Rosalie snapped. They were pissed with me. Why? That I knew. They probably thought that I was fucked, sitting here, alone, in the hallway of the woman I love. Hell, who wouldn't think I was completely off it?

"I don't know." I mumbled, a single tear breaking free and sliding down my cheek. "I don't know anymore."

Out of my peripheral vision I saw Alice and Rose glance at each other, their expressions changing ever so slightly.

"Are you okay?" Alice asked me, bending down slightly. I shook my head slowly, still staring at the same spot on the wall.

"What's wrong?" Rose asked, kneeling down next to me.

"Everything." I whispered, looking her in the eye. She had an expression that was a mixture of pity and anger and it was like she didn't know which one to feel at the moment. "Everything's just …… fucked up."

"Yeah." Rose muttered sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Your life is _so_ fucked up. You're a member of one of the most famous bands in the world, you have money, fans, people screaming your name … oh, and of course, your _best friend_." She sneered the last bit and I knew what she meant. She was talking about the drugs she thought I was using.

"You don't know what you're talking about." I stated flatly.

"Maybe not from _your_ point of view, but I do know it from Bella's." I winced when she said her name. It hurt too much. Knowing that she was out there, with some other guy, when all I wanted was to hold her again, like I had on Friday. That was all I wanted. Rosalie smirked. "Guilty? Let me tell you, I _know_ what she's feeling. I know what's going through her mind. I had a boyfriend who was a junkie. Hell, he probably still is, but he kept it hidden from me. And that hurt more than the fact that he was a user. The fact that he didn't tell me." She took a breath, and shook her head. "The fact that you obviously know that Bella hates anything to do with drugs, makes me wonder why you do them. I mean, are you that-"

"I don't." I whispered, cutting her off.

"Excuse me?" She sounded like she didn't believe me.

"I said, I don't." I turned my whole head to look at her, speaking with more force this time. "I'm not a junkie." I turned away from her.

"Bella said she saw the track marks on your arms." Alice remarked. I had almost forgotten that she was there.

"Alright then, Rose." I smirked at her. "You say your boyfriend was a junkie?" She nodded at me. "Then tell me …… do these," I rolled up my sleeves, showing her the marks on my arms. "Look new to you?"

"What?" She sounded confused.

"Do they look new to you?" I nodded down at them, feeling my anger rising. She didn't look down at my arms. "You know what, if Bella had stayed and gotten her facts right, she would have found out that I'm clean." I stood up quickly, wanting to say what I could and get out as fast as possible. "She would have found out that I've been clean for three years."

"Then how come you didn't wake up on Saturday morning then?" Rosalie asked as she and Alice both folded their arms over their chests in an offensive manner.

"Because that's what happens to me after a show." I explained pinching the bridge of my nose. "Yeah, I know that it's my own fault, but using has had a huge impact on my immune system. And it takes me longer than it does the others to recover from a show. The others it takes what, about twelve hours of sleep, but me, I am _literally_ unable to move until the next day."

"Is that why you didn't come yesterday?" Alice asked, her tone no longer accusing, but concerned.

I nodded. "I didn't come yesterday, because I was literally dead to the world until this afternoon. That's when I found out what had happened. I was over here like a shot."

"How did you know where we lived?" Rosalie asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

I smirked and held up the piece of paper with their address on it. "Emmett." I said simply. "He gave me the address and mentioned that the three of you live together."

"Look, Edward." Alice started, her voice sounding sympathetic. "Even if you did come all the way over here, you really hurt Bella, and she-"

"_I_ hurt _Bella_?!" I couldn't believe that she had just said that. "Are you being serious?" I ran my hands through my hair, balling them into fists, pulling at the strands and clenching my eyes shut. "You've got to be kidding me." I whispered, leaning back against the wall.

"Look, Edward." Rosalie stepped in front of me. "You have no idea what she's been through. After you left-"

"What _she's _been through?!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. They obviously didn't know what happened.

"Yes, what _she's_ been through." Rosalie snapped back at me. "She's been through more than you know. She had to rebuild herself after you left. You just _left_ her, Edward."

"I don't know what version of this story you've heard, but it was _her_ who left _me_." I said through gritted teeth, still not opening my eyes. "Standing in the rain, like the fucking imbecile I was, thinking that we could work through everything. Thinking that even though we had lost so much, we were strong enough to make it work. And then…… hearing those words coming out of her mouth. They broke me." I sighed, my fists still clenched in my hair. "My world shattered that day."

"You think that was easy for her?" Rose sounded accusing. "You think she wanted to say those things to you?"

"Well, then, maybe you can explain to me, why the fuck she said them then." I snapped, opening my eyes and pushing myself off the wall. "Because you know what I don't fucking get it! If you don't mean something, then why say it?! Huh?!" I stepped away from the two of them slightly. "I don't …… I just-"

I knew something was wrong when I opened my eyes and yet couldn't see anything. Everything seemed to slow down and there was a buzzing in my ears. I didn't have any time to react before I hit the floor and the deep bliss of unconsciousness tugged at me, pulling me under.

And I, needing the escape, let it.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I awoke hearing panicked voices and mutterings, people moving around, sounding as though they were trying to keep themselves busy just not knowing how to do it.

I opened my eyes and saw that I was in an unfamiliar place, lying on a sofa, a blanket draped over me.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" I heard Alice's voice whisper hurriedly to me.

"Oh, he's awake." Rosalie said. I looked over to her and saw that she was on the phone to someone. "What do we do?" She paused, listening to the person on the other side. "Leave him? He can't stay here, Em, we-" Ah, she was talking to Emmett. Figures.

"How're you feeling?" Alice asked, brushing a few hairs out of my face. I tried to respond but found that my voice didn't work and I couldn't really move. It was just as though I had just come off the stage. I felt like I should be dead.

_Maybe you should be_. A small voice niggled in the back of my head. Maybe my time had come, and I had just missed it somehow.

"Okay then." Rosalie sighed. "We'll see you in a bit." She hung up and made her way over to the sofa I was lying on. "You okay?"

"I just asked him that." Alice said looking up at her. "He didn't answer me."

Rosalie muttered something that sounded like "rude" as she flipped open her phone and started pressing a load of buttons.

"Rose," Alice scolded her and Rosalie glared at her. I closed my eyes, the brightness of their lights becoming too much for them to handle. It was beginning to hurt. "It was like he was _trying_ to answer me, but physically couldn't."

"What do you mean?" Rosalie sounded confused and the clicking of buttons stopped. I reasoned that she must be looking down at Alice, urging her to carry on.

"You know when you've lost your voice, and you try and talk but nothing comes out?" Alice explained, pausing whilst waiting for an answer. She obviously got one because she carried on. "It was like that. It was like he was _trying_ to talk, but nothing would come out."

I heard Rosalie sigh and snap her phone shut. I focused on keeping my breathing even as I lay there, hoping to gather enough strength to get out of there before Bella came back with her date.

"Rose?" Alice called as Rosalie moved away from the sofa I was lying on. I heard Rosalie hum in acknowledgement as she answered Alice. "What are we going to do about Bella?"

"What do you mean?" Rose asked, as I heard her sit down on another seat somewhere in the room.

"Bella's not going to be happy that he's here." Alice told her, and I felt her fingers brush against my forehead, as she tried to brush a few strands of hair away from my eyes. Not that it mattered. They were closed. "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." Rosalie sighed. "Well, hopefully Emmett can get him out of here before Bella gets back. Then we won't have to deal with him anymore."

There goes the kindness I guess.

They were loyal to Bella.

Always would be I guess.

It hurt to think that Bella could dismiss our relationship like she had because of a false assumption. _That_ wasn't the Bella I knew. The Bella I knew would have gathered all of the facts before she came to a conclusion. What had changed about her?

Was she so freaked out by what had happened that she was looking for an excuse to bolt?

Was being with me that repulsive an idea?

Did she really hate me that much?

Nothing I thought of could help me come any closer to understanding _why_ Bella had left me all those years ago. All I wanted was her back.

She had been my whole life.

_They_ had been my life.

And I had had them both ripped away from me, within days of each other.

"Rose." Alice whispered, her voice sad and pained. "Look."

"What?" I heard Rosalie get up and make her way over to where I was laying. She inhaled slightly, the closer she got. "He's crying."

I hadn't even realised that there were tears streaming down my cheeks.

This was why I had turned to the coke in the first place. Because it aided me in taking away this. All this crap. It wasn't what I needed. All I needed was a way to forget. And at the time, cocaine, had been the best way out.

There was a low knocking on the door and one of the girls moved away from me and opened the door.

"Where is he?" I heard Emmett's deep voice ask the person who opened the door.

They made their way towards me and I could pick out three sets of footsteps. Jasper was obviously here as well. There was no way he would stay behind. Not in this situation. Like I said, he was there for me, no matter what.

"Edward?" Emmett was crouched down in front of me. I wanted to open my eyes, but it seemed like I didn't even have the strength for that. "Ed? Come on, open your eyes, man." He shook me gently and I managed to force my eyes open to look at him. His expression was that of fear and pain. He looked away from me at over the back of the sofa, where Alice and Rosalie were probably standing. "What happened?"

"We, um, we found him around the corner, just up the corridor and we um, got into a little bit of an argument." It was Alice that was explaining. I flicked my eyes to look at Jasper and I saw that he was pissed. "He um, he… was … explaining to us about his, um … experience…"

"When Bella left." Emmett breathed, rubbing his eyes with his fingers, before looking up at me, sympathy flooding his gaze.

"Yeah." Rosalie whispered. I wished I could see what they were doing, but I didn't even have the strength to turn my head.

This wasn't good. I mean, I've blacked out like that before, but never having this kind of effect. Normally, after this happens, I feel something like this for about ten minutes or so, but after that, I'm able to get up and walk around, although, I'm rarely allowed out of my room for up to an hour or so, and then I'm not allowed to leave the apartment until at least the next day. All courtesy of Siobhan. She cared about me as much as her brother did. And to her I was eternally grateful.

"Fuck." Jasper muttered, running his hands through his hair.

"What?" The two girls asked simultaneously.

I closed my eyes again, the lights becoming too much. "Ed?" Emmett called out to me, making sure I was still alright. "Edward?" I opened my eyes slightly, looking at him. He let out a gush of air that he had been holding and shook his head slightly. "Keep your eyes open okay, man? Means we know you're okay."

I gulped slightly and took as deep a breath as I closed, squeezing my eyes shut against the glare of the lights. "No." I whispered as loud as I could. "Hurts."

"What did he say?" Jasper asked curious as I let my eyes flutter closed again.

"I think the lights are hurting his eyes." Emmett mumbled. How right he was. Emmett had always been like my big brother. He always seemed to know what it was that was wrong, or when I needed something. Well, with the exception of the drugs that is. I had always made sure to keep _that_ as secret as I could.

As I lay there, listening to the mumblings and murmurings of people around me, I felt myself being pulled back into the unconscious. A place I would gladly be right now.

A while later I was awoken hearing raised voices.

I surmised that Bella was home and was not happy to find me unconscious on her couch.

"Why the hell couldn't you leave well enough alone?" Bella was almost yelling at someone. I guessed it might have been Alice and Rose, seeing as they were the ones that had brought me in here.

"Because he needed help, Bells." Rosalie argued. It seemed I was right.

"That's what hospitals are for." She screeched, hurting my ears. I had only heard Bella use these tones once before and that wasn't with me. I swore to myself never to let that happen, but it was, or at least, I was the cause behind it.

"Bells!" Alice whined. I could tell that she wanted Bella to just leave it be for now.

"No, Alice!" Bella was being forceful in her determination. "I want him out of here! Now!"

"You expect us to move him when he's like this?" Alice exclaimed in a loud whisper, trying not to disturb me it would seem. Trouble is, I was already disturbed.

"Why is he even here in the first place?" Bella sounded exhausted, as though the had been having this argument for hours. Who knows? They might have been.

"To talk to you, it would seem." Emmett shot back. He and Jasper must still be here. Of course they would be. They wouldn't leave me here.

"Well I don't want to talk to him." Bella sighed and I could picture her running her hands through her hair as she stood there. "I got the closure that I needed the other night."

Was that all it was to her?

Fucking _closure_?!

I wish I had the strength to do or even say something.

Because right now, that was all I wanted. I wanted to find out if it was true.

"'_Closure_'?" I heard Jasper shout from across the room. "What that all it was to you? Fucking closure?" _God love you, Jasper._

"I don't see why it should be anything more." I could practically hear her shrug as she stared him down.

"Don't see why-" Emmett was sounding even more and more pissed off as time went on. This was not good. He would blow a gasket any time soon. Normally, I was the only one that could calm him down, but with me being in this sort of catatonic state – which was really freaking me out, by the way – I wasn't much use to anybody. "How about because he still fucking loves you, that's why."

I heard Bella scoff and I could picture her expression in my head. And it hurt. Why didn't she believe that I still loved her. I couldn't _not_ love her. She was it for me.

"What's that supposed to-" Jasper started but he was cut off by Alice.

"Guys." Everyone stopped talking and all I could hear was the sound of heavy breathing. "Look." She sounded sad again. Almost pained. "He's crying."

"What?" Bella sounded disbelieving, but I heard an inhale of breath as she moved around the sofa I was on to look at me. "Please, just…… just take him and go. Please."

I heard her run up some stairs and I realised that her apartment must have two storeys, as some do.

I didn't know what to think. All I wanted was an escape. I didn't want to know these things anymore. I didn't want to hear what was going on around me. I wanted to be oblivious to it all. And for the third, or was it fourth, time tonight, I got my wish.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I woke up the some time after feeling groggy and disorientated.

I guess it was better than feeling like you should be a member of the undead.

Or is it actual dead?

I lost track.

I opened my eyes slowly to find Emmett spread out on a sofa and Jasper curled up in a chair across from me. They were both still fast asleep and had blankets draped over them.

"Morning." I heard a female voice whisper, and I turned my head slowly to find Rosalie standing there. "How're you feeling?" She asked, sitting down indian stlye next to my head.

"Better." I whispered, my voice hoarse and raspy.

"Well, you _look_ a little better." She smiled. "I mean, you don't look like you should be in a coffin so much anymore. Maybe a little, but not that much."

"Thanks, Rosalie." I gave her a small smile. "Always know how to make a guy feel great."

"Sorry." She giggled, covering her mouth slightly. Who knew that Rosalie could be so ……… cute? "I'm sorry. About yesterday. I mean, when Bella said that you…I didn't know what to think. I mean, after Royce……" She trailed off getting herself lost in thought. "Let's just say I don't have a very high tolerance for drug users."

"That's where you have to understand that I don't use anymore." I sighed, my voice still nothing more than a hoarse whisper. "I haven't in three years."

"And that, to me, makes you so strong." She admitted, looking me straight in the eye.

"What do you mean?" I asked her confused.

"My ex-boyfriend, Royce, was a big time user." She sighed, her face scrunching up in pain at the memories.

"You don't have to tell me." I told her quickly. "If it hurts you _that_ much you don't have to say anything. I don't mind."

She smiled at me. "You know, you _are_ everything Bella always said you were." I couldn't help the slight blush that crept up into my cheeks when she said that. "It's okay. I _want_ to tell you." She took a deep breath, staring me straight in the eye. "Royce, he…he would use everyday. I'm guessing that you were like that?" I nodded, breaking eye contact with her, feeling like scum for having to admit it. Yet again. "I had no idea to begin with, but then I found a bag of coke. He told me that it was someone else's. That he was just holding it for someone, but…I wasn't fooled. I began to do some research on the internet and I found that a lot of things that Royce was doing, were actually symptoms of cocaine. I don't really need to go into detail about those." I shook my head, giving her a small smile. Coke had been my favourite drug of choice. I don't know why. "After I confronted him about it, he told me he'd quit. And I honest to God, thought he'd at least try." She sighed again, looking down at her hands. "But it turns out that he never did. He just got more sneaky."

"I was the same." I admitted looking down at the carpet which had become _very_ interesting for some reason.

"You were?" She asked, sounding unsure of herself.

I nodded. "When Jasper and Emmett found the track marks on my arm, just like your ex, I didn't see it as a reason to quit. I just had to be sneakier to do it." I laughed a dark chuckle at my next thought. "It took an extreme overdose and me dying to realise that I needed help."

"You died?" Rosalie's eyes went wide.

I nodded. "For three minutes."

"What's it like?" She sounded interested, intruiged and a little scared.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "Don't really remember anything. But I _do_ remember, that there's no white light, and I didn't really remember my life flashing before my eyes. So those things are false."

"Good to know." She smiled at me. "I don't know what happened to Royce. I left him when I found that he'd been lying to me for almost a year. He could be clean, in rehab or even dead by now, but I know that it's not for me to worry about anymore. I know that sounds cruel and harsh, but I just couldn't bear to think of what he was doing to himself." I nodded, showing her that I understood what she meant. People are rarely understanding of the mind of a drug addict. I knew that first hand. "But you. I know I wasn't the kindest person to you, but hearing just bits of your story made me realise that you _are_ a good guy." She placed a hand on my own and I smiled at her. She smiled back and it seemed as though we'd reached an understanding.

I sighed, looking around. Emmett and Jasper were still completely out of it. "Where's Bella?" I asked, my voice no more than a whisper.

"She's in her room." She replied, her eyes narrowing at me. She didn't know why I wanted to know. Hell, _I_ didn't know why I wanted to know.

"Did she mean what she said?" I asked, closing my eyes. "About …… about the other night just being …… closure?" I opened my eyes to see her nodding sadly and I couldn't help the tear that slid slowly down my cheek.

"You really _do_ still love her, don't you?" She asked, her voice filled with sympathy and ……… understanding.

"With everything that I am. Even though I know I probably shouldn't." I whispered.

Rose's next movement surprised me. She curled her legs underneath herself, sitting up on her knees, leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around her, burying my head in her shoulder, feeling the tears fall.

"It's okay." She whispered, her hand moving in small circles on my shoulder. "Let it out. It's okay."

I don't know how long we stayed like that, but it felt …… okay. Just to let it out. It didn't matter that I was sobbing in the arms of a girl that I had only met two days ago, but somehow, it felt okay. As though I had known her my whole life.

When I was finally all cried out, she sat back, lifting herself onto the sofa next to me and allowing me to rest my head on her shoulder.

"Thank you." I whispered, closing my eyes.

"No problem." She whispered back, wrapping her arms around me again.

Even though I knew that she was infatuated with Emmett, sitting here in this intimate embrace with Rose felt nice. It had been a long time since I had felt like this. I felt secure, and safe in Rose's arms. And I had the feeling of a connection. She had been with someone who had been through the same trials that I had, so had in a way, experienced them herself.

She understood in her own way, and that meant the world to me.

I only wished that Bella would understand as well.

But something told me, that that would not happen.

All I knew was that I had to talk to Bella. We had too much of a past to let things slide now. I had to know what was going through her mind seven years ago. Why she had made the decision that she had. Why she had said those things to me. Why she left me, standing there, as though I meant nothing to her. Whether or not, our relationship did in fact mean so little to her.

I had to know.


	6. Why?

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

**I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a while. I will be updating Protecting Him and Breaking the Habit again soon. Eternally Damned and Alive Again are both being particularly stubborn and I'm suffering from a major case of writer's block with them both. Don't worry though, I'm not giving up on them. They _will_ be updated soon. As soon as they stop being stroppy teenagers and cooperate. The next chapter of this and Protecting Him should be out tomorrow, Tuesday at the latest. I'm moving into a new house tomorrow so don't rush me on this one.**

**Also, a couple of you have asked me 'Is Edward sick?' and I can only guess that you're asking if he has some sort of terminal illness and I can say no he doesn't.  
The reason he crashed out completely in Chapters 1 & 4/5 is because of his drug addictions. His immune system is shot and it takes a lot less for him to reach the level of exhaustion than it does say Emmett or Jasper. It's just a repercussion of the addictions he suffered previous to the story.**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**Edward**_

I had to talk to Bella.

I _had_ to.

I needed to know what happened between us that day seven years ago.

This wasn't something that I could let go.

I had a right to know. After all, it wasn't just her that lost …… no! I couldn't even think it. It was too painful.

She had no idea what she did to me.

How she encaptured my heart.

And she didn't care.

If she did, then she would at least hear me out, right?

After my talk with Rose, I fell asleep again. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. I guess my body needed to heal properly before I could function again.

Waking up, I realised that Rosalie still had her arms wrapped around me and I had my head on her shoulder. My head snapped up immediately and I was instantly aware of the fact that she was giggling.

"What?" I asked, hearing the sleep thick in my own voice.

"You know, you can be so cute." She grinned at me. "You really are a cutie when you're asleep."

"You've been watching me sleep?" I asked raising an eyebrow at her.

"No." She shook her head, but then stopped mid-shake. "Well, technically, yes. But only for like two minutes. I fell asleep pretty much right after you did, and I only woke up a few minutes ago. I would have gotten off the sofa, but you looked so cute that I didn't want to disturb you."

"Well, I'm awake now, so you can go do whatever you need to." I smiled at her and she grinned back. She unwrapped her arms from around me and stood up, stretching as she did so. I swear, this girl could be a model. She _was_ beautiful, but her personality clashed with mine too much to have a relationship with her. Apart from the fact that she's besotted with my best friend. Friendship is all I'd have with Rosalie, and I was completely fine with that. "Rose?" She hummed in response as she turned around to face me, mid-stretch. "Thank you."

"What for?" She asked, sounding confused.

"Last night." I admitted, looking down at my hands. "It meant a lot… you know, just……"

"I know." She smiled at me, before she leaned over and ruffled my already unruly hair. I scowled at her and she giggled again, sauntering away.

I sat there, wondering what I should do. I didn't know how to approach this whole situation with Bella, but I knew that I couldn't just sit and let the whole thing stew. That would only make it worse in the long run.

I had to deal with this now.

I slowly got up, making sure that I wasn't going to fall over or anything, and also making sure that Emmett and Jasper were still asleep. They would try and stop me from doing this, at least until I was feeling one hundred per cent. What they didn't understand was that no matter how I was feeling, I had to do this.

I made my way towards the stairs as quietly as I possibly could and walked up them, looking for anything on the doors that would indicate Bella's room. Thankfully, each room had its occupants name on it. I walked past Alice and Rosalie's rooms, stopping in front of the one with the brightly coloured '_Bella' _written on it.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Come in." I heard her call from the other side, but I knew for a fact that she wouldn't be saying that if she knew who it was on the other side.

I opened the door and stepped into her room. She was leaning over her desk, reading and correcting something in a hurried fashion. I closed the door and waited for her to finish. Just like I was always fucking waiting for her.

"Give me a second." She held up her finger, indicating that she would only be a moment. I remained quiet, not wanting to alert her as to who it was in her room until I had to. "And I'm…done." She put the cap back on her pen, put it down on the table and turned around, the smile on her face falling instantly when she saw me standing there. "Get out."

"No." I whispered, not taking my eyes away from her.

"Excuse me?" She blinked at me a couple of times.

"I said 'no'." I stated simply, not moving a muscle.

"Edward." She snarled my name through gritted teeth. "Get the fuck out of my bedroom. Now!"

"Or…you'll what?" I challenged. "You'll get Rosalie in here?" I saw her lips twitch as though she was holding back a smile. I couldn't help but smirk. "Well, that's funny, because Rose actually spent the whole of last night with me. You know, talking, all that shit. You might want to try it someday."

"What are you talking about?" She hissed, standing up and walking towards me a couple of paces.

"I'm talking about the way you jump to conclusions without sticking around to find out the facts." I snapped at her, not taking my eyes away from hers.

"Like?" She folded her arms over her chest.

"Oh, I don't know." I pretended to think for a moment. "How about the scenario where you think I'm a junkie. Let's go with that one shall we?"

"You _are_ though." She snapped back. "I saw-"

"Track marks?" I finished for her, nodding. "Yeah. Maybe. From three years ago."

"What?"

"These." I pulled up the sleeves to my shirt, exposing the scars that I usually hid at all times. "Are from three years ago. That's how long its been since I've had a hit. Of anything. The strongest drug I take now is Tylenol." I pulled my sleeves back down. "I don't even drink anymore. I'm not _allowed_ to drink anymore. I mean, how fucking pathetic is that? I'm twenty-five and I can't even have a fucking drink!" I looked at her, a dark chuckle rising in my throat. "And do you know why?" She didn't answer me. "Do you?" Nothing. "Go on. Ask me why."

"Why?" She whispered.

"You." I snarled at her, surprising even myself. Yes, I might be ridiculously in love with this girl, but I was beyond pissed with her at the moment.

"What?" She snapped, not believing me at all. "You can't pin your fuck-ups on me!"

"Actually, yes I can." I countered, not giving her an inch. She had been in control for the last seven years. Even though she hadn't been there, she had still been in control, her voice whispering in my ear. Her memory tugging on my heartstrings.

But now……now it was my turn in control.

"How?" She asked her eyes narrowing at me, taking a step forward. "How can you honestly blame everything that you've done in the last seven years on me?"

"Well, if you hadn't have ended it, _especially_ when you did, I wouldn't have left. Which would've meant that I wouldn't have moved here. Which would've meant that I wouldn't have started drinking to forget you, and meaning I wouldn't have met James, which leads on to meaning that I wouldn't have started using. So yeah, the way I see it, everything that I've done in the past seven years comes back to that one day." I walked over to her. "The day you destroyed me. And there's just one thing I want to know."

"And what would that be?" She asked, a sneer forming on her face.

"Why?" I asked simply. "Why did you do it, Bella?"

"Because I had to."

"Bullshit!" I practically shouted at her, making her flinch. "That is absolute bullshit and you know it!"

"What the fuck would you know?" She almost screamed at me.

"I know that that day, you ripped out my heart and threw it away." I told her, not caring what she was feeling anymore. She didn't give a shit about what I was feeling, so why should I? "I know that I had lost one of the most precious things in my life, something I never thought I'd have and then a few days later, you decide that you're going to deliver _that_ blow. What the fuck did you expect, Isabella?!" I saw her flinch as I used her full name. I had never used it before and she knew that I was royally fucked off. "What did you expect? Did you expect me to stand there and say 'oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Who cares what we lost? Let's get over it and move on.'"

"I-"

"I'm not finished." I snapped and she shut up. "You know, you never seemed to consider what _I_ was feeling back then. What _I_ wanted. And I know that you couldn't help what happened. Nobody could. That was just nature telling us that it wasn't meant to be, at that point in time, but did you ever stop to think that you weren't the only one hurting?" I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I mean, it wasn't just you! I lost it too. I was going to be a father! And then that's ripped away from me! Do you really think that I wasn't hurting? It was _my_ child too." I took a deep breath. "You know that you were the only thing keeping me in that little shithole of a town don't you? If it hadn't been for you, then I would have upped at left as soon as I graduated."

"What about college?" She asked, her tone seeming superior now. "I mean, you didn't go did you?"

"No, you're right." I nodded. "I didn't go to college. But isn't the point of going to college, getting your degree so that you can do a job that you love?" She didn't have an answer. "Newsflash! I'm doing what I love. You of all people should know that Bella! You're the only one who knew I wanted to go to Julliard. You're the only one who knew I wanted to perform. And now …… I'm doing it. I'm living _my_ dream."

"After how many years of fucking up?!" I knew she was going to throw that in my face.

"Yeah, I fucked up. I'll admit it." I threw up my hands in the air. "I'm not fucking perfect, Bella! And neither are you." I pointed at her angrily. "So don't you play that card. You are _not_ the victim here."

"Did you ever think about what I was going through? Huh, Edward?" She shot back at me, unfolding her arms and clenching her hands into fists at her sides. "Did you ever think about how everything affected me?"

"All the fucking time!" I practically screamed back at her. "You were all I fucking thought about. You were always there. Inside my head. I couldn't get rid of you. And if you remember, I was the one that tried to get us to work through everything we'd been through. As a couple."

"Maybe we just weren't meant to be." She shrugged. "Ever think of that?"

"Bullshit." I repeated, quieter than before, but in doing so she must have found it more menaching because she stepped back slightly. "If that were true, then what the fuck were you doing in my bed Friday night?"

She shrugged again. "Closure."

"Is that it?" She shrugged yet again. "So that was it? Our relationship, everything we'd ever have and had, all of that …… meant so little to you? _I_ meant so little to you?" I looked her straight in the eye. "Did you not feel _anything_ that night? Nothing at all?"

She stood there, glaring at me. "No." She said quietly and with conviction and I felt my heart and my whole being shatter into a million pieces.

"Right." I didn't know what to say, or do. I had meant so little to her that she didn't feel anything when we slept together. "Then why?"

"I needed to get over you." She shrugged.

Where had _my_ Bella gone and who was this woman standing in front of me?

_**Rosalie**_

While it was true that Bella was my best friend, there was something about Edward what drew me to him.

He was kind and sweet and caring and he had been through so much. He had been there for Bella and she had left him. _Why_ she had left him, Alice and I never thought to ask, but that was all we knew. She had left him.

Yeah, when I thought that he was a junkie, I was a little cruel, well, okay, scratch that, a _lot_ cruel to him. But that was only because it brought back memories of Royce and how he treated me. I couldn't have Bella being treated that way.

But after Alice and I found him sitting in the hallway after Bella went on her date with Mike, I couldn't help my heart breaking for the poor guy. He wasn't an _actual_ junkie. He was an _ex_-junkie and he knew that he had fucked up royally.

When he collapsed, I was scared shitless, although I tried keeping my cool, calm, bitchy exterior when he woke up. I didn't work. I couldn't do it.

There was just something about this guy that caused my every act to crumble into dust.

When Emmett and Jasper arrived, we thought that they would be able to take him back to their place so that we wouldn't have to deal with a pissy Bella when we got back, because we knew that she would flip her lid if she knew he was here.

But Emmett told us that it would be dangerous to move him in the state that he's in. I suggested a hospital but Emmett had only shaken his head and told me that they would only do the same thing that was happening now. The only difference is that they'd stick a needle in his hand and charge them for so called health-care.

I was scared for Edward. I had never seen anything like this before. He was so pale and and he needed us. He was so cute and sweet, and I could tell that he was intelligent. Why the hell had Bella let him go? I mean, she told us _why_ she had made the decision, but it seemed totally unprecidented if you ask me.

I was right, there was a complete showdown when she got home.

She walked in probably expecting Alice and I to be gushing over her date with Mike, which, being honest we probably would have been had this not taken place, but she was confused about why Emmett and Jasper were sitting in our living room and why Alice and I were sitting next to the sofa, my head resting on it, and Alice looking extremely forlorn.

She had practically exploded when she'd seen Edward passed out on the sofa.

She practically screamed at us to get him out of the apartment, that she didn't want him anywhere near her. She didn't listen when we tried to explain that she was wrong. She wouldn't listen to anyone. Even though I didn't really know him, I felt my heart break a little every time she called Edward some name. He wasn't any of those things. He was just lost.

We told her that he wouldn't be moved and she stormed upstairs. She didn't resurface and before this moment, I didn't know what I'd say and do if she did.

When Edward had woken up he had looked so lost. I had been the only one awake, so I went and sat next to him, appraising him with my eyes. I'm shallow. I'll admit it.

Looking at him, I saw that he really was beautiful. He had beautiful ivory skin, that was stretched over a strong jaw and beautifully chiseled cheekbones. He had a perfect nose, which is extremely difficult to find in a man. I knew that his eyes were a beautiful green. I had seen green eyes before, but none that compared to Edward's. His were unique and beautiful. His hair was just incredible. Such an original colour, but I knew from his eyebrows that it was natural. It was gorgeous. If I wasn't so into Emmett, I would definitely go there.

Looking at him, I hated myself for influencing Bella to get over him. I knew that they needed each other. Any fool could see that.

I was hoping that he hadn't been able to hear what had been said right before Bella had left the room. I really didn't want him to hear that. He looked so vulnerable and I didn't know how he would react to something like that.

But unfortunately, he _had_ heard it all.

I had never seen someone look so broken and alone when I, regretfully, had to inform him that what he had heard Bella say was the truth. He just looked like he needed a hug. So that was what I gave him. I'm not really one for hugging, especially guys I don't know, but he looked like all he had wanted for years was a hug.

I couldn't help myself.

As soon as I wrapped my arms around him I felt the wetness of his tears on my shoulder and I knew instantly that this was what he had needed for a long time. Just someone to talk to and an embrace. To feel that kind of closeness with someone. Maybe it was my maternal instincts kicking in, but I felt like I needed to look after him. He needed someone there, and I wanted to be that someone, even if I was purely a friend.

Screw friendship. Bella was being the world's biggest bitch. And I think she knew it. She wasn't giving him the time of day because of what had happened. She was ashamed that she had let it go that far on Friday night. Why? I have no idea. Looking at and talking to Edward, you could see that he was the nicest guy. He was cute, smart, sweet and understanding. Sure he had made some mistakes, but hell, who hasn't. And there was probably the biggest thing of all.

He was completely and irrevocably in love with Bella.

He was so lost and alone. It was just so heartbreaking to see.

I just wanted to help him. I could see that Alice did too. We just didn't know what to do.

We would have to ask Emmett and Jasper at some point. See if there was anything we could do to help him. The two of them. They were the best friends that anyone could ever have. They cared so much about him.

When Emmett had walked into our apartment the look on his face had been one of sheer terror. He wanted nothing more than to get to his friend. Jasper was the same. And when Bella had told them about how Friday night was nothing more than closure to her, Jasper looked like he was going to march across the room and smack her and Emmett looked like he was going to explode.

I sighed, running my hand through my hair.

Bella and Edward were now in Bella's room, screaming at each other.

I wanted nothing more than to go get Edward. To take him away from her. She may have been my friend, but Edward was so vulnerable at the moment. Being honest, I think he had been for a long time. Ever since Bella told him about the miscarriage she had had all those years ago, he had been broken. I could see that now. But with Bella there, he may have had a chance to fix himself. To get himself back together.

But I doubted that would ever come.

I started to pace. Something I did when I was stressed out. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked up them, wanting either both of them or one of them to come running out. I didn't care which.

It had gone dealthy quiet up there and I was scared.

I turned around and took a step towards the stairs, only to have a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around my waist.

"Don't." Emmett whispered in my ear, resting his head on my shoulder. "I know its hard to listen to, but it's what they need to do. I know that you want to protect Bella, but-"

"Bella?!" I cried whirling around in his arms. "Screw Bella! I know that sounds harsh and she's been my friend for years, but I was talking with Edward earlier and he's just …… so …… broken, and alone, and I can't help but feel my heart break for him. It was like … all he needed was a hug. And I was someone who could give that to him."

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me tighter. "Ed's been alone for a long time." He mumbled, kissing the top of my head. "Far too long." He sighed and Jasper made his way into the room, his arms wrapped around Alice. The two of them were so cute together. They were definitely a perfect couple.

"Personally, I think that he's been alone since before Bella left him." Jasper sighed, sitting down and pulling Alice onto his lap.

"What do you mean?" Emmett asked, mimicking Jasper and pulling me to him.

"Have you never noticed, that Edward has never once spoken about his parents?" Jasper asked, raising his eyebrows. I looked at Emmett and his jaw dropped in realisation.

"You're right." He mumbled, resting his head on my shoulder. "How did we not see it before?"

"I don't know." Jasper sighed again, kissing Alice's forehead gently. "But when Rose said about all him needing was a hug, I don't think a truer statement has been made."

Emmett and I both nodded and I turned to look at him. "What are we going to do about them?" My eyes flicked towards the staircase, where it was still quiet. I hated to think what was happening up there. Worst case scenario, one of them has killed the other for the ultimate sense of closure. Actually, scratch that, the worst case scenario would be that there was a repeat of Friday night happening, only serving to make things that much worse.

"Let 'em duke it out I suppose." Emmett sighed, resting his head on my shoulder. I kissed his head and he smiled. "That's all we can-"

He was cut off by a door slamming and someone thundering down the stairs at an incredible pace.

It was Edward.

He didn't even acknowledge us as he ran past us and out of the front door, obviously upset by something that Bella had said to him or told him. Emmett and Jasper looked at each other, and in complete sync picked up Alice and myself, placed us on our respective sofas, kissed us on the foreheads and left.

I looked at Alice and she had an expression that I guessed matched mine. We were going to have a word with Miss. Swan up the stairs.

What the fuck had she said to him.

_**Edward**_

"Who are you?" I asked the woman standing in front of me, not completely understanding how the calm, passionate, beautiful woman that I had once loved, that I still loved, had turned into this unfeeling human. Or seemingly unfeeling at the very least.

"Isabella Swan." She answered, smiling smugly.

I shook my head. "No." I whispered, never breaking the gaze. "You're not her. She was beautiful, passionate, caring and kind. You're none of those things."

"What would you know about me Edward?" She snapped at me, crossing her arms again. "You haven't seen me in years. What the hell makes you think that you know me?"

"Because people don't truly change." I replied calmly, gauging her reaction. "They only _appear_ to change."

"That's a load of bull." She snorted, looking away from me and shaking her head, a telltale sign that she didn't believe, not what _I_ was saying, but what _she_ was saying. She knew that somewhere in there I was right. She just didn't want to admit it.

Ever the stubborn creature.

"No." I shook my head again. "It's not." I sighed. "People _don't_ change Bella. Not really. Not where it matters. What I don't understand is how everything that happened, meant so little to you. Tell me that. Please."

She shrugged. "We were kids, Edward." She sighed. "We couldn't have handled a baby. We thought that we could, but we couldn't. Not when we were children ourselves."

"And what if we hadn't lost it?" I suggested, closing my eyes. "What would you have done then? Would you still have left me?"

"I don't know." She whispered, and I looked down at the ground, not wanting her to see the pain and hurt that would be clear in my eyes.

"Right." I nodded, still looking away. "Why did you do it, Bella? Why did you have to end it? Right then and there. We could have worked through everything."

"No." She shook her head, glaring at me. "No, we couldn't."

"And why is that?" I asked, stepping towards her, not letting her get away from this. "Are you saying, that there was no way in hell that we could have worked through our problems. Miscarriage and all?"

"Yes." She nodded. "We couldn't have worked through it. No matter what we did, it would have ended the same way."

"How are you so sure?" I asked her, searching in her eyes for some sort of answer. Just as I did many years ago, I found nothing. I never would find anything in those eyes. They may entice you in, with promises of baring her soul, but offering nothing into her subconscious. They never would.

"Because I didn't have a miscarriage." She whispered and I felt my eyes widen and my jaw drop.

"What?" I choked out, wanting her to repeat it and never wanting her to say those words ever again at the same time.

_She didn't have a miscarriage? Then what? I saw the pregnancy test. All four of them. They all said that she was pregnant._

"I didn't have a miscarriage." She whispered again, her eyes not leaving mine.

"Then what happened?" I asked her, feeling the tears that would betray me, tingling behind my eyes.

"I had an abortion." She whispered.

And my world shattered, for the third and final time.

**Sorry this chapter's a little shorter than the others, but this was the best place to stop it.  
It was right to stop it here.  
Also, some people might think that I'm going too fast here, but if you think about it, things like that never stay locked up secret for long, and they've got seven years worth of animosity, betrayal and heartache between them, meaning there's a lot of stress between them as well.  
Prepare for some angst, cos it's on its way.**


	7. Searching

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

**I am **_**so**_** sorry that I haven't updated in ages. I think I was actually starting to get withdrawal symptoms from lack of updating. Not kidding. I had no internet connection and while I could read and reply to reviews on my phone – get little piece of technology. Love it! – I could not update from it. Anyways, I'm back. And I've got lots in store for you.**

**Lastly, I want to tell you that Saving Edward has been nominated for Best Angst over on the Golden Chocolate Awards. I want to say a HUGE thank you to whoever it was that nominated me. YOU ROCK AND I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Putting the link on my profile, so when you can GO VOTE!!!!!!!!**

_**Edward**_

"_I had an abortion."_

Her words cut through me like I thought nothing could.

I couldn't believe what I had just heard.

How could she do it?

She killed her child.

My child.

_Our_ child.

I couldn't do anything but stand there and stare. She had lied to me. She hadn't talked to me like she promised she always would. It was something we'd promised each other. We would always talk to each other. She had lied to me.

She didn't even have the decency to make me aware of how she was thinking. What she was planning. She had behaved as though she was happy about this. And she had outright lied to me when she told me that she had miscarried.

If I thought that I'd felt pain then, it was nothing compared to what I was feeling now.

"How…" I could barely form words through the incredible case of dry throat I was now suffering from. "How could you do it?"

"We weren't ready, Edward." She said softly, as though trying to soothe me. As if _she_ could. Nothing she said anymore meant anything to me. She had taken the most precious thing from me.

She had killed my child.

"We were just kids, Edward." She whispered, stepping towards me. I took a step back, not wanting to be anywhere close to her. Not anymore. "We weren't old enough to be parents. We-"

"So you thought you'd take matters into your own hands without even telling me!" I hissed, glaring at her, not breaking eye contact.

"It wasn't your decision to make." She replied, holding my gaze. "You didn't need to have any part of it."

"Bullshit!" I snapped back at her. "Of course I did! That was my child too, Bella! Mine." I inhaled a deep breath. "You had no right to do that. No right. And then you didn't even have the decency to tell me what you'd done. You _lied_ to me about the fact you _killed_ our child."

"I had to." She replied, sounding even colder by the minute.

"Like hell you did." I snapped at her, seeing her physically recoil at the tone in my voice. Normally, I would have felt bad seeing that reaction, but right now I was too pissed to care. What she had done was unforgivable. "I can't. I can't."

"You can't what?" She asked, her voice laced with sarcasm.

I looked her straight in the eye, feeling a single tear running down my cheek. "I can't look at the murderer of my child."

I didn't wait for her to reply to that before I threw open her door and ran down the stairs, completely ignoring everyone in the main living area and running out of the apartment.

I bypassed the elevator and made my way to the stairs. I ran down them with a speed that I didn't even realise that I possessed. I needed to get out of the block. I couldn't be in the same building as her.

Not after what she had done.

I ran out onto the street, where it was pissing it down with rain. It reminded me of a movie montage. Where the heartbroken lover runs out and wanders around in the rain for hours. Apart from the fact that this wasn't a movie.

This was my life.

I walked down the street, seeing posters for the concert and our new upcoming album. I hated that nobody really knew me.

Everyone thought that I had everything. The fame and the glory that came with being in _Linkin Park_, but nobody knew the half of it. Nobody knew what I had dealt with in my life.

No one knew what I was dealing with in my life right now.

And no one would know.

If people found out then they would be all over it like a rash. They wouldn't give a shit about anyone's feelings. They would be hounding me and Bella like there was no tomorrow. I couldn't deal with that. Not being in the state of mind I was. There was no way.

I wandered around in the rain, feeling more and more like a cliché character by the second, but feeling like there was nothing else that I should be doing.

I felt like I deserved this. I don't know why.

Maybe it was all the wrong decisions that I've made over the years.

The drinking.

The drugs.

Maybe this was my comeuppance.

I mean, you would have thought that dying was paying enough for all those mistakes, but no. This was worse. There was nothing in the world that could compare to this.

I had always thought that the life that Bella and I had made had been stolen away from us, and that we had no control over it.

But I see now that _she_ made me believe that.

It was all _her._

She _lied_ to me. She killed our child. _My_ baby. And then she lied to me about it.

It didn't matter how much I loved her, because deep down I still do, but there was nothing that could stop me from filling with hate and anger when I thought her name. So I purposely didn't think it. I knew that I wouldn't be able to think straight if I did.

I knew that Emmett and Jasper would be out looking for me.

I didn't want to see them.

I didn't want to have to explain why I took off so abruptly.

They would be worried about me. Because, unlike so many other people in my life, they cared about me. I hadn't had anyone care about me the way Jasper and Emmett did. It was as though they were my own flesh and blood. The fact that they weren't didn't matter. It made no difference to us. We were family.

But I couldn't see them now.

I didn't know how to face them.

They had seen me down and broken before. But that was nothing compared to how I was feeling now.

It was as though there was nothing left. Like all I had been was taken away from me and broken. Shattered right in front of my eyes. And I didn't feel like I could cope with it all.

As I walked, lyrics and rhythms started flowing through my mind, just as they usually did when I was worked up or emotional.

And just like any other time, there was emotion behind these lyrics. When lyrics started flowing through my mind, they always focused on what I was feeling at that moment in time.

Looking around, I saw an open newsagents. Walking inside, I headed to the section where they should at least have a small stationary section. I hoped they did, or I would have to find somewhere else.

Thankfully they did, and I picked up a small pad and a packet of pens, wanting to get the forming lyrics down on paper before they disappeared. Not that they ever did. They usually floated around in my head, tormenting me, until I got them down in physical form.

That was how I started writing lyrics, before we even formed the band.

There were two songs that held a lot of sway for me. Both focused around the extreme forces in my life.

Bella and my parents.

One of them, _Leave Out All The Rest_, was focused primarily on Bella. One day I had been struck by the thought of, when I'm gone, who will remember me? I had voiced this to Bella, and she, knowing how insecure I was, had told me that everyone would because of the things I would achieve. Me being me, didn't believe her, but as soon as she said those words, words and rhymes, lyrics and melodies began flowing through my mind. It was the first time that something like that had happened.

When I had finished it, I knew that it was because of Bella that I had written it. She was the one who, whether intentionally or not, had inspired me to do something that would mean I was remembered. I wanted to be for some reason other than being a disappointment.

As it turns out now, hopefully I would be.

The other song, _Numb_, had quickly become our biggest hit, even though I had written it when I was seventeen.

Nobody really knew what it was about. I didn't know what people imagined it was about, but I knew they were nowhere near the truth. Because the reason behind the truth had never come up. Not once in three years of success. And I wanted it to stay that way. That was a part of my past I didn't want to revisit.

My parents.

Even though most people believe that your parents are there for you, no matter what you do or say, that wasn't true with my parents. They were never there for me. They were always off somewhere else in the world. Either on vacation or at some work occasion for my father.

I didn't really know my parents growing up.

And they certainly didn't know me.

The longest they were around for was about two to three weeks at a time was two to three weeks. And in that time all they would do was criticise. I was never good enough. I was lazy, unambitious, unmotivated and all the other terms you could possibly use to make your own child feel unworthy of anything.

It didn't matter to them that my GPA was a perfect 4.0. It didn't matter that I had been captain of the basketball and baseball teams. It didn't matter that I had headed up the debate team and was editor of the school newspaper. It didn't matter that I got offered a scholarship to Julliard for my exceptional playing, whether I needed it or not.

It didn't matter that I was their own flesh and blood. That they had created me.

_I_ didn't matter.

I had heard it come from my own fathers mouth that I was nothing more than something to make out that he was a family man. That he could identify with the consumer, because many of his customers and clients were family people. He wanted to show that he could identify with those in the real world.

I was just a prop.

Something to aid him in his career.

Nothing more.

And he made damn well sure I knew it.

Never once did I hear a word of praise come from his mouth. Not even when I made valedictorian of my graduating class.

Well, to know that he would actually have to _be_ there at my graduation, wouldn't he?

My mother was the same. I was never good enough. And I think that hurt more than the dismissals I received from my father. Because your mother is the one that's supposed to be there no matter what. She's the one that's supposed to love you unconditionally, and forever, no matter how many times you screwed up. The worst thing was, I never did screw up.

I hated my life.

People always thought that I was happy and content because I had money. Nobody ever really got close enough to me to understand that I didn't have the perfect life.

Bella was the only one who saw through the façade. The act I played. She knew that something wasn't right. She was the only one that cared.

It wasn't because of that that I fell in love with her. No. It was everything about her. She was kind and funny, beautiful and smart, caring and deep. She was unlike anyone I had ever met before and she cared about me.

I loved her.

_Loved_ her.

I didn't know whether or not I could love her any more. She was so different. She wasn't the Bella that I once knew and loved. But she had obviously changed while we were still together. Something must have changed her.

She had the ……… _abortion_, I winced internally at the thought, while we were still together. And then she had told me that she'd had a miscarriage.

_I'm such a pathetic loser!_ I scolded myself internally. Why did I trust her when she said that? _Because you love her_. My internal voice told me and it was true.

Even though she had lied to me about something so huge, she had manipulated and dropped me as and when it suited her, she still held my heart. That wasn't something I could change.

I paid for the items and walked out of the shop, tucking them under my arms as I walked, protecting them from the rain. As I walked, I vaguely remembered where I was.

I was in the area of New York I used to frequent regularly. Years ago.

When I was using.

I knew I shouldn't be here, but I didn't turn around either. I just kept on walking, right into the very centre of the area. This place used to be like home to me. I hadn't been here in three years. Ever since the night an unexpected mix of drugs landed me in the hospital and dead for three minutes.

I hadn't been back here since then. I hadn't been able to come here even after I was released from the hospital because Emmett and Jasper had arranged for me to be taken straight to _Volturi House_, a rehab clinic. One of the best in the country. I had spent the next six months in there, getting clean.

Even though I had hated it, Jasper and Emmett and the carers and therapists that were helping me at the time, I was now eternally grateful to them. If it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be clean, and I wouldn't have the life I did now.

I wouldn't be known throughout the world.

I wouldn't be living the comfortable, albeit hectic lifestyle I was now.

I wouldn't be able to help those who needed it, as the band did.

And I would probably be dead, as in _really_ dead by now.

I stopped on the edge of a street I used to know so well, and looked across the road. Sitting there was the place everything had started. Where I had first introduced myself to excessive alcohol, and where I had first met my very helpful dealer.

_The New Moon_.

It was a bar where drugs of any and every kind were dealt and used regularly. Only regulars went in there and those that weren't regulars were generally stared out of the place. There's only so much staring people can take before it starts to creep them out and they have to leave.

The place had only been raided once, and the police were so pathetically stupid that they thought there would be drugs lying around the property. Since they didn't have authorisation to search any of the customers, nothing had come of it.

It was all pretty pathetic.

I had been looking for somewhere I would be alone, somewhere Emmett and Jasper wouldn't look for me. And I knew for a fact that they would never expect me to come back in here.

I wouldn't drink. I just needed somewhere in the peace and quiet, and the dry to sit and write.

I walked briskly across the road and entered the bar, shaking my head off as I walked in.

I walked up to the bar and sat down, placing the pad and pens on the top, grateful that it was only the slight edges of the pad that were wet. I had done a pretty good job of keeping it dry.

I opened the pad and started to write down the lyrics that were flying through my mind at the moment before I waited to be served.

"Holy crap! Edward Cullen?" I looked up to see Nick, the bartender gaping at me from behind the bar. He had been here when I was a heavy user and in here practically every day. "Is that you, man?"

"Hey, Nick." I grinned at him, taking the hand that he held out and shaking it.

"Holy shit." He wiped his hand over his head. "What the fuck!" He was grinning widely at me now. "Where the fuck have you been, man? It's been what? Three years?"

"Yeah." I nodded, looking down at the half finished lyrics on the paper in front of me, wanting to get on and finish them. I knew exactly what I wanted in the song, and how I wanted it to sound.

"So, where you been?"

"Around." I shrugged. It was true. I had been around. Around the _world_ but that was beside the point.

"Where?" He raised his eyebrows at me and I chuckled.

"Um, well, I've been in New York, London, Houston, Chicago, Hong Kong, I've been there, um … Singapore. Need anymore?" I asked cocking my head to the side slightly.

"What the fuck!" His eyes grew wide as I listed off places I've been to with the band. "How the hell did you manage that?"

I chuckled as one of our songs, _Bleed It Out_ came on through the sound system. I looked up at him and saw a confused expression come across his face at my chuckle. "Well, the fact that you've got one of my bands songs playing at the moment might be a giveaway."

"What?" I didn't think it was possible, but his eyes became even wider. "No way!" He turned around and grabbed _Minutes To Midnight_, our latest album, not counting the one we were working on at the moment. He took out the insert and began scanning the band members page. His jaw dropped and I knew that he had found my name and picture. "That's insane." He looked up at me, a grin forming on his face. "This is incredible. I can't believe I've never noticed that before."

I shrugged, not really caring for the attention. "If you weren't looking for it, how could you find it." It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

"Even so." He ran a hand through his sandy coloured hair and blinked a few times, grinning to himself. "I've loved you guys since _Hybrid Theory._" Our first album. "It was incredible. You guys rock."

"Thanks, I guess." I gave him small smile.

"Guess that's what kept you busy after……" He trailed off. Of course he would know what had happened. He was working the night I overdosed. It was an accident mind you, but still. Pretty stupid thing to do. Not that I cared about that at the time.

"Yeah." I sighed. "That and rehab." I didn't mind telling Nick that I had been in rehab. He knew how bad my addiction had gotten and he frequently urged me to get help. Not that I ever listened to him about it.

"You did rehab?" He asked, his eyebrow raising slightly and I nodded. "I'm glad man." He clapped my shoulder lightly. "You were pretty fucked up on that stuff."

"Yeah." I mumbled, not wanting to remember how I'd been. "Don't I know it?"

"But you're clean now right?" He asked me, obviously making sure. Not that it would necessarily matter. I mean, he had hardcore junkies hitting up right now.

"Three years." I smiled back at him as he grinned at me.

"Want a beer to celebrate?" He asked, reaching into the fridge behind him before I shook my head.

"Just a coke." I told him and he gave me a strange look. "The drink, Nick." I confirmed and he grinned.

"I'm just messing with ya Eddie." He chuckled and I scowled at him. "Sorry, you don't like that name, do you?" I shook my head as he set a bottle of coke on the bar. "So what brings you here then?" He leaned on the bar, glancing down at the lyrics I had written in front of me.

I snapped the pad shut, not wanting him to see what I was writing. I didn't let anyone, other than the band see my lyrics before I had them perfected. Well, as perfected as they could be.

"I just……" I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand. "I needed to get away from everyone for a while. Some shit's hit the fan, majorly and everyone's acting like I'm going to break or explode or something stupid. They've been watching me constantly and it's just …… I needed to get away from them."

"So why come here?" Another voice asked me and I closed my eyes, willing them to go away. My wish was not granted when I heard the stool next to me scrape against the floor as the person sat down.

I opened my eyes slowly and turned to look at the person sat next to me.

James Dawson.

The guy who had been my dealer. _Shit_! Did I have the worst luck or what?! It wasn't like I owed him anything, because I didn't. I never bought anything on the tick, always paid then and there, but it wasn't the financial side I was worried about. It was everything else.

"Well?" He asked, a smirk on his face.

"Because here is the last place they'd look for me." I replied, dismissing his presence and taking a gulp from my drink.

"But still, I mean, coming here. The beginning of your downfall to hide from those that care about you. What does that say about the great Edward Cullen, lead singer of _Linkin Park_?" I could hear an undertone of venom in James' tone. He was pissed because I hadn't come back. Like it was my fault.

"I don't know." I shrugged, wanting everyone to piss of and leave to my writing. "Maybe it says that he's pissed off with everyone worrying about him and wants to be left alone." I wondered if he would get the message.

"What happened?" He asked. _Obviously not_. I thought to myself.

"I don't want to talk about it." I mumbled as I began to play with the label on the bottle in my hands.

"But isn't that what they encouraged you to do in rehab?" He asked, curiosity in his voice. He seemed to have mellowed out over the last few seconds and I deduced that he was, in fact, high. James would often suffer extreme moodwings when high. "You know, talk to people?"

"Maybe so, but ……" I didn't want to elaborate, and I knew with James that I didn't need to. He had always been someone that knew not to push someone for information.

"You can talk about it you know." He told me, taking a swig of his beer. "I'm not gonna push, but you know, you can talk to me."

I nodded. "I know." I took another gulp of my coke and opened my pad. "This is just fucked up."

"Well, maybe I can help you." He actually sounded as though he wanted to help. "You don't have to tell me the specifics or anything, but as you know, I know a lot about 'fucked up'." It was true. He did know a lot about 'fucked up'. I knew a lot about James' past and he hadn't had it easy.

He'd been abandoned as a child. Just left there. Outside a shop. His father had disappeared before he had even been born and when he was five years old his mother had taken him shopping, told him to wait for her outside a shop and she hadn't come out. As it turned out, she had left out the back exit, just leaving him there. After that he had been carted from foster home to foster home, in and out of care until he was eighteen, when he was just slung out onto the streets, without anything but the clothes on his back and a few dollars.

That was when he had started dealing. It had been small at first. Weed and shit like that, but soon it had become the harder stuff. As his 'clients' wanted more and more, he had gained more and more money, and from what I knew three years ago, when I had been one of his regulars, he was rolling in it.

He hadn't tried to find his mother, not really caring about the woman that had left him there in the cold. His reasoning was that if she didn't care enough to want him, why should he care enough to want her? It was a valid point. He didn't know his father and wanted nothing to do with his mother.

He had been a confidante of sorts for me. He didn't know the specifics of what happened with Bella. All he knew was that I had been fucked over by some girl back home and that I had left.

But he knew about everything with my parents.

That was one thing I never felt I'd had to hide. Even though my circumstances were different, I too had been abandoned in the sense of the word. My parents didn't give a fuck about me, just as James' hadn't. He could understand how alone I had felt when everything went fucked up with Bella.

"I don't know." I sighed as I wrote down the ending lyrics that were flying around my mind. As I wrote down the last few words, James was silent, occassionally glancing at the words I was keeping hidden from him. I read them over and made a few changes. Once I was happy with them, well, at least as happy as I could be under the circumstances in which I was writing them, I closed the pad and put down the pen. I pinched the bridge of my nose before taking a deep breath. "It's just …… Gah! I don't fucking know!"

"It's her, isn't it?" He said knowingly taking another gulp of his drink.

"How'd you know?" I sighed, not looking at him.

"I remember how you used to be when you talked about her." He chuckled. "You haven't changed that much Edward. The only difference is you're famous now." I looked up at him and he nodded. "Yeah, I know you're in _Linkin Park._" He shrugged, setting his drink back on the bar. "I think it's cool. I mean, I remember you saying that you wanted to perform, but your fucker parents wouldn't let you do what you wanted." He knew I hated my parents, so he didn't feel bad about bad-mouthing them. Hell, _I_ didn't feel bad about bad-mouthing them. In my mind, they deserved it. "Now you're doing it. Good on you. But something tells me……you're not completely happy at the moment."

"Never have been." I mumbled and he nodded.

"I can relate." He mumbled back, spinning his bottle on the bar. "Wanna talk about it?"

I sighed deeply, wondering how I would tell him what was going on without giving away any specifics. I wouldn't tell him about Bella having lied about the miscarriage. He didn't even know about the baby to begin with, so that would raise a lot of questions on his part. "Well," I sighed again. "She's here. In New York."

"How longs she been here?"

"I don't know." I shook my head. "But from what I can gather, it's been a while. She lives in Manhattan."

"Damn." He breathed, not looking at me, but staring into space. "I mean, I know Manhattan's one of the most populated areas on the planet, but the housing areas not that huge, is it? How did you not run into her?"

"I don't really spend a lot of time in New York anymore." I replied, taking another gulp of my drink. It seemed pathetic that I was sitting there, in a bar, completely legal and drinking a coke. But I knew that if I had anything stronger then I wouldn't stop.

That was one of the sucky things about being on the wagon.

I just hoped that there would be a time soon that I wouldn't have to worry about having a simple drink.

Something told me that that wouldn't be happening any time soon though.

"How come?" He sounded confused.

"Tours." I replied shortly.

"Oh, right." I could see him nodding in my peripheral vision.

"Yup." I nodded in response, popping the "p". "She's been here the whole time. Within a two mile radius and I had no idea."

"What would you have done if you had known?" He asked.

"I don't know." I replied shaking my head slowly. "I really don't. I'd like to think that I'd leave her be. You know, knowing that she didn't want me. That she wanted a life that didn't include me, but in my head I know that I wouldn't have done that. I probably would have tried to find her, try to find out why she did what she did. And I probably would have gotten the same response that I did back then."

"And what was that?"

"Lies." I whispered. "She lied to me. She lied to me about something huge. I found that out today."

"What are you gonna do?" He waved Nick back over and I noticed that he'd finished his drink. "Get me another beer and another coke for Ed here." I scowled at the use of the abbreviation of my name. I hated it and he knew that. "Sorry, for _Edward_." He grinned at me so I knew that he was only messing about. A lot of people thought that because James was a dealer, he was hard and dangerous. And yes, James could be dangerous, but only if you fucked him about. I never had, so I had no reason to worry. "It must have been something huge if it drove you back to this shithole. No offense." He added as Nick set our drinks in front of us.

"None taken." He grinned before moving off to continue the conversation he'd been having before serving James.

"It was." I nodded finishing off my first drink. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "You would have thought, seeing her again, I'd be able to get some sort of closure about the whole thing, but ……" I trailed off not knowing how to finish the sentence.

"Did anything happen between you two?" He asked, taking a large gulp of his beer.

"Everything happened." I whispered, knowing he'd be able to hear me and that he'd understand what I meant.

"Shit." He mumbled. "That's fucked up."

"Tell me about it." I mumbled in return. "Turns out she got her closure. Also turns out that nothing that happened between us meant anything to her."

"What?" He sounded shocked at my words. "Normally it's the chicks that are after all the sentimental bollocks. Never in my time have I heard about a girl being the one to find closure after a one night stand."

"Seems I've got everything backwards then." I shrugged.

"Nah." He shook his head. "You can't help how you feel. You fell in love and you never fell out of it. You can't help that. It might be fucked up, but it's not your fault."

"Guess so." I didn't really believe him but I couldn't think of an argument to dispel his words. "I just …… I don't know. I can't handle going through all that again. I just want to forget that she ever existed." I chuckled darkly, playing with the label I'd ripped off the bottle in front of me. "Maybe I'd be able to if it didn't hurt so much."

"Well, if you want to forget I can help you with that." He looked at me. "You're probably going to say no but it's there if you want it." He reached into his pocket and placed something on the bar between us. I looked down and saw a little clear baggy filled with the white powder that had managed to free me of the pain I was feeling all those years ago. "You want it it's yours. Free of charge."

_Free of charge_? James really must be feeling for me at the moment.

My head was screaming no! Telling me to refuse James and to push the bag away. I knew that if I said no, then he would drop it and not push me. He wasn't like that. He was offering a way out and I knew that. It might not be the best solution at the moment, and I knew that as well, but for some reason I was still sat there. Not refusing James.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the bag in front of me.

I knew what it would do. It _would_ take me away from what I was feeling at the moment. It had done years ago and I was sure that it would do the same thing now.

But could I risk getting sucked back into that whirlwind of destruction?

I had a choice here.

And fuck me it was an easy one.

_**Emmett**_

After Edward ran out of the apartment, Jasper and I said a swift goodbye to the girls and ran out after him.

We ran down the corridor and quickly noticed that he hadn't taken the elevator. He never did when he was pissed. He liked to run. It was something that cleared his head.

We tore down the stairs as fast as we could without losing our footing and out into the street, completely disregarding the curious and pissed off looks of those we passed and pushed by.

We stood on the street, looking in both directions but not seeing Edward anywhere. It was a long street as well and there was no way that he would have been able to get too far away before we caught up with him.

He might be fast, but he wasn't _that_ fast.

"Where the fuck did he go?" Jasper asked me, breathless and searching up and down with his eyes just as I was. "What do we do?"

"I don't know." I ran my hands through my hair and closed my eyes, trying to put myself in Edward's position. Something had happened in Bella's room. She had done or told him something that caused this reaction from him. It had to have been huge or else he would have stayed and duked it out with her. "I really don't." I looked up and down the street. "Come on." I nodded my head and we started walking, not really knowing if we were going in the right direction. "I wish we knew what happened up there."

"We'll find out man." Jasper mumbled, and I knew that he was deep in thought as he searched down the alleys and sideroads that we passed. "Maybe……"

"Maybe what?" I turned to look at him as we walked.

"Maybe it had something to do with the baby." He stopped and looked at me. "That's always been a hard thing for Edward to come to terms with, not that either of us can imagine, but what if it was something to do with that."

"Like what?" I ran my hand through my hair again. That was a nervous habit I had picked up from Edward. "Like, maybe it wasn't his?"

"Maybe." He nodded before looking at me. "If that's the case then we've gotta find him. Soon. Who knows what he could do."

Jasper was right. Nobody knew what was going through Edward's head at the best of times. When he was in a good mood. But when he was like this, he could really hurt himself. And I know it sounds bad and distrusting, but neither Jasper and I would put it past him.

"Right." I nodded, quickly formulating a plan. "You go back up to the girls apartment, find out _exactly_ what Bella told him and call me when you do. I'm gonna go to the nearest hospital and find out if he's been admitted. If he's hurt himself that's where he'll be taken. We'll meet up at the apartment and if he doesn't come back tonight then we'll call Demetri and get him to organise a search for him."

"Are you sure about that?" Jasper asked, looking a little skeptical.

"I don't know what else we _can_ do." I shook my head. "We both know that when Ed doesn't want to be found, there's no way in hell you're gonna find him."

"I know, and I hate it." He sighed and I nodded along with him.

"Me too." I looked around, trying to spot a cab in the rain. "Now, go back up to the apartment and find out what you can. Gimme a call when you know what happened."

"Right." He nodded, clapping me on the back. "I don't know what I'm hoping for. Whether he _is_ in the hospital, or he's not."

"I know what you mean." I punched Jazz on the shoulder lightly before sticking my arm out for the cab coming down the road. As soon as it stopped I climbed in and told the driver where I wanted to go. I phoned Edward's phone, praying that he would pick up, but not surprised that he didn't.

I didn't know whether or not I wanted to find Edward in the hospital. If he was in the hospital that would mean that he was hurt, but he would be safe and we would know where he was. On the other hand, if he _wasn't_ in the hospital, the we wouldn't know whether he was hurt or not, and he would still be out there. I was at a loss.

When we reached the hospital, I threw some money at the driver, knowing that it was way too much for the journey, but not really caring.

I practically ran through the entrance doors and up to the reception desk.

When I got there, the woman sitting down at the desk didn't even look up from what she was doing. She was blonde, which figured, quite young, probably early twenties and if I wasn't a) panicking about one of my best friends, and b) completely into Rose, I would think that she was attractive.

I cleared my throat and she looked up, feigning a look of surprise. "Oh, I'm sorry." She placed a hand on her her chest, trying to act the part. "I didn't see you there." Right. How anyone could _not_ see me was beyond me. It wasn't like I was exactly small. Most people were terrified of me, without good reason. I wouldn't hurt anyone unless I had to. Thankfully I'd never had to. I saw her looking at me, batting her eyelashes, obviously thinking it was sexy, but at the moment I found it nothing more than repulsive. "Is there _anything_ I can do for you?"

I didn't miss the way she stressed the "anything" in that sentence, but I chose to ignore it. I was used to this. She had obviously realised who I was and was lowering herself shamelessly just so that she could say she slept with a member of _Linkin Park._ _Sorry. Not gonna happen._

"Yes, Edward Cullen. Has he been brought in?" I asked, the impatience I was feeling clear in my voice.

"I'm not sure, but I can ask someone else to find out for you." She had changed the tone of her voice so it was low and husky. I rolled my eyes, my patience wearing even thinner than it was already.

"Look." I placed my hands on the desk, not really caring about what this girl thought. Let her think I'm rude. Let her broadcast it to the whole world that Emmett McCarty is a rude fucker. I didn't give a shit. "I'm going to say this once and you're going to listen, okay? I'm spoken for so that prissy ass, sexy act isn't going to get you anywhere. Now. Cullen comma Edward. Has he been brought in? I know that you can see right there on that little screen of yours and I don't have a lot of time. Tell me. Has be been brought in?"

Her face and demeanour changed completely at my words and she quickly typed in something which I was guessing was Edward's name.

"No. He hasn't."

I was out of those doors before she finished her sentence, feeling my phone vibrating in my pocket. I pulled out my phone and answered it without looking at the caller ID.

"Jazz." I answered, looking around for a taxi rank. "You find out?"

"Yeah." He sighed on the other end. "It's fucked up man. No wonder Ed ran out of here."

"Was it something to do with the baby?" I stopped walking and leaned against the wall, knowing that whatever it was it wasn't going to be good. I surmised that it wouldn't be a good idea for me to be in a cab when I found out. There weren't many people around so I didn't have to worry about making a spectacle out of myself.

"Yeah, man." He sighed again and I could picture him pacing, as Jazz always did when he was stressed.

"What was it?" I asked, starting to pace myself.

"She didn't have a miscarriage, dude." He said quietly. _Didn't have a miscarraige?_

"She had the baby?" I asked, confused. What the fuck was going on here?"

"No man." He sounded stressed and upset.

"Then wha……" _Oh no! She didn't!_ "She had an abortion." It was a statement, not a question because I knew the answer before it could even come out of Jasper's mouth.

"Told you it was fucked up." He sighed and I ran my hand through my hair for what felt like the millionth time. I turned around to see a small group of teenage girls staring at me, having recognised who I was.

"How the fuck could she do that?" I growled. "And then _lie_ to him about it. Not telling him was bad enough, but then lying to him about having a miscarriage. And then dropping him like nothing happened. She needs someone to look at her head."

"I know what you mean man." He agreed. "Was he there?"

"No." I shook my head even though I knew he wouldn't be able to see me. "He wasn't. And I'm not sure if I'm happy about that fact or not."

"I know what you mean." He sighed on the other end. I could hear people on the other end. It sounded like there was an argument happening.

"What's happening over there?" I asked, making my way over to the taxi rank.

"Rose and Alice are telling Bella _exactly_ what they think of her at the moment." He explained with a dark chuckle. _Explains the shouting._ I thought, darkly. "Seems they didn't know about the abortion either. They knew about the baby and everything, but they didn't know about the abortion or why she finished it with Edward. They're kind of … taking matters into their own hands a bit."

"Good." I mumbled. "She needs to hear some home truths." I stopped outside a cab. "Look, I'm gonna head back to the apartment now. You gonna stay there with the girls? You know, act as a referee?"

"Not a chance." He chuckled. "I like all of my limbs where they are thank you very much. This is something they need to duke out for themselves. I'll meet you back at the apartment."

"Gotcha." I hung up the phone and climbed into the cab, telling the driver where I wanted to go. I called Edward's cell again, growling and slamming my phone shut when I got his answerphone again.

I couldn't think of where Edward would be. It had been almost an hour since Edward had ran out, and I had absolutely no clue as to where he would be. I tried to wrack my brain about possible locations but I came up empty. The only couple I could think of I dismissed quickly, knowing that he would never head back into that part of Manhattan. He wouldn't go back to the way he was, no matter how bad he felt.

After the driver dropped me outside my apartment block, I swiftly made my way towards our elevator, impatient to get up there, hoping that Edward would be up there, but not really knowing whether or not to trust to that hope.

I practically threw myself out of the elevator once it reached our apartment, and I tore throughout all the rooms looking for any sign that Edward was home.

"Edward?" I called, becoming even more impatient than ever. "Ed?"

I walked down the corridor and looked in his room, walking into the en suite, growling when I saw that he wasn't there. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Edward's number again, getting his answerphone, yet again.

"Em?" I heard Jasper calling from the living room. I walked out of Edward's room, closing the door behind me and made my way back out to meet him. "He here?" I shook my head hating that there was nothing we could do at the moment. When Edward doesn't want to be found, there's no way he's going to be found. And believe me, we've found that out the hard way. "Shit. What are we going to do?"

"We wait." I sighed. "There's nothing else we can do." I looked at Jasper who had a solemn expression on his face. "Tell me what happened." He preceeded to tell me everything that Bella had told him, and I couldn't believe my ears. This was definitely not the Bella that Edward had told us about. The Bella he had told us about was kind and sweet, caring and gentle, loving and generous. This one …… well, I had yet to see any evidence of those traits.

And with that, we sat down on the sofa, not saying anything, waiting for Edward to return.

Who knew how long we would have to wait.

When Edward wanted time to himself, then he disappeared and no one could find him. If he needed space then we would give it to him.

We had no other choice.

_**Jasper**_

After Emmett climbed into the cab, I made my way back upstairs to the girls' apartment. I needed to find out what went on. It could mean a hell of a lot of difference to Edward if I didn't.

When I got up there, I saw that the front door to their apartment was still open from where Emmett and I had run through it after Edward earlier.

I could hear the three of them shouting up the stairs and I climbed them, following the raised voices to Bella's room. The only way I knew that it was Bella's was because she was sitting on the bed, while Alice and Rose stood over her, demanding to know what happened. They were firmly on Edward's side, which was endearing to see, but it also made me feel bad knowing that it had caused them to turn against their friend.

"Girls." I said softly, causing Alice and Rosalie to turn around quickly.

"Jazzy." Alice whimpered. _Jazzy? That's a new one._ I thought quickly. _Focus Jasper. Focus._ "Did you find him?"

"No." I shook my head and her face fell. "Which is why I need to know _exactly_ what happened up here."

"That is between Edward and myself." Bella replied harshly, glaring at me.

"Not if he hurts himself because of it, it's not." I retorted and her expression grew worried. _Right, like you have any right to worry about him._

"Would he do that?" She asked, her tone skeptical.

"Based on his previous behaviour when it comes to you, yes, he would." I nodded, not breaking her gaze. "Now, Bella, you are going to tell me _exactly_ what happened between the times in which Edward came up here and when he left the apartment. Not leaving _anything_ out."

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

She stood up and turned away from me.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me, Bella." I said crossing my arms over my chest letting her know with my body language that she was not getting off. At all.

Most people thought that because I was the quieter one of the band, off the stage that is, that I was a pushover. Yeah, it's true, I may be easygoing and not prone to confrontation like people such as Emmett was, but that didn't mean that I would stand for people hurting my friends and family. And hell, Edward was my fucking brother. Maybe not in blood, but he was my brother nonetheless.

"I know Jasper." She sighed turning back to me. "I know."

She then told me how Edward had come up here and the two of them fought. She then preceeded to tell me that she had told him that their night together was nothing more than a night of closure, something that I knew would kill Edward in itself, considering he was still as much in love with this girl as he had been when I had first met him seven years ago. Why he was, was beyond me, but as they say, you can't help who you fall in love with.

Even though I knew that would hurt Edward, I knew there was more to it than that. That wouldn't cause him to run. There was more and I wouldn't be leaving here until I got it.

"Then the conversation moved onto something else." She choked out, eyeing me skeptically.

"The baby." I confirmed and her eyes widened slightly. "Yeah, he told me about the miscarriage. How could you do that to him Bella? You knew how much he was hurting. How could you do that to him? You practically destroyed him."

"It's not like that." She whispered.

"Then what's it like?" I snapped, my hands fisting against my ribs. I had to control my temper. But when it came to people fucking around with Edward that was easier said than done. He had been through enough shit in the last few years. He didn't need any more.

"I had to end it." She mumbled, looking away from me. "I couldn't carry on with him. Not knowing what I'd……"

"What you'd…?" I pressed.

"What I'd done." She ended in a whisper.

"What do you mean 'what you'd done'?" I asked, feeling my brow furrowing in confusion.

"I didn't have a miscarriage." She mumbled, dropping her head into her hands.

I felt my jaw drop as I realised what she meant. _She'd had an abortion!_

"You didn't?!" Rose practically screamed and Alice stood there to the side of me, silent tears flowing down her cheeks. Both of them appeared to have worked out what I had.

"I had to." She sobbed into her hands.

"No, Bella!" Alice screamed, tears flowing freely down her face. "You didn't _have to_!"

"I couldn't have a baby Alice!" She cried, standing to face Alice. "I just couldn't!"

"So you kill it and lie to the father about having a miscarriage!" Rose shouted at her. She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "I thought I knew you Bella. I thought that you were someone else. But I guess I was wrong."

I excused myself, but I don't think that any of them heard me.

I walked down the stairs pulling out my phone and calling Emmett. I told him what had happened and he told me that Edward wasn't at the hospital. That only opened up a whole load of new doors as to where he could be.

After I hung up the phone with Emmett, I heard the girls still arguing and I wasn't about to go up and there and break them up. As I'd told Emmett, I liked my limbs where they were.

I found a pen and paper and scribbled a note, telling the girls that I'd gone back to my apartment to wait for Edward. I left it on the coffee table in front of the sofa Edward had been occupying earlier and headed out of the door. I closed it quietly and quickly made my way out of the apartment block, hailing the first cab I could see.

My stress and worry didn't ease the closer to my apartment I got. If anything it got worse. I couldn't stop the scenarios that were flying through my brain, knowing that Emmett would be thinking the same thing until we found him or he came home.

It wasn't that we didn't trust Edward, because we did. But when he was like this I couldn't help the flashbacks I got of Edward when he had been taken into the hospital. He had been so ill after that, and it was probably that that had caused him to become as ill as he was now. I didn't want anything like that to happen again.

"Em?" I called as I walked into the apartment. He appeared a moment later a worried and aggravated expression on his face. "He here?" He shook his head slowly and I fought back the urge to curse explicitly and do something I would regret. "Shit. What are we going to do?"

"We wait." He sighed, looking thoroughly defeated. I felt the same way. "There's nothing else we can do." He looked up at me, his expression worried and concerned. "Tell me what happened."

I told him everything that Bella had told me and I saw his expression growing darker and darker with each syllable that left my mouth. Suddenly I was glad that it was me that had gone back up to the apartment to find out what we needed to know from Bella. Who knows what would have happened of Emmett had gone up there instead. He wouldn't have hurt the girls', but the apartment was another question altogether.

We sat on the sofa waiting for Edward for hours, only moving to use the bathroom and to answer the door when we ordered pizza. I was starting think that he wouldn't be coming back today until I heard the elevator open.

Emmett and I looked at each other, leaping off the sofa at the same time, knowing that it had to be Edward because no one else would use the elevator to get into the apartment. Other than Demetri, but he didn't need to see us today. We had another two weeks or so till the tour started and he didn't usually get in contact with us until a week or so before. Call it cutting it close, but it was the way Demetri worked.

"Edward?" Emmett asked, as we walked around. The both of us let out a breath as we saw that it was in fact Edward standing there taking his shoes off. "Where the hell have you been, man?"

He shrugged and I noticed he had a pad in his hand. "Around."

"What's that supposed to mean, Edward?" I snapped at him, causing him to look up at me. "You run off like that, you expect us not to panic?!"

"Okay, I'm sorry." I said in a rush as he held up his hands in a defensive motion, something that was a bit out of character for Edward, but then again, with the news he had received today, I guessed he was allowed to be a little different. "I just…… needed……"

"Space." I finished for him and he looked up at me and nodded slowly. "We get it."

"No you don't." He whispered, shaking his head.

"We know what happened, dude." Emmett said softly walking over to him. "We know what she did."

"It's completely fucked up." I mumbled and Emmett nodded.

"Look, guys." Edward shook his head slowly. "Can we talk about this later? I don't really……"

"Alright." I nodded.

Standing there looking at him, I realised that he looked exhausted and drained. I looked into his eyes and was confused to see that they were a complete contrast to his overall demeanour. They were bright and alive and I knew that something was wrong.

Edward looked at the two of us before he made his way passed us.

"Oh, I wrote down some lyrics." He dropped the pad on the table, looking at the two of us again. "Brand new song."

"Okay." We both mumbled at the same time, watching him make his way to his bedroom.

"Everything okay, Jazz?" Emmett asked me, opening up the pad and reading over the words written there. "Seems like he's getting his anger over Bella out. Read this."

He passed the pad to me and I read over the lyrics written there.

"Tell me about it." The words on the page were filled with anger and pain, but it seemed to be the best way for Edward to get out his anger and aggravation over Bella. It was better than some of the other things he could be doing at least. "Did you notice anything different about him?" I asked, placing the pad back down on the table.

"What do you mean?" Emmett asked, a confused expression on his face.

"I'm not sure." I shook my head, looking at Edward's door. "It just seemed like there was something …… off…… about him."

"Maybe." He mumbled, looking back to the lyrics. "Getting everything out isn't he?"

"I know." I took my phone out of my pocket and called Alice, letting her know that Edward had turned up. I knew that she and Rose would be worried about him. Even though they had only know us and him for a few days they had quickly integrated themselves in our lives and I was going to miss them when we went on tour in a couple of weeks.

After I hung up the phone I told Emmett I was going to bed and discovered he was going to do the same thing.

Laying back on my bed, I wondered what was up with Edward a while ago. He had looked as though everything in the world had been taken from him, which in essence it had. He had had everything and then it had been ripped from him. But his eyes were different. They were full of light and they were happy. Something about his whole demeanour and body language downstairs was familiar. I just couldn't ut my finger on it.

Rolling over onto my side and closing my eyes I vowed that I would find out where Edward had been today.

I needed to know. Purely to make sure that he was okay.

Whether or not he would tell me was another question though.

Only time will tell I guess.


	8. Coming To Terms

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

**I am **_**so**_** sorry that I haven't updated in ages. I think I was actually starting to get withdrawal symptoms from lack of updating. Not kidding. I had no internet connection and while I could read and reply to reviews on my phone – get little piece of technology. Love it! – I could not update from it. Anyways, I'm back. And I've got lots in store for you.**

**Lastly, I want to tell you that Saving Edward has been nominated for Best Angst over on the Golden Chocolate Awards. I want to say a HUGE thank you to whoever it was that nominated me. YOU ROCK AND I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Putting the link on my profile, so when you can GO VOTE!!!!!!!!**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**Bella**_

It's been a month since I last saw Edward.

A month since I told him the truth about the baby.

_Our_ baby.

And I hadn't been able to think about anything else since.

How could I have done that to him?

I still couldn't figure it out.

In all honesty, I didn't know why I had the abortion. I remember feeling absolutely euphoric when I read the tests that told me I was pregant. All four of them. I remember thinking about having a tiny piece of Edward growing inside of me. To call my own for the rest of my life.

I had never been so happy.

So why did I get the abortion?

I really couldn't remember why. For something so significant in my life, something that made me so miserable for months, no _years_, afterwards, you'd think I'd remember the reason behind doing it.

But it seemed to have been erased from my memory.

I wanted so desperately to remember, but it always seemed to evade me.

I didn't even have the chance to speak to Edward again after I told him.

Two weeks after that horrific day in my apartment, Edward and the band had left on a six month tour of the States. They would be touring from the east to the west coast, starting in New York and ending in Seattle.

I knew I needed to sort things out with him.

I needed to talk to him.

Why?

Because I still loved him.

When I told him that I had gotten over him, gotten my closure after that night we spent together, it couldn't have been farther from the truth.

I just couldn't believe what I had found out. I didn't want to live with the guilt.

I knew it was selfish of me. I didn't want to have to deal with the guilt of the fact that my ending things with him had hurt him so much, had destroyed him that thoroughly, causing him to turn to the one thing I hated most of all.

Drugs.

I didn't want to live with the fact that my rejection had caused him to turn to something that would destroy him even more with each and every hit.

I told him that I didn't want him just so I wouldn't have to look at him and be reminded of everything that I stole from him.

He was right. I didn't have the right to kill our baby without his knowledge. I knew that he would stop me. And I remember, at that time, I didn't want him to.

If only I could remember _why_.

As it turns out, we were going to be in each others lives for a lot longer than either of us had anticipated.

I had thought that that day, when he had run out of my apartment, would be the last day that I would see him.

But now, standing here in my bathroom, looking at the little stick in my hand, I knew that wasn't the case.

I couldn't help but feel that same sense of euphoria again, looking down at the little sign on the stick.

_Pregant._

I was pregnant again. And there was no doubt that it was Edward's. He was the only man I had ever slept with.

Kind of sad, I know. I'm nearly twenty-six and I've only slept with one man. And that was seven years apart.

I know that there are a lot of twenty-six year olds that have only slept with one person, but probably for many different reasons. And not because they couldn't get over the man they had left standing there in the rain after shattering him into a million different pieces.

My heart still breaks whenever I think about that day.

When I think about the utter heartbreak that morphed his features. The pain in his eyes as I told him I didn't want him. It was almost as hard to bear as the lie about the baby. How I had managed to tell him that lie, and the fact that he believed it, was beyond me. I was a terrible liar. But I guessed when it came to it, I could lie. Not that I wanted to.

I wanted nothing more than to find out where Edward was and tell him the truth. I wanted to confess everything to him, and I knew that I couldn't.

But I couldn't keep this from him.

He had to know that he was going to be a father.

And this time he was.

There was no way I could do that again, no matter how Edward or I felt about it.

There was a life growing inside of me, and it was all I ever wanted from the very beginning. I still wanted it.

Just like I still wanted him

Why did I say all those things to him when he was here? Why didn't I tell him the truth? Why didn't I _listen to him_?

I wished I had some answers to give myself, but I was just drawing a blank.

I walked out of the bathroom and bumped into Rosalie.

She and Alice still hadn't forgiven me for what they had found out, because it wasn't only Edward that I had lied to about the miscarriage. It was them as well.

They still held a great deal of animosity towards me. Especially Rosalie. She had become very fond of Edward in the short time that she had known him. She saw something in him. Something that obviously proved him worthy of something. Something I was seriously lacking at the moment.

Even though they had not forgiven me, they were civil. They weren't as easy going as they had been. And I hated it.

The two of them had started dating Emmett and Jasper just before they left and I knew that the two of them missed the guys a lot. They were travelling out next month to meet them in Houston to stay with them while they did a set of concerts there. I wouldn't be going with them, but I think that that was a given.

I wasn't exactly welcome.

I looked at Rosalie and saw that she was staring down at my hand. I looked down and saw that I still had the test in my hand.

Her eyes were wide as she looked at me. "What does it say?" She asked, her voice filled with curiosity and …… fear?

I sighed and handed it to her. She took it caustiously. "I'm pregnant." I whispered, looking at the floor.

"What are you going to do?" She asked me, handing the test back.

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking at her, feeling my brow furrowing in confusion.

"Are you going to keep it?" She folded her arms across her chest and squared her shoulders.

"Of course!" I answered indignantly. "I can see why you think that I wouldn't, but I……I can't do that again." I felt my eyes stinging with tears. "Not again."

She took a deep breath, looking at the floor for a moment before looking back up at me. "Is it Edward's?" She asked, her voice a mere whisper. I nodded mutely, not trusting my voice to answer for me. "You have to tell him."

"I know." I answered, my voice at the same volume as hers. "How? When? I mean, he's not back in New York for another five and a half months. When the hell am I going to tell him?"

"I don't know." Rosalie sighed. "Alice." She called and I took a shuddering breath, not prepared for this at all. I tucked the test into my pocket, not wanting to hold it anymore.

"What?" Alice called as she emerged from her bedroom, still clad in her pyjamas.

"I think we need to have a little discussion." Rosalie said in a tone that told the both of us that this was not up for discussion.

Alice and I both nodded at the same time, although Alice was confused as to why. We all walked downstairs into the kitchen, sitting down at the table. I looked at my hands, clasped together in my lap, not wanting to look at either two of the girls that I had classed as my best friends for the last seven years. I had no idea what we are anymore.

"What's going on, you guys?" Alice asked, her curiosity and confusion betrayed by her tone.

"Bella." Rosalie said and I could feel her piercing gaze on me. I could feel Alice turn to look at me at the same time.

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. "I'm pregnant." I whispered and I heard an intake of breath come from Alice.

"What?" She breathed and I looked up to see an expression of shock and disbelief on her face. "Are you serious?" I nodded, taking the test out of my pocket and placing it on the table, the little _"pregnant"_ sign, facing upwards. She picked it up, obviously not caring that she was holding a stick I had peed on. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm keeping it." I replied, my tone sound and secure. "If that's what you mean."

"Partly." She nodded, placing the test back on the table. "I also meant about …… Edward." She looked up at me. "It is his, isn't it?" I nodded again. "Are you going to tell him?"

"I'm going to try." I breathed, taking a deep breath. "Whether or not he'll listen to me is another matter completely. I mean, I'll understand completely if he doesn't-"

"Damn right you will!" Rosalie snapped and I winced at her tone. "I know that you probably don't want to hear this Bella, and being honest, I really don't give a fuck. You broke him. Utterly and completely. And you know that. You did it more than once. Personally, I wouldn't be surprised if he never talks to you again after what you did. I don't understand how you could hurt him like you did."

"Neither do I." I whispered, looking down at my hands.

"What?" She asked, taken aback. "What do you mean by that?"

"I don't know why I did what I did." I admitted, feeling the tears I had been holding in for the last month welling in my eyes. "I don't know why I said those things to him. I didn't mean them at all."

"You still love him, don't you?" Alice whispered, not sounding as cold and accusatory as Rosalie did in that instant. I nodded, the first of the tears sliding down my cheeks. "Well, this is just great." She took a deep breath. "Bells, I happen to agree with Rosalie on this one. I wouldn't be surprised if Edward doesn't give you the time of day, but he needs to know about the baby. He needs to know that he's going to be a father. You owe him that much."

"I know." I nodded. "I had no plans to keep this from him. I just don't know how I'm going to tell him. I mean, who knows where he's going to be from day to day for the next six months?"

"You could always come with us to Houston." Rosalie suggested, not sounding as harsh as she had done a moment before.

"Oh yeah, I can see that going down well, can't you?" I scoffed, looking at the two of them.

"I see your point." Rosalie nodded. "When else are you going to get the chance?"

"I don't know." I shook my head slowly, trying to process everything that was happening.

"Actually, I don't think it's a good idea to spring this on him in the middle of a tour." Alice said slowly. I looked at her and she looked deep in thought. " I mean, who knows what that would do to him?"

"She can't wait until he comes back here." Rosalie argued. "Who knows when he'll be back."

"Their last concert is in Seattle right?" I asked, looking between the two of them. They both nodded slowly, not understanding why I would need to know. "Forks – where Edward and I both lived – is only a couple of hours from Seattle. Maybe I could try and see him there, but stay with my Dad at the same time."

"That's not a bad idea." The two of them said at the same time.

"Um…" I placed my hands on the table, looking down at them and I fiddled nervously. "Would you two come with me?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"Huh?" Alice asked, clearly confused.

"Please." I looked up at the two of them, begging for their reassurance. "I know that I've disappointed and thoroughly pissed the both of you off, but I need your help. I can't do this alone. I need you."

As I looked at the two of them and saw them visibly soften at my words. They looked at each other for a moment before looking back at me and nodding.

"We've not completely forgiven you, but we'll help you." Rosalie admitted putting her hand on mine. "We don't want you to be alone in this. But you _have_ to listen to Edward. You two need to sort this out. You need to listen to him. He's been through so much."

I looked up at the two of them and saw sadness in their eyes. "You know, don't you?" They knew what had happened to Edward after he left Forks. They both nodded and I sighed sadly.

"You _need_ to talk to him." Alice reinforced Rosalie's words. "Things aren't as black and white as they seem."

"I know." I nodded. "I know."

"I have a question though, Bella." Rosalie sat up straight taking her hand off of mine and interlacing her fingers on top of the table. "Are you happy about this? About the baby?"

"More than you can ever know." I admitted, a sad smile spreading across my face. "I remember feeling this happy when I found out I was pregnant the first time. The knowledge of having a little piece of Edward to call my own. It …… it was indescribable."

"So why did you do it?" Alice sounded confused and her expression only mirrored her confusion. "If you were so happy about it why did you get the ……" She didn't need to say the word, but it hung there in the air like an enormous pink elephant doing the cancan.

"I don't know." I shook my head. "I honestly don't remember why I did it. All I remember is one day feeling so …… eurphoric … that's the only way I can describe it, and then the next knowing that I couldn't do it. I couldn't be a mother. Not at eighteen. I don't know what happened in between."

"Something must have happened." Alice pushed gently.

I shrugged, shaking my head. "I don't know. I don't know what happened."

"Maybe you will when you go back to Forks." Rosalie suggested. I nodded my head, thinking through what she had said. Maybe it _was_ something I had left in Forks. Something that I had left behind when I moved out for college, not wanting to bring it with me.

"I think……" I took a deep breath. "I think I'm going to go back to Forks for a while." I closed my eyes slowly before looking up at the two of them. "To get my head sorted. I don't think that I can do that in the city."

"What do you mean?" Alice sounded hurt and Rosalie's expression gave away the same emotion.

"I mean that there's so much going on here. Just in daily life. I think I need to get away from it for a while." I looked at the two of them. "I'm not running away or anything like that. I just think that I need some peace and quiet while I get my head sorted."

They both nodded, staring off into space, deep in thought.

"You're coming back though?" Alice had a hint of pleading in her voice. I knew that she hadn't forgiven me for what I'd done, and I don't know how long it would be until she did, if she ever did, but something told me that we were still sisters. No matter what.

"Of course." I nodded, giving her a small smile in return.

"That's good." Rosalie sighed. "I know I haven't been tolerant of you this last month, but you're still one of my best friends, Bells. You always will be. Even if you made a bitch of a wrong decision."

"I know." I nodded. "And I regret that decision every day."

"Which one?" Alice asked. "The baby …… or letting Edward go?"

"Both." I whispered with conviction. I did regret both of them. If I hadn't killed my baby – _our_ baby – then there was a good chance that we could have been married and had a family by now. And that was all I wanted. Especially with Edward.

"What about work?" Rosalie asked, sounding slightly concerned.

"That's one of the best things about my job." I smiled slightly. "I can do it anywhere." I sighed. "I can explain to Michelle that I need to get away for a little while, but I can still work. I can do everything over email."

"That's good." I nodded and looked at the time. It was nearing seven o'clock and we would all need to get ready to go to work. Rosalie seemed to notice the same thing I did. "Time for work."

We all got up at the same time and ascended the stairs. I stopped outside my door and faced the other two.

"I'm sorry, you guys." I whispered, looking between them.

"We're not the ones you need to apologise to." Rosalie reminded me and I nodded.

"I know." I sighed. I turned and entered my bedroom silently closing the door behind me.

Half an hour later I was dressed and ready to go into the office. I had to hand in the manuscript I had finished editing back to my boss, complete with notes and corrections.

I stepped out of the cab in front of the office block and took a deep breath, steadying myself, preparing for the discussion I was about to have. I had called ahead and told Michelle, my boss, that I needed to talk to her urgently, and she had cleared a spot to talk to me first thing this morning.

I walked into the enormous marble lobby, and used my keycard to get past the barriers that ensured that no one without an appointment or employment passed. I walked over to the elevator and stepped inside, letting out a breath when I pressed the button for floor seventeen and the doors began to close. I was relieved that I didn't have to share the elevator with anyone. I didn't like small spaces to begin with, and if my office had been on a lower floor then I would have taken the stairs but seeing as it wasn't, I was forced to take the elevator. Sharing it with other people just made me even more uncomfortable than I needed to be. Couple that with the incredibly annoying music filtering through the speakers and you've got a pretty crappy way to arrive into the office.

I stepped out of the elevator and walked down the large with corridor that led to my office. I unlocked the door and walked over to my desk, powering up the computer that stood there. I didn't know how long I was going to be in the office this morning. I didn't plan to be there long as I wanted to get out of the city as soon as possible. I was hoping that Michelle would let me go after the meeting I was scheduled to have with her, but I wasn't holding my breath. Chances were, if she'd let me go, that I would have to work the rest of the week before leaving for Forks.

I took the manuscript out of my bag and made my way around to Michelle's office.

"Good morning, Bella." Her receptionist Amanda greeted me with a huge smile.

"Is it?" I asked with an exasperated smile.

"Not going too well?" She asked with a sympathetic tone.

"No, not really." I admitted.

"What's the matter?" She seemed to catch on to my dismal mood almost instantly, standing up and placing an arm around my shoulder. "Come on, tell Auntie Mandy all about it."

I couldn't help but smile. Amanda always had the ability to make me smile, no matter what mood she was in. She might only be secretary, but she was intelligent. She was only working this job part time – well, full time at the moment, seeing as it was the summer – so she could pay to put herself through college. She was doing the same course as I had at Columbia. She even had the same lecturers, which we had found pretty amusing when she had started working here.

I took a deep breath, fiddling with a piece of paper that was on her desk. "This morning, I found out that I'm … pregnant." I told her in a voice barely above a whisper.

Her face broke out in an enormous grin. "Bella, that's fantastic!"

"I'm not so sure." I sighed and her expression became confused.

"Are you not happy about it?" I looked at her and she still had a smile on her face.

"Of course I am." I admitted, feeling a smile spreading across my own face. "I'm over the moon, it's just……"

"Just?"

"The father and I aren't exactly on speaking terms at the moment." I sighed.

Amanda didn't know about Edward. Anything about him. No one here at the office knew about him. And I didn't plan on telling anyone. Though, if I was to confide in anyone it would be Mandy. She was one of the kindest, most compassionate people I had ever met.

"I'm sure that when you tell him, he'll be over the moon." She tried to reassure me.

"Oh, I know that." I nodded. "He'll be ecstatic to be a father. I hope." I added in a whisper. "It's just …… _me_ … he hates at the moment."

"Why does he hate you?" She asked.

"We kind of have a history." I whispered, glancing around, taking relief in the fact that no one else was around. "And it didn't end well."

Her mouth formed a small "oh" as she realised the reason behind why I was apprehensive about telling Edward about the baby. "I'm sure it'll be absolutely fine." She told me, squeezing my shoulders gently. "Anyway, better tell Michelle that you're here." I nodded as she sat back down and buzzed through to Michelle, telling her that I was here. After Michelle told her to let me through she looked back up at me. "Did you want to go somewhere for lunch?" She asked and I nodded.

"That'd be nice." I smiled at her and I walked through into Michelle's office.

"Bella." Michelle greeted me with a huge smile. "How are you?"

"Honestly, I've been better." I nodded sadly, sitting down and placing the manuscript on her desk. "Here's the manuscript."

"Excellent." She smiled at me again. "Now, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"I need to get away for a while." I admitted, taking the "ripping off the bandaid route". "Get out of the city." Her expression became concerned. "I can still work, you know, email's a great thing." She nodded, her expression still holding nothing but concern. "But, I've got a lot going on at the moment, and I need to get out of the city for a while. I was thinking about going back to Forks for a little while. You know, the peace and quiet."

"Can I ask what's happened, Bella?" She asked, her tone soft and gentle. "You don't have to tell me, but I'd prefer to know."

"It's okay." I nodded. "I recently found out that I'm pregnant." Her face lit up, just as Amanda's had. "But the father and I aren't really on good terms at the moment."

"Does he know?" She asked, her brow furrowing.

"No." I shook my head. "Not yet. I am planning on telling him, but it's a bit hard at the moment seeing as he's travelling around the country and I don't know when he'll be back."

"I see." She nodded. "Of course you can have the time Bella. As you said, email is a wonderful thing. Of course we'll miss you in the office, but I have no doubt that you'll be on top form even though you're not here."

"Of course." I nodded. "I can still do my work. I just need to get out of the city for a while. It's too busy here."

"When are you leaving?" She asked, looking at something on her computer.

"As soon as possible." I answered and she looked at me, her expression sad. "I was hoping I could leave early today, so that I can get everything I need ready."

"Of course." She answered. "You have nothing outstanding to hand in to me, so you can go." She smiled at me.

"Okay." I nodded. "Thank you for being so understanding."

"It's no problem Bella." I stood up. "What time are you planning on leaving?"

"Um, I've got a few things to sort out before I leave, so probably around lunch time." I looked at her clock and saw that it was 10:20AM already, leaving me enough time to get everything I need to, sorted.

"Okay then." Her tone was supportive and understanding. "I hope everything works itself out Bella. Let me know when you're ready to come back into the office."

"Of course." I nodded.

"And good luck with telling the father. You'll see there's probably nothing to worry about." She sounded so sure. I wasn't up there with her. She didn't know anything about what had happened between Edward and I. If she did, she probably wouldn't be so sure.

"I hope you're right." I gave her a small smile before leaving the office.

I walked back into my office, closing the door behind me. I leaned on the door, resting my head on it and sighing before walking over to my desk and sitting in front of my computer.

I quickly searched up flights from New York to Seattle for tomorrow morning and nearly fainted at the price. Even though they were so expensive, I needed to get away from everything as quickly as possible.

After searching and booking my flight home, I took a deep breath and picked up the phone, dialling the number I'd had memorised for years.

"_Hello?_" My mother, Renee answered on the other end.

"Mom?" I asked tentatively, awaiting the outburst.

"_Bella_!" And there it is. "_Oh, baby_!" _Great choice of words there Mom_. "_How are you, sweetie_?"

"I'm okay." I gulped, knowing that my tone betrayed the fact that I wasn't.

"_No you're not_." Renee may be hairbrained, but she was perceptive. I guess that's where I got it from. "_What's the matter honey_?"

"Um," I hesitated, not really knowing how to explain to her. I wouldn't tell her about the baby. Not until I was home. "I'm actually calling to tell you I'm coming home for a little while."

I held the phone away from my ear as she squealed into it. "_Oh, Bella_! _That's fantastic_! _When are you coming_?"

"Um, I've got a flight booked for tomorrow morning." I admitted.

"_Why didn't you tell us before now_?" She sounded disappointed.

"It was kind of a spur of the moment decision, Mom." I shrugged, even though I knew she couldn't see me.

"Is _everything okay, baby_?" _Stop with the baby, please_!

"Um, I'll have to explain when I get home." I sighed. "I just need to get out of the city for a while. A lot's happened recently."

"_Okay, baby_." She replied and I rolled my eyes at the constant use of the "B" word. I wasn't so sure she'd be in a rush to use it when she found out she was due to be a grandmother at the ripe old age of forty-five.

"I'll see you tomorrow Mom." I sighed. We said our goodbyes and hung up.

I didn't have anything else to do, but looking at the clock I saw that it was 11:56AM. Amanda would be off for her lunch in four minutes, so I shut down my computer and gathered up my things, just in time for her to poke her head around the door and check to see if I was ready to go.

We walked out of the office and round to a quaint little café around the corner. One we always went to when we had lunch together.

We sat in the back whilst waiting for a waiter to come and take our drinks order.

"Is everything okay, Bells?" She asked, her voice concerned.

I opened my mouth to say something, but our waiter chose that moment to approach us and ask for our drinks order. Amanda ordered a coffee whilst I ordered a simple water. I wasn't too sure about what I could and couldn't have so I played it safe.

"Bella?" She asked again, tilted her head to the side.

"No, Mandy." I sighed, dropping my head into my hands. "Everything's fucked up."

"Is this about the baby?" I nodded, keeping my head in my hands. She placed a hand on mine, keeping it there and not saying anything while our waiter gave us our drinks and told us he'd be back in a few minutes to take our food order. "I'm sure everything will be _fine_, Bella."

"I'm not so sure." I admitted, lifting my head up and looking out the window. "Everything's so different from when the father and I were together. I mean, with who he is and everything-"

"What do you mean 'who he is'?" _Shit! Said too much_! "Who is he?"

I sighed and took out my purse. I opened it and took out the photograph I still had tucked away in there. It was of Edward and me on our third anniversary. We had spent the day on First Beach in La Push and my parents had surprised us with a romantic meal afterwards. It might have been in my back yard, but they went out, so the atmosphere was still there.

That also happened to be the night I got pregnant.

I handed the photograph to Amanda. It had been taken by a passer-by on the beach, who told us we looked like the perfect couple. Happy and solid. Who knew that two months later that would be destroyed.

"Oh, Bella, he's gorgeous." She was swooning over the picture. And I had to admit, Edward hadn't really changed at all. Physically anyway. "Wait a minute." Her expression became confused and calculating. "Isn't this-"

"Edward Cullen." I finished for her and her jaw dropped.

"Edward Cullen?" She asked in a whisper, glancing around making sure that no one was paying attention to us. "As in _the_ Edward Cullen? _Linkin Park_ Edward Cullen?" I nodded, closing my eyes. "Oh my God, Bella!" I opened my eyes and saw that she had a huge grin on her face. It only took a few moments for her face to shift into an expression of realisation. "Oh my God, Bella!" She repeated but this time it was filled with shock and concern. "Are you saying that-" I nodded. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." I sighed. "I'm going to go back to Forks for a while. Try to get everything in my head sorted before I tell him. There's no way that I'll be able to do it if _I_ have no idea where I'm coming from."

"Good idea." She sighed. "When are you going?"

"Tomorrow morning." I looked at her and I saw her face fall as I said this.

"I'll miss you." She sighed and I nodded.

"I'll miss you too, Mandy."

We continued the rest of our lunch discussing random topics, and much to my dismay, we were on the topic of the baby before we were finished.

"What are you hoping for?" She asked me, taking a mouthful of the apple pie she'd ordered for dessert.

"I don't know." I sighed. "Honestly, I want a little boy. A mini Edward. But I'll be happy no matter what it is."

"As long as it's healthy, right." She said smiling and I nodded.

"Remember, you can't let on to anyone that you know who the father is." I locked gazes with her and she nodded.

"Of course Bella." She placed a hand on top of mine. "I would never do that to you, Edward or the baby. It's not my place and I know that. It's up to you."

"Thanks, Mand." I smiled at her and we quickly paid the cheque and left.

I said goodbye to her outside of the office, explaining that I was going to go home and pack for tomorrow.

Stepping into my apartment half an hour later I saw that there were several suitcases at the bottom of the stairs, with a note on the top.

_I thought you could use a hand with the packing._

_Seeing as all you'll pack is sweats and oversized t-shirts._

_There's one or two in there, but don't get excited._

_Alice x_

I smiled at the note from Alice. She had gone to all that trouble of packing for me. Actually, knowing Alice she would have done it even if I had thrown the mother of all tantrums to get her to stop. She's still the same clothes-loving pixie I've always known her to be.

I slowly walked up the stairs and lay down on my bed, wondering what the hell I was going to do. About the baby and Edward.

How the hell was I going to tell him?

How the hell was I going to get _near enough_ to him to tell him?

No doubt Jasper and Emmett won't let me see him. I think they hate me almost as much as Edward does at the moment.

Before I knew it, I was drifting off into an uneasy sleep.

I woke up at 6AM the next morning. Ample time to get to the airport.

Alice and Rosalie were already awake by the time I got downstairs fifteen minutes later, after promptly worshipping the porcelain gods for a few minutes and cleaning myself up, not bothering to shower seeing as I had one the previous morning and would only smell like plane when I finished the day anyway. I resolved to have one when I got back to Forks.

"Morning." They both said at the same time, looking over at me.

"What times your flight?" Rosalie asked, as I picked up the phone to order a cab.

"Eight." I told her and Alice. I wanted to get to the airport as early as possible. I didn't want to have to rush, especially seeing as I was flying out from JFK.

I booked a cab and was told it would arrive in ten minutes, which was fine by me, seeing as I didn't do well with lengthy goodbyes and that was _before_ I was pregnant. I didn't want to think about how I would be now.

"Are you sure it's safe for you to fly?" Alice asked, worry etched into her face.

"Yes, Alice." I nodded, smiling at her. "You can fly up to the third trimester."

"That's good then." She smiled at me, relieved.

The two of them helped me take my suitcases down to the lobby where we said a short goodbye, seeing as the cab was there. I told them I didn't want them to come to the airport with me, as I knew I would start crying and a scene would ensue. They respected my wishes and we said goodbye at our apartment block.

"What do we tell Emmett and Jasper if they ask after you?" Alice asked as I pulled away from her.

"Are they likely to?" I asked skeptically.

"Well, you never know." She shrugged.

"Tell them, but make sure they don't tell Edward." I sighed. "I want to tell him myself, but if Emmett and Jasper know then there's more of a chance I'll get to see him."

"That's true." Rosalie sighed, obviously thinking of Emmett in various situations I didn't want to think about.

"Bye, guys." I waved slightly before climbing into the cab. I looked out the window as I drove off, feeling slightly dejected when I noticed them walking straight back into the building, not waving to me. I reasoned that I deserved it, and had yet to earn their forgiveness back. It would take time. And hopefully, I could work out a way to tell Edward about the baby.

I arrived at the airport at a few minutes past seven and the cab driver helped me load up my suitcases onto a baggage trolley before I paid him.

After checking in, I still had a while before I would be called for boarding. I made my way over to a Starbucks, ordering myself a camomile tea, knowing that it was safe for me to drink that, what with the baby and everything.

"Bella!" I heard someone calling my name and turned around to see Mike making his way over to me. I hadn't seen him since our date and that dreadful night with Edward. How the hell was I supposed to explain that I've been avoiding him and his constant calls for the past month? With difficulty, that's how. "What a coincidence. Where are you headed?"

"Home." I said vaguely.

"Which is?"

"Forks, Washington." I admitted, not really wanting to give out where I lived to Mike.

"You're kidding!" His eyes grew wide and a huge grin spread across his face. "Port Angeles." He placed a hand on his chest and I groaned internally. This probably meant that I was going to have to put up with Mike for the whole flight. _Great. Six hours sitting there listening to Mike. Perfect._ Let's just say, Mike tends to talk a lot, and it's mostly about himself, sports, himself, cars, himself and oh yeah, himself. He's a bit self absorbed. "You on the eight o'clock flight?" I nodded. "Awesome!" Is he serious? I haven't heard someone over seventeen say 'awesome' since I _was_ seventeen. "You sure you don't want anything stronger?" He asked pointing to my tea.

"I can't." I shook my head.

"How come?" He asked, his brow furrowing.

_Shit_! I thought for an excuse. "I have a low tolerance for caffeine." I shrugged, looking down at my tea and stirring it slightly, hoping he would drop it.

"Okay." He said, sounding not completely convinced. _Please drop it._ I pleaded silently. "Wait here for a sec okay?" He held up a finger and walked behind me.

It just so happened that at this particular moment, my breakfast decided that it was going to attempt at coming back up.

I looked around, desperate to find a restroom, and thanked the heavens when I spotted one. I heard Mike calling me as I practically ran into the restroom, and into a cubicle, not having time to lock it before my breakfast made its grand reappearance.

"Oh my God, are you okay?" A voice called to me, pushing the door open and crouching down next to me. A gentle pair of hands held back my hair as I heaved into the bowl.

When I was sure that I was finished, I sat back up, leaning on the wall of the cubicle and turning to look at the kind woman who had helped me.

"Thank you." I said croakily, my voice hoarse.

"No problem." She smiled. She was sitting down next to me. "Let me guess. Morning sickness?"

"How'd you know?" I asked her, my brow furrowing.

"The way you rushed in here kind of gave it away." She grinned. "Don't worry. I've been there." She pointed to a pram, in which I saw a sleeping newborn. After tidying myself up enough to be deemed respectable I looked at the baby.

"She's beautiful." I breathed quietly, not wanting to disturb her.

"Yeah, she's just like her daddy." The woman crooned leaning over her baby, a look of pure devotion on her face.

"I'm so sorry. You go out of your way to help me and I don't even introduce myself." I told her, feeling like an idiot. "I'm Bella." I extended my hand.

"Tanya." She smiled at me, taking my hand and giving it a shake. "And this." She gestured to the baby girl in the pram. "Is Katie."

"She's adorable." I couldn't help but gush over the baby. Maybe it was because my own hormones were starting to play up. I don't know. "Are you flying out?" I asked her, as we made our way out of the restroom, holding the door open for her so she could push the little one out.

"Yeah." She smiled, nodding. "Thank you." She said as she passed me.

"Where are you headed?" I asked, not really wanting to be left on my own to suffer Mike again. Tanya might think that he was the father of my baby. I suppressed a shudder at that thought.

"Seattle." She answered, looking over at me. "You?"

"Seattle." I replied with a smile. Hopefully I would be able to sit with this woman and avoid Mike. We sat down on the horrific plastic chairs available, glancing at the board that would show when we were boarding. We still had another twenty minutes, before we would need to board.

"Really?" She seemed genuinely pleased. "Oh thank god. Now I don't have to worry about sitting on my own next to som perv."

"You better make sure you don't sit next to Mike then." I said with a shudder. In all fairness, he did spend most of our date conversing with my boobs.

"The guy that you were with?" She asked, and I raised my eyebrows at her. "I saw you over in Starbucks talking to him before I went into the restroom." My lips made a small "oh" shape as I registered what she had said. "Is he not-"

"Mike?!" My eyes went wide and I laughed. "No. God, no! Not a chance!" I shook my head in horror and she laughed.

"Not your type then?" She grinned at me. I could see myself getting on very well with this woman. It would be a shame to say goodbye to her in Seattle.

"I went on one date with him. _One._" I held up one finger to illustrate that point. "And he follows me around like a puppy dog." I shuddered again. "There's no way I would ever go _there_ with him."

"Fair enough." She shook her head, looking lovingly at her baby and my hand went to my stomach where my own baby was growing. Mine and Edward's. "May I ask the name of the father then?"

"Um," I bit my lip and decided that it would be safe to tell her his first name, but I would keep his last name to myself. She'd think I was insane if I told her. "Edward."

"Huh." She smiled. "I have a cousin named Edward. Not a name you hear very often anymore."

"Really?" I asked, smiling. "Maybe there are more Edward's about than you think?"

"Well, my cuzz has that ladies all over him, especially recently." She rolled her eyes. "And not that I blame them. I know this is going to sound wrong because he's my cousin, but he is pretty hot." She grinned at me.

"Details." I smiled, leaning forward in my seat.

"Well, he's six foot two, um, _very_ well built, quite an angular face, but it's soft at the same time. Perfectly straight nose. High cheek bones." This was sounding slightly familiar. "Kind of reddish brown hair. I guess it could be described as-"

"Bronze." I finished for her feeling my eyes go wide at the same time as hers.

"Yeah." She nodded.

"Let me guess. Piercing green eyes that seem to gaze into your very soul?" I finished the description and she looked at me stunned.

"How'd you know?" She asked her, eyeing me suspiciously. _Oh HELL NO!!!! Could my luck get any shittier?!_

I took my purse out of my pocket and pulled out the picture that I had shown Amanda the day before. It was strange. I hadn't taken that photo out of my purse in months before yesterday and now I've taken it out twice in as many days.

"Let me guess." I said opening the picture. "Is this him?" I held up the picture, earning a small gasp from her.

"Yes!" She gasped grabbing the picture. She couldn't accuse me of stealing it because I was also sat there in the picture, Edward's arms wrapped around me, my hair blowing in his face. "Oh, my god. You're _Bella_!"

"Do you hate me?" I moaned, closing my eyes.

"No, of course not!" She almost cried. "Why would I hate you?"

"Bella!" I heard Mike cry and I groaned audibly.

"Don't say anything, please." I practically begged her. "I don't want him to know."

"Okay." She smiled at me, giving me a "we're going to talk" look that I was used to getting from Alice or Rosalie. "If he asks I'll say you're an old friend." She looked over my shoulder. "He's having to fight through a group of tourists, so we're fine for a minute or two."

We looked up at the board and saw that we had to move onto boarding. We looked at each other, smirking and got up, and walked to our gate, Tanya folding up and handing over the pram in the process. They would pack it on the plane along with her luggage and unload it in Seattle.

"So, where abouts are you heading in Seattle?" I asked, hoping not to get back onto the topic of Edward and myself.

"Actually, I'm heading for a small town outside of Seattle." She replied, shifting Kate from one arm to the other so she could locate her boarding pass.

"Do you want me to take her for a sec?" I asked nervously, seeing as I already had mine in my hand.

"Would you?" She looked at me gratefully, and she gently passed Kate over to me. I held her carefully, gazing down at the tiny little human being in my arms. Tanya quickly dug through her purse and pulled out her boarding pass. She turned to look at me and smiled widely.

"What?" I asked her, feeling a little self-conscious.

"You're a natural." She smiled. "Normally she knows when she's in the arms of a novice or someone afraid, and she'll wake up, but you, she's still fast asleep."

"Must be luck." I shrugged gently, being careful not to jostle her.

"Nope." Tanya shook her head, gazing lovingly at her baby. I could only hope that I had the same look in my eyes when I laid eyes on my own baby. "It's nothing to do with luck."

We approached the gate and showed our boarding passes, with Kate, funnily enough, in my arms. Tanya seemed thrilled at the fact that she was still asleep and from what I could gather, Kate didn't tend to like strangers. I felt oddly privileged.

We made our way onto the plane and Tanya let me have the window seat, should Mike spot me on the plane. I was _really_ beginning to like this woman.

"What town are you headed to?" I asked, handing Kate back to Tanya.

"Oh a little nowheresville town. Hardly anything to write home about." She rolled her eyes. "And it's got the most ridiculuous name as well. It's called Forks."

"Forks." I said at the same time and we both burst into laughter.

"You're headed there too?" She asked, smiling widely.

"Yeah." I nodded. "My father Charlie is the Chief of Police."

"Does he know about the little one?" She asked, glancing down at my stomach playfully.

"Uh, no!" I scoffed. "He's going to have a heart attack when I tell him."

"Why?" She asked, her expression confused. "You're old enough to make your own decisions."

"Let's just say, he'd prefer to think of me as being sweet and innocent, if you get what I mean." I raised my eyebrows and she grinned at me, understanding what I meant. "When Edward and I first got together I thought he was going to shoot him." I sighed, laughing slightly at the memory.

"What happened between you and my cousin?" She asked, her voice full of curiosity.

"Oh, I'd really rather-"

"Oh, if you don't want to talk about it, then I won't say another word." She invisibly zipped her mouth closed and threw away the key. I couldn't help but laugh at her silliness. "But I do have to ask, is he the……"

I took a deep breath. "Yeah." I sighed.

"Are you two…" She didn't have to finish the question for me to know what she wanted to know.

I took another breath. "No." I whispered, wishing so very much that we were.

"How come?" She asked, her voice curious and full of sympathy.

"Let's just say, when it happened, it was a one night thing and there are a lot of unresolved issues." I answered vaguely and she nodded, smiling.

"I get it." She placed a hand on mine. "It's hard to talk about. But you have to with him. For the little one." I nodded. I was going to work out how to tell him while I was in Forks. Depending on how long she was there, she could help me. "Does he know?"

"No." I sighed. "Not yet. I just found out yesterday. I need to work out how and when I'm going to tell him."

"Oh, I forgot." She closed her eyes. "The tour." I nodded. "They're in Seattle soon, though right?"

"In six months." I sighed, and she frowned.

"It'll be okay." She reassured me. "It'll work out."

"I hope so." I looked out the window.

"Bella!" Mike had found me again. He stood next to the seat next to Tanya, looking at her expectantly, probably urging her to move with his mind.

I had to hold back the laugh that threatened to come out at Tanya's expression. It was a typical 'don't even try it, pal' look. The one a mother generally gives a naughty toddler. I guess she's got to get the practise in.

Sighing in defeat, Mike sat down in the seat next to Tanya, grinning over at me.

"Bella." He grinned, and I looked over at him, already bored. "You just ran off. What happened?"

"I've not been feeling too well." I shrugged. "No biggie."

"Are you sure you don't want to swap seats with Mike?" Tanya asked, her voice full of actual concern. "I mean, you don't want to feel ill again and be stuck by the window, do you?"

"That's a good point." I nodded, thinking realistically. It also meant that I could run away if Mike began to annoy me.

"That's great." He grinned. "Tanya can move up by the window and Bella can sit on the edge. I'll be in the middle."

"Um, no." Tanya shook her head. "I like sitting in the middle thanks. It keeps Kate mellow."

_God love ya, Tanya._

I had to hold back a laugh at Mike's dejected expression. The three of us stood up, easing out of the seats, and Tanya and I stood there staring Mike down until he gave up and sat down by the window. _Make a note Mike: Don't mess with a new mother and a pregnant woman._ Not that he knew I was pregnant, but still, it's a good tip.

We sat down again just as the fasten seatbelts sign flashed on and the captain started speaking over the intercom.

The only part of the flight I really didn't like was the taking off and the landing. I don't know what it was. Something about the tarmac and the wheels and gah! It just freaks me out okay.

"Are you going to try to patch things up with Edward?" She asked quietly, gently rocking Kate.

"I don't know." I sighed, leaning my head on my hand. "I'm just hoping that he'll talk to me."

"Why?" She asked, looking confused.

"Um," I didn't know what to say. What if she didn't know about his addiction? Or should I say _past_ addiction. I still wasn't sure whether or not to believe him on that one. What if she didn't know and I said something that got him in shit with his family? Not that his parents would care. They never did.

They were part of the reason Edward left Forks in the first place.

Of course, I was the other part. And it still pains me to think about it.

I was torn. What should I say?

"I don't know…" I left it open, and Tanya smiled slightly.

"If it's about his previous _habits_, then I know all about them. I, um, I was actually in rehab with him." She looked slightly ashamed at this confession.

"Really?" I was shocked. Tanya had been in rehab? With Edward? What for? Did this mean that he was telling the truth?

Holy Fuckstickles!

Why didn't I just believe him?

She nodded, not looking into my eyes and fussing over Kate.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I smiled at her and she smiled gratefully back.

"Thanks, Bella." She took my hand in one of her own. I really felt a connection with this woman. Would I still feel that when she found out what I did to her cousin? I hoped so. I felt like I could really get along with her.

And Kate was adorable too.

Wouldn't hurt to get some practise in.

Tanya and I talked for pretty much the whole flight. Most of the time it was about little things. You know, friends, family, schools, work that kind of stuff. We didn't broach the subject that tied us together.

Edward.

I was thankful for that, because at the moment, my braing was in overdrive. I had no idea what I was going to say to him.

We got off the plane and transferred into a smaller one, that would take us to Port Angeles. Mike was also on this flight, and this time he managed to squeeze in next to me. He even tried it on when I was deep in conversation with Tanya. He placed his hand, high up my thigh and I almost screamed at the contact. I told him then and there that nothing would be happening with us. That there was someone else.

It was true.

Even if Edward didn't want to know, there _was_ someone else.

My baby.

We landed in Port Angeles and I spotted Renee and Charlie standing outside Renee's Ford whatsit that she's got. I don't speak car, so I have no idea.

"Tanya." I called to her as my parents were walking over. "Where are you staying?"

"The Cullens." She smiled at me, and I felt my chest tighten at the mention of the surname. It had nothing to do with Carlisle and Esme. Just their son. And the unspeakable effect he had on me.

"Did you want a ride to Forks?" I offered, knowing that Charlie and Renee wouldn't turn her down. "I mean, there's no point in you catching a cab when we're going there anyway."

"Are you sure?" She asked, her voice hopeful. I nodded and she grinned at me. "Thank you so much, Bella." She placed Kate in her pram and wrapped her arms around me in an embrace.

"Bells!" I heard Charlie calling as he approached. I turned to look at him and he had the biggest grin on his face. I hadn't seen a grin on his face that large since I found out I had been accepted to Dartmouth, Northwestern _and_ Columbia. He stopped in front of Tanya and I, Renee following closely behind.

"Oh, Bella, baby." She wrapped her arms around me. "How are you?"

"I'm good. A bit tired, but good." I turned and smiled at Tanya. "R-Mom, Dad, this is Tanya. Tanya these are my parents, Renee and Charlie."

"Hello Tanya." Renee smiled and Charlie grinned at her, not saying anything.

"Um, she's staying with the Cullens' for a while." I said tentatively, watching as Charlie's face fell at the mention of the Cullens'. He didn't have anything against Carlisle and Esme. He actually got along with the two of them quite well – when they were around that is. It's just Edward he doesn't like. All he knows is that he got me pregnant, I miscarried and Edward took off. He wouldn't even believe me when I told him that it was _me_ that broke it off with _him_.

Personally, I just think he has a vendetta against Edward.

Getting your daughter pregnant. That'll sure put you on someone's hit list.

Just thinking about Edward made my chest feel tight. I hated knowing that he most probably hated me right now. I didn't blame him, because if I'm being honest, _I_ hated me right now.

"Would we be able to give her a lift there?" I asked, not sounding too sure of myself.

"Of course we can dear!" Renee answered as though it was a stupid question. Though to her it probably was. Renee was never one to hold grudges. That was Charlie's and my job.

We loaded all of our luggage into the car. How we did it,I don't quite know, but we did, and Tanya and I slid into the backseat of my mother's car. I was thankful to see that Charlie was driving and not Renee. Driving is not Renee's forte.

Tanya looked over at me, glancing at my parents mouthing 'Do they know?'. I looked at Charlie and Renee who were busy chatting away in the front and shook my head. She did the funny little lip zip thing and I grinned. Kate was still fast asleep, although according to Tanya, she was nocturnal so she would have her up at all hours of the night.

I didn't even notice how close to Forks we were until we were driving up the Cullens' long driveway.

I felt my breath catch as I looked up at the house. It was the same as every. Standing out a brilliant white against the surrounding trees, pretty much an entire wall made out of glass, giving the term 'natural light' a completely different meaning.

I looked up at the third floor window.

Edward's window.

I wondered if his room was still there. If they'd changed it at all.

I wandered around the side of the house, with Tanya watching me intently. I could see directly into the bedroom that used to belong to Edward and I felt my breath hitch when I saw the impossibly magnificent stereo system and endless records and CDs still lined up against the wall.

His room was still there.

I looked at Tanya and she had a sad smile on her face.

I walked back over to the car and helped Charlie unload Tanya's bags, of which there weren't that many, but it was still polite to help. She took all of Kate's baby things and knocked on the door.

It flew open almost instantly and standing there, looking no older than when I'd last seen her was Esme Cullen.

Looking at her you wouldn't think she's old enough to have a twenty-six year old son. But she is. And it's not like she even cares about him. I hated to say it, but Carlisle and Esme were not the best parents someone could have. It was more Carlisle than Esme. He was always so cold when it came to Edward. Like Edward was nothing more to him than a pawn in a chess match.

Of course, one day we had actually found out that's what he was. Carlisle and Esme had only had Edward to maintain the "family image" he needed to impress those in his clientelle.

Meaning, Edward was neglected.

Seeing her standing there in front of Tanya, who so desperately adored her child, it was like seeing night and day interacting with each other.

"Bella." Esme gasped when she saw me, pulling me out of my reverie.

"Hi, Esme." She smiled at me and I smiled back. I had been taught to be polite, no matter how much animosity I felt towards the woman.

"How are you, Bella, dear?" She asked.

"I'm fine, Esme, how are you?" I replied, again, only to be polite. I heard a car door slam and I knew that Charlie had climbed back into the car.

"Very well, dear." She beamed at me. "So, tell me, what's new with you?"

I bit my lip and looked at Tanya, who nodded slightly. I knew that Charlie was in the car, and wouldn't be able to hear me, so I was safe. I decided to take the plunge.

"Actually, Esme, I'm pregnant." I announced and her smiled faltered a little as she absorbed the news. But within an instant it was back to its natural beam.

"That's wonderful dear." She wrapped her arms around me. I hoped that it just looked like a reconciliation hug to my parents. "So, who's the lucky man?"

I took a deep breath. "Edward." I stated and her smile fell altogether, only serving to reinforce the idea that she in fact, did not care for her son. "You're going to be a grandmother, Esme."

"Is that so?" She asked, a little bitterness in her voice. "Tell me, where is my son?"

"At the moment, he's travelling the States." I replied sweetly, still smiling.

"Really?" She didn't sound as though she believed me. Well, she _should_. It's the truth.

"I have to go now, Esme. But I thought you'd like to know that you're going to be a grandmother. It is thanks to you I have this little miracle in the first place." I smiled at her and grinned at Tanya, who smirked back at me. She knew of Carlisle and Esme's relationship, or lack thereof, with Edward. She hated that they had been so cold to him. It had been one of the things we had discussed before silently agreeing not to dicuss it. _Does that even make sense?_

I made my way back over to the car and slide into to the backseat. I waved to Tanya, who made the 'call me' sign with her hand and I nodded through the window.

We arrived at the house about ten minutes later, due to Charlie's 'safe' driving. More like snail pace if you ask me.

I got out of the car and lugged my bags upstairs before taking a deep breath and looking around my room. This place had been my sanctuary before I left. Well, before I had broken things off with Edward. Each and every night he would climb the large tree outside my window and sneak into my room.

Every night.

Without Fail.

For three years.

I felt my heart plummet as I relived those memories I shared with him.

I still couldn't remember _why_ I'd done what I'd done. All I remember is hating myself for it afterwards. As much as I hate myself right now. And I thought that I could never feel that way again.

Guess I was wrong.

I was glad that my parents had left me in peace to get my bearings. I needed to tell them about the baby.

I didn't have a choice.

If I was going to be staying here until Edward performed in Seattle, then I was going to have to tell them. I mean, that performance was five and a half months away. I would be huge by then. My parents would _definitely_ notice somethings up. Especially when a baby appears soon after. And I can't blame that on 'weight gain'.

I took a deep breath and walked slowly down the stairs. "Mom? Dad?"

They called to me from the living room. _Okay, at least they're together._

I walked into the room and my parents were curled up on the couch, watching a football game. Renee hated football, but I knew she watched it to keep Charlie happy. Just as he went along with her many many hobbies.

"I need to talk to you guys." I said quietly, sitting down on Charlie's usual chair.

He turned off the TV and they both sat up, looking at me with concern.

"What is it honey?" Renee asked, coming over to sit by me. "Is there something wrong?"

"No." I shook my head, and smiling at them. The first really realy smile in a long time. "No. Nothing's wrong."

"Then what is it?" Charlie hadn't gotten off the sofa, but he was now at the end closest to me, elbows on his knees and a concerned look on his face.

"I'm pregnant." As with Esme, I decided to take the plunge and I waited for the onslaught.

"Oh, honey!" Renee cried, throwing her arms around me and crushing me to her.

"Are you sure, Bells?" Charlie asked. He had turned a deathly shade of pale and I was worried he was going to pass out.

"Yeah Dad." I nodded, breaking away from Renee and smiling at him.

"Who's is it?" Renee asked expectantly.

"That's the thing I don't think you're going to be too happy about." I bit my lip and they both looked at me expectantly. "It's Edward's."

_And cue hernia!_ "What!" Charlie exploded. "Isabella, after what happened last time! How could you be so stupid?!"

"Actually, _Dad!_ If you remember correctly, last time it was _me_ that broke everything off. Edward wanted to stay together after what happened! It was all me!"

"You didn't force him to leave town though, did you?" He was seething. There wasn't anything he could do about it so I wasn't too worried about what he would do. He was too happy to have me back home for a while to throw me out and send me back to New York, so I was safe. For the time being. Anyway, Renee is going to love shopping for the baby. No matter what the sex is.

"No." I snarled. "That was his _parents_." I seethed. "And I am to blame as well."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Charlie asked, his face returning to its normal colour.

"Nothing." I shot back at him.

"What does he do anyway?" Charlie asked me. I could see what he was doing. He was trying to get me to see how useless Edward was. He knew that he didn't go to college, and I could bet you he was going to bring that up any second. "He didn't go to college, did he?" _Bingo!_

"No, Dad." I shook my head, a smirk appearing on my face. "He didn't go to college." I looked at the time and saw that it was time.

I flicked on the TV and flipped it to the appropriate station. As I turned over the _Linking Park_ symbol flashed on the screen, introducing the concert. I had known that Charlie would behave like he was so I checked online to see which concerts were being broadcast – as some of the tour was being shown nationwide – and it turned out that their performance tonight was one of those ones.

"What is this?" Charlie asked, indicating the screen, clearly confused.

"Watch and you'll see." I watched the screen, smiling as Jasper and Emmett appeared on the stage.

Charlie and Renee watched the screen as the band started playing "One Step Closer", the same opening song they'd used in the concert I went to. The concert that changed my life.

I watched them as Edward appeared on the screen and managed to stifle a laugh when both of their mouths dropped open at the same time.

"Is that…" Renee started as they both looked at me. I nodded and they both turned back to the screen.

Just then there was a knock at the door. I left my parents gawking over the sight of Edward on stage in front of a live audience of several thousand and probably millions watching him on television.

I opened the door and suddenly all of the pieces fit together. All of the reasons why I'd killed my baby, and why I'd lied to Edward about it all came flooding back with this one person standing in front of me.

_He_ was the reason I had done all of those things.

It was_ his_ whispering in my ear. His goading and taunting that had caused me to destroy the most precious thing in the world.

And I _hated_ him for it.

**Okay so this chapter kind of ran away with me a little, but I just couldn't find a place to stop.  
It just kept going and going and going.  
And for those of you who probably will ask, Tanya is a good guy in this fic. She just fit in that way. There will be no ExBxT love triangle. I can't say the same about anything else though. Who knows where this will head?  
Please review.  
xx**


	9. Getting It Out

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**Bella**_

"Rose, please." I begged sitting across from her. "You're the only one with his number. Please."

"I don't know, Bella." Her expression and her tone was nervous. "He'd kill me."

"Please." I begged her again. If I could have I would have stood up and gotten down on my knees to beg her, but as it so happens, the enormous bump I had protruding from my belly, prevented me from doing that. "Rose, if I can't get in contact with Emmett, then Edward's never going to know about the triplets."

You heard me right. _Triplets._ I had gone for a doctor's appointment when I first got back to Forks and discovered that I was in fact a five weeks pregnant, with triplets. Not just one baby, not even two, but three! I had prepared myself for one, but three, I didn't have a clue about. I would meet this challenge, and the girls had come to Forks a month or so ago to help me prepare. The only thing I needed to do now was get in contact with Edward. I had been wracking my brain for the last five months, trying to figure out how I was going to tell him he was going to be a father, but each and every time, I came up empty. The only way I had thought of meant that I needed Emmett's phone number. And Rose was the only one that had it.

"I know, but-"

"Please." I begged her again, tears welling up in my eyes. Normally, I hated being so emotional, but this time it seemed to be working in my favour. She was wavering and I could see it. I wiped the tears away, hating myself for them, but they wouldn't stop. Damned hormones!

She sighed heavily, shaking her head and closing her eyes. "Alright." She sighed and I grinned at her, all tears magically disappearing. I had an Alice moment, jumping up and down in my seat, clapping my hands, causing Rose to laugh and mutter something that sounded like 'damned pregnant woman', but whatever it was, I couldn't be mad at her. "But I think it'll be better if I talk to him. I don't know what he'd say or do if you did."

My mood dropped and I thought about it. She did have a point. I think that Emmett and Jasper probably hate me for what I did to Edward. But they couldn't hate me more than I hated myself. Edward needed to know though, and I was going to do whatever I could so that he did. And if that meant facing the wrath of his best friends, then I'd do it. I'd take whatever they threw at me, because I knew I deserved it.

Rose sighed, picking up her phone and flicking through the numbers. She pressed a couple of buttons and held the phone to her ear, waiting for a few moments. "And if he asks it took you months and months of begging for me to give it to you". I nodded while we waited for him to answer. "Hey baby!" Her tone immediately brightened. She and Emmett had been dating since she visited him in Houston on one of their stop-offs. Even though they hadn't had the chance to see each other since then, which was about three months ago, they spoke on the phone everyday and she was always happier for it. It was the same with Alice and Jasper. They were falling for each other. And fast. "Listen, um, how long are you in Seattle for?" She paused and I knew that she was waiting for Emmett to answer.

It was the final city in their tour and they had arrived yesterday. They had a performance this evening and then one on Thursday, ending on Saturday. After that, the tour was done and they were free to do what they wanted for the next couple of months before they started on their new album.

"Well, um, I kinda need to talk to you about something." She cringed slightly, biting her lip. "No! No! I'm not, but um ………" She paused taking a deep breath. "Bella is."

I bit my lip and I knew then that he had asked her if she was pregnant. Her face tensed and lines appeared on her forehead as she listened to Emmett on the other end. "Emmett? Baby, are you there?" Or maybe not. "Yes, I'm sure." She rolled her eyes. "Okay, um, I'm going to put you on speaker." She took the phone away from her ear, mouthing, 'he wants to talk to you'. I nodded and bit my lip as she pressed a few buttons on her phone, laying it on my bed in between us. "There you go, Em."

"_Bella?"_ His stressed voice rang through loud and clear.

"Yeah?" I could hear the nervousness in my own voice coming through.

"_Is what Rose just said true_?" I could hear him breathing loudly, and something told me he was pacing. "_Are you pregnant_?"

"Yeah, Emmett." I sighed. "I am."

"_Is it_…?" He trailed off, not needing to finish the question.

"Yeah, Em." I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "They are."

"_Wait_." All sounds coming from his end stopped. "They? _What do you mean_ they?"

"I'm um, I'm expecting … triplets." I told him and I heard him exhale a breath. "Emmett?"

"Um, I'm not sure I heard you correctly." He laughed nervously. "I swear I just heard the word 'triplets'."

"Well, um, you did." I said quietly, hoping that he could hear me.

"Shit." He mumbled. "Gimme a sec." I heard some movement on the other end and looked at Rose worried. She bit her lip and shrugged at me.

"What's going on?" I looked over to the door to see Alice standing there in her pyjama's, her spiky hair standing up in all directions.

Rose shushed her with a finger to her lips as we listened to Emmett doing whatever it was he was doing.

"Jazz?" We heard Emmett call quietly on the other end of the phone. "Where's Ed?"

"The other room." We heard Jasper's reply and Alice was at my side immediately, her head resting on my belly as she normally did. I could feel the giant smile on her face at hearing Jasper's voice. "Why?"

"Come here." I heard Emmett whisper harshly and I heard something rustling, as though someone was putting down a newspaper or magazine or something. I heard a couple of doors close and Emmett breathing heavily. "You'll never guess what I've just found out."

"What?" Jasper sounded eager to know.

"Jeez," Rose whispered quietly enough so that they wouldn't hear on the other end. "They're like a couple of gossiping old ladies."

"Bella's pregnant." Emmett replied to Jasper bluntly.

"What!"

"Sssh!" Emmett shushed him. "Edward doesn't know."

"Well, duh!" I could picture him rolling his eyes at Emmett. "How did you find this out?" A moments pause. "Oh." And I could only imagine that Emmett had pointed towards the phone. "Is she on the line now?"

"She and Rose are I think. Are you still there?" Emmett's voice rang through clearly.

"Yeah, we're still here." Rose told him, looking over at me and Alice, who had just been kicked by one of the babies and was grinning widely because of it. I couldn't help but giggle at her. If only she knew how active they were, then she'd know that my kidneys weren't going to be fully functioning by the time they came out.

"Okay, hang on a sec." We heard some beeping and another door closing. Jasper and Emmett were obviously making it so that Edward couldn't hear anything they said. "You're on speakerphone."

"Bella?" Jasper's voice rang loud and clear through the room and Alice's grin, if it was possible, grew even wider. "Is it true?"

"Yeah, Jasper." I sighed, placing a hand on my belly and receiving a kick in return. It's like they were trying to comfort me, as if feeling my unease. "It's true."

"Shit." Jasper cursed, though it wasn't a pissed off curse. It was more of a 'what the fuck are we going to do?' curse. "Um……"

"I need to tell Edward, but I know that he's not going to let me see him." I told them. "So I really need a favour from you guys."

"Ed needs to know, man." I heard Emmett quietly say to Jasper. "Um, where are you guys?"

"We're in Forks. You know, where Edward and I used to live. It's about three and a half to four hours outside of Seattle." I explained.

"We can't go to them, we've got the show to do." Jasper said to Emmett and I didn't hear any audible reply. "What are we going to do?"

"Can you guys get to Seattle?" Emmett asked and I looked at Rose and Alice who both nodded.

"Yeah, baby, we can." Rose answered. "Today?"

"Would be best." Jasper answered her. "I don't know how long Em and I can keep this from Ed. He's too perceptive for his own good. I swear, he's like a mind-reader or something."

"That's true." I told the two of them, nodding. He had always been able to read people extremely well. One step up and it would be mind-reading.

"I think we can get there today." Rose looked at Alice and I and I nodded, feeling Alice do the same against my belly, rubbing the top of it gently, receiving answering kicks from the babies. "Um, the earliest we could get there would be about one-ish." I looked at the clock and saw that it was a little past eight in the morning, giving us five hours or so before the time she stated. That made me wonder what Emmett and Jasper were doing up this early, if they even went to bed the previous night.

"Sounds good. Um," Emmett paused slightly, obviously thinking things over. "We can meet you in a café we went to the other day. It's called Russo's."

"I know it." I sighed sadly. It was where Edward and I used to go whenever we had gone into Seattle together.

"Um, okay, then." Jasper said slowly. "What's say we meet there at about two o'clock. We'll tell Ed that we need to get some things before the show tonight. This is something that Bella needs to tell Edward on their own."

I felt my heartrate increase dramatically. This was happening. I had imagined doing this for months but now that it was happening I was going into shock.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to do it before the show tonight?" Alice asked, speaking up for the first time since entering the room.

"Hi Ali." Jasper's voice softened greatly upon hearing her voice. "Yeah, I think so. Edward's going to know that something's up and he's going to know that we're keeping something from him, so the sooner he knows the better."

"I agree." Emmett mumured on the other end. "Shit! I hear someone moving about. It could be Siobhan but I don't want to take any chances."

"Shit." Jasper cursed as well. These two were big on the curses. "Right, well, we'll meet the three of you at Russo's at around two o'clock then. We have to go, see you later. Bye."

The line went dead and the three of us looked at each other, wondering what the hell had just happened. Alice, of course, was the first one to come back to life.

"Come on, then." She squealed, jumping up off of my bed. "We have to get ready to go."

Rose and I looked at each other and burst out laughing, causing Alice to stand there with her hands on her hips, scowling at the two of us. "Sorry, Ali." I giggled. "But have you looked at yourself in the mirror yet?"

She turned around and looked into my mirror and was soon giggling herself. "Okay, I'll let you off, but come on." She grabbed my hand and gently pulled me up off of the bed. "Get in the shower and I'll sort out your outfit. We have to make you look stunning."

"Ali, Edward's not going to care what I look like. Especially after I tell him that I'm expecting three of his babies. Count 'em three!" I moaned whilst being maneouvered towards the bathroom.

"Don't care!" She shouted shutting the door behind me. "Shower!"

I obliged as quickly as I could with a bump the size of Asia, managing to shower, washing my hair and soaping myself down, admiring how the water ran over my enlarged belly, before turning off the shower, wrapping a towel around myself and padding back out into my bedroom in less than ten minutes. I heard Alice and Rose talking downstairs as I closed my door to get dressed.

After I'd gotten dressed I looked myself over in the mirror. Alice had picked out a deep blue, kimono tunic style top, with a thick band of lighter blue running down the v-neckline and under my breasts. It was one of the tops that I, myself had picked out when we had gone shopping a few weeks ago. She had paired it with a nicely fitting pair of maternity jeans, which, unless you knew for a fact that they were, you couldn't tell.

She had also given me a pair of ballet flats to wear, seeing as I wasn't allowed to wear heels anymore. At least some good came out of being a house.

I grabbed a giant black coat that I had bought upon moving back to Forks. I knew that I was going to need it, and it hid the bump pretty well. The only time you could tell the bump was there, was if I stood sideways. It was what I needed. I didn't want to see Edward and have him see the bump first. I wanted to know if he would talk to me as me first, and even if he didn't want to see me, I would tell him what was going on and let him decide what he wanted to do. The ball would be completely in his court.

I grabbed the small envelope I had off of the side and checked to see if everything was in it. I had been preparing it for the time if and when I saw Edward again.

I made my way down the stairs as quickly as I could, to be met by Rosalie and Alice, who looked as though they had just cleaned out an entire department store. How they managed to get ready when I was in my bedroom and bathroom, I don't know, and I was sure that it was a trick I didn't want to know. I joined them at the bottom of the stairs and the three of us walked out to Rosalie's BMW. The two of them walked with a spring in their step, obviously happy about where we were going, seeing as they would get to see their boys again, but me, I was a nervous wreck. I was sure that the babies could feel my apprehension seeing as the three of them were completely restless and enjoying using my insides as footballs.

I climbed into the back of the BMW, seeing as neither Alice or Rose would let me in the front anymore. They thought that it would be more dangerous for me and the babies. Personally, I didn't know what they were talking about, but still, I couldn't argue with them. There was no point.

I sat in the back, running the envelope I had through my fingers nervously. I leaned my head on the window and dozed off before we hit Port Angeles.

_________________________________________________________________________

"Bella." Someone was shaking me gently. "Bells, wake up. We're here."

I opened my eyes slowly to see Alice and Rose waiting standing outside the car. Well, Rose was standing outside the car, Alice was leaning in through the door, shaking me gently, waking me up.

"Hm?" I sat up slowly, shifting so that I could get out of the car. I noticed we were in an expansive parking lot. I noticed this as the parking lot just around the back of Russo's. This was where Edward and I used to park whenever we came into the city. I sighed and climbed out of the car. With Alice's help I might add.

I pulled on my coat, buttoning it up against the cold Seattle wind. "What time is it?" I asked, my voice still thick with sleep as I looked at Rose and Alice.

"It's five to two." Alice told me, looking at her watch. "We've got five minutes til we meet the boys. Come on."

Alice linked her arm with mine, Rose doing the same on the other side and I was getting extremely nervous. I hadn't seen Emmett or Jasper since that night at our apartment, and I knew that they were extremely pissed off with me when they left, chasing after Edward. What would they think of me now? Would they think that I got myself pregnant to trap Edward in some way, now that he was a huge star? I hoped they didn't. Thinking of that made me remember when I realised how I got pregnant. Of course I knew _how_, I wasn't dumb enough not to realise that one, but I had been on the pill, so that had confused me greatly. Until Alice offered a suggestion.

_~Four months previous~_

"_I don't know, Ali." I sighed into the phone, looking at the sonogram I had in my hand. It showed me three tiny dots that I knew were my babies._

_Babies._

_I had been expecting one. Not three. So when the nurse told me that I was in fact expecting triplets, well, saying that was a shock was a bit of an understatement._

_I had phoned Alice and Rose to let them know and they were ecstatic. I knew that they hadn't fully forgiven me for what I had done, but I could only hope that they would at some point. It was more than I would ever ask of Edward. I didn't deserve his forgiveness. I had hurt him too many times. All I needed to do was let him know about the babies. It would be up to him what he wanted to do. Of course he would want to be a father to them, but I wouldn't ever dream of expecting anything more of him._

"_Well, you must know something." She sighed loudly. "I mean, I thought you were on the pill."_

"_I _was_." I put the picture down on my bed, and flopped back onto my pillows. "I just don't know what happened. I mean, I know it's supposed to be something like, 99.9% effective, isn't it?"_

"_I don't know." She murmured and I could tell she was thinking about something. "Hang on a minute."_

"_What?" I asked, sitting up slightly._

"_Weren't you ill, like, a few days before?" She asked, curiousity and something else in her tone._

"_I had a cold, yeah, but what's that got to do with anything?" I asked, confused._

"_Wasn't Rose pumping you full of all these different medicines and shit?" She asked and I could finally see where she was going._

_Rose was a complete paranoia freak when it came to illnesses. She had everything you needed to wipe out any kind of illness that didn't need a stay in the hospital. The amount of medicine and crap that she had in the cupboards in the bathroom were enough to keep a phamaceuticals company in business._

"_So you're thinking, that the stuff Rose kept giving me, could have knocked out the efficacy of the pill?" I asked, testing the waters with her theory._

"_Could have done." I could practically see her shrugging on the other end. "I mean, it's possible, right?"_

"_Might be." I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. "I'll have to find out."_

"_Anyways." Her voice suddenly got lighter. "Are you going to find out what they are?"_

"_Um," I bit my bottom lip. "Well……… I kinda wanted to let Edward know that I'm pregnant before I found out. I mean, I can't find out yet so it's kind of a moot point for now, but still. I want him to know that I'm expecting beforehand."_

"_What happens if you can't get through to him before that time comes around?" She asked, her voice hopeful._

"_Then I don't want to know." I shook my head, my voice set and she knew not to push it._

"_Fair enough. And Bells," her voice was soft and gentle now._

"_Yeah, Ali." I sighed, flopping back down._

"_He will be okay with this." She sounded so sure of herself. "From what you told us, he was so happy the last time and then……"_

"_I know." I mumbled quietly._

"_He _will_ be alright with this." She said again._

"_How do you know?" I asked, throwing my arm over my eyes, whacking myself on the arm in the process._

"_Because I'm me." She responded and I could hear the smile on her face. "And you don't argue with me."_

"_That's true." I chuckled dryly._

"_I'm serious, Bells." Her voice was as stern as mine had been a moment ago._

"_I know." I whispered. "Thank you, Al."_

"_Don't worry about it." She replied. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"_

"_M'kay. Bye Ali."_

"_Bye Bells."_

Present Day~

"Hey, Bella!" Alice drew me out of my reverie as we approached the café. Rose unlinked her arm from mine and opened the door, ushering me through before she and Alice walked in behind me. I searched around for Jasper and Emmett but didn't see them. "It doesn't look like they're here yet."

"No." I mumbled, starting as Alice linked her arm through mine again and dragged me towards a large table.

"Rose will get the drinks in while we sit and wait for the boys." She explained, practically forcing me into a chair. "Can't have you on your feet for too long, can we?"

"Nope." I mumbled, still lost in thought. Being honest, I was absolutely shitting it right now. I had no idea what Emmett and Jasper were going to say when they saw me. Personally, I thought that I deserved everything they threw at me. I knew that what I had done was wrong and that there was nothing I could do to make up for it. I would just take care of my babies in the best way I can and hope that Edward will want to be a part of their lives too.

"They're here." Rose announced quietly, placing a tray in front of Alice and myself. Alice took her drink, a skinny latte, and I took mine, a camomile tea and Rose placed the tray on a holder on a pillar right by the table, after retrieving her own drink.

"Hey, girls." I heard Jasper's southern drawl come from behind me and I internally winced. He sat down next to Alice and Emmett sat down in between Rose and Jasper. The seat beside me seemed hugely vacant and I didn't know what I was expecting.

I took out the envelope that I had brought with me and slid it across the table towards the two of them. Jasper picked it up, glancing at Emmett before opening it.

He took out the contents and they started flipping through, their faces curious and filled with something I couldn't quite comprehend.

"So, it really is true then?" Emmett asked me, and I nodded. "Wow."

"Ali, swap seats with me for a sec." I asked her and she looked at me curiously. I raised my eyebrows at her and her lips made a small "oh" shape and she stood up.

I shuffled along to where she had been sitting as she sat down in the seat that I had just vacated. I grabbed one of Emmett's and one of Jasper's hands and placed them on my huge belly.

"What the-?" The two of them nearly pulled their hands away. That is until they both received a kick from one of the babies. Or it might have been two of them, I don't know. However many it was, they were restless. They looked at each other and then at me, grins on their faces. "That's incredible." Jasper whispered as he continued to have his hand attacked.

"That really is, Bells." Emmett whispered, his face cracking into a grin.

"Maybe, Bella should sit in the middle." Rose joked and Alice giggled. The two boys looked at me, hopeful looks on their faces. Who knew that grown men would be so taken with having their hands kicked through a womans stomach? Well, obviously these two are.

I shrugged, not really minding what they did and the two of them stood up. I looked at Rose and she burst out laughing.

"I um, need some help standing up." I admitted, blushing slightly. Jasper held out his hands, and I placed mine into his larger ones and he helped me stand up slowly.

"Whoa, Bella!" Emmett let out a breath. "No offense, but you're huge!"

"I know." I sighed, sitting down in the seat Jasper had just been sitting in, feeling their hands going straight back to my stomach.

"Edward's gonna……wow!" Jasper breathed, seeming as though he didn't want to talk any louder than that.

"Edward's gonna what?" I asked, tentatively. "Is he going to be pissed that …… I haven't told him, until now?"

The two of them looked at each other. "I don't think so." Emmett shook his head slowly and sadly. "Honestly, I don't know what he'll be like. But he won't be pissed. I mean, how can you be pissed at something like this?" He gestured towards my swollen belly with his free hand. "Speaking of Ed, you should really talk to him." I nodded.

"Um, guys." I said after a few minutes. I had finished my tea and I knew that I needed to talk to Edward, no matter how much I was shitting it. "I kind of need my belly if I'm going to go anywhere."

"Sorry." The two of them apologised, not moving their hands.

"You really think he's going to be okay?" I asked them, looking at them.

"Honestly, I don't know." Emmett shrugged. "He's still pissed about what happened back ……… yeah. And to be honest, we are a little too, but you must have had reasons, whatever they were. And whatever happened, it's between the two of you. It's not up to us to get involved. But we want you to promise us one thing."

"What's that?"

"Can we be uncles?" The two of them asked in sync.

I chuckled at the pleading in their voices. "Of course you can. Uncle Em and Uncle Jazz." I looked between the two of them and they grinned at me. "Now, I really need my belly back now."

"Okay." They reluctantly took their hands off my belly and Jasper stood up, holding out his hands for me to stand up again.

"Thank you, Jasper." I said, sincerely, and I think he knew that it wasn't just for helping me up. "Thank you, Emmett." I turned to look at him and he smiled at me. In my opinion, they had been too forgiving, but I think that the babies might have had something to do with that.

Alice stood up and helped me into my coat again, standing back as I buttoned it up. "Can you tell?" I whispered to her, quietly and she shook her head. I picked up the envelope off of the table and carefully placed it into my pocket.

"Good luck." She whispered, sitting back down with Jasper.

The two of them had told me where their hotel was and what room number they were in. It wasn't too far. Probably a five minute walk. Well, a five minute walk if you're not pregnant with triplets that it.

I made it to the hotel the band was staying in ten minutes later. Like I said, only five minutes if you're not carrying three babies. I looked up at the enormous building, willing myself to go inside. I placed a hand over my belly, receiving a kick in response. It was as though they were encouraging me to go and talk to their daddy. Whatever was going on in there, they were incredibly active today. The most active they've ever been. Maybe it was because of my nerves and anxiety.

I made my way across the lobby, towards the elevator, pressing the button, waiting for the doors to open. Someone stepped up beside me and I could feel their stare as the doors opened and we stepped inside.

I pressed the button for floor fourteen and stood away from the buttons, allowing the man that had been looking at me to push the floor he needed. It seemed that he was getting off one after me. I wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Hi." He smiled at me, and I turned to look at him. He was tall, with blond hair and blue eyes. A real California surfer look about him. "I'm Adrian. And you are?"

I smiled at him. "Pregnant." I answered and his smile dropped slightly.

"Ah well." He sighed. "You can't blame a guy for trying, can you?" I chuckled slightly, shaking my head. At least he wasn't one of those guys who didn't give a damn. He obviously knew when something was a lost cause.

I turned and smiled at him as I got off the elevator, looking for the room I needed. I stopped in front of room 243. It was the room that Edward was sharing with Emmett and Jasper. Granted there were only a couple of rooms on this floor, as it probably was in this whole hotel, but it seemed to take about an hour for me to find it. Maybe it was because I was freaking out.

I raised a hand and knocked on the door slowly, some part of me praying that he wasn't there. The cowardly part I might add. I knew I had to do this. He had to know about the babies, and I was at the moment making the Cowardly Lion look like T-Rex.

I heard movement coming from the other side of the door and I knew that it was too late to do anything about it now. Even if I could, I wasn't sure I'd want to. I wanted to see Edward. I wanted to look at his beautiful face one more time, even if it was the last. I hoped it wouldn't be the last. I wasn't holding out any hope for _us_ but he was going to be a father and he needed to know.

The door opened and he was standing there, looking magnificent as always.

"Bella." He breathed, his face a mask of shock. He recovered quickly though, an unemotional mask covering his features. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you." I told him, using probably the most cliché line in the world, but hey, it got the point across.

"What about?" He asked, leaning on the doorframe.

"It's important and not something I want to talk about in the hallway." I pleaded with my eyes for him to let me in. "Please." I added in a whisper and he sighed, shaking his head and stepping away from the door, opening it so I could walk past him into the room.

As I had imagined it was more of an apartment than a room, but then again, being on a superstars salary, nothing is really beyond reach.

"What's this about Bella?" He asked, his tone unreadable and cold.

"I have something important to tell you." I replied softly and slowly. His back was turned to me as he cleared something up off of the coffee table in front of a large leather sofa.

"What?" He asked, not turning to face me. I took a deep breath, unbuttoning and taking off my coat, laying it on the back of a chair that was next to me. "Bella." His tone was becoming aggravated. "Seriously, I don't have time to mess around. And I think you've done enough of that recently." I cringed at his words, but they were true so I couldn't argue with him. "What the hell do you wa-"

He turned around and looked at me, his eyes fixing on my enormous belly.

"I'm pregnant." I whispered.

"P-pregant?" His voice was as low as mine was as he eyed my belly, probably trying to work out how far along I was by how big I was.

"They're yours." I admitted, looking at the floor.

"_They_?" His voice was nothing more than a choked whisper. "What do you mean _they_?"

I took the envelope out of my coat pocket and handed it to him. He took it gingerly and opened it, keeping his eyes on me. He took out the contents and collapsed back onto the sofa behind him, gazing at the sonogram and ultrasound pictures I had given him.

"Triplets." I confirmed as he gazed at the latest one. That was the one had had done when they told me that I could find out what the sexes of the babies were. Unless you knew what you were looking for, you couldn't tell what they were because they were all kind of huddled together. I had told them that I didn't want to know until I had told Edward. They respected that, and even though they knew, they didn't tell me.

"Triplets?" He was gazing at the pictures as I sat down. He looked over at me, his eyes disbelieving.

"Sorry." I looked down again. "My feet were starting to hurt."

His eyes were flicking between the pictures in his hands, to my belly and I could tell that he hadn't really digested what was happening. Then again, someone you haven't seen for six months, and seven years prior to that, breaking your heart both times, comes and tells you that she's expecting your triplets is something that's going to take a while to get your head around.

"And…… and … they're _mine_?" He asked, his tone disbelieving and slightly accusing.

"Yes, Edward." I looked down, closing my eyes. "You're the only man I've ever …… had sex with." I admitted quietly.

I looked up at him, seeing that his eyes were glued to my belly. He looked so sad and wistful, and yet some part of him looked overjoyed. I could tell that he was having a huge fight with his emotions right now. He didn't know what to think and feel. That was only natural, I guess. What with the circumstances.

"They're kicking." I smiled. "You wanna feel?"

He looked up at my face, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Can I?" He gazed back at the printed pictures, obviously looking at the dates on them.

"Of course." I sighed, standing up slowly and moving over to sit next to him on the sofa he was on. "They're yours, Edward. I'm not going to deny you anything with them." He seemed hesitant, not knowing what to do. I slowly reached out and took one of his hands in my own and placed it on my belly. He jumped slightly at the current that was still present, even after everything that we'd been through and all the time that had passed. It was still there.

"Oh my god." He breathed, closing his eyes as the babies kicked at his hand. He slowly and gently placed his other hand on my stomach as well, a silent tear sliding down his cheek. "Is this real?"

"Well, the constant nausea and back pain seems very real so yes, this is real." I placed my hand on top of his and sighed. "_These_ are real, Edward." I gulped, looking down at my stomach. "And they're ours."

He opened his eyes and looked at me, his eyes glistening and questioning. "I'm gonna be a dad?"

I nodded, feeling a tear run down my face. "Yeah. You're gonna be a daddy." I sighed and looked down at his hands on my belly again. "If you want to be."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, looking at me in shock.

"It means that I'm not going to be looking to you for any financial aid or anything. I don't want you to think that I'm telling because of that. I'm telling you because well…… you're gonna be a daddy and you deserve to know."

"Bella." He sat up and took one of his hands off of my belly, looking me straight in the eye. "You know that I'm going to be around for these babies. Nothing is going to keep me away from them. Ever. _Nothing_."

"I would never keep you from your children." I whispered, hoping that I was wrong.

"That wasn't what I meant." He sighed and I let out a breath, closing my eyes. "What I meant was that …… Fuck! I don't know how to put it."

"You're gonna be there. Simple as, right?" He looked over to me and smiled slightly.

"Right." He nodded. "These babies are going to know that their daddy loves them. How come …… it took so long …… for you to tell me?"

I looked into his eyes and found that there was a huge amount of hurt in them. I didn't blame him. I would be hurt as well.

I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye again. "Honestly? I was scared." I admitted, looking down at our hands resting on top of my stomach. "I was afraid. I don't know why because I knew that you would never turn your back on them, but there was just _something_ that was keeping me from telling you. And the fact that I had no idea where you were or how to contact you. Besides, I thought that it was something that was best done in person. Not sure you would have believed me over the phone." I choked out a laugh, not realising I was crying until Edward wiped a tear off of my cheek. "I'm sorry, Edward. For _everything_."

He nodded sadly. "I know you are." He stood up, running his hands through his hair. He looked at the clock briefly. "Shit!" He swore under his breath. Note to self: get him to curb his language before arrivale of babies.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I have to go. The show's starting soon and I have to go." He sighed, looking between me and the door. "I don't…"

"You have to go, Edward." I nodded, smiling at him, indicating that we could continue this another time.

"Come with me." He asked, gazing lovingly at my belly again. "You don't have to, but, I don't know. I'd just-"

"Okay." I whispered, holding out my hands to him. He looked at me confused. "I need you to help me up."

"Oh." He laughed, taking my hands, gently pulling me to my feet, but me being the clumsy cow that I am, tripped and fell straight into him. "Careful." He whispered gently, still able to send shivers down my spine.

He walked around me, grabbing my coat off of the back of the chair and helping me slide it on.

He grabbed his own coat and slid it on, opening the door for me and following me out into the corridor.

"We still need to talk." He said softly, walking beside me as we made our way down the corridor.

"I know." I sighed, looking up at him as we walked into the elevator. It was a talk that would decide everything for us. It would make or break us. _But for now, I'm happy with just being with you._

_**Tanya**_

I had been at the Cullens' for almost six months now, and I had heard practically nothing on Edward. I tried to bring him up a couple of times, but nope. Nothing, nada, zip!

There was nothing in their home to even indicate that they had a son. The room on the third floor, that I knew was Edward's was locked and didn't look like it had been opened in years. There were no pictures or anything around of Edward at all. Nothing to show that he even existed. The only thing I knew was Edward's was the baby grand piano that stood in a small music room just off the main sitting room. When I asked Esme who had played it last, I didn't get any response.

I was sat in the living room, flicking through a tv magazine, trying to find something interesting to watch, with Kate playing at my feet. She had just turned eight months old and was having great fun playing with some blocks. Well, I say playing, meaning picking them up and bashing them against mommy's feet.

Just then, I saw it. Something that might change Esme and Carlisle's impressions of their only child. They thought that he would amount to nothing. Not do anything with his life. Become nothing. Well, these few words printed on this page in front of me told me that I could show them otherwise.

_**19:00 Linkin Park  
Live in Seattle**_

I looked at the clock, seeing that it was ten to seven. I flicked on the television and saw that the programme before it was just ending.

"What are you watching dear?" Esme walked into the room, sitting down on the sofa just across from me.

"Oh, there's a concert that I wanted to watch." I replied, sweetly, smiling at her. "It's one of my favourite bands and because of Kate I haven't been able to catch any of their concerts. This is the last leg of their tour and they've only got two more performances. This is the last one that's televised." _Lie!_ I thought to myself. The last one to be televised was the last one in the tour on Saturday.

But I wasn't going to let them in on that little secret.

"Care to watch with me?" I asked her, and she smiled.

"Of course, dear." She replied, taking a sip of her tea. "You know how I enjoy listening to music."

"Are you sure?" I pressed, feigning concern. "I mean, they are good, but I'm not sure if it's really your style."

"Nonsense." I heard Carlisle's voice come filtering through from the foyer. "We'll listen to anything, won't we, darling?" He sat down next to Esme and put his arm around her, smiling.

I smirked to myself, turning to face the television as the _Linkin Park_ symbol appeared on the screen. _Here we go_.

The band started up and the members started appearing one by one. _Come on Eddie_! I pleaded silently._ Where are you?_ I gazed at the screen and saw a flash of bronze whip across and I knew that Edward was on the stage. The fact that he had started singing only added to that knowledge.

It had cut to close ups of Edward for the chorus of the opening song, and I sneaked a glance at Esme and Carlisle, who were both sitting there on the sofa, completley still, masks of shock plastered on their faces.

I couldn't help but turn back to the television, smirking.

_Bingo!_

**That Tanya's a sneaky little one isn't she?**

**I know that you were probably expecting or hoping for an EPOV for this chapter and I'm going to disappoint and say that the next chapter is also going to be Bella, but I can tell you that after that it's Edward and it's an epic chapter. I've gotten it written, but this story needs some padding out through Bella, you know, to understand why she did it. Also, if this is a little encouragement to keep you reading, the next chapter features Bella's POV on the break-up scene *gasps* did she say 'break-up scene'?**

**Yes she did!**

**Link to Bella's top is on my profile. It's pretty :D**

**So if you want it, then press the little green button and feed the addiction I have forming. Please. I need them!**


	10. Admissions

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**Bella**_

Being with Edward, even if it was just for a little while, was more than I could ask for. I knew that there was little to no chance of there ever being an _us _ again. I had hurt him too much to hope for that, but I knew now that he would be there for our children. Which meant that I would always have him in my life. That was a small comfort for me.

He had arranged for me to wait backstage when he was doing the show. Not something I was complaining about, seeing as I had an extremely good view of the stage and him. Not that I was expecting that from him, but you know what they say about the second trimester. Yes, I was on the tail end of it, but it didn't mean that the urges had died down at all. Let me tell you, these last three months have been torture on that side of things. Even though I wanted it, I didn't want it with anyone else other than the Adonis performing on stage right now.

He was gorgeous in the shirt black polo neck he was wearing at the moment.

If I thought that he was gorgeous in the black polo-neck sweater, I nearly fainted when he took the damn thing off revealing nothing but a black wife-beater. I noticed when he took it off that he had two large sweatbands covering his elbows. The crowd watching and cheering when he removed the sweater.

"Bella." Someone called me from behind. I turned my head to see Demetri grinning at me, walking up to me. "Hey."

"Hey." I smiled at him, turning my head back to face the band who had just started performing a song that had always clutched at my heartstrings. I just hoped I wouldn't cry right now.

"How have you been?" He asked me, stopping next to me, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched the band.

"I've been good." I nodded, watching Edward. The performance was mostly Emmett for this song, but Edward seemed to be completely engrossed in the performance. I knew why. Edward had always been emotional about the wars happening around the world. It didn't surprise me that he would write a song about it. It was so emotional and compelling it sent a shiver down my spine.

_There's bombs in your buses, bikes, roads.  
Inside your market, shops, your clothes.  
My Dad, he's got a lot of fear I know,  
But enough pride inside not to let that show.  
My brother had a book he would hold with pride,  
A little red cover with a broken spine.  
On the back he hand wrote a quote inside,  
'When the rich wage war, it's the poor who die.'_

"Bella?" Demetri was calling me. "Are you okay?" I turned to look at him, and saw that he was looking at me with a worried expression on his face. "You're crying."

I wiped my cheeks and found that they were wet with tears. "Oh, I didn't realise." I chuckled nervously. "Ugh! Hormones." I smiled at him and saw that he had a confused look on his face.

"Hormones?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

I pointed to my swollen belly and his eyes widened. He looked back between me and my stomach and I nodded.

"How far along are you?" He asked, seeming to try to judge how far along I was by my size. From the look on his face, he seemed to be thinking that I was going to have them right here, right now.

"Six months." I told him.

"Really?" He asked, looking confused. "I don't want to sound rude, but you're _huge_!"

I laughed, wiping away the remnants of the tears that had fallen during the song, which was thankfully finished now. It was a beautiful song, but I don't think I could take listening to it anymore. It was too emotional and raw. "It's triplets." I told him and he nodded his understanding.

"How's daddy feeling about it?" He asked, sounding genuinely interested. I'd forgotten that he didn't know Edward was the father.

"He's happy." I nodded. "I think."

"You think?" He raised his eyebrows at me, probably urging me with my his mind to explain what I'd meant by that.

"Well, we haven't really had a chance to talk." I said quietly, watching Edward intently. "I was only able to tell him today."

"Bet that was a bit of a shock." He chuckled, looking back out over the band. "How come you didn't tell him before?" I looked at him, trying to work out how best to explain. He seemed to judge the look as meaning something different to what it did. "If I'm overstepping my boundaries then, by all means, tell me to piss off, but I'm just curious."

"Oh, no!" I chuckled dryly, looking back out over the stage. "I was just thinking. Um…… Circumstances …… made it difficult for me to tell the father. I know that's kind of a flaky explaination but he wasn't around before today and I didn't have any way to contact him, so……"

"Wait a minute." Out of the corner of my eye I could see Demetri's eyes narrow. "Hang on a second. Bella." He took my shoulder and I looked at him. "The father. It's not one of my boys is it?"

"Actually." I bit my lip and closed my eyes before nodding.

"Great." He hissed, removing his hand from my shoulder. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"O-okay." I answered meekly, following him as fast as I could, what with my enormous belly, becoming a bit of a hinderance as of late.

I followed him into a small make-shift office area that had been erected behind the stage. He held the door open for me and I walked through, not really knowing what to expect. I knew that he was thinking that I'd gotten pregnant on purpose, probably hoping to get some money out of one of the guys in the band. Little did he know that wasn't the case at all. All I wanted was the father for my babies.

He closed the door after I had walked through and walked past me, indicating for me to sit down in one of the chairs. Strangely enough, the room actually resembled and office. Whether or not it could be easily disassembled like in some places I wasn't sure, but it was here now, and that's really all that mattered. Right?

There was a small desk in the middle of the room, with two plastic chairs one side and a large leather chair on the other. Demetri pulled the leather chair around and indicated for me to sit down in it. I raised my eyebrow at him and he sighed.

"I might need to talk to you about something serious, but you're still pregnant and I'm not going to make you sit on one of those crappy plastic things." He indicated the plastic chairs and I gave him a small smile, sitting on the chair.

He sighed and sat on one of the plastic chairs in front of me, running his hands, first through his hair and then dragging them slowly down his face. "Whose are they?" He asked in a whisper so soft, I nearly didn't hear it.

"Edward's." I whispered at the same volume.

He nodded, looking dismal and leaning back in his chair. "What do you want?" He asked and I looked at him.

"Excuse me?"

"What do you want?" He shrugged, looking back at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked, understanding what he meant, but wanting him to voice my fears out loud.

"You must want something." He shrugged again, gazing intently at my stomach. "There must be something you want from Edward."

"I don't want anything from him." I replied, the anger and hurt coming through in my tone.

"Really?" He looked at me, disbelieving. "What was it? Hoping for a kiss and tell and then it turned into something more?"

"How dare you?" I practically spat at him. "If you must know …… Edward and I have a past. The night of the concert, I went back to their apartment, wanting to talk to him, _needing_ to talk to him about how it was when we last saw each other-"

"What do you mean?" He asked, confused, his expression still judgemental.

"Things ended on quite a sour note with us, and I wanted to clear things up. Resolve some issues." He nodded, taking that in. Whether or not he believed it I didn't know, nor did I care. "Things happened … well, I think you can judge for yourself what happened." I took a deep breath, remembering that I had to keep my blood pressure under control and try to stay calm. "Now, listen to me. I don't want anything from Edward. I told him about the babies, because he has a right to know that he is going to be a father. He asked me to come here with him tonight, so that we could talk things out afterwards. I'm not looking for anything from Edward. I have no reason to ask Edward for anything other than to be a father to his children. I do not need his support, financially or in any other way. It wouldn't be fair to either my children nor to Edward if I'd kept this from him. _That_ is why I told him."

"So you weren't planning to try to get pregnant, then?" Demetri asked, his tone slightly apologetic.

"No." I replied strongly. "I was not. I was actually on the pill at the time. I only realised after I became pregnant that I had been ill a few days before the concert and the medications I'd had shoved down my throat could have counteracted the pills efficacy."

He ran a hand through his hair again, sighing in defeat. "I'm sorry, Bella." He looked at me, and I could believe that he was.

"I know." I nodded. "And I understand."

"Do you?" He asked, his eyes searching for something in my own. "It's a constant battle with these boys. People want to have something, _anything_, to do with them. You know, a claim to fame. Kiss and tell or whatever. It doesn't stop and I have to do whatever I can to protect them."

"I know." I reached forward – well, as far as I could anyway – and placed my hand on his. "I'm really not looking for anything from Edward. Nothing like that anyway. I told him because he has a right to know. Even if he wasn't hugely famous right now, I would have told him. It's not fair to these three for them not to know who their daddy is."

"You're right and I'm sorry, Bella." He nodded, looking at my swollen belly again. "Are you really only six months along?" He asked, disbelief inching back into his tone again and I nodded.

"Yup." I placed a hand on my belly again, grinning from ear to ear as I felt them kick against it. "The fact that there's three of them makes me larger than normal. Hey, c'mere." I grabbed his hand and pulled him forward, placing his hand on my stomach where mine had been moments before.

"What-" He started to argue but his face erupted into an enormous grin as one of the babies kicked against his hand. "Wow." He breathed, looking up at me.

I blushed and nodded, looking at his hand. "It's incredible. I know. I got the same reaction from Edward earlier."

He shook his head, leaning back on the chair, taking his hand away from my stomach. "I still can't believe that something like this has happened."

"Look, Demetri." I urged him to look up at me and I must have had some sort of telekenetic powers or something because he did. "Neither Edward nor I planned this, but it's happening, and this is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't care what anyone says. I don't care if people think that I got pregnant to use Edward or some shit like that, because I know the truth, Edward knows the truth and now, so do you. I could never do that. Edward and I ……… we've been through a lot and …… we mean to much to each other."

"The fact that you knew that he was in the band though." He mumbled, picking up a cup of what smelled like coffee, earning a scowl from me. I couldn't drink coffee and it was making me crabby as hell sitting there watching him drinking the sweet energy giving nectar.

"But that's it. Until he got up on the stage, I _didn't_ know he was in the band." I admitted, still watching the cup. "Until I saw him standing in front of me on the stage and backstage, I didn't know it was him. That was the first time I'd seen him, at all, I mean even on posters, pictures or whatever, in seven years."

"Really?" He raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing me.

"I didn't get out much." I shrugged and he hummed a response. "And seeing Edward up on that stage, it …… it brought back some stuff that I thought was long gone."

"What kind of stuff." He asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"Personal … _extremely _personal stuff." Thankfully he got the message and backed off, not asking anymore questions. "I'm not looking for any … publicity or anything. In actual fact, I hate all that shit."

"Alright, Bella." He sighed. "Let's go watch the rest of the show." I nodded and he helped me up. I followed him out of the office and back around to where we had been before. He called out for someone to get a chair and he pretty much ordered me to sit in it, stating that 'pregnant women shouldn't be on their feet for long periods of time'. How he knew that, I didn't know.

I couldn't help but grin as I watched Edward on stage. How had I gone so long without knowing that he was following his dreams as a performer? How had I gone so long without seeing him, touching him, smelling him, _tasting_ him-

_Stop that, Bella! He's not yours anymore. Hasn't been for years._ I scolded myself, watching as the muscles beneath his skin contracted and flexed with each movement, how the sweat from the exertion on the stage made it seem like he was glistening in the lights above him.

_Fuck._

_Me._

_Now._

_Hard._

I gulped audibly, watching him on the stage as he and Emmett sang the words to a song that was lost on me. It must have been a new one, because it hadn't been played at the concert that I went to.

Either that or I just wasn't paying attention. Then or now.

"Demetri?" I asked and he looked over from where he was making sure that everyone behind the scenes was hitting their marks, keeping things running as they should be. "I'm being a total spazz, but what song is this?"

"Jeez, Bella, you really must have been locked away for years." He chuckled and I grinned sheepishly, feeling myself blushing. "It's 'In The End'."

_Of course it is, you thickshit!_ The bad thing was, somewhere inside my head, I _knew_ that. "Oh. Right." Turned out to be my incredibly intelligent and eloquent answer. He chuckled and turned back to face the stage where the boys were leading the crowd into their final number.

What I had seen of the show had been amazing, just as I knew it would be. Everything I'd seen and heard about this band in front of me were incredible. How they did it I had no clue, but they seemed to just breathe and sweat pure adrenaline. And I could tell that they loved it.

Before I knew it, the show was over and the boys were coming off of the stage, amongst the shouts and cheers from the crew for an excellent performance. I didn't register any of them apart from Edward, who had been handed a bottle of water and instead of drinking it, promptly emptied it over his head.

Spotting me sitting there watching him, he made his way over to me, sporting a knowing smirk that told me he knew what was going through my mind. He always fucking knew. He would always know. It didn't matter if we were together every day forever, or apart for another twenty years, he would always know me.

"Hey." He greeted me, sounding breathless. I looked up at him, standing there, his skin glistening with a mixture of water and sweat. It made me want to run my tongue all over him. _Stop it, Bella! _ I scolded myself. _It's just your hormones talking._ I tried convincing myself of that fact, but I knew deep down that that was just an excuse. "Are you okay?" He asked, sounding slightly concerned.

"Yeah." I nodded absentmindedly. "I'm fine. Just, you know, off in my own little world."

"I hear you." He smiled his crooked smile at me. That used to be _my_ smile. "Come on." He held his hand out to help me get up and I gratefully took his help. Pulling me to my feet, I was met with his impeccible chest. The very same chest that I had once fallen asleep on every night, the one that I used to fantasise over in History and Math when I knew that there was no point in me paying attention because I sucked at those subjects. "Let's get out of here." He smiled at me and I nodded, my mouth slightly agape. I probably looked like a fucking moron.

_It's just your hormones._ I told myself repeatedly as he lead me through the chaos that was backstage, making sure that I was safely out of the way of people moving equipment and packing away.

He shouted to Demetri that we were going and he gave him a thumbs up, nodding at me knowingly. I smiled back and followed Edward out the side exit, away from where the paparazzi and fans were crowding around the other members of the bands.

"So, did you guys enjoy the show?" He asked once we were settled in the back of his car.

"'Guys'?" I asked, confused, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah." He nodded, giving me the same expression I was most likely giving him. "Emmett told me that Alice and Rosalie were there too."

"Oh." Was my intelligent reply. "I didn't see them there."

"Hm." His forehead creased slightly and I wondered what was going through his mind. "I wonder where they were then. He said they were backstage."

"Well, it is pretty big behind there." I offered and he nodded absentmindedly. At least this car journey was going better than the last one. At least the tension wasn't so thick that you would need a chainsaw to cut through it. "How are you feeling?" I asked him, remembering what they had told me after the last show I saw. Well, how could I _forget_ that one?

"I'm okay." He nodded, but I noticed that his movements were slower and a little more sluggish than they had been after he'd come off the stage. The adrenaline was wearing off.

The car stopped outside his hotel and the door by my side opened, an unfamiliar hand being offered to me. I looked at Edward who nodded, sliding over next to me. I took the hand, easing myself out of the car, Edward following me lithely.

We made our way up to the hotel room he, Jasper and Emmett were sharing. Well, I say room when it's really more like an apartment up here. I swear, it's bigger than mine.

"Did you want anything to drink?" He asked, making his way over to the kitchen area and grabbing himself a coke out of the small refrigerator that was there. He looked over to me and I swallowed gently.

"Um, water would be great, thank you." I said quietly and he nodded, grabbing a bottle of water out of the door to the fridge.

"Come on." He said softly, placing a hand on my back, gently moving me towards the sofas. "You need to stay off your feet."

"Right." I nodded dumbly. Why was I acting like a blithering idiot tonight? _Oh, right, it's because you're in the presence of the most intoxicating man you've ever known. Did I mention *epic swoon*_

We sat down at opposite ends of the couch, him with his coke and me with my bottle of water.

"Bella." He said softly and I knew what was coming. "I have to know …… why?"

He looked up at me, looking extremely exhausted all of a sudden. I felt bad for him. I didn't know what he was feeling and yet some part of me did. He was exhausted, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. I was with him on the last two.

"Edward." I whispered, moving towards him slowly, gently brushing a few strands of hair out of his eyes. "You're exhausted. Why don't you go to bed and we'll talk later, yeah?"

"We need to talk abou-"

"I know." I whispered gently. "I know. But not while you're like this. I mean, look at you. You can barely keep your eyes open. You're exhausted. Get some sleep and we'll talk when you're feeling better."

He sighed, closing his eyes. I knew that we had to have this talk. I just didn't want to do it while he was so out of it like he was. He really was exhausted and it hurt to see him this way. He needed rest. As much of it as he could get and that wasn't something I was going to take away from him. He looked at me, his eyes pleading as he spoke softly. "Stay with me?"

"What?" I asked, taken aback.

"Stay with me." He repeated, a little louder. "Tonight. Will you stay with me?"

"Of course." I smiled at him and he nodded at me, his eyes drooping.

He stood up slowly, stretching out his muscles. He held out a hand to me, probably guessing that there was no way that I'd be able to get off of the sofa on my own.

"Wait here a sec, I think one of Emmett's shirts will fit you." He shook his head softly and I could tell that it was costing him a lot to stay upright. I needed to get him into bed as quickly as possible. He came back a moment later with one of the biggest shirts I'd ever seen, handing it to me. "It's clean, I swear." He gave me a soft grin and I took the shirt from him.

"You know, Mr. Cullen, I think you might be trying to tell me something." I held the shirt out and his face turned into an expression of horror.

"No, Bella … I wasn't … I didn't…"

"I'm kidding." I smiled at him. "Thank you. Come on, get to bed, you. You look exhausted."

I followed him down the corridor and into the room I guessed was his. He flipped on the light and I motioned towards the en suite in case he needed it. He waved me off, telling me that he didn't, so I slipped into it. Quickly changing into the shirt he had given me. The thing came down to my knees and I chuckled, thinking that Emmett really was as huge as he looked.

I made my way out into the room to find that Edward had changed into a pair of black pyjama pants with no shirt. He was flopped down on his bed, looking so peaceful that it would be an act of blasphemy to disturb him. As I padded back out into the room, he lifted his head up and smiled at me gently. I climbed onto the bed and under the covers and he followed suit, quickly realising that he was still on top of the covers and not underneath them.

He gently rested his head next to my shoulder and I took his hand in mine, placing it on top of my swollen belly, feeling one of the babies kick at his hand through mine and I felt a small smile appear on his face.

So much had changed in the last day, and I knew from now on that Edward would be in my life forever, joined by the three tiny beings growing inside of me. Whether or not there was a chance for us, I didn't know, but for now, I would give him the answers that he needed, and hope that he didn't hate me forever.

I watched him as his breathing levelled out and grew deeper, knowing that he had fallen asleep. I shuffled down, keeping his hand on my stomach and I turned slightly and closed my eyes, waiting for the depths of sleep to take me under.

///////////////////////////////

I woke up the next morning, with Edward's hand still on my belly, sunshine pouring in through the window.

I looked down at him, seeing that same small smile playing on his lips as he lay there, not moving. I knew from last time and from the others telling me so that this was normal after a big live show, but it didn't make me any less worried about him.

Who knew what being like this was doing to him.

I knew what it was that had caused him to become like this in the first place.

Me.

It was me and my actions that caused him to turn to drinking and drugs.

I looked down at his arms, seeing that he still had the large sweatbands from last night covering his elbows. I gently removed them, looking down at the crook of his elbow, gently tracing my fingers and thumb over the purple scars that littered his perfect skin.

"It wasn't heroin, you know." A small voice from the doorway made me jump and I saw Jasper standing there, holding two mugs in his hand. He chuckled slightly at my reaction, walking into the room and handing me one of them. "Camomile tea. Alice said it's your favourite."

I nodded at him gratefully. "Thank you." I murmured, turning my head back to face Edward. "What did you mean before?" I looked back at Jasper who had sat on the end of Edward's bed.

"The track marks. They weren't caused by heroin." He repeated and I nodded, looking back. I was about to ask what it was that caused it then when he answered my unspoken question. "Amphetamines and Methamphetamines. They can be taken intravenously. Hits the bloodstream harder and faster, giving the addict more of a rush." He explained and I nodded, still watching him. "Em and I had to deal with Edward just before and after rehab. We did a lot of research and shit, so we know a fair bit."

"Do you know why this happens?" I asked quietly, looking back to Edward, who was still in the same position.

"No." He shook his head, taking a sip of what I assumed was coffee. "But we've always assumed that it has something to do with the overdose he took that forced him into rehab."

"He took an overdose?" I asked, my eyes going wide.

Jasper nodded, looking solemn. "It killed him, Bella." He whispered and I choked back a sob, looking down at the beautiful man at my side. The father of my children.

"It's all my fault." I put my mug down on the bedside table and lowered myself down so that my face was level with his. "It's all my fault."

"I'm not going to lie to you, Bella, it _is_ your fault." Jasper said quietly, standing up. "I don't know the full story about what went on with you and Edward, only what he's told us from his side. We don't know what went on on your side of the story, so we're not going to come in all guns blazing at you. But I will say, don't hurt him. He's been through a lot already, and I don't think it'll take that much of a push to send him over the edge for good this time."

With that he left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

Edward had _died_. He had died and I had no idea.

What if they hadn't been able to bring him back?

What if they hadn't been able to get to him in time?

All sorts of scenarios ran through my head before I realised that none of them had come true. That Edward was alive and well next to me. Well, maybe not the 'well' part right this minute, but he was alive and here, next to me. That's what I needed right now.

But my mind kept flicking back to what happened seven years ago. If I hadn't done it, then none of this would have happened. If I hadn't _listened to him_ then none of this would have happened. Edward and I could have been happy, living somewhere quaint and quiet, maybe with several children, two cats and a dog. But that was my own fantasies. Something I wasn't allowed to have anymore. All because I listened to that sick fuck all those years ago.

~_Flashback~_

_Seven years previous._

"_Bells?" I heard my dad calling through my door gently for the hundredth time that day. He knocked lightly before it creaked open and he poked his head through. "Are you okay, honey?" He asked and I nodded, blankly staring out the window where the clouds matched my mood._

_Why had I done it?_

_Why?_

"_Okay, then." He clearly didn't know what to do. "I've got to head off to work now." I could tell that he didn't want to leave me like this. "Are you going to be okay on your own for a while?"_

"_Edward's coming over." I mumbled in a hollow voice that sounded so detached I didn't think that it even came from me._

_Why did I listen?_

_Why did I do it?_

_He said that it was for the better._

_Why did I listen to him?_

_I should have told him to fuck off and mind his own. That it wasn't down to him. It was mine and Edward's baby, so it was our responsibility. Not his._

_But I wasn't that strong._

_I was weak and infuriating._

_And I hated myself._

_Edward would hate me too._

_So I had to let him go. I prayed that he would understand._

_I didn't hear Charlie leave, nor did I hear Edward arrive. The next thing I knew was a pair of strong, hard yet soft and gentle arms were threading themselves around my waist, holding me close to a strong, hard chest._

"_Edward?" I whispered gently, resting my head against his chest and closing my eyes._

"_Yes, love?" His whispered response came almost instantly._

"_Can we go for a walk?" I asked, turning to face him and he looked down at me, smiling. Going for walks was our way of refreshing our minds. When we walked together it was just us. No one else would get in the way or interfere. There were no pushy parents, or skanky girls here. It was just us._

_Just Edward and Bella._

_He took hold of my hand and we walked down the stairs, slowly pulling our shoes on at the bottom. He opened the door and the two of us walked through it, out into the humid air of Forks, Washington._

_We walked for a few minutes in silence, just holding each others hands, gently swinging them back and forth, neither one of us needing to fill the silence._

_That is, until I knew that I couldn't put it off any longer._

"_Edward?" I stopped, grasping his hand, causing him to stop as well._

"_What is it, love?" He asked, his tone concerned. I knew he knew that there was something wrong. He always knew. It was something I normally loved about him, but now, I hated him for it. It made this so much harder._

"_I have to talk to you." There. I said it. The six words that nobody in a relationship wants to hear from their significant other._

_He stiffened ever so slightly, sensing something wrong. "What is it, love?" He repeated, his voice a little quieter than before. I could see something flashing in his eyes._

"_I can't do this anymore." I shook my head, detaching my hand from his and stepping backwards a little. I wrapped my arms around myself, not looking at him as he stood in front of me._

"_What do you mean?" He asked, obviously wanting me to say the words._

"_This." I motioned between us. "Us. I can't do it anymore. It hurts too much. All it does now is remind me of what we lost."_

"_We can work through this, Bella." He moved to stand directly in front of me. "We can work through it together, love."_

"_No." I shook my head, still not looking at him. "Not when I don't feel what I used to." It was breaking my heart to tell him these lies, but I knew that I had to. It was for the best. Lest he find out what a coldhearted and cruel bitch I really am._

"_Are you saying that … you don't … love me anymore?" He asked and I could hear his voice cracking with emotion. He didn't want to let me go. I knew that there was only one way to end this and it would end me to do it. I heard him take a deep breath in front of me. "I don't believe you. Tell me that you don't love me." He placed a finger underneath my chin, forcing me to look at him. "Look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me."_

_I took a deep breath, hating myself for what I was about to say. "I don't love you."_

_With those four words, I literally saw his heart shatter into a million pieces. I wanted to scoop him up into my arms and tell him that I was lying. That I didn't mean it, but I knew that I couldn't._

_He didn't move and I knew that he was truly broken._

"_I'm sorry, Edward." I looked away from him and started to walk back in the direction of my house. It had started raining as we had been standing there, and I thought about how harsh I was being, leaving him standing there in the rain._

_I dared a glance back over my shoulder and I saw that he was no longer standing, but had slumped to his knees. I turned around quickly, and continued walking towards my house._

_I was the world's biggest bitch. But it was what was best for him. I knew that much._

_I couldn't continue to lead him on._

_He deserved better than me._

_I let myself back into the house, throwing myself onto my bed, not bothering to change out of my drenched clothing, crying myself to sleep._

_When I woke up the next day, there was a bouquet of white roses and water lillies on my dresser. Nestled within the petals was a simple card that read '__I'm sorry. No matter how things are between us, you will always have my heart.'_

_After I went downstairs, Charlie immediately told me that Edward had disappeared and I broke down, telling him about the day before and how it was all my fault._

_I had never felt such pain in my life._

_And I had no idea how Edward must be feeling right now._

_~End Flashback~_

I had never really gotten over what I'd done that day. It still played on my mind every single day. I always wondered what would have happened if I hadn't done it. If I had carried on like nothing was wrong. Like I hadn't killed our child.

I knew that the guilt would have eaten me alive, but I would have had a little while longer with Edward. And that was worth it, wasn't it?

During my musings, I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, there was a body moving next to me.

I opened my eyes to see Edward, rolling over slightly, his eyes blinking furiously and attempting to focus. It was adorable.

"Hey." I whispered gently and he smiled at me sleepily.

"Hi." He mumbled back, his voice still thick and groggy with sleep.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, sitting up slightly, running my hand through his hair gently.

"Okay, I guess." He sighed, resting a hand on my stomach, smiling slightly at something. I wanted to ask what it was, but I decided to let him have his moment. Even if it was with my belly. "What about you?" He looked up at me and I smiled down at him.

"I'm good."

He looked back to my stomach, his hand making small circles through the material of the cover and Emmett's shirt. "Bella." He whispered and I hummed in response. "Why?" I looked down at him to see him staring intently at my stomach, no doubt picturing what it would have been like seven years ago, swollen with his child back then. "What convinced you to do it?" His voice was barely above a whisper and I knew that I had to answer him, so I told him what I had failed to all those years ago.

The truth.

I took a deep breath, and prepared myself for the onslaught that I knew would be coming as soon as I said his name.

"Carlisle……"


	11. Support Stacie

**_Not an update. Sorry about that._**

**_But I want to let you all know to start saving and counting any pennies you have left over_**

**_because the Support Stacie Auction will be on from the 11th Sept - 14th Sept_**

**_and you guessed it, if you want me to, I can write you your very own imaginings._**

**_You all know its for a good cause, so head on over and check out what I'm offering at_**

http://majiksfanfic(dot)com/phpbb/viewtopic(dot)php?f=115&t=2641&p=52196&hilit=twiXlite#p52196

**_There are loads of authors on auction so click on the icon at the top labelled 'Twlight Auctions' and it'll lead you through to them_**

**_You know you want to help out._**

**_And you get a story at the end of it, so it's win win._**

**_^_^_**


	12. What I've Done

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**I'm sorry for not updating this story in …….. well, forever. I know I'm an epic fail on that front, but this chapter is an epic chapter. It's close to one of the longest chapters I've ever written. And I'll have the next one up soon, so hopefully that makes up for it. Don't rush me though. I need to find a balance between work and my personal life and it might take me a little time to get the next chapters out while I try to find that balance.**_

_**Edward**_

So much has happened in the last six months.

So much shit has been going on around me, and I've been all but oblivious.

Yes, we were on tour. Yes, we had shows to do and responsibilities to the fans to uphold and I did that. I made sure that I was rested and present for every show.

But that didn't mean I was really _there._

I couldn't get the confrontation that I'd had with Bella out of my head. I couldn't stop going over it in my mind.

But then again, did anyone really expect me to?

I know that Phoenix, Joe and Brad were worried about me. They weren't sure what was going on, and I felt bad for keeping it from them, but it was necessary for me to. They didn't need to get caught up in all my shit. It was bad enough that Jazz and Emmett were involved. I wasn't going to involve anyone else.

I knew that they knew something was up with me when I came back to the apartment that night. They had spent years watching me deteriorate due to my drug use and so obviously knew the signs. If they _did_ know, they never said anything and for that I was eternally grateful.

I shouldn't have done it. I know that. But I felt backed into a corner with no way out. Not by James or anything, but by my own mind. By myself. It was as though I had been transported back four years, and my mind knew that the only way to escape this pain was to ingest the tiny bag of white powder.

So I did.

And all at once it was the best and worst feeling of my life.

It made me feel good. It made me feel buzzed. All thoughts of what Bella had done and what she had said to me earlier on that day all but disappeared. It was as though the only one there was me. Bella didn't matter. Alice and Rose didn't matter. Jasper and Emmett didn't matter. Hell, even James didn't matter and he was sitting right next to me. It reminded me of why I started taking it in the first place.

All that aside, it also reminded me of all the work I had put into getting and staying clean over the last three years. It made me think about the band and what would happen if I fell under the controlling, yet protective hand of cocaine again. If the others found out I would be slapped back in rehab faster than you could say 'chicken's ass' and I wouldn't be out for a while.

_No._ I told myself sternly, though how seriously I was taking myself was laughable, considering I was still high. _I won't do that again. I _couldn't_ do that again._

It had destroyed my life once, but now I had people that depended on me, that needed me and I wouldn't allow myself to be drawn back into that destructive behaviour and let them down. That wasn't something I'd do.

Hell, we were going on a tour of the U.S., in less than two weeks. I needed to be over this by then.

I knew that I would probably never get over what Bella had told me. I mean, how do you get over that? I'd found out that my baby hadn't died the way that I thought it had, but it had been _killed_. Its life stolen before it had the chance to even live.

For some reason that thought upset me more than anything. Why should it have done? Maybe it was the fact that I had a million and one thoughts running through my head so fast it sounded as though they were tap dancing and the fact that it brought back the fact that I had wanted to provide a stable and loving environment for my child. The kind of home that I never had.

But all that had been ripped away from me when Bella said those devastating words seven years ago.

_~Flashback~_

_Leaving my house, I felt the tension floating around me lift. My parents were home for one of their infrequent stops, to prove that they were actually around some of the time._

_Yeah. Ha! Right._

_Even though I spent most of my time there anyway, it always felt good to escape to Bella's when they were around. She always knew when they had appeared. It was like some sixth sense she had. Maybe it was some sort of weird female intuition that they all shared._

_Or maybe she could just smell my mother's extremely expensive perfume on me. I don't know._

_How do girls know these things?_

_Not a clue and I'm not dumb enough to ask._

_Charlie was once and let's just say, he never questioned Bella's knowledge of what was happening at Chateau de Cullen again. The silent exchange they'd had in the kitchen that day was pure amusement. Her with her 'seriously Charlie' stare and him backing down ever so slightly with each second that passed. It was hilarious to sit there and watch._

_Though I think I might have caused that tiny scar on my lip from biting it so hard that I wouldn't laugh out loud and implicate myself._

_Renee had been the same, sitting at the table along with me, watching the exchange between father and daughter, barely containing herself either._

_Let's just say, he didn't question her again._

_I pulled up to her house, and parked next to Renee's little car._

_I didn't bother to know, just let myself in. I had been doing that for the last year, so I didn't worry about meeting an angry police chief and his gun. Something I had been increasingly afraid of each time I went round, especially considering the fact that Bella was pregnant._

_We had used contraception. Renee knew that because she had unashamedly walked in on us one day when we were doing our homework – which is not a metaphor or euphemism for anything – and thrown a jumbo box of large condoms at me, saying nothing other than 'Gotta stay safe' before walking out._

_That had been mortifying to say the least._

_Yes, we had been having sex before then, but not that she knew that. Or did she? Again, it must be some weird female intuition thing._

_Ever since we had announced the news – after hiding the chiefs gun so I would escape with at least my life, if not my balls – I had been increasingly worried about meeting the chief and coming face to face with the barrel of his gun, telling me to stay away from his little girl._

_And like always, that didn't come._

_Renee always commented that she didn't know what I was getting so worked up about. Only the fact that the man has a gun. Which I've seen him use. Alright, it might have only been at a target on a tree, but still, hitting the same spot four times in a row kind of told me he was a good shot. And I didn't want to be on the wrong end of it._

_What amazed me was the fact that the both of them – Renee _and_ Charlie – appeared to be excited and happy about becoming grandparents. Yes, they thought that we were too young, which in a case we might have been, but they had seen how serious we were and how much we loved each other. They couldn't dispute that fact and they didn't even try to, like my parents had. They didn't approve of Bella, but then again, I don't know if I was expecting anything else. She wasn't made of money, like we were and like the girls that my mother had picked out for me to go on dates with when she was home. I was forced to go on one or two, but Bella knew the deal. She knew what my parents were like._

_She wasn't happy about it, but she also knew that there was no one else in the world for me._

_She was it._

_And my parents didn't seem to get that._

_I walked into the house and saw Charlie sitting in the living room, his head in his arms, his shoulders shaking slightly._

"_Charlie?" I said softly and he started, looking up at me, his eyes red and his face tear-stained. He didn't bother to wipe his eyes, but that didn't matter to me. That whole 'men shouldn't cry' thing was absolute bollocks to me. Someone wants to cry, let him cry. "Is everything okay?"_

"_Edward?" I heard Renee's voice at the top of the stairs and I looked up at her. She had tear streaks down her face, which were clearly marked out by the mascara that fell in streams down her cheeks. She motioned for me to come upstairs and I glanced back at Charlie, who nodded once, returning his head to his hands._

_I slowly made my way up the stairs, taking the hand that Renee held out to me, getting more and more concerned and worried as I approached her. She pulled me into a tight hug, which confused the hell out of me. Even though Renee was a huggy person, as it were, her hugs were never like this. They were fun and light, full of love and cherishment. But this one was full of grief and longing. Unlike any hug I'd had from her before._

"_Renee, what's going on?" I asked, hearing the panic in my own voice. "Bella…?" I couldn't finish the question, knowing that that was the only thing that would get Renee and Charlie worked up. She nodded towards the door, giving me another tight squeeze and a sad smile before she walked down the stairs. I watched her go, confused as hell about what was going on. All I could think of was that it was Bella and the baby._

"_Bella?" I opened the door slightly and quietly stepped into the room. She was curled up on her bed, facing away from me, her shoulders shaking with her heavy sobs. I suddenly didn't want to know what had happened. It had to be huge for Bella to be like this. "Bella, love?"_

_I walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, gently placing a hand either side of Bella's waist, leaning over her slightly._

"_Edward?" She looked up at me, with wide eyes, as though she couldn't believe that I was there._

"_I'm here, love." I reached out to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear as I always did, but she flinched away. I couldn't help but feel stung. "Bella, what's wrong?"_

"_I……… I …" She couldn't get the words out through her sobs. "It's………"_

"_It's the baby, isn't it?" I could hear the dread in my own voice and my stomach, heart and every other organ in my body felt like it was being ripped into tiny, infinitesimal specks. "Bella, what happened?"_

"_It's gone." She whispered and I reached out to her again, but again, she flinched away from my touch. "Don't."_

_I took my hand away and sat there. I looked away from her, knowing what had happened. She had lost the baby. And now she didn't want me anywhere near her. I couldn't help the tears that started to slide down my cheeks. I unconsciously slid off the bed and curled up onto the floor, burying my head in my hands, letting the tears fall._

_I don't know how long I sat there, crying silently into my hands, watching my tears make small wet patches on Bella's hardwood floor but the next thing I knew, I was lying on something soft and comfortable._

_I opened my eyes and saw that I was in Bella's bed, facing her. She was watching me with watery eyes, pain and fear etched into her features._

"_Edward." She whispered, reaching out to me with one of her hands. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did, but, I didn't think that……"_

"_What?" I replied at the same volume._

"_I didn't think you'd want to be anywhere near me." She looked away from me, her eyes watering again._

"_Why would you think that?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her, pulling her close to me._

"_Because I killed our baby."_

_~End Flashback~_

If I'd known how literally she was talking then, I knew that I wouldn't have been so soothing and understanding, so calming and caring.

I knew that I wouldn't have understood. But would you have blamed me?

I didn't think so.

Thinking of that day still bought a tear to my eye. I remembered all of the raw pain that was in the air. It was almost debilitating. Crippling to be around it.

And it still felt as though I was reliving it at that very moment.

I pushed the pain to the back of my mind and heart, knowing that it would cripple me if I'd let it. I had done that before and it had never ended well.

I needed to stay focused for the tour that we were travelling on around the States. What worried me the most was the fact that when we ended the tour, I would be so close to where I had spent the best and worst years of my life.

I would be close to the place I grew up ad met Bella, but I would also be close to my parents, considering they even lived there anymore. They might have taken off as soon as I did and were now relaxing on the beach in Barbados or somewhere like that. Not that I cared. They had – for all intents and purposes – abandoned me as a child, finding that travelling all over the world and living the high life was more important to them than raising a son.

Well, if they knew about Linkin Park, who's laughing now?

My father had always been obsessed with success. Trying to reach as high as he could. They told me that's why they had me. Apparently as it turns out, he was being put off for a promotion because it wouldn't look right to have him in the position. That is until he found out why and my mother fell pregnant with me. After that, he immediately got the job when they found out that he was an expectant father.

I was a prop. Nothing more.

I didn't know what my mother felt about me. I hadn't ever asked, feeling too ashamed to. What would I have done as a child if I had asked my mother if she loved me – then again, what child should have to ask? – and she said no? What would that verbal, solid rejection have done to me? The fact that she was never there and was always off with my father cemented it all for me. I didn't need any other confirmation.

I found myself briefly wondering if they knew of my success. They had always discouraged me from music as a career, saying that it wouldn't have anything come of it. Hah! Right. That's what _they_ said. Now look at me. The lead singer of one of the most famous and successful bands in the world. Didn't think that they would be too pleased about that, but hey, what did I care? Only enough to be a child about it if … _if_ I ever saw them again.

I knew that I couldn't dwell on them or Bella now. It just caused too much hurt and pain, so I pushed them all to the back of my mind, focusing on the performances and planning my days around them.

Obviously, the day after the concerts I was pretty much out of it. That didn't bother me though. It made the time pass faster and I was used to it. It was worrying the guys though. I told them not to worry about it, but I found Emmett and Jasper watching me from time to time and I knew that they knew about the coke back in New York.

"Hey, Edward." The two of them walked up to me where I was sitting on the sofa in the hotel suite we shared. Phoenix, Joe and Brad were sharing a suite just across the hall from us so we weren't that far away from them. Demetri was on the floor below us, seeing as there were only two suites up here. Didn't bother me. Might have bothered him, but didn't bother me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I replied without looking at them, flipping through the channels on the T.V. "Why?"

"Well……" I stopped flipping and looked at them as they stood behind me, glancing at each other every few seconds. "What's up with you two?"

"We could ask you the same thing?" Emmett sighed as he walked around the sofa, crossed his arms, knelt down and placed his arms by my head on the arm of the sofa. I sat up slightly, as Jazz walked around and sat on the other side of me. Great. I was trapped.

"What do you mean?" I looked between the two of them as they both stared at me. "What is going on you guys?"

"What happened in New York?" Jasper asked, not sugar coating it, but then again when it came to my past habits he never did. The two of them believed that it was better if they said it how it was, without fluffing it up any. Without being sensitive. "We know that something happened the day at Bella's." I winced slightly hearing her name. I wasn't ready to confront anything to do with her with the guys yet. "We know what she did."

I looked at the two of them again. "You do?"

"Yeah." Emmett whispered, looking down. I could tell that he was battling with his emotions, but they had decided that this was about me. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. "We found out what happened pretty much directly after you took off."

"What happened after you left, Edward?" Jasper asked, his tone friendly but forceful at the same time, letting me know that I wasn't getting out of this. Knowing these guys they would beat it out of me, given the chance. "Where did you go?"

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes. "New Moon."

"Why did you go there?" Emmett asked, his tone worried. Where I found and why I deserved these guys I didn't know. They really cared about me and what happened to me. And this is how I repay them. "Edward, what possessed you to go there?"

"Because I knew it was the one place you wouldn't look for me." I replied honestly, looking at him. "I needed to be alone, and that was the only place I could think of that you guys would just …… let me be."

Understanding dawned in both of their eyes as they realised that in my situation, they would have wanted to be alone as well.

"You just …… scared us, pal." Emmett whacked me on the shoulder slightly, a small smile on his face. I wasn't forgiven, but I was getting there.

"I know." I nodded, looking away from the both of them. Of course they would be scared for me. Hell, I had been passed out on the girls' sofa for almost twenty-four hours and then I get into a bust up with my ex that could have had extreme adverse effects for me, and then I'd run out into the rain. Of course they'd be panicking. "I'm sorry."

"What happened, Ed?" Jasper asked in a tone that made it so that I couldn't even argue over the hated shortening of my name.

"Did you …… drink?" Emmett asked me, his tone worried.

"No." I shook my head, hating where this was going but knowing that it was going to be on their minds until they got an answer. I knew now that they had been deliberating approaching me about this ever since I came back that night. "No, I didn't drink."

"Did you………"

"Use?" I finished the question for Emmett, who looked away from me in that instant. I took a deep breath, looking down at my hands. "Yeah." I whispered in a barely audible voice. "Yeah, I did."

The reaction from the two of them was palpable. I had expected this though. I knew how they would react and it wouldn't be an explosion as most would expect. They would be calm and understanding, or at least as much as they could be. And in some ways that was worse than a volcanic eruption. Sometimes I wanted that. I wanted them to be pissed, but I was never sure why.

"Why, Edward?" Emmett sighed and I looked at him to see him with his head on his arms and I knew that he was wrestling with himself.

I hated seeing him like this. I hated seeing either of them like this. I hated knowing that they were like this because of me but the thing that I hated the most was that I knew I was going to hurt them again and again, even if I didn't want to.

Maybe my parents were right. Maybe I wasn't worth it.

I shook my head, not knowing how to answer that question. "I just …… I don't know." I sighed, running my hands through my hair and dragging my palm down my face as though I could wipe away everything that has happened in my past and start again. Evidently, that wasn't going to happen. "I don't know. The funny thing is … I knew that it was wrong when I was doing it and that I shouldn't. Well, not so much funny as stupid, but I couldn't bring myself _not_ to do it."

"I don't understand." Jasper admitted and I saw Emmett shaking his head out of the corner of my eye.

"That's the whole point, though." I shook my head again. "You _don't_ understand. And until you've been there you can _never _understand. It's not something I can explain. It's just …… Gah! I don't know. I don't know how to put it so you guys can begin to comprehend what I mean."

"Maybe we don't need you to." Emmett said slowly trying to put what was going through his mind into words. "The thing that we need to know is have you done it since?" And there was the question. I knew that if I had been doing it since and they found out, then the tour would be cancelled and I'd find my ass back in rehab before I could blink.

"No." I shook my head again. I seemed to be doing that a lot today. Who'd have thunk? "No, it was just that one time. Like I said, I knew I shouldn't have done it when I was _doing_ it. I'm not going back there guys, don't worry."

"Can't help it, mate." Jasper clapped a hand on my shoulder. "Next time something like this happens – which I sincerely hope it doesn't, talk to us, man. Don't bottle it all up. You know where that gets you and it's not a good road to travel."

"I know." I nodded before looking at Jazz. "When did you get all philosophical?"

He shrugged, laughing. "I don't know. It just seemed to fit."

"Fair enough." I shrugged.

"Seriously, though, man." Emmett stood up, stretching out his legs. "You need to talk to us when something like this happens. That's what we're here for."

"I know." I nodded. "Thanks."

And that was that. They didn't bring it up again, but I knew that they were keeping an eye on me. I didn't expect anything else from them. They were my best friends and just looking out for me. I was sure that if it was either of them in my position, I would be exactly the same.

They weren't just my friends. They were my brothers.

The brothers I wished I had always had. The brothers that I'd needed when left alone by my parents with nothing but a live in nanny for company.

The rest of the tour passed without incident. Rosalie and Alice came out to visit Jasper and Emmett when we made our stop in Houston and were incredibly excitable the whole time. If I thought that Alice had lot of energy normally, you should see her out the back of a concert. That was some funny shit. The only one that seemed to have any effect in calming her down was Jasper. He seemed to be the antidote to her over-excitable nature.

Rosalie was more laid back. Though not by much. We had some very meaningful chats at two in the morning, when she was completely piss ass drunk and I was just amused beyond recognition. I felt some connection towards Rosalie and I knew that I could rely on her. Which was a little daft when I thought about it, seeing as I had known her, collectively for about two weeks. Meh! Made no difference to me.

The subject of Bella was never broached. She didn't play any part in the girls' visit, not even a mention, though I knew that there was something going on there. There had been a couple of times when the girls' had been in the living room, whispering to each other. Whispering that would abruptly stop when I entered the room. I didn't really pay it any mind. I thought that it was about what she had done and I wasn't keen to replay any of that.

They stayed for the entire time we were in Houston, leaving the same morning as us, but heading back to New York as opposed to Philadelphia which was where we were headed. I knew that Emmett and Jasper were upset to be leaving them, but with reminders that we would be seeing them soon, they soon cheered up. Bipolar, the both of them, I swear.

After the girls went back to New York, the tour passed as they normally did, apart from Jasper and Emmett were always on the phone to them instead of out around the town, checking out the local scenery, by which I mean the girls.

It was all very strange. Demetri couldn't understand how two simple girls could halt those two. He expected them to come to rehearsals with major hangovers every morning and every morning he was disappointed. All I could do was shake my head and shrug. All he did in return was chuckle at the two of them and give me a shrug as well. Being honest, it _was_ pretty funny.

Demetri didn't know about what had happened in New York and I had Emmett and Jasper's word that he never would. I dreaded to think what would happen if he found out that I had relapsed. He wouldn't be happy, to say the least.

The closer and closer we got to the end of the tour and namely Seattle, the more anxious and nervous I became. It was purely the thought of seeing my parents again. I knew that there was a good chance that they would be out around Seattle, after all, big cities were where they liked to frequent. If they were even in Washington anymore. I couldn't really see it, but hey, who knows?

I guess my uneasiness about being so close to the place I grew up wasn't helped by Emmett and Jasper's weird behaviour on the morning of our first concert in Seattle. What the hell was up with the two of them? They were being all secretive and weird. Not that it was odd them being weird, but normally, I at least knew the reason why. Today, I got nothing.

They told me that they had some things to pick up and do before heading over to the venue for the show, but I knew that there was something up with them. They've always complained that I'm too perceptive, but at least it's paying off now. Now, if only I knew what was going on.

It didn't take me long to find out. What with Bella standing at my door. This must have been why the two of them rushed out of the place. They must know something that I don't. Well, again, it didn't take me long to discover that.

She was pregnant.

_Hugely _pregnant.

And they were mine.

I had a flashback of seven years ago running through my head, and I couldn't help but feel a little sceptical about it. I mean, how could she be completely sure that they were mine? But then she told me that I was the only person that she'd had sex with. I couldn't really dispute her statement of the babies being mine after that one, could I?

Triplets!

She was expecting triplets!

Now one baby, I might have been able to handle. Two would have been a stretch. But three? Three was just going to be the fucking hardest thing ever. I mean, in the history of the world. Well, obviously not in the history of the world, but hey, in my world, uh-huh, yeah, it's going to be the toughest thing. Something tells me that it's going to make rehab seem like a cake walk.

But I knew that I was going to love every minute of it.

When she showed me the sonograms that she had with her, I felt emotions that I'd thought I'd buried years ago. I wasn't even sure that I could feel them anymore. I'd never had to before.

I was proud that these were my babies. I had little pieces of me growing inside of Bella, and even though she has put me through a lot of shit over the years, I knew that I didn't want to have children with anybody else. She has my heart. She always has, and always will.

I couldn't help the tear that slowly slid down my cheek as she held my hand to her stomach and I felt one of them kick against my hand. It was as if they knew who I was. Those were my children in there. _My children_. It didn't seem real and I knew that I had to voice it.

"Is this real?" I could hear the disbelief in my own voice as I whispered the question to the open room, not really looking for an answer.

"Well, the constant nausea and back pain seems very real, so yes, this is real." I felt her hand on top of mine and I heard her sigh gently. "_These_ are real, Edward. And they're ours." I could hear the nervousness in her voice and I couldn't really blame her for being nervous. I think anyone would be.

But it still seemed too good to be true. "I'm gonna be a dad?" I asked her quietly and she nodded, a tear sliding down her own cheek.

"Yeah. You're gonna be a daddy." She was quiet for a moment and I concentrated on committing the feel of the babies kicking against my hands to memory. "If you want to be."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Did she really just ask me that question? Did she think that I wouldn't be there for them? How could she think something like that?

"It means that I'm not going to be looking to you or any financial aid or anything." Of course she wouldn't. She's Bella and she hates anything like that. But hell, I would find a way. There was no way I wasn't paying for my children. She wouldn't get a chance. "I don't want you to think that I'm telling you because of that." _I know you're not. But it doesn't matter._ "I'm telling you because well …… you're gonna be a daddy and you deserve to know." _Thank you, Bella._

"Bella. You know that I'm going to be around for these babies. Nothing is going to keep me away from them. Ever. _Nothing_." _And I'd like to see anyone try_.

"I would never keep you from your children." She thought that I thought she meant that I wouldn't be allowed to see them. I knew that she wouldn't do that, but hell, she didn't know that I knew that. Well, I need to make sure that she _does_ know that I know she knows ……… _wait, what?_

I decided to start again, and not repeat anything that had just happened in my head. "That wasn't what I meant." I let out a sigh and I heard her slowly release a breath next to me. "What I meant was that ……… Fuck! I don't know how to put it."

"You're gonna be there. Simple as, right?" I looked over at her, smiling slightly. _How did she know that was what I meant? Then again, not really hard to figure out. Unless you're me that is._

"Right." I nodded, looking down at her stomach again. "These babies are going to know that their daddy loves them. How come …… it took so long …… for you to tell me?" I knew that she could see how hurt I was feeling in my eyes. She had always been able to read me like an open book and I knew that she still could. People might change, but they don't change that much. And I think I've heard somewhere before that the eyes are the only things that remain the same.

"Honestly?" She took a deep breath and I knew that she was trying to steady her thoughts, trying to process how she was going to respond. "I was scared. I was afraid. I don't know why because I knew that you would never turn your back on them, but there was just _something_ that was keeping me from telling you. And the fact that I had no idea where you were or how to contact you. Besides, I thought it was something that was best done in person. Not sure you would have believed me over the phone." Well, she had me there. She had started crying during her little speech and even though I wanted brush the tears away, I couldn't bring myself to move my hands. It was as though the babies knew something as they kept kicking at my hands. It was incredible for me to feel. "I'm sorry, Edward. For _everything."_

"I know you are." I could hear the sincerity in her voice and I knew that she was. It didn't mean that she was forgiven. It was going to take a hell of a lot to work up to that. But I could accept her apology for now. We still had a lot to talk about and we would do it after the show. "Shit!"

"What?" I could hear the confusion in Bella's voice. There was a slight panic in there as well, as though she feared something.

"I have to go." I said grudgingly. "The shows starting soon and I have to go." I really didn't want to go, but I knew that I had to. The tour was important and I couldn't let the band or the fans down. Others might be in the habit of cancelling concerts at the last minute, but I wasn't. I owed the people lining up and waiting for us everything. If not for them, I'd still be a loser addict bumming his way through life. Or I'd be dead. Simple as. I owed them everything. "I don't……" I couldn't even finish the sentence.

"You have to go, Edward." She smiled up at me, and I knew that she would be sticking around this time. So that we could work through everything.

"Come with me." The words were out of my mouth before I could even comprehend that I'd said anything. My gaze dropped to her swollen belly and it made me smile thinking that it was swollen with my children. _Mine_. I don't think it had sunk in yet.

I was going to be a father.

_I'm going to be a dad._ I repeated in my head. _Nope. Still not sunk in yet._ _Give it a couple of hours and it will._

"You don't have to." I continued, hoping that she wasn't uncomfortable with the idea. "But, I don't know. I'd just-"

"Okay." It was barely audible but I heard it. Should I really be this excited to hear that she had just agreed to come with me tonight? No. I didn't think I should, but at the moment, I really couldn't give a mother-flying-fuck. She looked up at me and held out her hands, expecting something. I was about the voice my confusion when she smiled at me. "I need you to help me up."

_Duh!_ "Oh." Was my oh-so-intelligent response. I took her hands and gently pulled her to her feet. Her feet caught on something – though knowing Bella it was probably air – and she fell into me. "Careful." It came out as a whisper because having her so close to me rendered me unable to speak normally. I knew that it was ridiculous for me to be feeling this way, especially after everything that she'd put me through, but I couldn't help it.

I was still unconditionally and irrevocably in love with her.

I manoeuvred my way around her, glancing around and making sure that the lyrics that I had been working on before she arrived were safely hidden away. I didn't want her seeing them before I was ready for her to. They were still raw and undefined. I had only just managed to get them out of sight from where they were on the coffee table before she sat down earlier.

I grabbed her coat and slid it onto her arms, making sure that she was snug into it before I grabbed my own, sliding it on and opening the door. She waited for me in the corridor with an unreadable expression on her face, as though she was deep in thought.

"We still need to talk." I reminded her softly and she nodded slowly.

"I know." I heard her sigh as she looked up at me.

I knew that this was not a talk either of us wanted to have, but it was one we _had_ to have. It was one that would either weld us together or it would destroy us. I hoped that it was the former that happened. I didn't want to think of the atmosphere our babies would grow up in if it was the latter. I didn't want to be a part-time dad. I wanted to be there all the time for my children. I wanted to watch them, day by day as they grew, as they learned. I wanted to know them from the moment they each entered the world. That was my new mission in life. I had to live for the unborn children residing inside Bella's womb.

I would be there for them. No matter what.

As soon as we reached the venue for the concert, I was yanked away from Bella by the crew and other members of the band. Emmett and Jasper looked slightly apologetic and wary but I shook my head and smiled at them, letting them know that everything was fine. They relaxed, knowing that I wasn't going to freak out on them. I would interrogate them later, after Bella and I had talked everything through. I needed to know how long they had known. It couldn't have been long or else I would have been able to get it out of them. For as much as they may try, neither of them was an expert at keeping secrets. Especially from me.

Knowing that Bella was just off stage, watching me as I performed gave me a new bout of confidence. Not that I needed it when I was on stage, but you get what I mean. It was as though there was a constant stream of energy coming from that area. From where she was standing, watching me. Every time I glanced over there, she was sitting – I had made sure they provided a chair for her – watching me, an enormous smile on her face.

At one point in the show, I sensed that she had moved and was slightly worried about where she had gone. I didn't let it filter into the performance though, knowing that the others would know something was up with me. I didn't want to let them in on anything just yet. They didn't know that Bella and I were going to attempt at sorting things out. I didn't know whether there was any chance at an 'us' again, and if I was completely honest with myself, I wasn't one hundred per cent sure that I could trust her again. She had broken me completely and utterly before, and I didn't know whether or not I could put myself in the position to let that happen again.

Only time will tell, I guess. I wasn't going to push anything and if it happened, it happened. If it was meant to be, then we'd know it. If it wasn't then I would just be a friend to her and the best dad my babies could ever wish for.

She was gone for a good fifteen minutes and I was slightly curious when I saw her return with Demetri. I hoped that he hadn't gone all 'Papa Bear', as Emmett liked to call him, on her. He could be protective of us and I didn't want to think that he had scared her in any way. She didn't look as though he had lashed it out with her. She was still smiling and singing along to the lyrics that she knew. It felt good to know that she knew the songs I was singing.

I saw her face fall slightly when we began '_Numb_'. She, other than myself, Emmett and Jasper, was the only one who knew the significance behind it. That knowledge has never been broadcast and I didn't really want it to be. I didn't want the world to know that I had emotional fuckwits as parents. Who knows what that could bring about? It wasn't something I wanted to deal with. Ever again.

Before long, the concert was over and we were leaving the stage. I was absolutely sweltering as I walked off the stage and was handed a bottle of water. I looked at it and did the first and only thing that came to mind.

I poured it over my head.

I revelled in the coolness of the water for a moment before looking down at Bella, smirking slightly when I saw her sitting there, wide-eyed, her mouth open slightly.

"Hey." I walked over to her, still trying to catch my breath in the aftermath of the closing song. The finale to the concert always took it out of me, no matter what song it was. This one just so happened to be '_Bleed It Out'_, a song that always took a lot of effort, no matter where it was placed in the show. She looked as though she was wrestling with something inside of herself and I couldn't help but be concerned for her. Hell, this woman was my light, whether she knew it or not. Of course I'm going to fucking worry about her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She nodded, her mind apparently still not connected to her body. "I'm fine. Just, you know, off in my own little world." _*Enter sarcasm* I would never have guessed._

"I hear you." I knew all too well what she meant. "Come on." I pulled her up gently I found that she was close enough so that her chest was pressed to mine as she stood. I smiled, as I felt the babies kicking against my stomach. It was as though they were urging me to hurry up and get back with their mommy. Telling me what to do from where they were nestled safely inside her. "Let's get out of here." I was met with another absent minded nod and I couldn't help wondering if she was okay. I decided against voicing my concerns as I knew from stories that I'd heard that pregnant women were very temperamental. I didn't want to upset her before we had a chance to talk.

"So, did you guys enjoy the show?" I asked as she made herself comfortable in the back of the car as we made our way back to the hotel we were staying in. I didn't know what time Emmett and Jasper would be back, and being completely honest, I really didn't give a flying-monkey-fuck.

She looked up at me, confused, her eyebrow raised in the cutest way. "'Guys'?" She asked, her voice relaying her confusion.

"Yeah." I nodded, my expression mirroring hers. Did she not know that Alice and Rosalie were there tonight? "Emmett told me that Alice and Rosalie were there too."

"Oh." She blinked a couple of times, looking at the front of the car. Or in that direction anyway. "I didn't see them." Weird. I would have thought she'd bump into them backstage when she was away from her post earlier. Maybe they were busy somewhere else. Weird.

"Hm." Was my eloquent reply. I swear, most of the conversations I had with this girl were nothing more than "hm's", "oh's" and random noises. We seemed to be getting on alright without actual words. Well, for now. "I wonder where they were then. He said they were backstage."

"Well, it is pretty big behind there." _She's got me there._ "How are you feeling?" She asked, looking at me with concern in her eyes. I knew what she was thinking and she was still as in tune with my body as she ever was.

I was starting to feel wiped, as I normally did after a concert. "I'm okay." I told her and I knew that she didn't believe me. _Isn't that supposed to be my role? I mean, she's the one who's pregnant, after all._

The walk up to my hotel room was longer than I wanted it to be. I wondered whether it was because everything was starting to lag now that the adrenaline of the performance had all but worn off, or the fact that we were going to be having a life-altering conversation in a few minutes. I didn't want to think about either of them.

"Did you want anything to drink?" I asked her as I walked into the apartment, closing the door behind her and making my way over to the kitchen. Honestly, yes, I was stalling, even though I knew that this was one of the most important nights of my life.

"Um, water would be great, thank you." She said quietly and I grabbed a bottle of water and a can of coke out of the fridge.

"Come on." I turned her gently and sat her down on the sofa. "You need to stay off your feet."

"Right." I wondered if she was alright or was she dreading this as much as I was. We needed to talk, but I just didn't know what to say.

"Bella." I almost whispered, closing my eyes slowly before looking up at her. "I have to know …… why?"

"Edward." She whispered gently, her hand coming up to brush a few strands of hair out of my face. "You're exhausted. Why don't you go to bed and we'll talk later, yeah?"

"We need to talk abou-"

"I know." She cut me off with a soft whisper. "I know. But not while you're like this. I mean, look at you. You can barely keep your eyes open. You're exhausted. Get some sleep and we'll talk when you're feeling better."

I sighed, closing my eyes. She was right. I was absolutely exhausted. I just didn't want to admit it. I didn't want her to go. I didn't think that I would be able to function if I woke up and she was gone like the last time. I didn't want to think about that so I opened my eyes and looked at her. "Stay with me?"

"What?" I could tell that she was surprised at my question.

"Stay with me." I said again, a little louder, hoping that she would be able to hear me properly. "Tonight. Will you stay with me?"

"Of course." She replied without hesitation, smiling as though I had offered her a lottery prize.

A few minutes later we were both curled up in my bed, after me making an ass out of myself when getting a t-shirt for Bella. She was pregnant and I like I said, pregnant women are temperamental, right? Not a good thing to bring out a t-shirt of the largest guy you know for the woman expecting your children to wear. After a moment, I realised that she was messing with me and handed her the t-shirt, feeling like even more of an ass than I did already.

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I didn't dream that night.

I never did after a show.

I was always so wiped out that my mind obviously didn't have enough energy to keep up a dream in my head. I wasn't complaining. After the day I'd had, it was most like to come forth with nightmares and shit like that, memories from the worst days of my life resurfacing once more.

I managed to get my muscles to work, rolling slightly. I felt something solid, yet soft beside me and I couldn't help the smug internal grin that ran through me. She was still here.

I opened my eyes slightly and saw her lying there, smiling at me, still sleepy.

"Hey." She whispered and I couldn't help the smile that passed across my face.

"Hi." I just about managed to mumble back, part of me wanting to slip back into sleep, but a larger part wanting to spend more time awake with Bella. I think we all know which part won, don't we?

"How are you feeling?" She asked sitting up, and her belly was now in line with my head. I still couldn't believe that it was my babies in there, separated from my hand with only a few thin layers of skin and muscle. They were so close, and yet still three months or so away.

"Okay, I guess." I sighed, still fixated on her stomach and the fact that my children were in there. Okay, I was getting obsessed, but hey, it's not every day a man finds out he's going to be a father, is it? "What about you?"

"I'm good." She replied, simply and I took a deep breath, knowing I was going to regret what I was about to say and do.

"Bella." I couldn't raise my voice higher than a whisper and she hummed in response, her eyes on me as I gazed at her stomach. "Why? What convinced you to do it?" I hadn't spoken above a whisper, yet I knew she could hear it. The question was: was I ready for her answer.

As it turned out. No. I wasn't ready for her answer because it completely blew me away. I was expecting something like 'because we were young and stupid' or 'because I didn't love you anymore'. The answer she gave me didn't crush me or make me upset as I expected it to. It just made me piss-ass angry.

"Carlisle."

Mother-fucker! I should have known that he'd have something to do with this.

"What?" I practically growled and she stiffened underneath my hands. I was scaring her. "What happened, Bella?"

"I don't……" She whispered, shaking her head slightly. "I don't really remember. It was such a lng time ago, but he um ……"

"He what?" I asked, looking up at her. "He what, Bella?"

"He came to my house when I came back to Forks." She whispered , biting her lips gently. "He came to my house and tried to do it again."

"What did he say to you, Bella?" I asked her again and she took a deep breath.

"He stood there and told me that he didn't take the time to convince me to get rid of your baby once, just to have to do it again." Her voice was nothing more than a whisper. "I don't know why he was like that, but he seemed really pissed that I was pregnant again. He didn't like it when I told him to fuck off."

"I can't imagine that he did." I growled. _Who the hell does he think he is?! How dare he do that to me?_

"Edward, say something." Bella whispered and I looked up at her. "You've been quiet for about five minutes. Say something please. You're scaring me."

"Sorry." I mumbled, softly, running my hand over her belly, sighing gently. "I just …… I knew that he didn't like me, but I never thought that …"

"It's okay." She ran her hand gently through my hair and I shoved myself off of the bed, running my hands through my hair.

"No!" I turned to face her, seeing her sitting there, looking up at me, her eyes wide. "No, it's not okay. If what you're saying is true – and don't think I don't believe you, because this is totally something he would do – then it's because of him that everything fell apart."

"I know." She nodded. "And I hate him for it. More than you can imagine."

"I don't think so." I shook my head as I paced back and forth across my hotel room. "I don't think anyone can hate him as much as I do right now."

"Well, there's nothing we can do about it now." I looked over at her and she looked so defeated, so worn and I knew that she regretted ever listening to the man that was once my father. I didn't think of him in that way anymore. He wasn't my father. He wasn't anything to do with me anymore.

"Yes there is." She looked up at me, confused. "This is gonna sound like a weird question, but what day is it?"

"Friday." She still looked confused, but I could see that the defeated look was still there in her eyes. I would never forgive Carlisle for what he'd done. It had been him that had placed the doubts and fears in her mind. He was the one that caused her to give up on me, on our baby, on us. And I needed to know why.

"Wasn't out as long as I thought then." I mumbled to myself and she nodded, having heard me.

"A little over eighteen hours." She nodded, smiling at me slightly. It was a pained smile. Not a smile I cared to see again. "It was a whole day the last time I saw you." I cringed slightly, thinking of that time. She did at the same time and we silently agreed to never speak of that meeting ever again. Though the reminder of it would always be there. Now, as a bump on her abdomen, but soon, as three tiny human beings, needing us to survive. Depending on us completely and utterly.

"Good." I sighed, running my hands through my hair, making a split second decision. "Get dressed." I told her in a pressing but not really sharp voice. She nodded and grabbed her clothes as I helped her up off of the bed. She made her way to the en suite that came with the room to get changed.

I got dressed quickly, still completely and utterly pissed with what I had heard and learned this morning. I didn't think that I could hate the man that I had once called my father any more than I already did. I didn't think that I could despise him for the years of abandonment and criticism, though I was nothing less than perfect for him.

I saw now that it was not _me_ that was the problem. It was him. He was spiteful, hating and downright cruel. Why he was this way, I didn't know. Maybe there was something from his own parents, Edward and Elizabeth, that had made him this way. Maybe the way they treated him was similar and he felt as though that was the best way to treat a child. Right! Leave them and criticise them until they hate you. Not really going to win you 'Dad of the Year' is it?

I would never be that way to my children. I would be there for them at all times. Whatever they needed from me, they would have. Within reason obviously. I mean, if one of them wants a tattoo or something at fifteen then the answer is most definitely 'no', but I think you can understand my reasoning for that, right? I might sound like a hypocrite, due to the fact that I had them, but hey, I was over eighteen when I got mine. It's not the same.

My children would be loved. Of that, I had no doubt.

"Where are we going?" Bella asked, reappearing from the bathroom dressed in what she had been wearing the day before. Not that it mattered to me. I didn't really care what she wore. To me, she had always been beautiful and the fact that her belly was swollen with my child only made her that much more breathtaking to me.

"We're going to Forks." I replied, trying to remain calm.

"Edward." Her voice was wary as she stilled in the doorway, looking at me. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

"I have to get this sorted once and for all." I looked at her to find her watching me as one would watch a wild animal. I could only imagine what I looked like to her. "I know it sounds cliché and reckless and stupid, but I need to know …… _why_. I need to know what made him hate me so much."

"He doesn't hate you." She whispered, walking over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist, her large belly wedged in between us. The babies kicked at me and I could feel them against my stomach. She looked down at her stomach before she smiled up at me. "See? Even they're telling you to think about it. They're saying 'don't be silly, Daddy'."

"Oh they are, are they?" I couldn't help but smile at her. "Well, sorry, babies." I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her covered stomach. I sighed as I straightened up, blinking slowly. "I need to do this, Bella. I need to know why he did what he did and why he's doing it again now. I just …… I want to know what I did wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong." She whispered, pressed her cheek against my chest and I heard her sniff gently. I looked down and saw that she was crying. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's not _you_. It's him. He's the one with the problem. Don't ever think that you did anything wrong."

"I've done a lot of wrong in my life, Bella." I wrapped my arms around her, clutching her as close to me as I could around her stomach.

"Not that warrants what he's done." She murmured against my chest and I rested my cheek on the top of her head. "Nothing you've done is so bad that that should happen." She looked at me, her brow scrunched slightly. "Did that made sense?"

I chuckled once, nodding. "Yeah, it did." I sighed, gently and she pressed a kiss to my chest. "But, I still need to know."

"I understand." She nodded, sniffing softly, wiping her tears away. "Well, it's a four hour drive, if you're sure you want to go."

"I do." I nodded, unwrapping my arms and grasping her hand. "I _need_ to."

"Okay." She nodded. "Well … then I'll be there with you, every second."

I turned back to look at her and saw her standing there, a genuine smile on her face. She grasped my hand tighter as I looked at her. She gave me a watery smile and I knew that she meant it.

"Thank you." It came as nothing more than a whisper. She nodded at me, and I pulled her closer to me.

"Anything for you." She whispered so gently I don't think that I was supposed to hear it. I pressed a kiss to the top of her head again.

We made our way down to the car, which I had called just before we left the suite. I wanted to drive to Forks, but I knew that my emotions were running high at the moment. I knew that the safety of Bella and my unborn children were more important than my desire to drive, so I called the car around, knowing that it would get us there without any troubles.

It took us about four hours or so before we passed the dreaded '_Welcome to Forks_' sign that I hated so much. It made me feel trapped, like I was somewhere I wasn't supposed to be.

"Are you sure about this?" Bella whispered, looking up at me through sleepy eyes. She had fallen asleep about an hour or so into the drive. I couldn't get my mind to stop whirling around enough to settle. I couldn't stop thinking about what Bella had told me. Why would he do that to me? Why would he convince Bella that it was a good thing to murder our baby. Because that's what it was. Murder.

Bella and I still needed to clear the air. I knew that. But I needed to get this out of the way before we did that. I needed to find out why the hell he thought that he had the authority to do that. To take a life that essentially belonged to Bella and I. Well, I didn't care what he thought. I was going to get the answers that I wanted.

"Completely." I looked down at her and she smiled at me, rubbing her belly slightly, wincing. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She moaned. "They're kicking."

"Isn't that a good thing?" I asked, confused.

"Not when it's my kidneys." She looked up at me, a small grimace on her face.

"Sorry." I mumbled and she giggled.

"It's not your fault." She shook her head, chuckling softly.

"Technically, it is." She raised an eyebrow at me and my eyes flicked between hers and her stomach. She looked down at her stomach and her mouth formed a small 'oh' shape as she realised that I meant it was technically my fault that the babies were in there in the first place.

"Meh." She shrugged, looking out the window. "Can we go to my house first? I really want to get changed." I nodded and she smiled. "Thanks." She bit her lip lightly, which told me that there was something she wanted to say, but wasn't quite sure how to put it into words. "My Dad wants to talk to you, as well."

"Why?" I narrowed my eyes at her wondering what her dad could want with me.

"Well, seeing as you're the one who got me pregnant, I'm guessing that it's not the 'if you think about having sex with my daughter, I'll chop your balls off' speech." She smiled up at me. Something I did not return. "Don't worry about it. He probably wants to make sure that you can provide for the babies."

"Well, I _think_ I can." I mused, hoping she wouldn't take me seriously. When she laughed and hit me I knew that she knew I was joking. "If that's what it is then I should be okay."

We approached her house and I saw the police cruiser in the driveway. I knew that I shouldn't really be worried, but hell, I was more worried now than I was before I stepped out onto the stage in front of thousands of people. How the hell did that work? Oh, yeah, I remember now. He has a gun!

"He's not gonna shoot you." Bella climbed out of the car – with the help of the driver, I might add, while I stared dumbly after her. How had she known that I was thinking that? Confused? Yes.

I followed her up the steps towards the house that had felt more like a home to me than the enormous white house nestled in the trees ever did. That place was cold and foreign. This felt more like home, even now, when I knew that there was a man inside that was probably going to chase me into the woods with a pair of rusty shears so that I would never be able to procreate with his daughter again. Or at least going through the motions of procreation.

She grabbed the key that was hidden in the eaves – the same place as it had been all those years ago – and quickly unlocked the door.

"Dad?" She called as she walked into the house. "Mom?"

"Bells?" I heard the familiar sounds of Renee's voice coming from the living room. She rushed out to where Bella was standing – I was still cowering in the doorway, like the brave dude I am – a panicked look on her face. "Where were you yesterday? I was so worried about you, sweetheart. I thought that something had happened to you. To the babies. What hap-?" She stopped when she noticed me standing in the doorway. Her face broke into an enormous grin. "Edward?"

"Hi, Renee." I chuckled lightly and the next thing I knew, there was a small woman launching herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"Oh, my boy." She mumbled in my ear. Renee had always been more like a mother to me than my own had. I had been closer to Renee than to Esme. "We've missed you."

"I've missed you, too." I mumbled back, putting as much into the hug as she was. I couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm.

She relinquished her hold on me and stepped back, taking my face in her hands, appraising me. "Still so handsome."

I couldn't help the slight heat that graced my cheeks. "Thank you, Renee."

"You know, if I wasn't married and my daughter wasn't expecting your children…… oooh!" She grabbed one of my cheeks and wiggled it slightly. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Mom!" Bella objected, a less than enthused expression on her face.

"Oh, honey, you know I'm only joking." Renee laughed, waving Bella off.

"Go and get changed." I laughed at her reaction and she raised her eyebrows at me.

"Are you sure you're going to be alright on your own?" She asked, looking between Renee and I. I nodded and she sighed, rolling her eyes. "Alright." She turned towards the stairs, looking back at us. "Behave." She pointed at Renee and I just laughed as she steadily made her way up the stairs. I watched her carefully, watching for her clumsy trait, afraid that it would rear its head.

I turned around to see Renee smiling at me. "So…… in a band, are we?"

I couldn't help but grin at how she never cut corners. Much like her daughter. "Yes, Renee." I nodded my head. "I am."

"From what I hear you're pretty big." Another voice added from behind me and I internally cringed, hoping that when I turned around there was no gun pointing at me. It seemed that someone heard my wishes, because when I turned around, it was just Charlie standing there, leaning against the doorframe that led into the kitchen.

"Yes, sir." I replied, feeling seventeen again.

He scoffed at my response. "Charlie." I smiled slightly, glad that I hadn't been stripped of that privilege.

"Yeah." I nodded, not breaking eye contact with him. "We are pretty popular."

"Four-point-eight million records sold in the U.S. alone?" He replied, disbelief dripping in his tone. "I think you're understating it a bit."

I shrugged, not really knowing how to respond to that. One wrong move with the chief and I was in trouble.

"What brings you back to Forks?" He asked, walking into the kitchen, motioning for me to follow him. I looked at Renee and she nodded, indicating that I should follow him. I entered the kitchen after him, to find him in the fridge. He closed the door and passed me a beer which he had opened using a fitted bottle opener. How he convinced Renee to let him install that thing was beyond me. Maybe it was because Bella was no longer living in the house. I don't know.

I shook my head, giving him a small smile. "I, um …… I don't drink." He looked slightly surprised about that little nugget of information. "Um…… I have some things that I need to sort out." I told him truthfully while skirting around the truth. "I recently found something out and I need to …… discover the reasoning behind it."

He nodded, something in his eyes knowing that I wasn't telling him the direct truth. "Edward." His tone was laced with warning. "I don't know the full reasons or circumstances behind what happened seven years ago, and it's not really something I want to know. It doesn't concern me. It's between you and Bells. But I do know that if anything like that happens again, I won't be so forgiving."

"Don't worry." I nodded, slowly, taking a deep breath. "It won't be happening again." _Because I won't let it happen again._

"Good." He nodded and slowly drank his beer. I had to tear my eyes away from the bottle, wanting nothing more than to be able to indulge in a little liquid courage for what about I was going to do.

We waited for Bella in silence, coming to a mutual understanding without actually reaching one. It seemed to make sense in some way. I didn't know how that worked, but it did. As Bella said it was a 'guy thing'.

When she reappeared she was as beautiful as she had been when she walked up there. But then again, I always thought she was beautiful, so I was kind of biased in that way. She was wearing a dark blue top, which was obviously maternity or if it wasn't, she'd stolen it from Emmett and a pair of jeans. It amazed me how something so simple could make her look so breathtaking.

"Are you ready?" She asked, looking between her parents and myself. I nodded and she smiled at me, glancing at Charlie nervously.

We made our way out the door and back into the car. I closed my eyes and rested my head on the head rest, trying to calm down.

"You don't have to do this, you know?" Bella put her hand on my arm soothingly and I looked at her.

"Yes, I do." I sighed, taking her hand in mine, "I need to know …… I know that you're going to think I'm crazy, but it's something I've got to do."

"I don't think you're crazy." She whispered, shuffling closer to me and resting her head on my shoulder, right above her heart. The heart that belonged to her, whether she knew it or not. "I think that you need some form of closure and you're not going to be able to move on from your parents."

I rested my cheek on her head and she sighed. I looked out the window to see that we were making the turn-off to where I spent the first eighteen years of my life. How he knew where the turn-off was, I didn't know, but he did, so I wasn't really complaining. Or maybe I was. I wasn't really sure about that.

I closed my eyes as the car stopped, taking a deep breath.

"Look." Bella whispered, nodding towards the house. I looked and saw the front door opening and the blonde man I recognised as my father stepped out of the house, looking at the car curiously. "Are you sure?"

I nodded and looked at her. I decided that I would take a chance and before I could stop myself, I gently pressed my lips to hers. She stiffened slightly at the contact, not expecting it but after less than a second, she relaxed and responded with the same force that I was using. I smiled and opened the door to the car, taking a deep breath before I stepped out into the sunlight that was so rare for Forks to experience.

I closed my eyes, taking in the warmth of the sun. Opening my eyes I saw the vegetation that surrounded my former home.

I slowly turned around, taking in the house and the watched in amusement as Carlisle's face turned to one of extreme shock and surprise. He obviously wasn't expecting to see me climbing out of expensive car sitting in his driveway.

Well …… this was going to be fun.

_**I know this chapter wasn't too exciting, but it was one that needed to be told. I told you it was epic.**_

_**There's a lot of drama next chapter, but don't rush me on it. I need to get into a routine with work and everything, so when it's ready, it'll be up. Like with this one, I don't want to give you guys a half-arsed chapter. That's just insulting to you guys really.**_

_**And yes, before you ask, Edward has tattoos. If you want to know what they look like, check out Chester Bennington's tats, seeing as that's what I'm using. I know, I have a thing for Tattward at the moment. Gotta admit. He's awshum.**_

_**Remember: Support Stacie. The link is going up on my profile. Bidding starts on the 11**__**th**__** Sept, so if you want me to write you a little story or whatever, then go and bid. It's up to you.**_

_**Also, this might sound weird, but if there's anyone from Kansas reading this story, could you let me know. I have a weird question to ask, and no, it's not about Dorothy and Toto. (That was my lame attempt at a joke).**_

_**Anyways, give me a review and let me know what you think.**_


	13. Bleed It Out

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**I have now enlisted one of my loyal readers, Shelby0321 to give me a good kick up the arse whenever she feels I'm lagging in updating, so I should be getting back into the groove when it comes to updating. She's been nagging me about updating this one – she even gave me the Jerry Springer chant as she felt it was deserved for this chapter (it is) – so here's the update. She'll make sure I update.**_

_**Edward**_

Seeing Carlisle standing there in the doorway as I stood by the car in the driveway made my blood boil. I had been so freaked about actually being back here, the place that had whittled away at me, making me feel as though I was worth nothing and wouldn't do anything with my life, that I had almost forgotten why I was coming back when I had sworn I would never walk this soil again.

_Almost_.

Seeing him standing there - the disdain in his expression, the anger in his eyes – it pissed me off more than I could even put into words.

I felt Bella walk up behind me before she placed one hand on my arm and the other on my waist. She was there for me and it would be because of her that I could make it through this confrontation with the man I used to call my father. He wasn't worthy of that title anymore.

If I thought about it, he had never been worthy of the title 'Father'. To me, he was nothing more than a sperm donor.

I took a deep breath as I heard the door of the car close behind Bella. I looked down at her and she gave me a small, encouraging smile. It was all that I needed to get through this. Even though we still had some things to work through, she was here for me now and that was all I needed right now.

I turned back to Carlisle, who was still standing there, arms folded, glaring at me as though I was something he'd found on the bottom of his shoe. How could I have ever thought that this man was worth anything?

I took Bella's hand and she gave it a slight squeeze for reassurance as we moved around the car, making our way towards Carlisle. It was hard work keeping my temper under control with him in such close vicinity but Bella's touch managed to keep me calm. She'd always had that affect on me and I knew that she always would.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Carlisle's voice made it obvious that me being here was anything but a pleasure.

"I think you know why I'm here." I replied, my voice cold and hard, just as I wanted it to be. I wanted him to know that I derived no pleasure from being back in this place, in his presence.

"You'll have to enlighten me." His gaze flicked from myself to Bella and her swollen belly. I nearly growled in annoyance. He had approached Bella and influenced her in killing our baby seven years ago, again a few months ago to do the same thing and now he had the audacity to even look at her. I wasn't normally a violent person but he was seriously testing me and he'd said a full two sentences. Then again, it was his presence that caused those reactions in me. Not anything else really.

"Oh, it happened about seven and a half to eight years ago and then again about five months ago." I replied, letting go of Bella's hand and crossing my arms and angling myself in front of her slightly. I didn't like her being there without me in between her and Carlisle.

"Oh, that." He smirked at me, which made my blood begin to boil all over again.

"Yes." I nodded once, glaring at him. "_That_."

"What about it?" How could he be so nonchalant about something like that? Did he not have a caring bone in his body? Then again, from the way he behaved during my childhood, I knew for a fact that the chance of that was minimal.

"_Why_?" I asked, still glaring at him. "Why did you do that? What the hell was running through your mind to make you think that saying stuff like that to an eighteen year old girl was okay?"

"Edward!" I heard a different voice call from inside the house and the next thing I knew, a streak of blonde was throwing itself at me, arms being thrown around my neck. "I've missed you."

It took me a second to realise that the blonde thing hanging from my neck was Tanya. I wrapped my arms around her waist, squeezing her to me, remembering that Bella had told me she was staying with Carlisle and Esme for a while, while Felix was off somewhere. "I've missed you, too, cuz." I pressed a kiss to her temple and she pulled away from me and beamed at Bella.

"Look at you!" She reached forward and wrapped her arms around Bella as best she could around Bella's enormous stomach.

"I only saw you last week, Tanya." Bella laughed, squeezing her back.

"I don't care." Tanya waved her off, laughing. "What are you doing out here?"

"I don't think that I'm welcome inside." I replied, glancing behind her to my father who was standing watching the whole exchange with a look of extreme disdain on his face. Tanya turned to see what I was glaring at and turned back around to look at us, rolling her eyes.

"Psssh." She blew him off. "He's had a bug up his butt ever since he saw you on T.V." She grinned at me deviously.

"What did you do, Tanya?" I asked, crossing my arms not breaking eye contact with her. I knew it wouldn't really have an effect, but still, it was what we did.

"I knew that you guys were performing on a particular night and I wanted to watch my favourite cousin in action." She poked my arm playfully.

"Yeah, right. I'm your _only_ cousin." I mumbled looking at Bella, who was smirking at me.

"Anyway." Tanya glared at me momentarily for interrupting her. "Seeing as I wasn't able to go to the actual concert, I watched it on TV and they happened to come into the room as it started."

"So they know about the band?" I clarified and she nodded.

"Yup." She replied, popping the 'p'.

"What did they say?" Bella asked, taking my hand again, giving it a quick squeeze.

"Not much." Tanya shrugged, shaking her head. "Your Dad seemed pretty pissed-"

"Probably because I earn more by performing one concert than he does in a year." That earned me a whack on the arm. "Ow." I moaned, rubbing my arm like it had hurt me.

"Whatever." She rolled her eyes at me. "Yeah. He seemed pretty pissed. But your Mom …… she seemed …… proud."

"What?!" I knew I had said that a little loudly, but I didn't care. Did I hear that right? "What did you just say?"

"Esme, your mom, she was proud, watching you on the stage." She smiled at me. "I talked to her afterwards and she said that she'd never stopped thinking about you."

"So why didn't she think about me when I was at home?" I mused, mostly to myself. She was never there for me when I was living at home, before I left, but apparently she had thought about me after I had disappeared. When I was in self destruct mode. When I was destroying myself day after day. Why hadn't she expressed her care for me when I'd needed it most? When I was growing up.

_**Tanya POV**_

_Flashback_

_The concert on the television had just finished, and even though I was sitting here in the living room of my aunt and uncle's in Forks, I was so proud of Edward for his performance. I'd never had the chance to see him perform live, but I knew now that I would have to. I was his cousin, so I was sure that he'd be able to hook me up with at least one ticket. Well, I could hope at least._

_I looked over to where Carlisle and Esme were sitting and was astonished and confused at their response to watching him on the screen._

_Carlisle was stiff, like marble, his hands clenched into fists on his knees as he stared blindly at the television which was now rolling the remaining dates of the Linkin Park tour. His eyes were steely and cold. Nothing like you would expect a father to be after learning that his only son was now a superstar._

_Esme on the other hand, looked like she was fighting a smile. Her eyes were watery and she was relaxed. If I didn't know better, I'd say she was happy for Edward. I made a mental note to talk to her later on. I had tried talking to them about Edward before, but they were always together. If it was just Esme on her own and I asked her, Carlisle always seemed to make a surprise appearance and she would clam up. Something deep inside me – call it mother's intuition – told me she missed her son, and would do anything to get him back in her life._

_I knew that Carlisle would be out at work the next day and Esme didn't have any client that she needed to see or any errands to run, so she would be at home for the day._

_I would get her then._

_The next day, after I put Kate down for her nap, I searched the house for Esme, finding her in the study, curled up on the couch, reading a book._

"_Esme?" I called softly and she looked up, smiling at me._

"_Tanya, dear?" She marked her page in her book and placed it on the small table next to the couch. "What can I do for you?"_

"_I wanted to talk to you." I walked into the room, sitting down at the opposite end of the couch to her and she smiled at me again._

"_What about, dear?"_

_I took a breath, knowing that after I told her there were three things she could respond with. She could become furious, tell me to never speak of him again and tell me to leave her alone. She could storm out and lock herself away for the rest of the day, not allowing me to even voice what I wanted to. Or she could fall back on the third option I had come up with – the one I least expected her to come out with – she could actually open up to me and tell me about Edward, about why she and Carlisle had practically forgotten about him until I showed them the concert yesterday._

"_Edward." I whispered and her face fell slightly. Not completely, only slightly, so I guess that was a good sign, right?_

"_What about him?" There was something I couldn't read in her voice. Something she obviously didn't want me to hear because she cleared her throat and sniffed slightly._

"_You've forgotten him." I made it a statement and she looked up at me, horrified._

"_Of course not. He's my son." Her words caught in her throat and I saw tears welling up in her eyes. "God." She whispered, her head dropping to her hand, which was resting on her knee which she had drawn up to her chest._

"_What, Esme?" I closed the distance between us, placing a hand on hers._

_She looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. "He hates me, doesn't he?" There was fear in her voice as she looked at me. "I know that you've seen him since he left here, Tanya. He hates me, doesn't he?"_

"_No." I whispered, shaking my head. "He doesn't hate you. He …… he just doesn't understand why you treated him like you did."_

_She sighed gently, looking away from me. "That was Carlisle." She admitted, closing her eyes, slowly. "I knew that it was wrong for us to leave Edward alone constantly. To travel around the world, leaving him without even one parent to care for him, but if I'm honest, Carlisle scared me. By the time I worked up the courage to say something to him about the way we had treated Edward … he was gone. He'd just disappeared." Her silent tears had turned into sobs wracking her whole body. "My baby had just upped and left without even a word. I know that I should have been there for him, stood up against Carlisle, but ……"_

"_But what?" I pressed gently, but she looked up at me, her eyes wide with fear and shook her head._

"_I 'm sorry, Tanya." She whispered softly, more tears flowing down her face. "I can't tell you that. I hope you understand. It's not something I want to repeat. If Edward ever found out…"_

_I sighed gently, gazing at my distressed aunt. I knew Esme and I knew that this wasn't a performance. This was real. She hated herself for treating Edward like he didn't matter, like he wasn't there. She wanted her son back. The question was though, did he want to see her? I would have to try and find out._

"_You know," she sniffed, trying to regain her composure, not really succeeding to an extent. "I sometimes sit up in his bedroom, from time to time. It makes me feel close to him. Like … like I've never really lost him. I know it's silly but … it makes me feel better."_

"_Does Carlisle know you do that?" I asked and she looked up at me, horrified._

"_God, no!" She shook her head manically. If this hadn't been so serious and, honestly, heartbreaking to see, it would have been comical. "He doesn't even know I have a key to Edward's room. He thinks he has the only one. If he found out, God, I don't know what he'd do."_

"_Why does he hate Edward so much?" She shook her head again, so I knew that I wasn't going to get an answer to that question. Not yet anyway. Maybe once she was a little calmer and had had time to process what she'd told me._

_At least I knew one thing._

_Esme loved Edward and she wanted him back. She wanted nothing more than to see her son._

"_When I saw him on that television screen," she smiled, remembering watching Edward as he performed each song Linkin Park had written and released, perfectly to an enormous crowd, "I was so proud of him. I just … I just kept thinking, that's my baby. That's my son. I've never been more proud of anything in my life. I miss him so much."_

"_I know." I wrapped my arms around her as she sobbed, odd words slipping through about how if she were able to see him again, she'd wrap her arms around him and never let him go. I knew how she felt, because I knew that if I were in her position, I would never let Kate go. I made a promise to myself when Kate was born to always show her how much I loved her, to never let her go a day without showing her and telling her that her mommy loves her. And I hadn't._

_I hoped there was a way for Esme and Edward to mend their shattered relationship. They both needed each other more than either of them would admit._

_End Flashback_

_**Edward**_

After Tanya had told us what had transpired between her and my mother, Bella and I stood there in silence while I tried to process everything. My mother did in fact love me? Then why the hell hadn't she at least told me that?

I glanced up involuntarily and quickly realised why.

He was still standing in the doorway.

"Come on." Tanya took both of our hands and led us towards the house, a small smile on her face.

Carlisle sighed, rolling his eyes and disappeared into the house. That pissed me off and I let go of Bella and Tanya's hands, brushing past them, leaving them standing there staring after me and stormed into the building that I once called my home after the man that I had once called my father.

"Where the hell are you going?" I snapped at him, causing him to stop on the bottom step of the stairs. I knew where he would be going. He would be going to his office, where he normally disappeared to when he didn't want to face a situation. Which, most of the time, involved anything to do with me.

"Excuse me?" He slowly turned to face me, his gaze bordering on murderous.

"You heard me." I replied, steadying myself, crossing my arms over my chest, keeping up the eye contact with him. "Where the hell are you going? Don't want to face a situation, so you're running off? Wait, I forgot, that's what you do, isn't it?"

"I see you haven't learned any respect over the years." He said, mimicking my pose standing at the bottom of the stairs. He glared at me, his eyes turning as icy as I knew mine were. Ice blue on jade green. And neither was going to give up.

"You really expect me to respect _you_? Of all people?" I chuckled, it sounding dark to my own ears. "Respect has to be earned. You don't acquire it by default."

"Well, I shouldn't really expect any different from you, should I?" His words were cold and harsh, just as his gaze was. I had felt this gaze before, but back that I didn't know what it meant. I did now.

He hated me.

I just didn't know why.

"Why?" I shrugged. "Just because you don't have any respect for anyone other than yourself. I give out respect to people who deserve it. Not to people like you, who step on and use people, even your own child to get what you want."

He chuckled, seeming amused by what I had said. Out of the corner of my eye, I registered that Bella and Tanya had entered the house, standing warily behind me. "See, now that's where you're wrong." He looked amused at what was surely a confused expression on my face. "I didn't step on my own children …… because I don't have any." That last sentence was a whisper before he laughed again.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, my confusion ringing clear in the air. I noticed the girls look at each other before focusing back on the confrontation in front of them. It was clear that they were confused as well.

"It's simple." Carlisle shrugged, an evil grin on his face. "You're not mine."

I didn't respond to Carlisle's admission right away. What on earth was he saying? I wasn't his? He wasn't my father?

"What?" The outburst didn't come from my mouth, as anyone would have expected, but Tanya's. "What the hell are you talking about, Carlisle? Of course he's yours."

"No." Carlisle shook his head, still smirking whilst looking at me, standing there trying to process what he had just admitted out loud. "He's not mine. He belongs to some bastard higher up in my office. The same bastard that tried to steal my wife from me twenty-seven years ago. The same bastard that drugged my wife at an office function and practically raped her, resulting in _him._" He pointed at me with a repulsed look on his face. "Not even knowing that fact could convince her to get rid of him. She wanted him. He was _her baby _and she wanted him. He was a part of her. She wouldn't give him up. So I had to play the part of the concerned husband and father-to-be. But Esme and I …… we knew the truth. She didn't want you to know. She wanted to protect her little baby. You were innocent, she would say. It wasn't your fault what he did. But you know what? That doesn't matter, because now you know the truth. He is _not_ my son."

"Edward?" I heard Bella call my name softly and I felt the static charge of her skin as she touched my arm gently. "Edward, love?"

I looked down at her and saw that there were tears in her eyes. She was frightened by my lack of response to what Carlisle was saying.

I wrapped my arm around her, drawing her into me, needing her there, solid and by my side. What we had to talk about seemed insignificant now. It could wait. I needed her there.

"Love, let's go." She tried to pull me towards the door and away from a seething Tanya and what appeared to me a pleased and amused Carlisle.

"No." I whispered, looking back up at Carlisle. "Who?" I asked him, my voice stronger than I thought it would be.

"Who, what?" He asked, his eyebrows raising.

"You know what I'm asking." I replied as Bella's arms snaked their way around my waist and she pressed her cheek to my chest, right above where my heart was beating erratically.

"Oh, your _father_?" He sneered the last word, a look of disgust forming on his face. "His name is Aro Volturi if you must know."

_What?!_ I knew Aro Volturi. I had met Aro Volturi on more than one occasion. He had always been unexpectedly kind to me, welcoming and treating me as one would their own……

"He knows, doesn't he?" I whispered, not meeting anyone's gaze. "He knows."

"Yes, he does." Carlisle's voice was bitter and full of hatred. "That fucker knows that what he did that night resulted in _you_ and he's made no qualms about reminding me of that fact. It didn't matter to him what he had done. He had gotten what he wanted. He had gotten his filthy hands on my wife. But what he hadn't banked on was a permanent reminder for me. He hadn't considered that it could result in anything like you appearing nine months later. But when you did. Oh, he gloated at his conquest. While I had to look at what he had inflicted on Esme and myself every single day. Every single day I had to look down at you, and pretend that you were mine. People would ask me how the new baby was and how we were dealing. I had fathers come up to me, sharing their stories of their firstborns with me and I had to stand there and _lie_, pretending like you were mine, pretending that I _loved_ you. It made me sick to even do that."

"So instead of taking it out on the man that forced himself upon Esme, you decided that you would blame and punish his innocent child." Bella spat from beside me. I didn't want her fighting my battles for me, but what Carlisle had just said had hit me hard. "It's not like it was Edward's fault that he did that to Esme. It's not like he asked to be conceived. It's not like he deserved anything you handed out to him. You disgust me, Carlisle and you know what, I'm glad that I don't have any part of you growing inside of me right now. It would make me ill to think about that."

"Instead, you have the DNA of a rapist." He replied, a smirk in his voice.

He was right.

I wasn't brought into the world through love and devotion, as a child should be. Born to caring parents that wanted me, even if I was an accident – like my own children. They might not have been planned, but they would be loved and cherished like no other children in this world – that cared for me and showed that to the world. I wasn't even born as a prop, like I had been brought up to believe. I wasn't even good enough for that.

I was the product of a rape.

My _father_ had forced himself upon my mother, taking what he wanted without permission. What did that make me? What hope did I have in the world? Maybe those psych majors that I knew were right. The development of behaviour begins at conception. I don't know where they got their ideas from, but it sounded convincing right about now. Maybe it was because of that that I couldn't just deal with my problems like any other person could, would or at least would have tried to do. I had to turn to illegal substances and getting wasted to freeze out my problems. I was a fuck-up and maybe now I knew why.

I wasn't sure how we got there, but the next thing I knew, I was sitting in the back of the car and we were pulling up outside Charlie's house. The cruiser and Renee's car were there, as well as that dilapidated old truck that Bella used to love so much were parked outside. I think that the truck was now nothing more than a homage to the life that it had once led, unable to move, but tugging at the heartstrings of its owners, meaning they couldn't get rid of it.

"Wakey wakey sunshine." I looked at the seat in front of me – seeing as the car was set out like the back of a limousine – and saw Tanya sitting there, smiling at me, with her baby in her arms.

"You worried us, there." Bella whispered from beside me. She had her head resting on my shoulder as she gazed up at me, fear and worry in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, shaking my head.

"It's okay." The two of them whispered at the same time, as if they spoke any louder, the fragile grasp on whatever was going on around me would shatter. Even I felt as though it would and I didn't really know what was going on.

"You kind of space out on us." Bella gently ran her fingers through my hair and how my back, trying to soothe me with her touch. "We didn't really know what to do so we gently kind of tugged you out of there and into the car."

"Do you think it's true?" I asked the two of them, looking out the window as the car stopped. No one made a move to get out of the car. We all just sat there in silence as the seconds ticked by.

"I don't know, Edward." Tanya shook her head, looking down at Kate lovingly. How I wished I'd had my mother look at me that way. Who knew, maybe at one time, I had. Before Carlisle had gotten to her. "I mean, I've met him, once or twice when you were there and … I don't know… he always seemed to treat you a little differently to everyone else."

"Like one of his own." I repeated the thought I'd had earlier. She nodded sadly and I sighed, running my hands through my hair, trying to get a grip on what was going on. As if my life wasn't complicated and confusing enough, now I find this out. What the hell else could happen?

"Come on." Bella whispered, taking my arm gently and motioning for the driver to open the door, which he did promptly. She tugged at my arm until I moved out of the car after her, steadying her as she stood.

We all walked up to the house, Bella slipping her key out of her pocket and placing it in the lock.

Charlie and Renee were sat at the kitchen table, both beaming at us as we walked in. Renee looked as though she was going to get up and give us all a hug, but a firm shake of the head from Bella stopped her in her tracks, both of their faces falling and taking on a serious expression.

"Wait for me upstairs." Bella whispered quietly so her parents wouldn't hear. "You remember where it is, right?"

"I don't know." I whispered back jokingly. "I think I might have to run outside and use the tree."

She giggled and smacked my arm gently before she turned back to her parents, leaving Tanya and I to make our way up the stairs.

Once inside Bella's room, Tanya placed Kate in a small crib that Bella had, explaining that Tanya spent so much time here anyway, that Bella had insisted she get a small crib for Kate to sleep in. I couldn't help but smile at my cousin. She was such a doting mother. Such a far cry from one of the last times I had seen her. But then again, we had both moved on a lot from that time.

"Hey." She made her way over to where I sat on the bed, sitting next to me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and resting her cheek on my arm. "What's this?" She ran the pad of her thumb over my cheek, pulling it away to reveal that it was wet. I hadn't even realised that I was crying.

"I don't know." I shook my head, hearing my own voice crack. "I guess …… watching you with Kate … makes me wish that my own mother loved me like you do your little girl."

"She does, Edward." She squeezed my shoulder gently and I shook my head, letting a single dark chuckle escape. "She _does_. Call it mother's intuition, but I know that she wasn't lying when she told me how horrible she feels about how they treated you. She knows that what they did was wrong and she wants nothing more than to set it right."

"I don't know." I shook my head again, letting my head drop into my hands. "Why is everything so fucked up?"

"I don't know." She whispered and I vaguely registered the door opening and closing. "He needs you." I heard her whisper so softly that I knew I wasn't supposed to be able to hear it.

In that moment, another set of arms enveloped me, the slight electrical current running through the two of us immediately informing me that it was Bella kneeling in front of me, gently rubbing my back, pressing her lips to my temple.

"It's okay, love." She whispered softly into my ear. "It's okay, it's alright. You're okay."

She continued to whisper in my ear as I slowly calmed down. If I was anyone else, I knew that I would have been embarrassed at the display of emotion pouring out of me at this very moment in time, but both Bella and Tanya had seen this from me before – Bella at numerous points in our relationship (all at the hands of my parents) and Tanya had seen me at my worst when we were in the same rehab clinic – so I wasn't too bothered about them seeing my minor breakdown.

She settled back onto her bed, taking me with her while Tanya settled behind me, resting her head on my waist, gently rubbing my back as I calmed down.

What the hell had I ever done to deserve this fuckery of a life? Why couldn't anything be simple with me? Why did everything always turn out to be such a goddamn circus?

"I don't know, love." Bella whispered. I didn't even realise that I had spoken out loud. Either that or she was really fucking perceptive and knew what I was thinking.

We sat there for God knows how long. The only one who moved was Tanya when Kate started fussing and whining a little in her sleep. Watching her with her baby only served to remind me of the fact that my own mother had never treated me with that same love and care. I closed my eyes and moved my head from where it was resting on Bella's chest to her stomach, needing to feel closer to my children somehow.

Even though, at some point, I knew I was lost in slumber, I was aware of what was going on around me. I was aware of someone calling Bella and her gently removing herself from underneath me. I was unaware of the concept of time, but I was aware that I had a show to perform at seven o'clock on Saturday night. I just hoped that we weren't anywhere near that yet.

I felt Tanya settle down next to me, gently running the backs of her fingers across my cheek. I felt my face scrunch up as she giggled, watching me open my eyes slowly.

"Hey, sleepy." She whispered, still giggling slightly. "There's someone here to see you." She glanced up behind me and I stiffened out of reflex, curious yet not wanting to know. "Give them a chance." She whispered, giving whoever it was a small smile.

I turned over to face the door, seeing someone that I didn't think I would see again.

_Mom._

"Edward." She whispered and I could tell from her tear streaked cheeks that she had been crying. Recently, too. "I'm so sorry." She walked over to where I was on the bed as I sat up. I looked into the clear green eyes of my mother – the eyes that I had inherited from her – and felt my resolve crumble.

I couldn't stay mad at her. Not now that I knew she truth.

I wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my cheek on her stomach as she seemed to melt into me, her arms wrapping around me, her fingers running through my hair gently.

"Oh, my baby." She sighed, leaning down and kissing the top of my head gently.

"We'll leave you two to it." Bella and Tanya smiled at us before Tanya gently picked up Kate and the two of them left the room.

I didn't want to talk at the moment, and it seemed, neither did my mom.

She gently sat on the bed, not letting go of me and I rested my head on her shoulder as she sat back against the headboard, one of her hands coming up to rest on the side of my head gently. She pressed her lips to my forehead, holding them there as she began humming a gentle tune I didn't recognise.

And for the first time in my life, I felt safe and comforted in the arms of my mother.

_**Like I said before, you can thank Shelby0321 for the updating of this chapter.**_

_**Hope you liked it.**_

_**Did any of you guess why Carlisle hated Edward so much? I bet you didn't ;P**_

_**Press the little green button down there and let me know what you thought. Reviews are love and they bring faster updates.**_


	14. Shadow of the Day

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

**_Again, send your special thanks to Shelby0321 for hassling my arse. Jailward is up next, whom she has been pushing me to update for about a week now. I would have, but halfway through writing that chapter, inspiration for this one hit me. Hope you likely._**

_**Esme**_

I knew that the way I had followed Carlisle over the years was wrong. In essence, I had abandoned my son. I knew that it was wrong of me to have done that, but Carlisle held a power over me that I didn't understand.

But that's over now.

I knew, as soon as I walked into the house that something was different. Carlisle was different.

He held a look that I didn't understand as I walked into the house.

"Carlisle?" I walked over to him, slowly, as one would a dangerous predator. "Carlisle, what's the matter?"

"Your _son_ wanted some answers today." He sneered at me and I could tell that he had been drinking. I hated Carlisle when he drank. He frightened me, as he was unpredictable.

"What?" I couldn't really believe what I was hearing. "What did you just say?"

"He came around wanting answers." He repeated, his words slurring slightly as he knocked back another glass of some expensive scotch. "So I gave them to him."

"What did you do?" I asked, my words coming out more confidently than I felt. I was slightly proud of myself, being able to speak to Carlisle in that way. I hadn't been able to speak my mind to him in twenty-eight years, after finding out that I was expecting Edward. "Carlisle? What. Did. You. Do?"

"I told him what he needed to hear." He spat back, turning to face me, his expression angry.

"You told him that . . . ." I couldn't finish the sentence because his expression told me all I needed to know.

Edward knew that Carlisle wasn't his father.

I couldn't say anything to Carlisle. No words could express my disgust with his actions and my hate for him in that moment. I turned on my heel, my shopping still in my hands and marched out of the door. I knew what I to do. I knew what needed to be done.

I had to find Edward.

As I climbed into my car I heard Carlisle shouting at me to come back into the house. I thought about where Edward would be. My thoughts immediately went to Seattle, because I knew that was where his band was performing tomorrow evening. I couldn't help but smile as I thought about Edward's success. What Carlisle didn't realise was that I had known all about Edward's career and I had all the CDs that they had released. I kept them all in a small closet that Carlisle didn't go into. As far as he was concerned, it was full of my shoes and cosmetics so he had no reason to go in there. If he had even considered that I had Edward's music hidden away from him. I had my iPod in my glove box, which was also packed with the music that had come from the heart of my son. The message of some of the songs hadn't escaped me. I knew that some of them were about the abandonment that Edward had felt as a child. I turned on my iPod, linking it into the stereo system in my car as I drove. I flicked it onto one of my favourite songs from my son, _Shadow of the Day._ It was a sad song, but it was so emotional, that I couldn't help but love it.

As I reached the end of the driveway, I quickly thought of Bella. If Edward was here, her house would be the first place he would go, and the last place he would leave, right?

I mean, she was expecting his babies. My grand-babies. I felt so proud at hearing Bella was pregnant with Edward's children, but as Carlisle was there behind me, I hadn't been able to express that fact. Now, I didn't care what Carlisle thought. He was my son, and I was going to be there when he needed me from now on.

I turned towards the town, towards Bella's house instead of towards Seattle. Even if he wasn't there, then I could quickly head to Seattle.

I made it to Bella's house before the song had finished so I turned off the car, allowing the sound system to continue playing as I let my son's voice wash over me. It was beautiful and I couldn't help the tears that spilled down my cheeks. I sat there for a few minutes, sobbing, not even realising that there were two figures on the porch, watching me.

I wiped my eyes and saw that it was Tanya and Bella standing there, Bella looking incredibly radiant as she stood there carrying my grandchildren.

I sniffed once more before climbing out of the car and facing the two women. Their hard expressions softened ever so slightly as they saw the state I was in.

"Esme?" Tanya called, walking down to meet me as I made my way over to the house. "Esme, what happened?"

"He told me what happened." I whispered and Tanya scowled. "Is he here?"

"I don't know, Esme." Bella had appeared next to Tanya, an apprehensive look on her face. "Today's been hard on him."

"I know." I nodded, unable to stop the tears that began to overflow down my cheeks. "I know. I just. I need to see him. I . . . I know that the way I went along with how Carlisle treated him was wrong and I . . . I _hate_ myself more than anyone else in the world can. I just . . . I need to let him know that I love him. I know I don't have the right to ask anything of him but . . . I need my baby."

"Esme." Bella sighed, a sad smile on her face. She rested a hand on my shoulder before pulling me into a hug, that was made a little awkward by her unmissable belly. "He needs his mommy." She whispered in my ear and I pulled back, surprised at her admission on behalf of my son. "He's always needed you. He just didn't know how to voice that. He still needs you, Esme. He always will."

I needed to see him. I needed to see if what Bella was saying was true. Not that I didn't believe her, but I guess I needed to see it with my own eyes and feel it in my own heart.

"Do you think he'll want to see me?" I asked, looking at the two of them, hoping that the answer was yes. It was more than I deserved, but I had to hope.

They looked at each other before looking back to me and nodding, smiling slightly.

"Come on." Bella whispered, taking my hand and leading me back to the house.

They led me upstairs, Tanya behind Bella and I, yet making her way over to Bella's bed.

I couldn't help but feel tears pricking at my eyes again as I took in the sleeping form of my son. He looked so innocent and peaceful laying there that it reminded me of when he was a child. I would always watch him sleep, watching as his eyelids fluttered as he was lost in his dreams, calming him if he was having a nightmare. Just revelling in the beauty that was my sleeping son.

Tanya sat down next to him, gently running her fingers over his cheek, waking him up gently. I couldn't help the small smile that graced my lips as his nose scrunched up at the disturbance to his sleep. He had always woken up like that and it made something inside of me glow to see that he held some traits he had had as a child. "Hey, sleepy." She whispered, a slight humour in her tone. "There's someone here to see you." She glanced up at me briefly, so quickly I wouldn't have noticed it, if I hadn't been trained on everything the two of them had been doing. "Give them a chance." She whispered softly, smiling at me. I smiled back at her, my hope that he would shining through.

He rolled over to face me and I could see the surprise in his eyes. Hell, I'd be surprised to see me standing here as well if I were him. He'd no doubt thought that I would stay home with Carlisle, not knowing that he came first.

"Edward." I couldn't make my voice work properly, so it came out as a whisper. "I'm so sorry." I slowly made my way over to him as he sat up, clearly judging my distance from him. I looked into his eyes, his beautiful emerald eyes, seeing the pain buried deep within those depths.

I expected him to demand I leave him alone, that I leave and not come back, to tell me that he hated me and that he never wanted to see me again. I would have graciously accepted that response and left him be. Well, it would have been gracious until I got into the car, then I wouldn't have been able to move.

What I was not expecting was for him to wrap his arms around my waist and bury his face in my stomach, clutching me close to him. I had to hold myself up as my knees nearly buckled in relief as I wrapped my arms around him, clutching my baby to me as I should have done every day for his entire life. I gently ran my fingers through his bronze hair, marvelling in how thick it was and how it changed colour, becoming an almost golden colour when the light hit it in a certain way. He was certainly unique and perfect the way he was. And I hated myself for not embracing him as my baby since the day he was born. If only I hadn't been so fearful of Carlisle.

I sat down on Bella's bed next to him, and he shifted along with me, resting his head on my shoulder. I started humming a tune that I had sung to him when he was deep in slumber as a child. It would always calm him when he was having a nightmare, so I hoped it would do the same now.

He seemed to relax as I hummed and I hoped that there was some of my little boy left in there and hopefully he would let his mom in. It was more than I deserved, him being here in my arms and it was more than I'd hoped for. He had wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him, and I hoped to God that what Bella had told me was true. That he needed me as much as I needed him.

Right now, I was just going to play it by ear. If he wanted me here, then I was staying. If he wanted me gone, I'd back away, but I'd never stop watching him. Whether he believed it or not, I loved him and he was definitely coming first from here on in. He should have done. Always. It just took me too long to realise that I was listening to the wrong man in my life.

But that was going to change. With my son in my arms, I was going to change everything for him. And I knew that I could.

_**Edward**_

Waking up, I was aware of the unfamiliar yet comforting arms surrounding me. I knew who it was instantly.

My mom.

I had never thought that this would happen. She had always taken the side of my father, so her being here, with me was something of an enormous shock.

I looked up at her, to see her smiling down at me, tears in her eyes.

I tightened my grasp on her, not wanting to let her go, knowing that this moment might not last.

"Hey, baby." She whispered, running her fingers through my hair as she had done the previous night. "Sshh. I'm not going anywhere." She said it with such conviction that I almost believed her. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here to stay with you. As long as you want me here, I'm here."

I wanted to tell her that I never wanted her to leave, but the words wouldn't come.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry." She whispered, pressing her lips to my forehead. "I'm so sorry. For everything. I know that doesn't make a difference to anything that has happened, but . . ." She sniffed, unable to finish her sentence.

"It does." I mumbled back, my head still buried in her shoulder, not wanting to move. "It does make a difference."

She clutched me closer to her, holding me as tightly as I was her. "I love you, my baby. I always have."

"Then . . . why?" I looked up at her, seeing her expression sadden as she understood what I was asking. She knew I was asking her why she had allowed Carlisle to treat me in the fashion that he had as I was growing up. Why she hadn't done anything to stop it. Why she hadn't shown me the love I needed.

"I was afraid." She replied, looking me in the eye. "I know it's not a valid excuse, but Carlisle . . . he scared me. I was afraid of him. I still am to an extent, but I know now that I don't need an influence like him in my life. I don't need someone like that . . ."

Was she saying what I think she was saying? Was she saying that she was leaving Carlisle?

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to clarify what she was saying.

"I don't need him anymore." The look in her eye was the same one I had when I wasn't going to be moved on an opinion or decision. "I don't need to be with someone as . . . cruel as he is."

"You're leaving him?"

She thought for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I am." It was nothing more than a whisper, but voicing it out loud made it real. "I see now, that it's something I should have done a long time ago. I should have had the strength back when you were younger to leave him. To take you away from him. But I didn't. I was afraid and I didn't. I see the mistakes that I made."

"You see everything clearer in hindsight." I whispered and she nodded.

There was a small knock on the door before it opened to reveal Bella standing there. She smiled when she saw the two of us as we were. I think that she was glad that Esme was here. Finally realising that I was more important than Carlisle was.

"Hey." She said softly, making her way over to us. "I hate to tell you this, but Demetri's been calling. He's wondering where you are."

"Shit." I mumbled quietly, slowly sitting up.

"What is it?" Esme sat up, placing a hand on my shoulder, worryingly.

"My manager's been calling." I mumbled, running my hand through my hair and down my face slowly. "What time is it?"

"It's ten in the morning." Bella answered, glancing at her watch.

"Right." I nodded slowly. "That means I have six hours to get to Seattle." I looked at Esme and saw her eyes sadden a little. It seemed as though she really didn't want me to leave. I looked at Bella and she gave me a small nod and a knowing smile, before getting to her feet, quite awkwardly I might add, leaning over and giving me a kiss on the head, before leaving the room. "Um, did you want to come with us?"

"What?" Esme's eyes lit up, glistening with unshed tears as she studied my face. "You mean, to Seattle?" I nodded slowly, part of me hoping that she would say yes, the other unsure of what her reaction would be. "Really?" I nodded again, smiling slightly as she grinned nodding enthusiastically. "I'd love to come with you, Edward." I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face. All of this seemed like a dream and I was afraid that it would end soon. I didn't want that to happen. I finally had my mom, and I didn't want to let her go. "I don't have anything to change into though."

"You can get Tanya to buy you some new stuff in Seattle." I shrugged and she smiled. "You can go nuts, won't make a difference to me."

"I guess not." She smiled a sense of pride in her words. "What with the success you've had over the years." Wait, what? She knew about the band? "I've been following Linkin Park since the beginning, Edward. I have every one of your CDs, albums. I have all of it."

"Does Carlisle know?" I asked, and she frowned, shaking her head. "I didn't think so."

"He would have destroyed it all, had he known." She whispered, wrapping her arms around me again. Something that should have felt foreign to me, seeing as I'd not really experienced this from her before, didn't. It felt right, natural and I didn't want to let her go. "I couldn't let him to that. The music that I listened to, that you created, was the only connection that I had to you after you left."

I held her close to me, feeling her tears slowly soaking through my shirt as they fell from her eyes. "I've never hated myself more than when you left. I hated myself and Carlisle and I let him know that much."

"You did?" I asked, surprised that she would stand up to him that way.

"Yes." She nodded against my chest, being so small, her head rested right above my heart. "I've never stood up to him like that before. He knew it was his fault that you left, I knew it was his fault, but I didn't know why. I still don't. All I know is it had something to do with him and Bella. I don't know what happened, and I don't want to know. It's between you and Bella. But I knew that it was because of him and something he'd done that you left. And I've never forgiven him for that. I've missed out on a whole lifetime with you and I don't want to let anymore time go to waste."

I pressed my lips to the top of her head, just thankful that she was here and that she had found the strength to push away from Carlisle. "Thank you." I whispered and she looked up at me, confused.

"What for?" She asked, looking and sounding confused at my words.

"Just being here now." I rested my cheek on her head and she sighed gently. "It's like, you knew that I needed you and you came."

"I just wish that I'd listened to that side of me earlier." She whispered, squeezing me again.

"You can't change the past." She nodded, tears still trickling down her face.

"I know." She whispered. "But I'm going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, whether you want me to or not." She looked up at me with a fierce determination that reminded me of Bella. "And I'm going to be the best damn grandmother to those babies as I possibly can. If you'll let me."

"Of course I will." No matter how much I had hurt over my childhood, I wouldn't deprive my children of spending time with their grandmother, because I could see all of the regret in her eyes, hear all of the longing and hope in her voice and I hoped that this was a new start for the both of us. Me with my mother and her free of the influence of Carlisle.

"Come on." I whispered, taking her hand in my own and leading her out of the room.

I smiled at Bella and Tanya as we made our way downstairs. They both smiled at us, clearly happy that we were going to try and work on our relationship. In truth, I wanted nothing more than what was standing in this room with me right now.

I had Tanya. The one that had been there with me, suffering at our low points and celebrating with me on the highs – metaphorically speaking that is, considering we were both in rehab at the time. She was the one that had helped me get through the most traumatic time of my life, with help from Emmett and Jasper, but essentially, she had been the one to pull me through. She had everything I wanted now. Loving husband, even though he was away on business at the moment. Felix adored her and I knew that she was happy with him. She had Kate, my beautiful niece, whom she loved more than anything in the world. And she had faith in me that I could do anything I wanted to. Even build up a relationship with those I had thought I'd lost.

I had Bella. Even though the two of us still had a lot of things to work through with regards to 'us', both of us knew that as soon as those babies were born, anything that was keeping us apart for the moment, wouldn't matter anymore. We would put everything aside for the sake of our children. She was giving me everything I could ever want. A family of my own. I had wanted nothing else since I was eighteen and I was finally getting it. Thanks to Bella, the woman I had wanted it all with in the first place. We would work on 'us' later on.

And I had my mom. Finally I had her back in my life. But this time, I had her in my life properly. I hoped that we would be able to work on our relationship and that we would be able to be honest with each other as we should have been my entire life. It's never too late to work on a relationship like that, is it? I hoped not anyway. We would work on our relationship. I did worry about what would happen between her and Carlisle. Was she serious about leaving his sorry ass? Or would she feel the same fear she had admitted to feeling while I was growing up and go back to him. The determination in her eyes made me believe that she was in this one hundred per cent, but I knew Carlisle and I didn't want her alone with him.

I had the three women that I needed in my life. I didn't need anything else for the moment. Other than to hurry my ass up and get into Seattle or Demetri was going to castrate me.

We made our way down to the car that was waiting for us in the driveway. Esme looked at us, confused as we walked towards it.

"Saves driving." I explained and she nodded slowly, seeming to understand.

"I just don't like the idea of leaving my car here, that's all." She sighed, looking over at the dark blue Mercedes.

"Hang on." Tanya grinned, giving Kate to Bella. "Gimme the keys." Esme handed Tanya her keys, looking slightly bemused. I shrugged, as did Bella, indicating that neither of us had any clue what was going on in her mind. She quickly climbed into the car, started it and carefully drove it around the side of the house, parking it underneath the tree I used to use to climb into Bella's window. Not that I was going to made that public knowledge. I looked over at Bella and she smiled, turning a pale pink colour and looking down at the ground. "There we are." Tanya smiled as she handed Esme her keys back and took Kate in her arms. "Now no one can see it from the road."

"But what about the tyre tracks?" Bella asked, indicating the indents in the driveway that led around to where the car was now hidden.

"It'll be fine. When Renee and Charlie get back, the tracks will be hidden. Simple." She grinned and I couldn't help but grin back at her. We all knew why Esme didn't want to leave the car here. It was a dead giveaway should Carlisle come looking for her and it was clear to all of us, even though the girls hadn't heard Esme's admission of leaving Carlisle, that Esme didn't want to be associated with him at the moment.

We all climbed into the car, Esme casting an appreciative look around before smirking at me. I shrugged, feeling a slight heat rising in my cheeks and she giggled at me. I loved how easy it seemed at the moment. I knew that this wouldn't last, and we would have to get down to all the emotional crap that was still between us, but for today we weren't going to linger on that. We were going to enjoy the fact that we were together.

Bella sat on one side of me and Esme sat on the other. Tanya sat opposite to us, facing backwards, giving us all a wide grin. She winked at me, knowing that this was all I wanted in life. She knew that the fame and money that I had now meant very little to me. I would give it all up if I had the chance at having Bella and my mother back in my life permanently.

The ride to Seattle passed quickly. We spent most of it in silence, broken only by the three of them discussing what would be happening when the babies arrived. Bella thought that it would be best to head back to New York, seeing as that's where she worked and we both had apartments there. We both had roots there and neither of us wanted to dig them up. Especially when what resided in Forks was nothing but pain and hurt. We would raise the babies in New York, obviously visiting Charlie and Renee whenever we could. Esme still hadn't decided what she was going to do in the long run. She knew that she was definitely leaving Carlisle. She couldn't stand to be under his influence anymore. She said that he wasn't the man she fell in love with and that he had changed a great deal. I knew why he had changed. It was because of me.

She had surmised that she would probably go to her parents who lived in Boston, Massachusetts, which worked out well for what she said she needed right now. She told me that she needed to spend time with me, she hated herself for not being there with me and for me when I was growing up. And she needed to get to know her grandchildren. Bella and I silently agreed that we would allow her to be a part of their lives. They would need their grandmother there for them when Bella and I could not be there. I knew that Esme had a lot of love to give, but hadn't been allowed, really, to show it when I was a child. We still had a lot to work on, but I hoped it would come together.

When we arrived in Seattle, the girls went shopping, taking Esme to find some new clothes to wear while I headed off to the stadium to meet with Emmett, Jazz, Demetri and the rest of the guys.

"Hey, Edward!" An enormous voice boomed as an arm that obviously matched it wrapped it's way around my neck, grasping me in a headlock. "Where you been, buddy? You disappeared without a word. What happened?"

"Let me go and I'll tell you." I elbowed him in the ribs and he let me go.

"What happened?" Jasper asked, shoving Emmett out of the way looking me over.

"Not here." I motioned for them to follow me into a small room in the back of the stadium where I quickly told them everything that had happened from the time I left them after the concert to when I returned to Seattle. They didn't interrupt my story, knowing that if they did, I would clam up and they would never find out.

"What the fuck?" Emmett hissed, clearly pissed. Jasper had a look I couldn't place on his face. One that looked like a cross between anger, aggravation, sadness, a small amount of pity and the need to kill something. "Where the fuck does that guy get off?!"

"I know." I sighed, running my hand through my hair. "But there's nothing we can do about it now."

"He's right, Emmett." Jasper said softly, turning to face our enormous friend. "Calm down." He turned to look back at me. "Did you say that your mom is leaving him?" I nodded and he sighed again. "Well at least a little good has come out of this trip."

"A little good?" Emmett asked, his jaw going slack like someone had just injected him with a sedative. If he hadn't been so hostile in that moment, it would have been funny. "What the hell Jazz? What is that supposed to mean? What good?"

"Well, Edward's mom was clearly frightened of his da-" He stopped as I scowled at him. "Sorry. Frightened of Carlisle. I don't think she really thought that she had a choice of whether or not she could stand up to him. In essence, he was abusing her. Not physically. I don't want to think that of anyone, but he whittled her confidence down and wore her down so much that she couldn't fight him anymore. It's still a form of abuse, even if there's no violence involved. And the worst thing about it is that the person being worn down doesn't even realise it's happening. They're made to feel worthless without the other person in their lives."

"It sounds about right." I nodded, shaking my head slightly, not really wanting to get into this moments before a live show. Though the anger would help my performance, the thoughts of him treating my mother in that way made me sick and would no doubt distract me. My newfound understanding with Esme may be tenuous and fragile, but it was there and I didn't want to do anything but strengthen it.

"Come on, we're on." Jasper whacked me on the arm before grabbing Emmett and dragging him towards the stage. I couldn't help but laugh at my two best friends as I followed them to the edge of the stage.

Maybe some good could come out of this whole shitty mess. That was the last thought I gave the situation as I made my way onto the stage, effectively starting the last concert of our tour.

_**Bella**_

I was so happy that Edward and Esme were trying to repair their broken relationship. Tanya had told me what had happened when she had asked Esme about Edward after surprising them with the show so I knew that Esme wasn't really the one that had abandoned Edward. It had been Carlisle.

I instantly knew, when Esme turned up in my driveway shortly after our confrontation with Carlisle that she had made her choice between the two of them. Whether or not she knew it, I wasn't sure, but it was clear to Tanya and I,

She had chosen Edward.

Demetri had been phoning all morning and the excuse of 'it's a personal matter' were not cutting it anymore. I hated interrupting the two of them, but it had to be done if Edward was going to make the concert on time.

I couldn't help the smile as I opened the door to find the both of them with their arms around each other. Making up for lost time as it were.

I was right when I told Esme that Edward needed her. She needed him as well. That much was clear.

We had taken Esme shopping, seeing as she hadn't come over to my house with anything she could wear, and Tanya and I decided to take her on a little spree. Only a little one, because I couldn't handle much more than that. We found Esme something to wear for the concert tonight and for the next few days.

She had told us about her plans to leave Carlisle. That she had had enough of him and was going to move back to her parents in Boston. I told her that it was probably the right thing for her to do, especially seeing as Carlisle had been, in essence, controlling her for their entire relationship. It wasn't easy to see back then, but now, when she spoke of certain things, it was clear to all of us. I hated Carlisle. I hated him for what he had done. I'd like to trap him in a steel cage and let Emmett loose on him. That would sure show him.

We met up with Alice and Rosalie, who were out doing some pre-concert shopping as well. They were both eager to meet Edward's mom and gushed over Kate, seeming to welcome Tanya into the group as well. In the end we were just five girls enjoying Seattle.

When the time came for us to head to the concert, I could tell that Esme was a little nervous.

"Don't worry about it, Esme." I grasped her hand as we made our way backstage. "There's nothing to worry about. If Edward didn't want you here then he wouldn't have asked you. He wants you here. Simple as."

"I hope you're right." She sighed gently, smiling at me. "Where is he?"

I looked around, seeing Demetri looking completely haggard, as he normally did five minutes before the show started. "He's about to go on. Look over there and you'll be able to see him."

She looked in the direction and smiled when she saw Edward waiting at the edge of the stage. From where we were, we had a full view of the side of the stage, the front and the large screen behind it. We would be able to see everything from where we were.

"So, how's it feel to be at your first concert, Esme?" Tanya asked, holding an excited looking Kate close to her. She was trying to escape. Probably to get to her uncle, so Tanya had to keep a strong hold on her. I had a feeling that babies and members of the public weren't really allowed back here, but seeing as we were friends of Edward, Emmett and Jasper's they let it slide. Demetri gave all of us a quick, but very stressed wave before darting off to take care of something else. We all had to giggle at him, he looked so run off his feet. "He looks like he could use someone to relax him."

"You have no idea." Alice and Rose chorused, giggling. I couldn't help but grin alongside them, it transforming into a dreamy smile as I watched Edward as the band started up. I didn't recognise the song they were playing, but it was catchy and showed off their excellent musicians skills. Edward had the crowd in the palm of his hand as per usual.

"Incredible, isn't he?" I asked Esme and she nodded, smiling at me briefly before turning back to watch Edward as he enraptured the crowd even further.

"Well, he is a talented boy, isn't he?" An unfamiliar voice behind us commented and I turned to see a black haired man I knew standing behind us. Esme froze beside me, gripping my hand as though it were her only life support. "You must be very proud of him, Esme."

"Esme?" The others chorused, looking carefully at her as she sat there, unmoving, her eyes clenched shut against the man behind us.

She stood up slowly, and the rest of us stood up with her, turning to face the stranger who stood there with two teenagers behind him, one staring out at Edward, a dreamy expression on her face and the other standing there looking extremely bored, like he didn't want to be there in the first place.

"What do you want?" She asked, her voice low and shaky. I knew instantly who this man was, as did Tanya. Alice and Rosalie, thankfully, were in the dark, but the two of us edged closer to Esme, flanking her if needs be.

"I'm here to enjoy the show." He gestured out towards the stage where any hint of the confrontation was going unnoticed.

"Why?" She asked him, her voice slightly stronger than before, still clutching at my hand and Tanya's too. Kate had quietened down now, making it easier for Tanya to concentrate on what was happening in front of her.

He didn't answer her, but his eyes moved over to me, settling on my stomach, a smug smirk appearing on his features. "Alec, Jane." The two teenagers looked up at him. "Go and see if you can find something to drink." The two exchanged a glance knowing that words they were not supposed to hear were to be exchanged. They left without complaint though, seeming to appease the man in front of us. "Well, it appears that I'm to be a grandfather soon."

"What makes you think that?" I shot back, more confident than Esme was and she looked at me, startled.

"Well, they are my son's children, aren't they?" He nodded towards where Edward was currently performing, knowing damned well they were his.

"Doesn't mean that you're going to be in their lives." I retorted standing straight. Or as straight as I could. This man would not intimidate me. "Just because you served as a sperm donor does not mean that you have any right as a father or a grandfather. Now leave."

He looked at me and smiled. "I like your spirit. No wonder Edward chose someone like you. Think you can keep me away from my grandchildren, do you?"

"Yes, Aro. I do."

_**Uh-oh. The drama-llama's back in town.**_

_**Leave me a review. To me they're love.**_


	15. Leave Out All The Rest

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**Right, as per the arse kickery of Shelby0321 here is another update and I can tell you that Eternally Damned will be updated next. How can you think that I don't need you, girl? Madness, that thought is. Madness!**_

_**Edward**_

As soon as I stepped off the stage, I knew that there was something wrong. All five of the girls backstage were standing up, three of them – Bella, my mother and Tanya - clearly on edge, with Alice and Rosalie's stances telling me that they weren't quite sure what was happening, but they knew something wasn't right. I couldn't see what they were looking at, but I had a feeling it wasn't good. My mind immediately flicked to Carlisle. Was he here? But then I reasoned that he wouldn't be able to get backstage, or even into the concert without some kind of ticket or permission from either one of us or Demetri.

And that wasn't likely to happen any time soon.

"Hey, dude." Emmett appeared behind me, jarring me out of my musings as I approached the girls. "That was an awesome show. Best show of the tour."

"Well, it _was_ the last one. Gotta go out with a bang." I agreed, knowing that I wasn't giving him my full attention.

The girls all turned to look at us, worry etched onto Bella, my mom and Tanya's faces. Rosalie and Alice made their way to Emmett and Jasper, quickly complaining about how much they smelled before shutting up and wrapping their arms around them.

Bella walked up to me, wrapping her arms around me middle, her large stomach, pressing into my side. I looked down at her and saw that she wasn't looking at me, but glaring straight ahead. I looked over at what she was looking at, looking between my mom and Tanya to see someone I never wanted to see.

Aro Volturi.

"Ah, Edward." He grinned at me, holding out his arms as if admiring me. He looked at Esme suggestively and I wanted to beat whatever disgusting thoughts he was having about my mother out of his head myself. And I would have, if I hadn't felt the effects of the adrenaline leaving my body. My limbs were starting to feel heavy and I knew that was one of the reasons Bella had her arms wrapped so tightly around my waist. "We did good, didn't we, Esme?"

I saw my mother grimace at his words, obviously not wanting to be linked to this man in any way. Unfortunately she was. Through me.

He turned to look at me, his smile widening. "Well, Edward. I see you've come a long way since you left Forks, haven't you?"

"And what would you know about it?" I snapped back, wrapping my arms around Bella, pulling her to me, feeling one of the babies kicking at my side. I wanted to smile at the feeling, but I couldn't knowing that this man was standing in front of me.

"I know more about you than most do." He smirked at me and I was surprised that I managed to hide my emotions behind a mask. "I even know more than your own mother does." Out of the corner of my eye, I could see her turn to look at me, but I couldn't read her expression. She couldn't find out what I had wasted two and a half to three years of my life doing. I hadn't planned on keeping it from her for long, because I knew that she would find out at some point, but I also knew she needed to hear it from me and not this . . . sperm donor. "Tut tut, Edward." He shook his head at me. "Lying to your family."

"Oh, like you've always been completely truthful with yours." Bella shot back from my side and I looked down at her. She had her eyes fixed on Aro, but looking around at the others, I could see that their eyes were flicking behind Aro. Thing is, he was so fixated on me, he didn't even notice the two teenagers walking up behind him. I assumed that they were his children and from Bella's words, guessed they didn't know about me.

As they walked up behind Aro, I noticed that the girl was watching me, her eyes wide and amazed, probably wondering how the hell I was standing here. Meh, bigger things to deal with at the moment.

"I have always been truthful with my family young lady." Aro replied, a smirk on his face.

"Oh, so your children know about their big brother then, do they?" She replied and I watched the looks of admiration and whatever else it was teenagers thought when they saw a celebrity they liked vanish, being replaced with looks of shock and confusion.

Aro's face fell as he heard the clattering of the cups the two of them had as they fell to the floor. He turned around to face them before his head snapped back around and he glared at Bella. I saw tears welling up in the girl's eyes before she ran away, the boy glaring at his father before he followed after his sister. I pulled Bella slightly behind me, shielding her from his view.

"Looks like you've a little mess to clean up." I smirked at him before I turned Bella and I around and we made our way away from him. I heard the others following after us as Aro cursed loudly, following after his children.

As we sat in the back of the car, I noticed it was a little more crowded than normal, what with Jasper and Emmett riding back to the hotel with us for once. As we started moving I rested my head on the back of the seat, closing my eyes and trying to stay aware of everything around me.

"Hey." I heard Bella's soft voice in my ear, and felt her hand on my knee. I turned my head and opened my eyes to look at her and she smiled at me. "I thought you'd checked out on us."

"Not yet." I tried to smile, but I don't think it really worked at all.

"We've only got a few minutes before we'll be back in the hotel room. Think you can stay with us?" I nodded, closing my eyes again and she sighed gently. "You're going to have to keep your eyes open though." I scowled at her and she smiled. "Hey, I don't make the rules."

"What's going on?" My mom asked and I had been dreading this bit.

"He just gets really exhausted really quickly after a show. It's nothing to worry about. He'll be back to normal in a day or so." _Thank you, Jasper._

"A day or so?" Her voice was mildly alarmed and I could hear the others trying to calm her down. I didn't really register what was being said. I knew that nothing about my previous addictions would be said to her. At least not until I had explained everything to her. They all knew that that was something _I_ needed to do. Coming from anyone else, it wouldn't come out right. Coming from me, I could explain it the way it actually happened, getting things across in the way I needed them to be perceived.

"Come on." I heard Bella say softly, gently pulling on my arm, but I didn't have the energy to respond. "Shit. Emmett." She sighed gently and I felt her move away from me, her grasp being replaced by that of two hands that could belong to a giant. I would know that it was Emmett even if I hadn't heard Bella call him over.

"Come on." He sighed, easing me out of the car. "He's too exhausted, he can't walk."

"Dammit." Someone else next to me breathed. I wasn't sure who it was, but then again, I wasn't too sure of anything right now.

I was vaguely aware of being shifted in someone's arms and the basic movement of walking, but I couldn't be sure. Especially considering it wasn't me doing the walking. Even if I'd wanted to, I don't think I could have. The events of the last day or so were starting to make themselves known and I knew I would be paying for it.

I was aware of being set down on something incredibly soft and I forced myself to open my eyes, seeing Bella making her way towards me as the door closed behind whoever had left.

"Hey." She whispered at me, smiling as she sat down on the bed. "We're back in the hotel. You're okay. We need to get you changed."

My muscles and limbs wouldn't respond as I willed them to get up and get myself changed. I had no energy at all and I hated it. I hated that Bella was having to change me, but then again I guess it was better than anyone else doing it.

Once she was done, I heard the rustling of clothes, as well as them hitting the floor and I knew that she was changing herself. I felt the bed dip as she settled down onto it, curling into my side as much as she could around the obstacle. Her stomach was pressed into mine, her legs entangled in mine with one arm around my neck and the other gently running through my hair.

As I fell into the familiar darkness that haunted me after each show, I knew that all I wanted in life was to be able to go to bed with Bella like this, every single night. I didn't need anything else. Nothing else mattered to me, well, at this particular moment at least. It was her. And only her.

/////////////////////////////////

I opened my eyes to a blinding light, and I quickly clenched them shut again, using what little energy I had to curl up into a ball, ducking under the covers. It must have been late in the day seeing as the window in the room I was in was facing west.

I reached out, looking for Bella, starting to worry when she wasn't there. I poked my head out from under the cover and looked around. Her clothes were still on the floor, where I was guessing she'd discarded them when I'd passed out and the second robe the hotel had provided us with on the back of the door was gone, so I guessed she was wearing it.

I sat up slowly, wondering where the hell she could be when I noticed that the robe was thrown over the back of a chair in the corner. _Okay, maybe she's not wearing it._

"Hey, sleepy." I looked over at Bella and saw that she was standing in the doorway, smiling at me, holding a tray in front of her as she kicked the door closed.

She looked absolutely beautiful. She was wearing a teal top that had a sliver of material separating her breasts from her stomach, making them look _very_ appealing – if I do say so myself – whilst showing off her baby bump, beautifully and elegantly. She had paired it with a pair of jeans, which were obviously maternity, because there was no way she was getting into regular jeans – though I would never say that to her – at the size she was. And of course, setting off the entire outfit she was wearing a pair of bright pink bunny slippers and I couldn't help but smile as she sat on the bed.

"What?" She grinned at me, looking between me and the slippers. "They're soft and comfy and better for me to be wearing than anything else."

"Now, is that a professional or your own personal opinion?" I asked her, eyes narrowing, biting into one of the slices of toast that she had brought through for me.

"It's mine." She nodded, smirking at me. "But Alice doesn't know that."

"Sneaky." She laughed along with me, her eyes gently going over my body.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, her eyes and tone worried as one of her hands reached up, gently brushing a few loose strands away from my face.

"I'm okay." I nodded, setting down the food.

"Well, that's good." Her gaze flicked nervously to the door and I immediately wondered what was going on.

"Bella?" She looked at me, innocently and I narrowed my eyes at her, wondering what was up with her. "What's going on?"

"Well . . ." She took a breath, steadying herself. "Late last night, when you were, you know? Still pretty out of it. We got a call up from reception." I nodded, not really understanding where she was going. Someone was at the reception? What has that got to do with anything? "They were asking for you." I nodded again. "Well, obviously with you being like that, you couldn't go down, so Jasper and I went down instead." She bit on her lip and I immediately worried.

"Who was it?" I asked, putting the tray to one side. "Bella, who was it?" _Was it Aro? Carlisle? Someone else who either hates me or wants to piss me off?_

"It's not who you're thinking?" She reassured me. Or tried to at least.

"How do you know what I'm thinking?" I asked her and she smiled at me.

"Because it's written all over your face." She sighed, gently running her fingertips over my cheek. "And I know you."

"Who was it?" I asked again and she sighed.

"They're called Alec and Jane." She looked up at me, her expression softer than it had been. She took in what was obviously my confused expression and smiled. "They're the teenagers that were at the concert on Saturday."

"Aro's kids." I mumbled and she nodded.

"Your brother and sister." She whispered, crawling over to me as I took in the news that they were here. "They're still here."

"What are they doing here in the first place?" I asked her and she shook her head.

"They said that after they left the concert venue, they didn't go home, but wandered around. Alec suggested trying to find you, you know to try and get some answers and stuff-"

"Like I know any." I mumbled and she scowled at me for interrupting her.

_Right. Pregnant. Hormones. "_I'll be quiet."

"But they didn't really know where to look. So apparently they just started out with the closest hotel in Seattle to where they were at that point in time. Which actually happens to be this one. Obviously the receptionist didn't recognise your name because he called straight up and called someone down to come and get them."

"Well, that's a bit stupid." I rolled my eyes and she nodded.

"It is." She sighed, looking out the window at the mix of orange and pink light that flooded the sky. "But when Jasper and I saw them standing there, we couldn't turn them away. I hope you understand. They're only sixteen and they're lost at the moment. I mean, they've just found out they've got an older brother they had no idea about and it really seems to be tearing Jane apart. Alec says that she's always been a daddy's girl, right from the start and . . . I just don't think she knows how to handle what's going on. Alec's just pissed at Aro. He thinks that they should have had a right to know the truth."

"_They_ should have." I scoffed, rolling my eyes slightly. "Hell, I should have had the right to know that the man I thought of as my father for twenty seven years, actually isn't."

"I know." She whispered, pressing a kiss to my temple.

"Well," I sighed, sitting up straight, pressing a kiss to Bella's forehead and stomach, making her giggle. "Can't change things now, can we?" She shook her head before sliding off the bed. She was lucking it was a higher one than normal, meaning that she didn't have to push herself up off of the bed, seeing as her feet dangled over the edge, without touching the floor.

I slid out of bed as well, wrapping my arms around her waist gently, pressing my nose into her hair gently. She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me to her.

"Come on." She whispered softly, as she pulled away, taking my hand.

"What day is it?" I asked her, feeling like an idiot for having to ask someone that, though technically, I couldn't really know.

"It's Monday evening." She sighed, looking sadly at me. I'd been out for two full days pretty much. Great. "I guess that all of the excitement over the last couple of days finally got to you, didn't it?"

"I guess so." I looked down at what I was wearing, trying to decide on whether I needed to get dressed before leaving the room. I was wearing a pair of loose black sweats and a black t-shirt, so I didn't really think to bother.

We walked out into the main area of the room, to find it completely buzzing with people.

Alice, my mom, and who I guessed was Jane were sitting amongst a whole array of beauty products. What girls needed to use all them for was beyond me, but still, to each their own. Jasper and who must have been Alec were playing a game of chess that looked like it was a pretty even match. Alec must have been a pretty good player because Jasper had been the Texas under eighteens chess champion three years in a row, representing Houston Chess Club. It looked like a pretty even game from where I was standing. Rosalie and Emmett were having a mini argument about something or other. I wasn't sure what. I noticed that Tanya was sitting curled up in a loveseat that was nestled in a corner, trying to convince Kate to take a bottle. It wasn't really working at the moment.

"Bella." Rosalie called her over and waved her over. "Oh, Edward, you can help too." She grinned, waving the two of us over. "What should we order in tonight?" She asked and I rolled my eyes. _This_ was what she an Emmett had been tiffing about? "Because I don't think Edward is up for going out." I shook my head, giving her a thankful look because I really wasn't. "And our group is pretty large and we don't want to attract any unwanted attention. So what should we order? Mexican? Pizza? Chinese? Or Indian?"

"Why not get all of them?" I shrugged and she raised an eyebrow at me. "What? People here like different things, and it's not like we have to worry about being able to afford the bill, is it?"

"True." She mused, looking back down at the menus.

"Well, whatever you get, Emmett knows what I have, and if you do order from more than one, I'll have what I normally do from each place." He nodded as I walked into the kitchen area that the room included, grabbing myself a bottle of water from the fridge.

"You okay?" I turned around to see Alice standing there, smiling at me. I nodded slowly, sitting down on one of the stools. "You look totally wiped."

"I am." I nodded, taking another gulp of water. That felt so good as it travelled down my throat, which for some reason, felt like someone had shoved an electronic whisk down it. "I'll probably eat and then crash."

"Edward." She said softly. "I know that Alec and Jane want to talk to you. And it's probably best if you do that as soon as possible."

"Meaning tonight." I nodded and she gave me a sad smile.

"I think that might be for the best." She sighed and I nodded, knowing she was right.

"You're right." I sighed, grabbing the water and following her back into the living area where Bella was sitting on one of the sofas waiting for me, Rosalie was on the phone, as was Emmett. It seemed like they were going with my suggestion after all. Alice made her way over to Jasper and Alec and Jane were sitting on the floor in front of where Rose and Emmett were, watching me carefully.

"Hey." Bella sighed as I sat down and pulled her towards me. She took one of my hands and rested it on her belly as I felt one of the babies kick at my hand. "They've been really restless the last two days. It's as if they know that there's something wrong with their daddy."

"I'm fine." I whispered into her hair and she nodded, obviously worried about me. "You know what I've been thinking about?" She hummed and looked up at me, her brown eyes wide. "What are we going to do when we get back to New York?"

"I don't know." She mumbled, resting her head on my shoulder.

"When are you going back?" I asked her and she looked up at me confused. "Are you going back before or after the babies are born?"

"I think I'll have to go back after. I don't think I'm allowed to fly in the third trimester. Actually, I don't think I'd be allowed to fly in the second trimester, because I'm so big."

"You're not that big." I chuckled and she snorted. A very unladylike sound to come out of her.

"I'm a house." She chuckled and I couldn't help but laugh along with her.

"Maybe." I nodded, as I played with the ends of her hair. "But you're a very beautiful house."

"Right." She mumbled sarcastically and I could sense the eye roll. "I'm moody, grumpy and fat. My stomach is expanding by like a mile everyday and my ass is huge. I think that the only decent thing to come from this pregnancy, is that my boobs are bigger. Oh! And I haven't been able to see my feet for two months."

"I don't care." I tucked a finger under her chin and turned her head to look at me. "I don't care about any of that. To me, you're still beautiful."

"If you say so." She mumbled back, clearly not believing when I said that.

"I do say so." I nodded, kissing her on the nose.

"Okay!" Rosalie broke us out of our little moment by calling out to everyone in the room. "Food is on the way."

"What did you go for?" Jazz asked, not taking his eyes off Alice.

"We went with Edward's idea and ordered from all of them." She grinned at me and I felt Bella smirk against my chest. I could have to ask what that was about later. After food. "And seeing as it's going to take about an hour for each of them to get here, I was thinking, maybe we could go out for a little walk. You know, work up an appetite." She looked at me, glancing at Alec and Jane and I immediately knew that she was arranging this little walk so that the three of us can talk. Apparently, Bella knew what Rosalie was up to because she turned to look at me, silently asking if I was okay. I nodded slightly, giving her a small smile.

"Do you need me to stay?" She whispered so low it was barely audible. I looked at Alec and Jane for a moment, who looked more confused than anything else and I shook my head. "Okay." She pressed a kiss to my forehead and stood up – with the help of Jasper, I might add – and took off her bunny slippers, because I don't think they were appropriate attire for a walk around Seattle.

Alec and Jane started to get up but Rosalie shook her head at them, causing them to stop. They looked at each other and then Rosalie in confusion, obviously finding some sort of answer in her expression because they sat on the sofa instead of following the others.

It took a few minutes, but soon after Rosalie's little suggestion that was more of an order, they had all disappeared, leaving me with Alec and Jane. My little brother and sister. I felt like my head was in overdrive, trying to process everything that was being thrown at it.

"How long have you known?" An angry whisper came from one of them after a few minutes. I looked at the two of them to see that Jane was sitting there looking confused and scared whereas Alec just looked angry. "Well?" He asked, his voice slightly louder. "How long have you known?"

"Alec." Jane put a hand on his arm, trying to calm him down. "It's not his fault."

"How do we know?" He shot back, still staring at me. "I mean, he could have known about Dad for years and not said a word. What? Were you going to wait until he was old and then swoop in and stake your claim as his firstborn son?"

"Now, hang on just a second." I stopped him, speaking through gritted teeth. "First of all, I don't care what Aro has. None of it holds my interest at all. And second, up until Friday afternoon I thought that Carlisle Cullen was my father. Imagine my surprise when I find out that he's not."

"What do you mean?" He seemed confused, sitting back on the sofa.

"Carlisle has made his . . . hatred of me, no secret. At least, behind closed doors. In public he appeared to be everything a doting father should be. But when it was just us, I was pretty much abandoned."

"What about your mom?" Jane asked in a small voice, looking at me through thick lashes.

"Bullied and beaten down emotionally by Carlisle." I sighed, looking at the two of them. "That's why she's here. She's finally managed to break free of him. Neither of us want him anymore. That's why she's here, with me."

"So what?" Alec shrugged. "You've decided that you want to know our dad now?"

"No." I chuckled, shaking my head to their expressions of confusion. "I don't want to know him. I don't want anything to do with him. And he _obviously_ doesn't truly want anything to do with me, or else he would have been there twenty six years ago when I was born and while I was growing up. I met him once or twice at social functions I had to go to with my mom and Carlisle, but other than that . . . nothing. No. I don't want to know him. You can keep him."

"After finding out about you . . ." He trailed off, looking down at the floor. "I'm not sure I want to."

"What do you mean?" I sat up straight, wondering what he was thinking. What I wouldn't give to be a mind reader in that instant.

"I mean, if he didn't tell us about you . . . when he obviously knew about you all along. . ."

"He did know about me." I confirmed, nodding. "He knew straight away when Carlisle had to tell those in his office that my mom was pregnant that I was his. He's always known about me. He just never did anything about it."

"Well, if he could keep something like that against us, then what else has he lied about?" Jane looked between Alec and I and I shook my head, not really knowing what to say. "I can't believe that you're our brother." She whispered quietly and I smiled slightly, looking up at her.

"Well, it seems that I am."

"I have to burn all my posters." She mumbled, seeming far away in her own mind and I chuckled for a moment, making her smile. "What? I do."

"She has posters of you everywhere." Alec rolled his eyes as she scowled at him. She turned to look at me, worry in her eyes and I shrugged, shaking my head a little. I knew that girls had posters of me, so I didn't really mind.

"Well, having posters of your brother around your room is weird." She defended herself and looked over at me. "You don't think I'm weird for that, do you?"

"Why would I think you're weird?" I asked her and she shrugged slightly. "I mean, you only found out on Saturday that I'm your brother, so it's not really weird." As I was talking, I wondered something. Something quite serious. "Have you been home since Saturday?"

"No." The two of them shook their heads in sync and I wondered what the hell we were going to do. It was clear that the two of them were under eighteen and if Aro wanted to – and he found out that we had them – he could charge us with kidnapping. "We didn't want to see Dad." Jane added on in a small voice, her eyes filling with tears. She looked over at me, before turning to Alec and standing up. She slowly made her way over to me and sat down next to me.

I knew exactly what she wanted and held out my arms to her. "Come here." She immediately wrapped her arms around my waist, settling into me. Alec smiled over at the two of us as she squeezed me tightly.

There was a buzzing sound filling the air and Alec took out his phone, groaning when he saw who it was. He looked at me and held it up. "Mom."

"You need to answer it." I told him and he looked at me as though I was crazy. "She's worried about you, she needs to know where you are. Remember, she's not the bad guy."

"I guess so." He sighed before flipping open the phone. "Hi, Mom." He grimaced as I heard a shrill voice come over the phone. "No . . . n-n-n . . . _Mom_. We're fine, honestly. Where are we?" He looked at me and I nodded. "We're in the Hotel Deca." He sighed before pulling the phone away from his ear. "Well, we're with some . . . friends." I smiled at the word and so did he. I felt Jane smiling against my chest and I looked down at her to see her looking worriedly up at me, her brown eyes wide and worried. "Alright. Okay." He closed the phone, sighing gently. "She'll be here in ten minutes."

"Alright." I nodded and Jane buried her head into my chest.

Alec made his way over to where we were, sitting on the floor in front of us and I couldn't help but smile. He leaned his head on the arm of the chair, sighing gently. "I wonder what she's gonna do."

"I don't want to think about it." Jane physically shuddered, tightening her grasp on me. "Actually, shouldn't it be, what do you think she's going to make _us_ do?"

"That's true." He nodded and I wondered what the two of them were talking about. "Our punishment for running away."

"Tell her about me and I don't think you'll be the ones being punished." The two of them chuckled at my words, nodding a little as the hotel phone went off. I gently nudged Jane off of me and answered it. "Hello?"

"_Yes, Mr. Cullen?_" The woman at the other end asked and I wondered how she knew it was me left up here. _Because she would have seen the others leaving when they left the hotel, you idiot._

"Speaking." I answered, confused as hell.

"_There is a woman here asking about the two children we sent up to your suite yesterday. Are they still there?"_

"They are." I looked over at the two of them quickly before turning my attention back to the phone.

"_She's claiming that she is their mother-"_ The receptionist started, but I cut her off, feeling slightly bad about it.

"Yes, I know. I'm expecting her. Please send her up." I looked at the two of them and saw that they were looking slightly worried.

"_Are you sure, Mr. Cullen?"_ She asked, clearly knowing about who I am and wondering about paparazzi or whatever. At least that's what I was going to go with.

"Yes, I'm sure." I nodded, even though she couldn't see me. "Please send her up." I put the phone down and turned to face Alec and Jane. "There was no way that was ten minutes."

"Yeah, when Mom says ten minutes she means two." Jane smiled at me and I knew what she was talking about. Though with mine it was she says ten minutes, she means twenty. With Bella, she says ten minutes and she means two. Why can't girls just take the time they said they would? It would make things a lot easier.

"Well, seeing as your mom is coming up, I think I'm going to go get dressed quickly." I quickly made my way into my bedroom, grabbing a clean pair of boxer briefs, jeans and a black long sleeved t-shirt. I didn't bother with shoes or socks, seeing as I wasn't going anywhere tonight. And besides, it's my hotel room and I hated wearing shoes inside. I hated anyone else wearing shoes inside as well. A slight OCD thing I've had since I was little.

As I made my way back out to the main living area I heard a knocking at the door. I went to answer it seeing as Alec and Jane's mother wouldn't know the code to get in.

When I opened the door there was a small slender blonde woman standing there. She looked remarkably like Jane, except her eyes were blue instead of brown. But then again, I reasoned that she and Jane would look similar due to the fact that she was her mother.

"Alec! Jane!" She flew past me, as was expected, and ran straight for her children, peppering the two of them with kisses and hugs before sitting back and looking at the two of them closely. I closed the door and her attention snapped to me, her eyes wide and wary. "Look, I don't know who you are or what you want but-"

"Mom, he doesn't want anything." Jane defended before I could even open my mouth.

"Jane, hush." She held up a finger. "He obviously wants something or he wouldn't be keeping you here-"

"Hey." I interrupted her, not liking how she was so assuming. Yeah, it might have looked bad, but that didn't mean she had to assume that _I_ was the bad guy here. "Look, I know that it looks bad, but the two of them haven't been stopped from leaving. They've had the freedom to leave whenever they want, they just _haven't_ wanted to."

"And I should believe you, why?" She put her hands on her hips, standing up straight.

"Because we didn't, Mom." Alec answered her, looking over at me. "We didn't want to leave. Edward and everyone else have been really great to us."

She looked at me again, and then back down at her children, sighing, her hands falling from her hips to her sides. "Why did you come here in the first place?"

"Because we didn't want to deal with Dad." Jane admitted, looking her mother straight in the eye.

"Why not?" She looked between the two of them, her face confused and concerned. "What has your father done?"

"Rather it's something he _didn't_ do." I answered for them, walking over to the sofa Alec and Jane were sat on and resting my hands on the back.

"I'm sorry, but I'm talking to my children." She looked up at me, her eyes telling me to fuck the hell off. She opened her mouth as if to tell me as much when Jane spoke up first.

"Edward has as much to do with this as we do, Mom." Her mother turned to look at her, confused before her gaze flicked up to me, seemingly analysing me for whatever reason.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, worry lacing her tone.

"Dad's been keeping something huge from all of us mom. Including Edward." Alec turned to look at me, smirking, so I pulled a face at him, to which Jane laughed. Their mom didn't seem too impressed though.

"What are you talking about?" She looked between the two of them a couple of times before looking at me. "He's been keeping something from us?" I nodded slowly. "And from . . . you as well?" I nodded again and she let out a breath, clearly wondering what the hell was going on. "Well . . . how huge is this thing he's been keeping from us?"

"Well," Alec looked at for a second. "It's about six foot two." I rolled my eyes at him, as did Jane and his mom just looked confused as she stared at her son, clearly waiting for an explanation. "He's been keeping Edward from us."

She looked up at me, shock lining her features as she stared into my eyes. I didn't break eye contact with her as she stood up. "What is he saying?" She made her way around the sofa to stand next to me, gazing up at me, clearly trying to figure me out. "What is Alec saying? You're Aro's son?" I nodded slowly and she let out a laugh. "Right. Of course, how could I not see that? What do you take me for? What were you thinking that you could just come here and claim to be Aro's son and get everything you wanted? What is it you're after? Money? His share of the company?"

"Excuse me?"

"I know who you are and who your father is." She looked me up and down before marching back over to her children. "I remember seeing you at Aro's work functions. I know both of your parents-"

"Then you should remember how he behaved with all of us." I snapped back at her, not raising my voice, but stressing it enough to get my point across. "If you remember me so well, then you should remember how he treated me as opposed to all the other teenagers made to go to those things." I watched as some form of recollection flashed across her face as she remembered what she knew. "You should remember how my mother made sure that she was never left alone with him." This was something that I had only just remembered and realised as odd. But hey, it seemed appropriate to add in. "And you should remember, how smug he acted around my father, because he had given my mother the one thing my father had failed at." Her brows furrowed in confusion as her eyes welled with tears. "Me." I motioned around with my arms. "Does it really look like I need any money from him or anyone else? No. I don't. I have my own money and I couldn't care less about his or anyone else's. I've only just found out that he's my father and I'm a bit torn about what I'm feeling at the moment. Do I want a man that I've known as my father – a shit, fucked up one, yes – to be the man who helped to make me or do I want someone I don't even know to be the one responsible for my conception? I'm kind of torn here because neither are really good choices. And unfortunately for me, it's a choice I don't get to make. Whether you or I like it or not, and whether he's managed to keep it hidden for over twenty years or not Aro is my father."

"Oh my God." She whispered, sitting on one of the empty sofas. "I've been so blind. How could I not have-" She leaned forward, her head falling into her hands.

"Hey." I made my way over to her, sitting next to her, close but far enough away to give her space. "It's your fault. How were you to know? The only ones who did were him and my parents." She looked up at me, confused. "I only found out that the man I'd thought of as my father my entire life was in fact, not, on Saturday afternoon."

"How could I not see that she-"

"Hey, hey, hey, before we start with bashing my mother, let's not start at all, okay?" She looked at me before sighing again, defeated. "Look, I think you need to talk to my mom about all this, okay? Because I don't think everything is as it seems."

"What do you mean?" She looked at me, eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Like I said, you need to talk to my mom about it."

"I know." She nodded, looking down at her hands. "I need to talk to my husband about it as well." She looked at her watch quickly before sighing and standing up. "We need to get home anyway. I need to make dinner and-"

"Why don't three stay here?" I offered standing up beside her. "I mean, there are people probably on their way back by now and we've got take out arriving in like fifteen minutes. I'm sure there's enough to go around. How much did Rose order?"

"Enough to feed an army." The two of them answered.

"Right that's enough to feed Emmett, now what about the rest of us." They laughed and I couldn't help but smile as I looked back up to their mom. "We've got loads coming. Do you like Mexican? Indian? Chinese? Pizza?"

Her expression softened and she smiled slightly. "Thank you." Her voice was nothing more than a whisper as she took in a deep breath and sighed.

"I'm Edward, by the way." I finally introduced myself and she smiled.

"Yeah, I got that." She nodded before holding out her hand which I took. "Sulpicia."

"Wow. That's an unusual name." I thought for a moment, wondering where I had heard that name before. "Wasn't there a roman poet called Sulpicia?"

She nodded, a small smile on her face. "Yes. Yes there was. I think my mother was living in those times when she named me." She laughed slightly. "Look, Edward, I'm sorry about-"

"It's forgotten. Honestly." I sighed, looking at her again. "I know why you said that. I know that Aro is a powerful man and I don't blame you for thinking that. Actually, I think that most would be thinking that if someone they didn't know suddenly tells you that he's the son of your husband."

"But I don't understand how the kids found out." She looked at the two of them, who had settled back. "I mean, the last thing I know is that they went to some concert with their father on Saturday and didn't come back. It must have happened before the concert."

"No." I shook my head, slowly. "It happened after the concert."

"How do you know?" Her eyes narrowed at me as she watched me carefully.

"Because Edward was there, Mom." Jane explained and she rolled her eyes as soon as her mother wasn't looking.

"You were?"

"Well, if he wasn't there, the concert would have been cancelled." Alec didn't wait for his mother to turn around before rolling his eyes and I couldn't help but smile. I think I remembered doing exactly the same thing to Carlisle on more than one occasion. That might have contributed to why he didn't like me.

"What do you mean?" It was clear that she was confused but before I could answer her, Alec spoke up.

"He's Edward Cullen, Mom." His voice held a slight 'duh!' tone that all teenagers seem to have perfected. "Lead singer of Linkin Park and plastered all over Jane's room." He snickered at her. At least until she hit him, he did.

Sulpicia looked at me with wide eyes and I nodded. "Pleased to meet your acquaintance." She smiled at me, shaking her head slightly.

"That's how the two of them found out?" She indicated the two sitting on the sofa. "He told them then and there?"

"No." I shook my head.

"Bella called him out on it." Jane interrupted and I glanced at her, wondering where she was going with that statement.

"Who's Bella?" Sulpicia looked confused but again, the question was answered before I could answer it myself.

"She's Edward's girlfriend." Jane replied with a small smirk and I shook my head slowly.

"She's . . . she's not my girlfriend." _Though you have no idea how much I wish she was more than that._

"But she's having your babies." Jane so subtly pointed out and Sulpicia turned to look at me with a surprised expression on her face as if to say 'WTF'?

"Yes, she is." I agreed, because it wasn't really something I could dispute. Especially considering the size of Bella. "But she's not my girlfriend." I looked at Sulpicia who still had the WTF expression on her face. "It's complicated."

"Relationships always are." She smiled at me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "They take time to sort out."

"Well now, it seems we have all the time in the world." I sighed, leaning back on the sofa anyway. "Well, at least eighteen years anyway, until they're no longer in need of some sort of parental supervision." I sighed again, gently. "It's going to take a long time to sort things out with Bella. There are a lot of things for us to work out."

"If the two of you are meant to be, it will happen. Don't worry." She smiled at me before looking down at the floor for a moment. "Did I hear Jane say she was expecting more than one?"

"Yup." I nodded quickly. "She's having three."

"Three?" I nodded again and she let out a breath. "I thought twins were hard to carry. She must be large, then?"

"In her words, she's a house." I smiled, thinking about her words before they went out. "I'm kind of worried about her being on her feet for this long though. They've been out for almost an hour."

"She'll be okay."

"She better be or heads are going to roll." I muttered and she laughed.

Just then the door flew open, making the four of us jump, revealing an enormous Emmett standing there with about twenty bags in each hand. Well, okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but hey, it could be true. I think it has been before.

"Hello!" He boomed and Sulpicia flinched next to me, probably due to his size and the enormity of his voice and presence. "Did you miss me?"

"Not really." I deadpanned and his face fell before he shrugged and made way for the rest of them to get through the door. "Don't worry about him. He's huge on the outside, but on the inside, he's a four year old. Literally."

"Literally?" She asked, sounding a little sceptical.

"Oh yeah." I nodded as the others made themselves busy in the kitchen. "You know those little windup toys?" She nodded, raising an eyebrow. "Wind one of those up and he'll follow it around for hours."

"Really?" She laughed looking over and the bug lug in the kitchen area.

"Oh, yeah." I nodded, smiling when Bella made her way over to us with three plates in her hand. "Hey."

"Hey." She grinned at me, before looking and smiling at Sulpicia. "Am I right in guessing you're Jane and Alec's mom?"

"You are indeed." She nodded and smiled at Bella as she handed her a plate as I grabbed the one resting on her arm before it burned her. I guess those two summers she spent as a waitress had paid off a little. "I didn't know what you liked, so I managed to sneak a bit of everything. I'm Bella, by the way."

"Sulpicia." She offered her hand and Bella took it before sitting down next to me.

The evening passed quite quickly, the gang accepting Sulpicia as quickly as they seemed to Alec and Jane. But it got to about half past ten when she realised that she had to go. She wanted to take Alec and Jane with her, which was understandable but the two of them made me promise that I would see them before I left for New York. Who would have thought that a man like Aro would create two human beings such as Alec and Jane? I promised that I would see them again and gave them my phone number in trade for theirs. Sulpicia didn't seem to mind the exchange, and I heard her whispering to Bella that she wouldn't keep her children from their brother, even if we had only just found out about each other, saying that whatever bond we could have was important. It seemed that Bella agreed with her.

After saying goodnight to them, Bella dragged me into our room, and I gladly went with her.

"I know we've got a lot to work through, but I just need to be near you tonight." She whispered and I nodded. Yes, we did have a lot to work through, but I found myself needing the same thing. Bella had a feel of security about her. She always made me feel safe no matter what was going on between us. When she was there I didn't need anyone else.

///////////////////////////////////////////

The next morning, it was all incredibly quiet. It was eerie to say the least. Normally there was something happening. Either there were people arguing about using the main bathroom when everyone had their own en suites, or there was some form of squabble going on in the kitchen over breakfast.

And that was when it was just me, Jazz and Emmett.

I looked over at Bella and found her lying on her side – which must have been very awkward for her – watching me with a small smile on her face.

"It's quiet." She whispered and I nodded. "Everyone's out."

_Huh_?! "What time is it?" I asked, confused as I sat up slowly, trying to clear the sleep induced haze that was still clouding my mind.

"It's just gone eleven." She said, glancing at the clock before smiling at me again. "Alice heard about some sale that was happening so she dragged everyone out. Including Tanya and the baby."

"How come you and I got out of it?" I asked, confused and she smirked at me.

"Well, you were still flaked out and Jasper practically threatened her if she woke you up. Which is something I never thought I'd see."

"What can I say?" I shrugged, smiling at her. "He's kind of protective. So how did you get out of it?"

"I just told her that I wasn't up for going out today." She shrugged and I chuckled. "I said that my ankles were aching from the walk last night."

"Are they?" I raised an eyebrow at her and she shook her head, smirking. "Sneak."

"Okay, I love Alice like a sister, but you've never been shopping with her. When you do, because you will be at some point, whether it be clothes, baby stuff or whatever, she will get you out shopping, then you will understand why I'm using the pregnancy to get out of shopping." She explained indignantly, trying to look scary but looking more like a kitten that's swallowed its ball of string. Not that I'm stupid enough to say that to her at all. Because I do like my balls where they are.

"Are you up for going out at all?" I asked her, as I slid out of bed, making her pout a little.

"I am." She nodded before smiling at me. "Just not shopping with Alice. There's only so much a girl can take. Why? Did you want to go out for a while?"

"I think I'm going to come down with a dose of cabin fever if I stay inside for too long today." She nodded, seeming to understand. Well, she did. I remember when she had the flu when we were sixteen. She was on complete bed rest for about three weeks, due to Renee's constant worrying and she had nearly gone completely crazy. "It doesn't have to be much. You know, just a coffee at the end of the street or whatever. I just want to get out of the hotel."

"Okey-dokey." She nodded and I smiled. "I need you to help me up." She admitted in a small voice and I know that was hard for her to do. She didn't like having to ask for help. She had always been independent and now that she was having difficulty moving, it was hard on her. I helped her up slowly, making sure that she had sure footing before I let her go.

She made her way across to the en suite carefully, making sure that she didn't trip over anything, as she was liable to.

I made my way into the kitchen, not really knowing what to do with myself as I waited for Bella to finish up in the bathroom. I sat down on the sofa, flipping through the different channels the hotel received and ended up settling on a kids show I used to watch when I was younger. It seemed there was a mini marathon on today, and I remembered them all.

"What the hell _are_ you watching?" I heard Bella laugh after one or two episodes.

I turned to look at her and I had to stop. She looked beautiful. Well, she always looked beautiful to me, but there was something. I don't know what it was, but hey, I couldn't really care less. And she wasn't even dressed up.

She was wearing a fitted black dress that came to just above her knee, framing her bump nicely but when she stood face on, you could hardly tell it was there. She was also wearing a pair of black flat shoes, which was good because I'd read somewhere that pregnant women shouldn't wear heels. Was that right? I don't know. I'll ask Alice when she gets back.

I don't know what it was with this woman, but she made everything around me stop. She caused the world to slow down, even after all these years and I don't think she even realised that.

"What?" I shot back, turning back to face the television as she walked over behind me. "The Biker Mice From Mars kick ass."

"Biker Mice From Mars?" She raised an eyebrow at me and I nodded quickly. "You really should grow up sometime."

"Why?" She looked at me, wondering if I was being serious. Do you think she realised that I was being one hundred per cent serious? "What? They rock! And it's the original series with the Plutarkians. Not the new one with the Catatonians. I'm telling you, after I watched this, I could _not_ eat cheese."

"You are so weird." She laughed and I nodded again. "Go and get dressed."

"Oh yeah." I got up and made my way into the bedroom, hearing Bella laughing behind me as I walked into the bathroom. It wasn't like I could help being a Biker Mice fan. They were awesome.

I showered quickly, and walked out into the bedroom with a towel around my waist and running one through my hair probably making it even more of a haystack than normal. Meh. It was useless to try and tame anyway, so I never bothered anymore.

I threw on a new pair of boxer briefs, some jeans and a black button down that I had never worn before. I didn't even know where it came from, but it was my size, so it must have been for me. I threw it on and rolled the sleeves up so they were just below my elbows. I didn't really mind having my sleeves rolled up around people here, seeing as they all – well, other than my mom – knew about my drug addiction, but out in public, not really wanting them to be on show.

Slipping on my black Chucks, I walked out into the living room to find Bella still watching the Biker Mice marathon thing that was on TV. At the moment, Modo and Vinnie had been caught by Lawrence Limburger and the villain of the episode Evil Eye Weevil. I remembered this episode. I remembered when I first saw it that I didn't like it because they were fighting.

"Now who needs to grow up?" I whispered in her ear and she jumped a little, her hand flying to her chest as she turned to look at me, a scowl on her face.

"I was just seeing what you were on about." She shrugged as I walked around the sofa to help her up.

"And?" I asked as she stood up, her stomach pressing into mine gently.

"It's okay." She smirked at my scowl. They were not just _okay_ they were awesome. "I like the brown haired one."

"That's Throttle." I amended and she gave me a look as if to say '_you remember that shit?_' and I shrugged. "Come on." I grabbed her hand with one of mine and both of our coats with the other and pulled her out of the door.

We stepped into the elevator, pulling on our coats because it was October and it was goddamn cold out. Even though, I needed to get out of that hotel.

Stepping out of the hotel, it wasn't windy, like I was expecting it to be, but hey, nothing ever seemed to be what I was expecting it to be, was it?

"Where shall we go?" Bella asked, looking up at me as she pulled her gloves on, holding out a pair for me to put on. "I knew you'd forget them." I shrugged and smiled sheepishly at her, pulling on the gloves before taking her hand in my own. I didn't like not being able to hold her hand skin on skin, but I didn't want her to freeze, so this was the only option I had really.

We started walking down the street and Bella stopped every now and again to look at things in windows of random stores. It hit me that Christmas wasn't too far away and wondering what I would be getting Bella. I would be getting her something whether she liked it or not, but the question was, what?

"Let's go in here." I suggested when we approached a cosy looking coffee shop and she grinned at me, obviously all for getting out of the cold.

"I'll go and find us a table." She said softly as we walked out of the cold air into the warmth of the shop.

"What do you want?" I asked her, not letting go of her hand. "Hot chocolate?" She narrowed her eyes at me, and I could tell that she was weighing it up. She had always loved curling up with a hot chocolate on a cold day, but I could see that she was warring with herself now that she was putting on weight. I knew that it didn't matter how many times I told her she was beautiful, she wouldn't listen to me. She bit her lip and nodded quickly before turning around and finding a table before she could change her mind. I couldn't help but laugh at her behaviour. And people thought _I_ was strange.

When I made it up to the counter, the girl standing there stopped and stared. I was used to this, so it didn't really bother me. What did bother me was when she didn't react when approached her.

"Um, hello?" She seemed to snap out of it when she noticed that I'd noticed the blatant staring.

"Hi." She rested her elbow on the counter and put her chin on her hand, batting her eyelashes in what was supposed to be a sexy way. "What can I get for you?" Her voice sounded like it was supposed to be sexy and sultry, but in all honesty, all it sounded like was that she'd gotten something stuck down her throat.

"Two large hot chocolates to have in, please." She looked disappointed when I didn't add anything on to the end of the request and got to making the drinks. I looked around and saw that Bella had sat down near the window and was absentmindedly staring out of the window. Thank God she hadn't seen the obvious flirting the girl had attempted a moment ago, or we would have had a bit of hormone trouble going on. Namely the ones linked to anger and jealousy. She'd displayed those two before and I didn't want them to make an appearance. The girl came back and placed the hot chocolates on the counter in front of me and I placed a twenty on the counter. "Keep the change." Her face lit up as I took the drinks and made my way over to Bella, placing her drink in front of her.

"I think this one is yours." She said with a smirk as I shrugged off my jacket.

"Why do you say that?" I asked, confused as she looked at me. "They're both the same."

"Well, I don't think that Katy meant to give _me_ her phone number." She replied, picking up the napkin that was on her saucer and handing it to me. I rolled my eyes, putting it back down on the table, the number face down. "Don't look so worried. I don't care."

"You don't?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No." She shrugged, picking up her cup and taking a sip of the steaming liquid. "I mean, it's not like we're together. I can't stop you from dating, can I?" I couldn't have been sure, but it sounded like she was a little sad at that truth.

Is it wrong that I felt my heart deflate a little when she said that out loud? I mean, I know that it's not true and I'd told Sulpicia that much last night, but hearing her say it so nonchalantly even though she was sat there, swollen with my children, it struck a chord.

"I guess not." I took a sip of my own drink, trying not to let her see my disappointment over what she'd just said.

I looked out the window, watching people walk by, going about their business as I used to when I was waiting for Bella to finish up whatever overtime she'd agreed to when starting her shift. I didn't mind. In fact, I liked sitting there, watching people stroll by doing whatever business they were.

As I was watching them walk past I quickly noticed something not right and looked at Bella who seemed to be oblivious.

"Shit." I muttered, as I looked back out the window.

"What?" Bella asked, looking at me worried. "Did you burn yourself or something?"

"No." I sighed, shaking my head. "But that would have been a lot better than what's actually happening."

"What?" She looked out in the direction I was, not seeing the people getting closer and closer with each second. "What is it?"

"People I hate just as much as Carlisle at the moment." I admitted, looking back over at me.

"Who?" Her voice was laced with confusion and I sighed.

"Paparazzi." I sighed, hating this situation, glancing around trying to find an escape without drawing attention. Unfortunately I couldn't see one and knew that we'd have to leave now or be completely bombarded with them. "Come on." I sighed and she nodded, pulling her coat and gloves on before I helped her up. "I didn't want for you to be involved in this."

"I knew it was a possibility." She sighed as we started making our way to the entrance of the shop where there were photographers already snapping photographs as we made our way through the shop.

Outside they were even worse. They immediately swarmed around us and I found it hard to push through them and hold onto Bella at the same time. I had to get her away from them, because who knew what this kind of stress could do to the babies. I didn't want anything to happen to them or her. They were all too precious to me.

But the photographers didn't seem to notice or care that Bella was heavily pregnant as they all pushed and shoved to get their shots in.

I pulled Bella along as quickly as she could go, which was severely limited due to the size of her and the fact that we were practically surrounded.

"Edward!" I heard her gasp and I stopped, not caring about the paps anymore, my sole focus on Bella. Okay, maybe that wasn't exactly true but ninety per cent of me was focused on Bella and the other ten wanted to tell the paps to stick their goddamn cameras where they could never be used again.

"What?" I asked, wrapping my arm around her, supporting her. She doubled over, gasping slightly, clutching at her stomach. _No. They can't be coming already! They'll never survive._ Bella was only twenty-six weeks into her pregnancy. There was no way that they would survive at that development. Well, maybe they could, but it was unlikely. I'd read somewhere that thirty weeks is the minimum time they wanted. Not having had the chance to read all of this, I didn't know, but I _did_ know that I didn't want the babies to come yet. Nobody was ready for them to come. Bella wasn't. I definitely wasn't. And neither were they. They can't be coming now. They just can't be. "Is it the babies?" As quickly as I could, what with still being surrounded by flashing cameras and all that shit, I led Bella over to a set of steps and sat her down. "Bella, love? Is it the babies?"

She looked up at me, her eyes filled with tears and fear. "Something's wrong."

_**Not too much of an exciting chapter – well, until the end anyway.**_

**_Link to Bella's top and dress are on my profile. I think they're coolies._**

_**What did you think?**_

_**Let me know.**_

_**Oh, and for those of you who don't agree, the Biker Mice from Mars kick arse! Love them!**_


	16. Paper Cut

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. ******** Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**Okay, so I lied, but after I finished the last chapter, this one just started writing itself. I swear Eternally Damned is next. I'm sure that Shelby will ensure that (don't hurt me).**_

_**Edward**_

_She looked up at me, her eyes filled with tears and fear. "Something's wrong."_

No. No. No.

That is _not_ what I want to hear.

Especially when sitting on the steps of some building surrounded by flashing bulbs.

"Bella." I looked down at her again, brushing her hair out of her face. "Bella, love, look at me." She looked up at me, straightening slightly before she doubled over again, her grip on her stomach tightening.

I pulled out my phone, bashing 911 and pressing the call button as quickly as I could, holding it to my ear, trying to drown out the reporters that had now joined their respective photographers.

"_Nine one one emergency. Which service do you require?"_

"Hello? I-I-I need an ambulance. My girlfriend is pregnant and we think that there's something wrong." _I hope she doesn't mind me referring to her as my girlfriend. But then again it is better than 'my ex-girlfriend whom I fucked six months ago resulting in her becoming pregnant even though we still have major issues. Yeah, definitely better._

"_Alright."_ The woman on the other end of the phone sounded way too calm. "_Are you at home_?"

"No." I shook my head, even though she couldn't see me, wishing that these paps would shut the fuck up. Do they not see we've got an emergency going on here? Obviously not. "We're about half a block away from the Hotel Deca. About twenty feet or so from the coffee shop at the end of the street. There's a large crowd of photographers surrounding us."

"_Well, you'll have to get them to move."_

"Ha!" I barked out a laugh. "Have you ever tried getting the paparazzi to move?"

"_Alright, well, they'll need to move out of the way. The ambulance should be with you in a matter of moments. You need to keep your girlfriend calm or she could cause some damage to herself or the baby."_

I stood up as I heard the telltale wailing of the ambulance coming down the street and noticed that none of the paps stopped whatever shit they were doing as the vehicle stopped behind them.

"Mr. Cullen." One of them standing in front of me, looking very damn pleased with himself that he had managed to get this close to me. "Do you have anything you'd like to say on the recent reports that you-"

"You know what I'd like to say?" I cut him off and they all looked at me expectantly, some still trying to grab my attention and the photographers still snapping away like the brainless little shits they are. "I would like to say, that if all of you do not move your asses _right now_ and let these paramedics through, I will personally, find out where each and every one of you works, have you fired and then sue you all for more than you are worth. Because if any one of those babies has anything and I mean _anything_ wrong with them, heads are going to roll. Get the fuck out of the way!"

They all seemed to take me seriously as they stepped away, but didn't leave, obviously smelling a good story as the photographers kept on snapping pictures. Cursing inwardly, I knelt back down next to Bella, wrapping an arm around her as she clutched at her stomach, all of the worry, fear and anxiety she was feeling clear on her face. I heard the paramedics yelling at the paparazzi to let them through, though it seemed that they hadn't realised that the welfare of Bella and my babies required them to move.

The paramedics managed to shove their way through – not without adding in a few threats of their own, I might add – and immediately started tending to Bella.

"Sir?" I looked up at the young woman in front of me as her colleague placed a portable oxygen mask over Bella's face, hopefully to try and calm her down, as I knew that this stress was not good for the babies. "Sir, I need you to answer a few questions for me?" I nodded, not really registering what was happening, only wanting to know if Bella and my children were going to be okay. "First of all, how far along is she?"

"Um, six months or so, I guess, um, about twenty-four twenty-five weeks." I told her and she looked at Bella, trying to judge quickly from her size. "It's triplets." An understanding look passed over her face. "Are they going to be okay?"

"We need to get her to the hospital to make sure." She obviously didn't go for the giving them false hope tactic as some doctors and paramedics might have done. "Is she okay to walk?" I realised this question was directed towards her colleague and immediately turned to Bella who was now clutching at my arm desperately. I looked at the man next to her and he nodded to the woman.

"Okay, honey." He looked at Bella, his voice steady and calm. "Do you think you can walk to the ambulance?"

She looked at me, obviously looking for some form of comfort, even though I had none to offer and I felt like such an ass for not being able to give her the support she needed at the moment. In all honesty, I had absolutely no fucking clue what was going on. She turned back to him and nodded slightly.

He reached out to her to help her up, but she clutched onto my arm, her tiny fingers and nails digging into my arm through my jacket. He looked up at me and I wrapped my arm around her, gently easing her up off of the step we were on. The two paramedics literally shoved the reporters and photographers that were still snapping photographs and shouting questions at me, out of the way so that I could get Bella to the ambulance as quickly as possible without hurting her or endangering the babies.

They eased her into the back, convincing her to let go of my arm, though I insisted that I ride in the back with her. Given the state she was in, I don't think they would have argued either way.

The journey to the hospital, even though it only took a matter of minutes, seemed to take hours. All I could hear was the portable heart monitor they had strapped to Bella's chest, relaying her heartbeat, which even _I_ knew was way too fast. The woman, whom I learned was called Charlotte, told me that they didn't have the equipment in here to check the heartbeats of the babies. She went about doing some other things that I didn't understand and just made me more and more anxious about what was happening to Bella and my children.

When we got to the hospital, they rushed Bella through the Emergency entrance doors but I was told that I had to wait in the waiting room until someone came to get me. I nearly screamed at the nurse to let me through, but hell, the woman must have been at least three hundred pounds and could have probably squashed me with an ass cheek, so all I could do at that moment was do as I was told. But it didn't mean that I was going to behave.

I think that Macho Nurse wanted to sit on me after ten minutes of me being there.

"Hey, man, are you okay?" Some guy next to me asked, a concerned look on his face. I looked down at him as if to say 'what kind of a fucking stupid question is that?' and he held up his hands in defeat. "Dumb question, I know, but hey, you're looking stressed."

"Believe me, stressed does not come close to how I'm feeling right now." I mumbled looking to the doors Bella had been taken through for about the thousandth time in the last five minutes.

"What the matter?" He asked and I sighed, my head dropping into my hands as I sat down, feeling physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.

"My girlfriend is pregnant and something's wrong." I admitted, again hoping that Bella didn't mind me referring to her as my girlfriend, though there wasn't really much she could do about it. "I have a horrible feeling that something's happened to her or the babies."

"Babies?" He looked at me, twisting slightly in his chair. "As in plural?"

"Three." I nodded, holding up three fingers and he grinned at me.

"Well, congrats, man." He gave me a slap on the shoulder, which I thought was a little weird coming from a man I'd been speaking to for about a minute and didn't even know the name of. "What happened?"

"We got caught in a crowd and . . . I don't know." I shook my head, lying through my teeth but then again, it was necessary. I couldn't divulge who I was, or it would lead on to other things. I sighed and reached into my pocket, feeling my phone vibrating. "Hello?"

"_Edward?"_ Alice's confused voice came through the receiver. "_Where are you?_" _Shit!_ We hadn't left them a note saying that we were going out or anything. What with me being so screwed up and Bella heavily pregnant, of course they were going to worry. And now I was going to stress them out even more.

"Um . . . we're at the hospital." I admitted and I heard a gasp come from the other end of the phone.

"_What happened?"_ She was panicking, but then again, so was I.

"I don't, Ali." I shook my head, closing my eyes and leaning my head back against the wall. "I wish I knew."

"_We're on our way."_ Was the last thing I heard before the beeping tone indicating that she'd hung up on me.

"Alrighty then." I mumbled, tucking my phone in my pocket and looking up and seeing Macho Nurse scowling at me. I gave her a 'stressed out here, fuck the hell off' look and she looked me up and down before turning and walking back to the nurse's station. What the hell was her problem?

"Hey." The guy next to me nudged me again and I looked over at him, feeling completely drained. "She'll be okay."

"I hope so." I mumbled back closing my eyes and opening them again slowly. _What the hell was taking so long?!_

"I'm Garrett." He held out his hand and I took it, shaking it once.

"Edward."

"Do I know you from somewhere?" He looked at me quizzically and I fought to keep my eyes from rolling.

"Probably." I muttered and he looked at me, confused. "You like Linkin Park?" He nodded slowly, clearly confused about what I was talking about. "Edward Cullen, at your service." I gave him a mock salute, closing my eyes. Who really cared about who knew I was here? All I wanted to know was what the fuck was going on behind those doors.

"Edward!" I heard my name being called and a whole parade of people practically running towards me.

"Edward, what happened?" Alice stopped in front of me as I stood up, tears streaking down her cheeks. She flung her arms around me, pulling me down to her level. "Is she okay? The babies?"

"I don't know." I shook my head slowly, looking at the others as I released her. "They wouldn't let me through. I don't know anything."

"They haven't told you _anything_?" Rose was seething, glaring at someone behind me and I turned to see Macho Nurse standing there with a clipboard in her hand.

"Isabella Swan?" She looked at me and I looked to the others before turning and walking over to her. She gave me a disgruntled look as I approached, one I knew I was giving her. "Are you a relative?" She asked, her tone condescending and accusing.

"I'm the father." I stated simply, knowing that the only way she could deny me access was if Bella told her to. Paternal rights and all that shit, right?

"Follow me." _About fucking time._ I swear, if I had to wait any longer to see Bella, furniture would have been flying and I would have either had to have been arrested or sedated. And considering my past with substances, it would probably be the former they used as a solution.

We stopped outside a door and she motioned for me to go through. I pushed open the door to see a man standing at the end of a bed and another nurse, half hiding who was occupying it. All I could see was an enormous bump covered in the generic sheets that seem to come standard in every hospital, no matter what type they were. The man turned around as I entered, looking at me suspiciously.

"Excuse me?" I didn't acknowledge him as I made my way to the bed, keeping my eyes on the bump that I could see, hoping that everything was going to be okay in there. "And you are?"

"Edward Cullen. I'm the father." I answered absentmindedly as the nurse moved and I could see Bella. She had tubes going up her nose and hooking round her ears to keep them in place. Her skin looked slightly paler and there was an IV drip in her hand. I hoped that that wasn't for anything too serious. Hopefully just to keep her hydrated. "What happened?" I asked in a whisper as I walked over to Bella's side, gently taking her hand in my own, wishing for some response, getting worried when I didn't get one.

"We've put her under a mild sedation for the time being. Purely to keep her calm." He moved around to her other side. "She'll be out for a little while but other than her blood pressure being a little high she's completely fine."

"What about the babies?" I asked, looking up at him and he nodded a small smile on his face, turning around to a monitor next to him. He turned a small knob and three fast thrumming sounds entered the room.

"They're fine." He smiled at me as relief flooded through my body. "I need to know what happened, Mr. Cullen."

"Please. Edward." I corrected him and he nodded again. "Mr. Cullen makes me feel old."

"Understandable." He chuckled. "Well, I'm Dr. Monroe. I should have introduced myself initially. I need to know what happened."

"Um . . ." I tried to think back to the incident that led us to this point. "It all happened really fast. Bella and I were sat in a coffee shop, when I noticed we were being followed and as we left, we got kind of mauled as we left."

"Mauled?" He sounded confused.

"Paparazzi." I admitted and his eyebrows raised. "They were obviously after a story. But I guess what with all the commotion and the stress, it set something off and . . . well, here we are." I looked back over at her. She looked so frail and breakable. "Is she really going to be okay?"

"She's going to be fine, but we'd like to keep her in overnight for observation."

"Can I stay with her?" I looked up at him and he obviously understood that that was an entirely rhetorical question. I wasn't leaving. Seriously, they'd need something with the power equivalent to the Jaws of Life to get me out of this room right now. Until Bella was out of this hospital and back where I knew that she was safe, I wasn't leaving her.

"Of course you can." He gave me an understanding smile and I guessed that this guy must be a father, because I'd never known worry like this before now. It must come with the territory of parenthood. "We'll be taking her up to maternity in an hour or so. She'll be much more comfortable up there."

"What caused it? With the babies?" I asked him, wondering what the hell had happened when Bella had stopped.

"We're not too sure." He sighed, folding his wrists in front of him, like they always did in the TV shows. "We're hoping that it's just the babies reacting to the stress and worry that Bella was probably feeling at the time and not something more serious. We've taken some blood and urine and we've sent them down to the lab for tests. We should know more before we take her up to maternity."

"Okay." I nodded slowly, what he had told me sinking in. "Thank you."

"No problem." He nodded, looking between the two of us. "She'll be assigned a doctor while she's here, but all the files on what happens while she's in this hospital will be sent to her doctor in Forks." I nodded again, not really caring at the moment. All I cared about was if Bella was going to wake up soon. Surely her being under any kind of sedative couldn't be good for her or the babies.

I sat there with her for what seemed like a few minutes, but must have been an hour or so because they came to move her up to maternity. I guessed I had a lot on my mind when it came to the events of the day, so I wasn't really paying attention to trivial things like the time.

I followed behind them, lost in my own world as they wheeled her up to maternity, Looking around, I noticed that the ward was pink which was kind of sickly if you ask me, but then again, the only patients in this ward were women, so I couldn't really pass judgement, could I?

They asked me to wait outside while they got her settled into her room. I wasn't too happy about that idea, but these guys were the ones that knew what they were doing, so I let them do it. I walked down the corridor to the nursery full of newborn babies we had passed on the way through and I couldn't help but looking in. They were all so tiny. I knew that the triplets would most likely be smaller than the majority of these, but that was probably because there were three of them in there, fighting for survival. And at the moment, I was just thanking whatever higher power there was that there were still three of them alive in there.

I don't what I would have done if I had lost any of them.

_Probably tried to find someone you could score off of._ My inner mind was mocking me and I knew that it was bad that I was still thinking of drugs as my first escape of the world. Obviously all that therapy in rehab hadn't been able to cut it. I still thought of them when I was stressed, freaking or whatever. It was bad. And I knew that it was.

But I couldn't seem to stop it.

Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to put in a phone call to my old therapist asking for help. I knew that she would help me and not make me look, sound and feel like a pitiful waste, like the one before her had. I was so glad that I had a different therapist when I started my outpatient treatment and I often wondered how I had even made it out of there with the one I had. She was a bitch.

I still had her number in my phone and I took it out, scrolling down to find it. _Gianna Everett._ The woman that had for eighteen months, helped me through what I needed her to with thrice weekly sessions and whenever I needed to call her. It had been almost a year since I had called her, but the knowledge that she was there if I ever needed her made me feel safe.

She knew all about the Bella situation. The only one outside of the group sitting in the waiting room now who knew. She knew everything. She knew about – what I had thought then was – the miscarriage and how Bella had broken up with me a few days later. She had taught me to see things from Bella's point of view, although she did agree that leaving me standing in the rain was a bit of a harsh thing to do. She made me see that I could live without drugs or alcohol in my life and she pushed me to hope that there would be some day – maybe not someday soon, but someday – that I would be able to have a drink and not want to keep drinking. Maybe that day would come, but unfortunately for now, I was still on anything non-alcoholic. I didn't mind, especially now that I knew Bella was pregnant.

But still, it was a goal to work towards.

As l looked at the babies, one of the nurses in the nursery gave me a strange look, probably wondering what I was doing there as she tended to a couple of the babies. I didn't even notice how much time had gone past as I was watching them. At least not until she came out to the corridor I was standing in.

"Excuse me, sir." She said softly. I didn't look at her, preferring the sight of the babies to whatever nurse was next to me. "Can I help you?"

"No." I shook my head, slowly, closing my eyes, wishing that mine would be in a similar nursery when they were supposed to be, not any time before. If something happened to them – any of them – I wouldn't be able to bear it.

"Can I ask what you're doing on this ward?" She asked. Her tone was not accusing or demeaning. She was just trying to ascertain the answer to a question.

"My girlfriend's just been brought up." I sighed, opening my eyes to look back at the babies in front of me. They were all so innocent. They had no idea what a fucked up world they had been born into. Who knows, one of these babies could be the ones to make a difference to that. "Isabella Swan." I looked at her and she nodded slowly, a list of the women on the ward obviously running through her mind. "I guess I was just hoping that mine end up in here when they're supposed to. Not before then."

"She's expecting triplets, yes?" I nodded slowly, not even bothering to ask how she knew that because it seemed everybody knew everything that was going on with everyone else in this place. Not that I was complaining, because now they would know what had happened and I wouldn't be forced to think of it again.

"Can I go in and see her now?" I asked, hoping that they'd finished settling her into her room and she nodded, motioning me to follow her.

I followed her down to the room and she held the door open for me to go in. What I saw in front of me wasn't much different from before. Other than the fact that the bed looked a little comfier and the room was decorated, rather than the puke green that the rest of the hospital rooms seemed to be coloured in.

I sat down next to her bed, taking her hand gently in mine and resting my head on the side of the bed. I was just so exhausted and I didn't know what the hell I was going to do. I knew that until we knew what had happened and what was going on, there wasn't a hell of a lot I could do but be here for her, and yet I felt like I was failing at that. She was still unconscious, so she was unaware of everything, which seemed to make things even worse, because it meant that she was unaware that I was here.

I placed my hand flat on her belly, praying like hell that they were okay in there. I couldn't help but smile when I felt a slight nudge on my hand. It wasn't as strong as it had been before, but it was there. Hopefully that meant that they were okay.

"Mr. Cullen?" I turned as a soft voice called me from the doorway, seeing a pretty woman standing there watching me carefully, as if I was about to snap, which could happen. "My name is Dr. Mallory and I'll be looking after Isabella while she's here."

"What happened?" I asked, my focus turning back to Bella, who still had yet to wake up.

"There was nothing untoward for us to worry about in the results of Isabella's blood or urine tests." She flipped through a clipboard that all doctors seemed to have. Maybe it was standard doctor practise to carry around a clipboard of some sort. I don't know.

"So they're okay?" I clarified, looking up at her and she nodded.

"They're going to be fine." She smiled down at me and I noticed a small bump on her own belly. She must be expecting too. Well, she works in the right place, doesn't she? "Bella's blood pressure was a little high but other than that, everything is fine. It was most likely that the babies were reacting to the stress that Bella was feeling at the time. It has been known to happen on occasion.

"That's what the doctor downstairs said." I replied, closing my eyes and sighing gently. God, I wanted this nightmare to be over. "How long will you keep her in here?"

"We'll keep her in overnight and if all goes well, we'll release her tomorrow." She smiled at me again, looking through her clipboard. "It says here that she's opted not to know the sex of the babies." I shrugged, not knowing what Bella had decided on that front. Maybe we should know. It would definitely help up plan for their arrival. "I can tell you now if you'd like."

"No." I shook my head quickly, looking up at her. "If Bella doesn't know, then I don't want to until she's awake."

"Of course." She said softly, flattening out the paper on her clipboard. "She should be waking up soon if all goes well. I'll be back in around an hour."

"Thank you." I said absentmindedly, not taking my eyes off of Bella.

Feeling absolutely drained, I rested my head to the side of Bella on the bed and closed my eyes, keeping her hand enclosed in mine tightly. I didn't mean to fall asleep, but I couldn't stop myself from falling into the abyss that called my name eagerly.

////////////////////////////////////

I was pulled out of my awkward slumber by the gentle feeling of fingers running softly through my hair. I opened my eyes and looked up to see Bella smiling at me, shakily.

"Hey." I sat up immediately, taking her hand in my own and squeezing it lightly. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay." She said softly, nodding slightly, placing her free hand on her belly. I placed my hand on top of hers, linking our fingers. "How long was I out?"

"Honestly, I don't know." I shook my head and her brow furrowed slightly. "I wasn't really paying attention to the time."

"Sounds about right." She mumbled and I scowled at her mockingly, which caused her to laugh a little. Such a beautiful sound. I couldn't ever hear enough of it.

"How long have you been awake?" I asked her, cursing that I had fallen asleep.

"Not long." She sighed, looking back over at me. "A couple of minutes or so." She looked at me before looking away quickly as though she was trying to decide whether or not to say something.

"What?" I leaned forward, gripping her hand tightly, though not tight enough to hurt her. "What is it?"

"I'm your girlfriend?" She asked, a small smile playing on her lips and I couldn't help but smile. "I heard you telling the paramedics and the person on the phone that I was."

"Well, I thought it was a lot simpler to refer to you as my girlfriend rather than 'ex-girlfriend-that-I-haven't-really-spoke-to-in-the-last-seven-years-save-for-the-last-week-or-so-and-that-one-time-we-fucked-six-months-ago-resulting-in-the-pregnancy-you-see-before-you-oh-and-we-still-have-some-really-big-issues'. Don't you think?"

"I guess you're right." She sighed, looking out the window again, a wistful look on her face. "I just . . . I don't know. It felt really . . . nice to hear you call me that again?"

"What?" I asked, confused. "My girlfriend?" She nodded slowly, not meeting my eyes and I wondered where this was all coming from. "You make it sound like it was my decision to end us." I knew it was low, but it felt like it needed to be said.

"I know. I know." She ran a hand through her hair, obviously starting to stress and I felt like the world's biggest ass. I mean, we were in the freakin' hospital for heaven's sake. Not really the best place to freak the hell out of the woman carrying your babies. "And you know what?"

"What?" I asked, confused. I should really get used to being confused, because I seem to be there a lot recently.

"It was the joint first stupidest mistake I've ever made." She turned to look at me, and I didn't have to ask what the other one was. That was a given. "Letting you go . . ." She gently ran the backs of her fingers down my cheek. "Was an imbecilic thing for me to do. And I don't plan on doing it again."

"You won't have to." I assured her, taking the hand that was resting on my cheek in mine. She didn't need to worry about me leaving her ever again. Now that I had found her again, I wasn't going anywhere and I hoped she knew that. "I'm not going anywhere."

"That's good to hear." She smiled at me, shifting in the bed slightly.

"What would say . . . if I asked you again?" I asked her and the look in her eyes told me she didn't understand what I was talking about. "To be my girlfriend."

"I don't think I'd be able to say anything." She sighed, smiling slightly. "I mean, _if_ you asked me, I would be so happy. I don't think that anything could make me happier at the moment." She looked at me strangely for a moment. "This is all metaphorical, right?"

"Not for me." I told her honestly, sighing and closing my eyes, deciding to put all my chips on the table. "Bella, being without you was the hardest time of my life. I didn't know what I was going to do without you, and now that I have you again, I'm not letting you go. Ever." I looked up at her slowly. "I hope you can live with that."

"I think I can manage." She answered in a whisper, looks of worry and disbelief running through her eyes and over her expression. "What are you saying, Edward?" She asked finally and I closed my eyes, opening them again slowly.

"Bella, will you be my girlfriend again." My voice was nothing more than a whisper, yet I knew she heard it over the beeping of the machines. She was so intent on what I was doing, I don't think that she could have missed it if she'd tried.

She smiled, widely, nodding enthusiastically. "Yes, Edward. I'd love to be your girlfriend again." I couldn't help but smile, picking up her hand off of the bed and pressing my lips to the back of her knuckles. She sighed gently, running the backs of her fingers over my cheek again.

"Good." I whispered, looking her in the eye, being completely serious as I spoke. I think she realised that seeing as she didn't interrupt me at all. "Because now that I have you back, I'm not letting you go again."

"Fine by me." She smiled down at me, her gentle grasp tightening around my hand. "Because nothing is going to keep me away from you anymore."

I turned as I heard the door open and saw Dr. Mallory standing there, smiling at the two of us. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"

_Actually, yes, you fucking are. _"No."

Bella looked down at me, clearly confused, especially seeing as we were having what she would call a moment, but I winked and nodded at the babies, silently telling her that their health was more important than whatever 'moment' we were having. She nodded slightly and placed a hand on her belly, looking over at Dr. Mallory.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" The doctor smiled as she stood at the end of her bed with that fucking clipboard again. Seriously. Is that some kind of official doctor thing? Must find out.

"A little groggy, but I'm okay." She smiled and I couldn't help but squeeze her hand. "Is there anything wrong?"

"Not anything to worry about too much." The doctor smiled, looking up between us. "But your blood pressure is a little high and just to be on the safe side, we're going to keep you overnight. Just to make sure that everything's okay. Do you have anything you want to ask me?"

"Can Edward stay?" I chuckled slightly, as did Dr. Mallory and Bella smiled looking between the two of us. I wonder if the doctor knew that she was completely serious in her request, because by the way she was squeezing my hand it seemed as though I was going to be left handed for a while.

"Yes, he can." She sighed, shaking her head slightly. "Which reminds me, there is a rather large group out in the waiting area, who are becoming quite restless. I think they want to come in and see you."

"Can you send them in, please?" She asked, her eyes begging and pleading with the doctor.

"All of them?" I asked, a laugh in my voice. "There's like fifty people out there."

"I don't care." She waved me off before looking at the doctor again. "Please."

"Alright." She looked down at me, her expression stern, pointing a finger at me. "But if she starts getting worked up at all, I want you to kick them all out."

"Yes, ma'am." I nodded and the two women laughed.

"What can I say?" Bella laughed, running a hand through my hair as I rested my forehead on her stomach gently. "He's well trained."

"The way they all should be." Dr. Mallory laughed, winking as I scowled at her from where I was.

She left the room and I closed my eyes, as Bella gently played with my hair, the both of us enjoying the peace and quiet that we knew wouldn't be lasting very long.

Just as I'd predicted, the door flew open and Alice, Rose, Emmett, Jasper, Tanya and my mom flew into the room, probably having barrelled down a few nurses to get here as quickly as possible.

"Oh, my God." Alice was at Bella's side immediately – thankfully the other side to me – and starting gushing over her as you'd expect. It took Bella completely by surprise though, and she jumped about a mile in the air as her little pixie friend appeared next to her. "Are you okay? We shouldn't have gone out earlier. We should have been there to make sure that you were okay. I'm really sorry that we weren't there, Bella. I'm such a-"

"Alice." Bella reached out and shoved a hand over the rambling little fey's mouth, effectively shutting her up. "It didn't matter that you had gone out, because Edward and I were out. You couldn't have stopped what happened and I think, if we'd had all three of them there, it would have been a lot worse."

"Why do you say that?" Rosalie asked, sounding confused.

"What happened?" Jasper asked, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Paps." I sighed and he bit his lip. "We went out to get some coffee and they pretty much ambushed us. Surrounded us and didn't even take the hint to move when the ambulance turned up."

"Bloody paps." Emmett growled as Jasper's hands clenched at his sides. "Did they not realise that they were in the fucking way?"

"No." I shook my head, sighing gently. "But I did yell and threaten them."

"Good on you." The two of them laughed, clapping me on the back. Each of us had wanted to throw some kind of abuse at the paparazzi but had never really had a reason to do so. What with this happening, I was able to for a plausible reason. It felt good to do.

"How long are you going to be in here?" Rosalie asked as she walked up behind me, putting her hands on the back of the chair I was sitting in.

"I don't know." Bella sighed, squeezing my hand tightly.

"While you were out, the doctor said that they're going to keep you in overnight because your blood pressure is a little too high, but if all's good, then they should be releasing you tomorrow morning." I explained and she smiled, sighing gently.

"Good." She looked down at me, biting her lip gently. "You know how much I hate hospitals."

I nodded, chuckled. Well, having spent a lot of time in the hospital when she was younger, she had grown to hate them. I guess that's what you get when you're as clumsy as Bella Swan is. She had had a visit to the hospital at least once a fortnight, if not more, when we were going out. She knew the staff on first name basis, as did I because it was usually me that took her to the hospital when she needed it. It wouldn't have surprised me if she was on their Christmas card list.

Bella's time in the hospital passed quicker than I thought either of us thought it would. We were both kept entertained by the others in the room. My mom kept fussing over Bella and asking whether she wanted anything, needed anything at all. Bella was taking it all very well as I knew that she didn't really like people fussing over her, especially when she thought she was capable of looking after herself, which so happened to be all the time.

Alice and Rose were bickering about something or other – probably something to do with some fashion line or something like that – and Jasper and Emmett were chatting about what they were going to do first when they got back to New York. Tanya was fussing over Kate, who obviously didn't like being in the hospital and was fussing constantly.

"This is ridiculous." She sighed, frustrated as Kate wriggled in her arms, her face scrunching up. "I don't know what she wants."

"Maybe she's just telling you that she doesn't like it here." I suggested and she sighed looking down at her grizzling baby. "Let me try."

"Are you sure?" She looked at me, her expression slightly concerned. I gave her a look that only worked because I was her family and she smiled slightly, passing her eight month old to me.

Kate looked bewildered at the new set of arms holding her, before she looked at me, her big blue eyes shining with laughter as she giggled at me.

"It seems like Uncle Eddie is the new favourite." Bella chuckled from the bed and I scowled at her playfully, which caused her _and_ Kate to laugh at me.

"Are you laughing at me?" I turned to look at Kate, causing her to giggle again. "Are you _laughing at me_?" She giggled again. A definite yes. "Alright. So long as I know."

"How did you do that?" Tanya asked, shaking her head lightly. "Obviously Mommy's not good enough anymore."

"Nah, you're just boring now." I grinned at her and she stuck her tongue out at me. "Mature, _Mommy_."

"Says the father to be." She shot back and I shrugged.

"Hey, I'm not a father yet." I smirked and she rolled her eyes, clearly not impressed. "What I'm not. Which means I can be as immature as I like."

"Not how it works." She replied, folding her arms over her chest.

"Yes, it is." I turned back to Kate, effectively ending the conversation and Tanya sighed, a small chuckle escaping.

Before long, the others had to leave, much to their aggravation and the frustration of the nurses. Seeing as I was the father of Bella's babies, I was allowed to stay. Alice wasn't too happy about that.

"You know what?" Bella sighed, looking at me and I shook my head, settling in the comfy chair next to her bed. "I love them and all, but I'm sure as hell glad they're gone."

I couldn't help but laugh and nod, agreeing with her. "I know what you mean." I rested my arms and head on the bed and she started running her fingers through my hair. "It's so quiet without them here. It's incredible." It was her turn to laugh.

"It is nice." She sighed, looking up at the ceiling as she toyed with my hair. "I just wish that it wasn't because I was in here."

"I know." I placed my hand on her stomach, smiling at the knowledge that they were okay in there. I didn't think I could stand it if anything happened to them. They and their mother were my world now and I was never going to let them go.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew was that there was someone else in the room, talking to Bella. Even though I was aware of what was happening, I couldn't really wake up which was odd because that sort of thing only happened the day after a show. Maybe it was all the stress of the previous day taking its toll on my body.

"Is he okay?" I heard the familiar voice of Macho Nurse asking Bella. I found it strange that she was in here with Bella, but hey, whatever. As long as she was being taken care of, it didn't really matter to me. "I mean, he hasn't moved since I've been in the room."

"He'll be okay." I heard Bella sighing as she gently ran a hand through my hair. "The day's just taken its toll is all."

"Well, he was going absolutely crazy in the waiting room." I heard her chuckle. "But I do see why now."

"What do you mean?"

"I think he was driving the people in the waiting room nuts." She chuckled, moving around. "Because he sure as he was driving me crazy."

I heard something being moved across the room and Bella asking what she was doing. All I heard the nurse say was 'to make him more comfortable'. What the hell did that mean? Bella was protesting about something, but I was being lulled back into sleep.

"_I don't love you."_

_With those four words it was as though my entire world had been destroyed. My heart shattered and my legs gave out as she walked away. I didn't really register the rain, barely knowing it was there. That it was falling._

_I watched her as she walked back to her house, the rain mixing with my tears, washing them away but I didn't care. Nothing mattered to me anymore._

_I don't know how long I sat there, in the rain and the mud but eventually I stood up, walking back to the house that was barely a home to me. A home was somewhere you were supposed to feel loved and safe. But that wasn't what I felt in this house. I felt nothing but rejection and sterility. This wasn't a home. It was a house. Nothing more._

_The walk home must have taken a while seeing as it was dark by the time I walked through the door. It had stopped raining, but I was still soaked through._

"_Where on earth have you been?" Came the cold voice of my father as I walked through the door._

"_Nowhere." I mumbled and he scoffed. I could practically see the eye roll as it happened._

"_You'd better not get any stains on the carpet." He shot at me as he walked past. Of course, the carpet would be the more important thing. As if he would ever pay any attention to his only son. "I'm going out. I'll be back in the morning." It didn't even sound like he cared if I knew, just a formality really._

_I toed off my shoes, knowing that I'd get in the shit if I wore them past the foyer and made my way upstairs and flopping down on my bed, not caring that I was still soaking wet._

_I must have drifted off because the next thing I knew, I was underneath the cover, dry and warm, fresh sheets on the bed._

_I turned over, wondering what the hell had happened as I looked down at myself, realising that I had been changed in the night. It was probably Maria, the live in maid that my parents employed. She was basically there so that if my parents decided to go away at any time, they didn't have to worry about being caught out in leaving me at home alone. Even though I was eighteen, didn't need to be supervised anymore and Maria pretty much trusted me to do what I wanted anyway._

_I lay back down as the memories of the previous day ran through my mind, my entire being aching and screaming out for Bella, my heart shattering again as it tried to piece itself together, failing miserably._

_I felt the tears rolling down my face as I rolled onto my side, tears from my eyes running across the bridge of my nose and down the side of my face. I was facing away from the door, towards the window out into the deep black of the forest that surrounded our house._

_A little while later – well, actually I didn't know how much time had passed – the door edged open and someone entered my room. I guessed that it was Maria, coming to check that I was okay after knowing that something had happened._

_The bed dipped as they sat down next to me, a hand coming to rest on my bicep gently as a pair of lips pressed to my temple. That was strange. No one had ever done that to me before. Not that I could remember anyway._

_I don't know how long they stayed with me, but when I woke up as the sky began to lighten softly, I realised that I was alone. Had I imagined the whole thing? Had my longing for Bella caused me to hallucinate someone comforting me when in actual fact no one cared what happened to me._

_I looked at my clock and saw that it was four thirty eight am. I jumped out of bed, trying to push the crushing feeling of being truly alone in the world down, so that I could do this final thing. I threw some clothes in a duffel bag, grabbing the card that I'd been given so that I could access the funds that my grandparents had set up for me when I was born. It was the only real thing that I had received from my family. My grandparents had been kind and loving towards me, but I rarely saw them. It was only when I was with them that I felt safe and warm with someone in my family. I threw some of my other things in the duffel as well before I practically ran down the stairs and out the door, not caring if I woke anyone up. Well, maybe I cared if I woke Maria, but other than that, but other than that. Nope._

_I practically ran to Bella's house, the pain in my chest becoming more and more intense with every step I took. I didn't look at the house as I threw my bag into the back and climbed into the driver's seat, starting the engine and making my way towards town._

_I stopped outside the florist, which thankfully for me, opened at five in the morning. Why the hell she opened the shop so early, I didn't have a clue, but hey, it worked out well for me this morning so I didn't really care. I knew that I had to hurry though, because Bella woke up at six thirty every morning, no matter what day, whether it was the holidays or where she was. I had an hour and a half to get what I wanted and back to Bella's before I left her and this shithole of a town forever._

_Ten minutes later I walked out of the florist, a large bouquet of white roses and water lilies, seeing as they were her favourites, in my hand and carefully placed them on the front seat as I drove to Bella's._

_It was still getting light, the clouds of Forks preventing the sun from truly breaking through as it must have wanted to and I silently thanked the weather for once. I parked my car down the street, knowing that the Chief would be gone, but I also knew that Renee would still be there so I had to be careful._

_Carefully and expertly manoeuvring myself up the tree outside Bella's window – with flowers in hand, mind you – I sat on the branch and eased Bella's window open._

_Slipping inside, I was suddenly engulfed in Bella's scent. I knew that I couldn't stay here for very long, or else I would never leave and Bella would end up having to call her dad or someone else to physically throw me out of the house._

_I placed the flowers on the dresser in her room, feeling my heart cracking even more as I did so. I placed the card I had written alongside it and looked over at Bella who was curled up on her side, still in the clothes she had been wearing the previous day. It made me wonder how she really felt about ending the best thing I had ever had with me._

_I made my way over to her and gently pressed my lips to her temple before I knew I had reached my limit. I knew that if I didn't leave now, I never would._

_I turned away and towards the window. I took one last look at the girl would be the only girl to ever hold my heart. She had imprinted her name on it forever and then shattered it beyond repair. I didn't know if I would ever be able to feel again._

"_I love you." I whispered to the sleeping girl who would no longer feel the same way about me before I took one last look at the only thing that had been keeping me in this town._

_I knew that without her, I couldn't stay here any longer._

I snapped out of my dream, my cheeks wet and chilly from the surrounding air. I sat up, realising that I was spread out on a bed that was slightly lower than Bella's. I looked up at her, seeing that she was sleeping soundly and sighed, running my hands through my hair, wiping the tears off of my cheeks.

"Are you alright?" I looked up to see Macho Nurse looking at me from where she was in the doorway with a concerned look on her face.

"Um," I cleared my throat, shaking my head, trying to rid myself of the memory that had decided to haunt me as a dream. "Yeah."

"You don't look it." She sighed as she moved around to the other side of Bella's bed, hooking some wires into something. I had no idea what she was doing, but I realised that it must have been important. "Bad dream?"

"Yeah." I sighed, running my hand through my hair again my eyes settling on Bella as she slept.

"Wanna talk about it?" She looked over at me, pausing in the middle of what she was doing.

"No, it's okay." I shook my head, closing my eyes not really wanting to tell this nurse, that had obviously been pissed off with me and my behaviour the day before that I had just relived the worst day of my life.

"Was it the babies?" She asked, concern in her voice and I looked up at her. I nodded, seeing a way out of telling her what had really been going on inside my head. "Oh, honey, they're fine."

"I know." I nodded, smiling up at her and she smiled at me, looking over the top of the glasses I hadn't even noticed she'd been wearing. "Thank you."

"For what?" She looked confused and I motioned to the bed. "Don't worry about it, dear."

"And I'm sorry." She looked even more confused than before. "For my behaviour in the waiting room yesterday. I was just . . . freaking. I know that I could have channelled it in a better way, but at that time . . ."

"I understand." She was in front of me now, smiling down at me. "They're going to be fine. The doctor will be around in an hour or so and then she should be able to go home."

I nodded smiling at her. "Shouldn't be at home?" I asked, looking up at her and she looked taken aback. "I mean, you were here when we came in yesterday. Surely you should be at home by now."

"One of the other nurses called in sick." She explained and I nodded slowly, understanding. "I'm covering half of her shift. Don't worry, I won't be around to bother you as much in a while."

"You're not bothering me." I smiled and she chuckled. "Or Bella."

As predicted, Dr. Mallory came round about an hour after Macho Nurse, whom I'd learned was called Maggie, and released Bella, advising her to remain calm and to keep an eye on her blood pressure. Things that would most definitely be happening over the next few months.

I could tell that she was eager to get out of the hospital – well, she used the term escape, but whatever – and back to the hotel. I wondered how we were going to work this out. If Bella wasn't allowed to go back to New York until the babies were born, then how the hell was this going to work? I wasn't going to go back without them – I didn't think I _could_ – and Bella couldn't travel which meant that we were stuck in Washington for the next three months or so.

I had decided to take Bella out of Seattle the day after she had been released from hospital. I wanted her to get out of the city, because to me it wasn't the best place for her. So I took her into Port Angeles, which was close enough to contact people, should we need to, yet far away so that we could be on our own.

"This was really nice, thank you, Edward." She smiled up at me as we walked along the street, leaning up and pressing a kiss to my cheek. "Just what I needed."

"Good." I whispered, pressing a kiss into her hair. "Did you want something to eat?" I asked her and she thought for a moment.

"I could eat." She smiled at me and I gently pulled her along to our favourite restaurant in Port Angeles. _Bella Italia_. I had first brought her here because I thought it was neat how she shared a name with a restaurant, but we had discovered that it actually served incredible food.

I held the door open for her, following behind her as she made her way over to the hostess who was waiting for more customers. I walked up behind Bella, placing a hand on the small of her back, and she leaned into me.

When the hostess turned around, her eyes bugged out of her head as she saw me, her smile turning into what she obviously thought was sultry and sexy. "Table for. . .?"

"Two." I answered, looking pointedly at Bella, whom I knew was getting pissed off. Hell, she was pregnant with triplets. Of course she was pissed. Did carrying three mean that she was three times as hormonal? I didn't even want to think about the implications if _that_ were true.

The hostess looked at Bella, who smiled smugly at her before she turned around and led us to a table for two in the middle of the restaurant.

"Perhaps something a little more private." I suggested and she nodded, turning and walking towards a small booth in the back, telling us that our waitress would be with us shortly and leaving us to our menus.

It was the same with the waitress and I could tell that Bella was getting very close to gouging her eyes out by the fifth time she came to make sure that everything was okay with our meals. I told her that yes they were fine and that she didn't need to come back over until she was called. Her face fell in disappointment and Bella smiled at me gratefully. I knew that girls like the waitress and the hostess bugged her. They always had when we were younger. She didn't seem to realise that a) no girl or woman had the effect on me that she did and b) I was the same when guys were ogling her. But of course she wouldn't listen to me when I told her that she was beautiful and that practically every guy in the vicinity wanted her. She didn't see how I could be jealous of someone wanting her. Because she put me on a pedestal I didn't deserve to be on.

We made our way out of the restaurant, with Bella sending glares at the hostess and the waitress as we left, making me chuckle. She was still as possessive as she always had been.

Walking down the street, hearing the sounds of the water and the people as they spent the day together, just as we were, sent me back to when we were only seventeen, walking along this very street, enjoying being with each other.

"Bella!" I heard an over-excited voice call her. She turned around and groaned a little, leaning into my side. I looked down at her and she hid her face in my arm, making me chuckle. "Bella."

"Hi, Mike." I looked up and saw the guy that Bella had gone on a date with the day I had gone to see her six months ago. I looked down at her and she gave me a frustrated look. I got the feeling that she was frustrated with him, not me, which I was glad for.

"How have you been?" He didn't seem to even notice that I was standing there in front of him as he eye-fucked Bella into oblivion. I pulled her into my side, causing him to finally realise that I was there. "Hey, don't I know you?"

"I get that a lot." I replied dully. It was the truth. I _did_ get it a lot. But not a lot of people have come across me sitting in a hallway across from the apartment door of the girl I was now holding into my side.

"Really?" He seemed confused and I had to fight to not roll my eyes at the stupidity of this guy. "Seriously. Where do I know you from?"

"I don't know." I shrugged, not going to enlighten him. "Probably from the same place as everyone else."

He shook his head, shrugging before he turned back to Bella. "So, Bella, what have you been up to?"

"Not much, Mike." She replied, her tone clipped and for anyone who knew her knew that that tone meant 'run'. He obviously didn't know her very well, or at least, hadn't got the memo.

"Cool." He nodded, looking down. "So, Bella, I was wondering, you know we never got to that second date when we were in New York." _Wait, what?!_ Was he seriously trying this? "Would you be interested in going out while you're here?"

"Um, Mike." Her voice held that 'duh! Are you thick' tone that Bella was an expert at. "No."

His face fell slightly and I couldn't help but smirk. But the daft prat grinned at her before winking.

"Another time, then." He walked off, trailing a hand down her arm as she leaned into me and away from his touch. I wanted to rip his arms off for even thinking about touching her, but she was holding onto me so tightly, I wouldn't be able to go after him no matter how much I wanted to. Plus, I didn't want to leave her on her own.

"Hey." She whispered, sensing my anger at the pervert. "Don't worry about him. He's nothing, alright?"

"No." I shook my head, looking down at her, seeing her wide eyes full of worry and I felt like shit for making her feel like that, especially when she had to be keeping calm and me acting like an ass was not helping her keep her blood pressure down. "He thinks he has a chance with you."

"He doesn't." She shook her head, keeping her eyes on me. "There's no way that he does."

"He doesn't know that, and until you get the chance to put him right, he's going to keep thinking that he's got a chance." I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close to me. Or at least as close as her protruding belly would allow. "How he didn't notice that you're looking like you're ready to explode is beyond me."

"Thank you very much." She rolled her eyes, looking away from me.

I pressed my lips to her forehead, chuckling slightly. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do." She sighed, closing her eyes and resting her head on my chest. "But seriously, you really think that _Mike_ has any chance with you around?"

"I don't know." I shrugged, looking down at her. "I've got to keep my eye on things and people, don't I? Can't have anything or anyone upsetting you."

"Bit of the overprotective Dad to be, aren't we?" She smirked up and me, but in her eyes I could see that she loved it.

"After the other day, I'm not taking any chances with you or the triplets. That's why I've brought you here. It's quiet and peaceful." As soon as I said that, Parabola by Tool starting blaring from my tone. It was Emmett. "Well, it _was_ anyway." I took my phone out of my pocket, flipping it open and holding it to my ear, much to Bella's disdain. "Yeah."

"_You two have to get back here, right now."_ He sounded worried about something. What did he have to be worried about?

"Why?" I looked down at Bella, who had an expression of confusion on her face. "What's the matter?"

"_It's the press_." He sighed and the alarm bells in my head immediately went off. Had they printed anything about Bella at all?

"What about them?"

"_They've printed and interviewed some of the reporters that were there on the television. They're twisting what happened."_ No wonder he was worried. "_The way they're painting it is that you started hurling abuse at them for no reason."_

"What the-"

"Hey, don't yell at me, but you two need to get back here, pronto." With that he hung up and I took the phone away from my ear, looking down at Bella.

"What?" She asked, her voice and face worried and freaked, putting it mildly. "What is it?"

"We – by which I mean, _I_ – am in deep shit."

_**I know. I know. I promised Eternally Damned, and this really really isn't, but I don't care. This story didn't stop writing itself, so I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. Especially since Bella and the babies are okay.**_

_**I promise Eternally Damned is next. Promise.**_

_**I think Shelby'll skin me alive if I don't. And I really don't want that.**_


	17. In The End

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**Right before I start. Shelby: Put. The. Pitchfork. Down. Put it down. I know I said I'd have this out earlier, but a load of shitfuck stuff has happened and this kind of been put on the backshelf. Until now, that is.**_

_**I saw New Moon on the Friday it came out in the UK and I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!! Definitely seeing it again as soon as I can. *swoons . . . drools* Okay, I'm back. For now.**_

_**Also, another idea popped into my head over the last couple of days while I was at work – shows how much attention I pay to my work, doesn't it? Ha! Really should pay more but, oh well. Anyway, the idea is at the bottom. Let me know what you think.**_

_**Again, sorry about the lateness of the chapter. I really am sorry.**_

_**Bella**_

We raced back to Seattle faster than I'd ever experienced Edward driving. How we didn't crash or get pulled over I don't know. I knew that he was being careful as well as speedy because of the babies.

"Edward, what the hell is happening?" I asked, getting slightly pissed as he didn't answer me. He seemed to be getting more and more worked up the closer to the city we got. "Edward!"

"I'll explain when we meet up with the others." He said quickly, his tone understanding but I could still tell that he was worked up.

That wasn't really something I wanted to hear. That meant that something was wrong, very wrong and he didn't want to tell me in the car in case I freaked. And something told me that I was going to.

We entered the city and he slowed down to the speed limit only because he knew that he would get pulled over and we wouldn't be getting back to the hotel any time soon.

Pulling up to the hotel, we parked outside the front doors and Edward practically threw his keys at the valet before making his way around the car and helping me out. Normally, I would have objected to his aid, but since I was carrying dead weight on my belly, I kind of needed it and Edward was already stressing, so I didn't really want to add to it.

Walking as fast as we could through the lobby of the hotel and into the elevator, I noticed that the closer we got to the others, the more antsy Edward became. It was as though he knew that something was going to go down – hell, even though I no idea what was happening, I knew that something was going to go down – and was preparing for the very worst.

The ride up to the hotel room seemed to take forever before the doors dinged open and we made our way to the room, Edward sliding the keycard through and ushering me through the door as though someone was going to catch us if we didn't move quickly.

Once inside, we were met with Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper who were all wearing matching expressions of worry. Emmett nodded towards the main living area of the room and Edward made his way past him quickly. I hung up my coat, following him through, tailed closely by Rose and Alice.

I was surprised to see Demetri sitting on one of the chairs, running his hand through his hair as he sighed, looking over at Edward and I. I had made my way over to Edward, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him to me as closely as my belly would allow.

"Demetri, is what Emmett told me true?" Edward asked, his tone anxious and frustrated. Demetri nodded, looking stressed as he rested his head in his hands. "Dammit!"

"Will somebody explain to me what is going on?" I asked, looking around at the gathering of people, who all seemed to know what was happening. Why was I the only one who didn't.

"The paparazzi that ambushed you and Edward a few days ago is twisting what happened." Demetri explained cautiously as Edward and I sat down, arms still intertwined, not wanting to let go of each other. "They're saying that they had approached Edward asking some questions, and that he lashed out for no excusable reason."

"The lying bastards." I spat and Edward rested his forehead on my shoulder, squeezing me to him gently, trying to calm me.

"They haven't mentioned you being there at all." He sighed, sitting back in the chair, looking completely defeated.

"So they're making Edward out to be the bad guy?" I asked and he nodded slowly.

"What happens now?" Emmett asked, holding Rose close to him.

"Well, we'll have to explain what really happened." He looked over to me, an apologetic look on his face. "As long as Bella agrees to it, we'll be publicly announcing the pregnancy, along with explaining what happened on the steps. We've gotten in contact with the two paramedics that were on scene and they've given us their statements confirming the emergency state Bella was in at the time and the reporters ignorance of the situation." He took a deep breath. "As for getting this knowledge to the public and the correct people, _I_ will be making the statement on live television tonight."

"How come you're doing it?" Alice asked, clearly confused. "Wouldn't it be better if Edward did it?"

"No." He shook his head and I looked at Edward who looked tired and drawn. He was stressed and I knew that going public about this himself would not be a good idea. Having Demetri do it would be easier on all of us, especially Edward. "It would not be better if Edward did it. Apart from the fact that he is exhausted," he motioned over to where Edward was still leaning on my shoulder, his eyes closed. "Whomever was interviewing him would be likely to turn it around on him. Speaking to a star seems to make them think they can do that, but however, speaking to a _manager_ reporters and such are more reserved about the questions they ask."

"Sounds reasonable." Jasper nodded and I pressed a kiss to the top of Edwards head. He opened his eyes a little and looked up at me, a small smile on his face.

"Come on." I whispered, standing up slowly. "Let's get to bed, shall we?" I held out my hand and he stood up, taking it. The drive down from Port Angeles had worn him out, what with all the stress and anxiety he'd been feeling. The adrenaline he'd probably had running through him must have worn off by now, making him feel worn and tired.

I closed the door to our bedroom, and he flopped down on the bed. I couldn't help but smile at him as he lay there, face down, eyes closed.

I sat down next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder and he opened an eye – the one that wasn't smooshed into the comforter – and smiled at me. "Everything's so fucked up, isn't it?"

"Looks that way, love." I pressed a kiss to his temple, sliding off the bed and getting changed. When I turned around, I noticed that he'd done the same and was now curled up under the duvet, waiting for me to join him.

"What time did Demetri say he was on?" He asked as I slipped into the bed next to him.

"I don't know." I shook my head, grabbing the controller from him. He pouted at me and I stuck my tongue out at him, which made him laugh.

I flicked on the TV in our room and pulled up the teletext, scanning for the programme Demetri said that he would be on.

"Here it is." Edward pointed to the screen and I saw it. "Six thirty." He sighed, looking at the time. "It kinda sucks that we didn't get that much time away from this place, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I do." I pressed a kiss to his forehead, sighing into his hair. He rested his head on my shoulder, his hand coming to rest on my stomach as he tried to convey his love for his unborn children through his touch. I didn't need to be told or shown how much love he had for them, that was a given. But something told me that he felt he hadn't done enough as far as they were concerned. "We've got just over an hour. You wanna have a little nap?"

"I could use a nap." He smiled up at me dopily and I gave him a kiss on the nose.

Waking up when my phone alarm went off, I grabbed the remote and flicked on the television, effectively waking Edward up.

"Wha- Hm . . . what?" He looked up at me, clearly dazed and I couldn't help but giggle at him. He was so cute when he had just woken up. He had always been like that though. Nothing about the way he woke up had changed.

"The programme Demetri's on is about to start." I nodded towards the screen and Edward sat up in time to see the reporter's enormous, obviously fake smile as the opening credits finished.

"Welcome to the show." She was blonde and plastic. Fake in every way. But then again, that seemed to be the agreed look for those on television nowadays. In my opinion, at least. "Now, all you ladies out there will definitely know who I'm talking about when I mention the name Edward Cullen. Am I right? Well, over the last day or so, some serious allegations have been brought upon the _Linkin Park_ star, claiming that he was verbally, which could have escalated to physically, abusive to some reporters and photographers, just looking for a few answers to some questions everyone has been asking. This behaviour seems extremely odd for Mr. Cullen, who has never had shown any real aversion to the press before, probably accepting it as part of his job. He hasn't offered up any information before, but it appears that these reporters were just hoping to get that coveted interview. Now, Mr. Cullen isn't here with us tonight, but instead, we have the manager of _Linkin Park_, Demetri Marcosi." She turned to face Demetri, who gave her a small smile and a nod in greeting. "Now, Demetri, what do you think about these allegations made by the press?"

"Personally, I don't think, I _know_ that they even though Edward could have handled the situation with a little more decorum-" I smiled, hearing Edward mumble a 'thanks, Demetri' from next to me as I continued to watch the screen. "But it seems that the press have failed to report something extremely important about the circumstances."

"And what is that?" She seemed extremely interested now, upon hearing that there might be gossip, even though millions across the country were going to find out about it as well. Edward's hand, gently slid across my belly, his thumb brushing backwards and forwards as his gaze stayed fixed on the screen.

"They conveniently forgot to mention the presence of Edward's pregnant girlfriend." He replied smoothly, sitting back in his chair as the expression on the woman's face turned to one of shock.

"Well, yes, it seems that that _is_ something they forgot to mention." She shook her head slightly, losing her focus momentarily. "But surely, if Edward was expecting, then we would have heard something about it."

"Not necessarily." Demetri replied, making it seem as though they had had full knowledge of the pregnancy from the beginning. "The pregnancy was not revealed because Edward and his girlfriend didn't want it to be. And respecting the wishes of the two of them, the pregnancy was concealed. It is only being revealed now because of these allegations. Which no longer seem to apply, especially seeing as Edward was required to phone an ambulance for aid for her because of the presence of the press in the first place."

"Really?" She seemed shocked at the revelations coming from Demetri's mouth.

"We have statements from the two paramedics that answered Edward's call, stating that the press were rude and unhelpful, remaining in the way, even after being asked to move or being forced out of the way so that they could reach the young lady." He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a tiny moment. "Now, we found out that it was only the babies reacting to the stress of the situation, but it could have very easily been something worse. Much more serious and something could have happened to her or the unborn babies."

I noticed how Demetri hadn't mentioned my name once, and that the reporter hadn't actually picked up on the fact that he was using plural terms for the babies.

"He won't mention your name." Edward seemed to know what I was thinking along those lines. "He won't mention your name until you give him the okay to. Which I hope is never." He sighed, resting his head on me, so that his nose was gently brushing my stomach.

"Why is that?" I asked, giving him a small nudge.

"Because I don't want to share you."

And that was all he needed to say.

* * *

After Demetri's television appearance, the media outlets that had verbally accused Edward or accused him in print, printed retractions and apologies like there was no tomorrow, obviously not wanting to lose the business that would come with Edward's fan base foregoing their magazines, papers or whatever.

As always, money was everything to those people.

That had been almost two months ago, and things were pretty quiet on the whole media front. Edward and I were able to go out, but there were always one or two reporters around. They didn't really bother me, because I knew that it was all par for the course of being with Edward, of loving him.

And even though, neither of us had said the words again, it was true. I loved him more than words could express.

My parents had called the same day Demetri had made his appearance, completely freaking out. They had heard about what happened with the press and wanted to know that I was okay. They were worried about the babies and me. I spent half an hour on the phone to Charlie convincing him that I was alright – though I was sure he didn't believe me – and that was _before _I had to talk to Renee. They were parents and they were worried. I knew that I would be seeing it from their point of view soon.

As far as the babies went, they were getting bigger and bigger every day and the doctors had told us that they could come at any time.

I had started attending pre-natal classes a week after the whole paparazzi incident and Edward had attended every single one with us. I knew that he was nervous about being there, whether it was about what to expect or the fact that it made the fact that the date our babies would be here was coming closer and closer, I wasn't sure. But I did remember that a few minutes into the class, after everyone had introduced themselves – there were a few new people attending – he seemed to relax, which made me happy.

There was one week, where we were coming out that we had bumped into Aro. What he was doing in the same hospital as us, I didn't care to know, but he seemed extremely pissed at Edward. Neither of us wanted anything to do with him anymore. Not that we did in the first place, but hey. As we made to walk past him, he had grabbed Edward's arm, hissing something to him, so I couldn't hear. Edward shoved him off of him and warned him to stay away from us. I wanted to know more than anything what Aro had said, but I knew better than to ask.

That had been yesterday. Nothing had really changed with Edward, but he was a little more tense than normal. Understandable. I still wanted to know what had been said. I just wasn't sure if I'd find out.

I looked down at Edward from where I was sitting up in bed. He had stayed in the hotel room he had had rented out for the last dates of the tour. We had decided that we would go back to New York when the babies and I were released from hospital – after seeing Charlie and Renee, proud grandparents to be.

He was still sleeping, looking completely innocent as he lay there, eyes dancing as he dreamed, his long eyelashes casting light shadows under his eyes, his full lips slightly parted as he breathed gently. His hair had fallen across his face and I had to resist pushing it back, knowing that that action would wake him up. So I settled for watching him as he slept.

"Quit it." He mumbled a little while later and I smiled at him, brushing the annoying hairs out of his face.

"Quit what?" I asked quietly, placing a kiss on his forehead.

"Watching me." He snuggled closer to me, wrapping his arms around my middle and resting his head lightly on my bump, which was more like a mini mountain now, but whatever. He grumbled a little, his head lifting off of my stomach as he pouted at it and I couldn't help but giggle.

"What was that for?" I asked, running my hand through his hair again.

"One of them kicked me." He grumbled, resting his head in the same spot again, a grin forming on his face as a nudge from one of the babies again.

"Again?" I asked and he nodded, the grin still present. He was loving every second of it and it made me sad to think that we could have had this seven years ago. "Which one do you think it was?"

"I think it was one of the boys." He grinned up at me, his eyes shining with love.

_~Flashback~_

_We had decided a few days ago that we wanted to know what we were having before they arrived, so we were prepared for what was coming._

_I was shaking slightly as I pushed the doctor's number into my phone, putting it on speaker so that Edward could hear as well. He was practically vibrating with excitement, an enormous grin on his face. Seeing his enthusiasm for the knowledge helped to calm me down slightly as he wrapped his arms around me, pressing a soft kiss into my hair, whispering that it was going to be fine._

_Well, it wasn't like we were waiting for any life threatening results or whatever, was it?_

_Just the gender of our babies._

"_Good afternoon, Maternity." A friendly voice on the other end answered the phone._

"_Yes, I'd like to speak to Dr. Mallory, please?" I asked, nervously. Since I was now practically living in Seattle – though most of my things were still in either New York or Forks – I had transferred doctors, now having Dr. Mallory down._

"_One moment." The woman chirped and I looked at Edward, letting out a breath._

"_What are you so worried about?" He asked in a whisper, running a soothing hand over my shoulder and down my arm, relieving some of the tension._

"_I don't know." I sighed, shrugging. "I'm just not sure what to expect, really."_

"_Does it matter what they are?" He asked, an eyebrow raising at me._

"_Of course not." I replied indignantly, sitting up slightly and he smiled._

"_There we go then." He pressed his lips to my shoulder gently, conveying all sorts of emotions through his touch. "Stop worrying. There's nothing _to_ worry about."_

"_I know." I sighed, resting my head against his shoulder as we waited to be connected._

"_Dr. Mallory speaking." I heard her voice come through, starting slightly, causing Edward to chuckle._

"_Um . . . hi, it's Isabella Swan." I replied nervously._

"_Bella!" So she did remember me. "How are you? How are the babies doing?"_

"_They're fine." I replied, grinning at Edward who had a hand on my belly, his thumb gently moving backwards and forwards over the same spot. "We're fine."_

"_And the father-to-be?" She asked and I heard a bit of a smug smile in her voice. It was clear that no one was going to forget his visit to the hospital when I had been taken in after the mess with the paparazzi. He rolled his eyes, trying not to laugh._

"_He's fine." I laughed, nudging him slightly._

"_So what can I do for you, Bella?" She asked, a smile in her voice._

"_Um, well, we want to know." I stated simply. "The sex of the babies." I looked at Edward, who was next to me, grinning like a moron. Well, when it came to the babies, Edward _was_ a moron, but hey, he loves them already, so I'm not complaining._

"_Well, this is unexpected." She laughed and I heard something that sounded like a chair rolling backwards on her end._

"_Well, I always said that Edward and I would find out together, so we are." I entwined my fingers in his hair and he sighed, resting his head on my shoulder._

"_Does that mean I'm talking to both of you?" She asked, sounding a little confused._

"_It sure does." Edward replied, chuckling slightly._

"_Hello, Edward." She laughed and I heard some rustling on the other end._

"_Hi." He grinned back, his hand rubbing my stomach tenderly._

"_Well, I can tell you that you are expecting two bouncing baby boys and a little girl." I could hear the smile in her voice as she told us._

"_Thank you." I had to hold in an excited squeal at the news and Edward's face lit up._

"_No problem." She laughed._

_We said our goodbyes and hung up the phone. As I turned around from placing the phone back onto the bedside table I looked at Edward before squealing and throwing my arms around him._

"_Two boys and a girl." He breathed into my shoulder. I pulled away from him, placing a kiss on his lips lovingly, noticing he had tears in his eyes._

"_What are these?" I asked, motioning towards the moisture._

"_They're happy ones, don't worry." He laughed lightly and I pressed my lips to his again, wrapping my arms around him. "I can't believe it."_

_~ End Flashback ~_

We had told the others the day after we had found out, wanting some time to revel in the news ourselves. Alice had gone back to New York, having to go back to work, but telling her over the phone was interesting. And if I must say, preferable. Because what I had heard from Alice over the phone was nothing compared to what her reaction would have been if I had told her in person.

Esme, Jasper, Rosalie, Tanya and Emmett were over the moon at finding out, but I knew that it wouldn't really matter to them what I was having. All they cared about was that there were three little bundles on the way. Whether or not they were bundles of joy remains to be seen, but hey, I'm sure we'll manage . . . somehow.

"Think we got a football player in there?" I asked, giggling slightly as Edward chuckled.

"I think we got a quarterback in there." He amended and I laughed, running my fingers through his hair. "What you got on today?" I asked, knowing that he had _something_ planned, but I couldn't think what.

"I told Jane and Alec that I'd meet up with them today." He looked up at me, a small smile playing on his lips.

After the night in the hotel room, he had been meeting Jane and Alec regularly, getting to know them, building up a relationship. I was glad to see that something good was coming from the fuck-up of another man. A bastard who happened to link them. How he had fathered four such wonderful children I didn't know.

You might have noticed, I just said _four_. Well, as it turns out, Edward has another younger brother. Felix was only about two years younger than Edward and didn't really take well to the idea of having an older brother.

I remembered meeting him and I knew that it wasn't something I was going to forget any time soon.

_~ Flashback ~_

_Edward and I were set to meet up with Jane and Alec. This would be the third time we'd met them and I could tell that Edward was still nervous. Though this time he had another reason for being nervous._

_They were bringing their older brother._

Another_ younger sibling for Edward._

_Sulpicia had mentioned Felix when we had met her after meeting up with Jane and Alec the last time. Edward was a little taken aback at the fact he had yet another sibling he didn't know about. The twins said that they were so wound up with what their father had done – or _hadn't_ done, as it were mentioning Felix didn't even enter their minds. Edward said that he understood, knowing that they'd had a lot to go over._

_We saw Alec and Jane as soon as we walked into the restaurant. Well, I say that, but really, _they_ saw _us._ And everyone knew about it._

_They launched themselves out of their seats and ran over to us, Jane throwing her arms around Edward and Alec standing their grinned before he hugged Edward himself. Hugging the two of them myself was a little more difficult because of the triplets, but we managed._

_I looked over to where they'd run from and saw that there was someone else sitting there. It was Felix. He didn't look happy to see Edward and I at all. No doubt he thought that Edward was after something, as their mother had to begin with, but hopefully that would change once Edward explained that he didn't want or need anything from Aro. All he had gained from it was two younger brothers and a baby sister. Whom he adored._

_But it wasn't that easy._

_Felix hardly said a word at all, and when he did, it was laced with a venom that made me wince internally every time he spoke. I could see that Edward was getting annoyed with it and Jane and Alec were looking slightly worried, probably thinking that Felix would try to stop them from seeing Edward. When Felix excused himself to head to the bathroom, I assured the two of them that the only one who had the power to stop them from seeing their brother, really, was their mother. Of course, Aro did as well, but something told me Sulpicia wasn't going to roll over for what he wanted. From what the twins told us, their mother had kicked him out until she decided he could move back in._

_Maybe that was why Felix was so pissed at Edward._

_Maybe he thought it was his fault his mother had found out about Aro's betrayal. Like they say, what goes around comes around. Things will always come to bite you in the ass. Trust me, I know._

_After he came back Felix's mood still hadn't changed and I was getting sick and tired of it. I wouldn't say anything, because I knew that it would upset Edward and the twins, but I wanted to. The looks he kept giving me creeped me out a little as well. I could tell that Edward had noticed, by the protective way he had wrapped his arm around my shoulders. A clear 'hands off' sign. Normally, that would have bothered me, but at the moment. Not so much._

_What the hell was Felix's problem?_

_~ End Flashback ~_

I smiled down at Edward, loving how his eyes sparkled when either of us mentioned his younger brother and sister.

"Is it just you guys?" I asked and he nodded.

"Yeah." He sighed, sitting up slightly, the covers falling away and revealing his perfect chest. "Meeting up for lunch and then, I don't know, probably wander around for a little while. Whatever takes our fancy, you know."

"Sorry, I can't come." I gently ran my finger over his cheek and he grabbed my hand, pressing his lips to the back of it.

"Me too." He whispered.

Normally, I would have gone with him, as I loved the twins, and they seemed to like me – I hoped anyway – in the same way. The only times I didn't go with him was when he was invited over to their house, which I thought was nice of their mother. Especially considering Edward is the result of her husband's betrayal.

She loved Edward, but then again, who didn't?

I would have gone, but what with me being the size of a killer whale and unable to be on my feet for very long, I couldn't. I didn't have the energy anymore. I hated this part of being pregnant. It wasn't like I was just tired. The kind of tired that a quick nap will get rid of, but it was the kind of tired that permeates through to your bones, leaving you so exhausted, you can't even _think_ about getting up.

Edward knew that I was feeling this way and made sure that I didn't want for anything. If it was possible, I would have said that I was falling more and more in love with him every day.

"What time are you going?" I asked him, intertwining my fingers with him as he thought for a moment.

"Probably about elevenish." He looked at the time as I did and saw that it was half past nine, leaving him with an hour and a half before he had to leave.

"Okay." I whispered, wrapping my arms around him and snuggling into his chest, hearing a chuckle reverberate through his chest. "One thing I want to know." He hummed in response as he played with the ends of my hair, as had become custom when we lay in bed like this. "Why do you only have one nipple pierced?"

He laughed slightly at my question, clearly not expecting it. "Because that was the dare." He stated simply. "Tongue and a nipple. Not both of them."

"Why don't you get the other one done?" I asked, running my fingers lightly over them.

"Because it fucking hurt." He replied, shaking his head at my suggestion. "Even when pissed, it fucking hurt."

"Fair enough." I sighed, gently running my finger around his unscathed nipple. "Would you get it done if I asked you to?" I asked, looking up at him. "Because it would look _really_ hot."

"Not a chance." He smirked at me and I sighed, resting my head back down on his chest, closing my eyes.

All too soon, he had to get up to get ready to meet Alec and Jane. I lay in bed, watching him as he moved around the room. His coming out of the en suite completely soaking wet was my favourite bit. Him standing over me and shaking his head, getting me wet as well . . . was not. He found it amusing though.

He gave me a kiss before he left and I immediately missed him as the elevator doors closed, leaving me on my own. Rose would be back from her little shopping excusion soon, so I wouldn't be alone for too long. Apparently Emmett and Jasper were meeting with Demetri about something. It wasn't vital for Edward to be there, so he didn't have to reschedule meeting with his siblings to see his manager. I knew that would have upset him greatly if he'd had to do that. Not to mention the two of them.

I climbed out of bed – with a lot of effort, mind you – and made my way over to the chair in the corner of the room, grabbing the jacket Edward had been wearing the day before, knowing that it would still smell of him. Not that I was addicted to him or anything . . . oh what the hell, of course I was. You know it. I know it. Hell, I think the weird man that hangs around in the lobby knows. And I don't care.

I put it on and made my way through to the kitchen area of the hotel room, wanting something warm to drink, settling on camomile tea as I turned the kettle on, stuffing my hands into the pockets of the jacket.

_What the-_? I pulled out what was in one of the pockets, my eyes widening at what was sitting in my hand.

At that moment, two things happened.

The elevator binged, telling me that Rose was back and I turned to see her stepping out, hands full of bags and a grin on her face.

But the other thing, the more alarming thing that happened was the tightening in my stomach and the sudden pooling of liquid in between my legs.

Upon seeing me, Rose's smile disappeared and she dropped her bags, running towards me, catching me as I toppled over. I didn't really register anything that was happening. All I could think about was the little bag of white powder that was resting in my hand at that point in time.

"Bella?" Rose's alarmed voice barely penetrated my fuzzy world. "Bella!" I felt her shift, but it was like I was feeling it through another's subconscious, if that makes any sense.

I could hear Rose on the phone to someone, sounding panicked and I surmised it must either be an ambulance or Emmett, because those are the only two I knew she would phone.

I wasn't aware of anything else really happening until I could smell disinfectant and heard what sounded like a cacophony of voices telling me that I was in labour. That didn't surprise me. I had been told to expect this soon, especially considering I was expecting triplets.

I did, however, snap out of my little daze when someone mentioned Edward.

"No." I said sternly, looking over at the voices who belonged to Rose, Emmett and Jasper. Apparently, they had been calling Edward but were unable to get through. I knew why. He always had his phone on silent when he was with Jane and Alec, not wanting to be disturbed when he was with them. "I don't want him here."

"What?" The three of them sounded shocked at my statement. "Bella, what's the matter? What's happened? Did the two of you have a fight?" Rose sounded worried as she sat down next to me.

"He's been lying to us." I practically snarled at the three of them.

"What are you talking about?" Jasper shook his head, not understanding.

"What I'm talking about is the fact that I found a little baggy of a certain white powder in the pocket of one of his jackets today. That's why I'm here right now." I turned away from them, looking out of the window onto downtown Seattle, knowing that the lying sack of shit that called himself my boyfriend was sitting out there right now.

How could he do this to me?

To his children?

Well, he wouldn't have the chance to do it again?

_**Jasper**_

I left Bella's room, my head in a daze. Rose and Emmett had similar looks on their faces.

Edward was using again?

Why?

He had everything to lose now. Before, he felt as though he had nothing to lose, that's why he turned to the drugs in the first place.

What the hell was going on?

"What the hell?" Emmett sighed, sitting down in one of the crappy plastic chairs that the hospital provided. We had been sent outside while the doctor performed an exam on Bella. Not even Rose was allowed to be present. Apparently the only one – other than the mother to be, of course – that was allowed to be present was the father. And he wasn't here.

"I don't know." Rose sniffed. I looked over at her and saw that she had tears streaking down her face. Over the last couple of months, she and Edward had gotten close, so I knew that she took this as a personal betrayal.

Just then, my phone started ringing and I saw that it was Edward calling. I looked at Emmett and Rose before I picked it up.

"Hey." I said softly, looking up at the nurses' station, noticing that none of them had seen I was on the phone and hoping it stayed that way.

"What's wrong?" Was his immediate question. _Too much._ I thought, closing my eyes._ Too much._ "What's happened?"

"Bella's in labour." I stated simply and I heard some rustling on the other end, indicating that Edward was moving instantly. "And you have a lot of explaining to do."

I hung up before he could question me, wanting to hear what he had to say in person rather than over the phone.

"What was that, Jazz?" Emmett asked, indicating the phone and I shrugged, sitting back in my chair and closing my eyes.

It didn't take long for Edward to get to the hospital, which surprised none of us. But what did surprise us was the fact that Emmett lunged for him the moment he saw him, pinning him to the wall about two inches off the floor.

"What the hell?!" Emmett was really in Edward's face, not giving him an inch. "What the hell is going through your head?" He snarled, his voice not too loud. The nurses had noticed that something was happening, but Rose quickly went to give them some kind of story. Knowing Rose she would get them off our backs for a while.

"What are you talking about?" Edward choked out, his breathing being restricted by Emmett's grip.

"You know what he's talking about, Edward." I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Emmett, put him down." He looked at me as though I had gone crazy, but put him on the ground nonetheless. "You can cut the act now, Edward. We know."

"Know what?" He looked between us, confused. Or at least, doing a very good rendition of confused. "What act? What are you talking about?"

"We know you've been using again, Edward." Emmett hissed through gritted teeth and Edward looked at him, shock radiating from his every muscle.

"What are you talking about?" He looked between Emmett and I as if searching for something. "I'm _not_ using again. Do you really think I would be that stupid?"

"Obviously." Emmett rolled his eyes at him.

"Seriously, _why_ would I start to use again?" He looked to me, knowing that Emmett probably wouldn't listen to him. "What reason do I have to start using again? I have _no_ reason."

"Then how come Bella found your stash?" Emmett quizzed him and his brows furrowed. He really _was _confused, wasn't he?

"What stash?" He looked between the two of us and Rose who had reappeared next to me. I glanced at her, not seeing the expression I thought I would. I thought that Rosalie's expression would be murderous, wanting to rip him a new one and get him as far away from Bella as possible, but I didn't see that.

What I saw was a look that told me she was trying to work something out, as if this whole thing didn't add up. Now that I thought about it, things didn't really add up in my mind either.

"Emmett." I nodded for him to leave Edward – who was looking at the three of us like we had each sprouted an extra head - alone for a minute.

"Where's Bella?" He asked, sounding impatient and I nodded to the door just down the hall.

"She's having an exam at the minute." I told him and he sighed gently. "You can't go in till they've finished."

"What the hell, Jasper?" Emmett hissed in my ear and Rose whacked him. "You're going to let him in to see Bella?"

"Something's not right about this." I mumbled, looking at Edward, who looked stressed out, yes, but not like he was on something.

"You noticed it, too, huh?" Rosalie raised an eyebrow at me and I nodded.

"Noticed what?" Emmett looked at the two of us, confused.

"Look at him." I nodded slightly to where Edward was now sitting on one of the chairs, obviously waiting until he was allowed to go into the room with Bella, wanting – no _needing_ – to be near her. I looked at Emmett, who seemed to be studying him, a strange look on his face. "You see what I mean?"

"Yeah." His face became grave as he turned back to the two of us.

"I may not have known Edward when he used to be an addict, but that is _not_ someone who's getting high." Rosalie whispered and the two of us nodded, looking at each other.

"Just looking at him now, you can see that he's not." I gestured towards him slightly and Emmett nodded, obviously remembering what Edward used to be like when he was using.

And the Edward we could remember from those years ago, and the Edward that was sat in front of us now were not the same people. They belonged in different times.

The Edward we used to know, the one that had easily slipped into the world of illegal antics was not someone we cared to remember. He was skittish and jumpy, paranoid and extremely energetic. He wouldn't stick around for long, knowing that he could get caught out if he did – the paranoia that came with the drug use coming into play there. When he was on a come down he would lash out at us, verbally attacking us for no reason. He was moody and would have no energy, locking himself in his room where we wouldn't hear or see him for days. He was an Edward we all wanted dead and buried.

The Edward sat in front of us was none of those things. He was just extremely stressed over the news that his pregnant girlfriend was in labour and extremely confused over the accusations that he was using again. You could see that in the way he was.

"I don't he's using." I stated and the others looked at me, the same conclusion showing in their own eyes.

"If he's not using, then where the hell did the baggy come from?" Rose asked and I shook my head.

"I don't know." I sighed gently, looking over at Edward. "But I know an Edward who's using and that is _not_ him."

"He's right." Emmett nodded, turning to face Edward.

Edward wasn't using. We knew that now after observing and comparing the way he had been with the way he was now. His behaviour back then had been so extreme that it was easy to compare. Hell, I wondered how it took us so goddamn long to notice it in the first place.

We now had one certainty and one problem.

The certainty: Edward wasn't using again.

The problem: Convincing Bella of that fact.

This was _not_ going to be easy.

_**I know it wasn't that long – especially for the amount of time I made you wait – and it's probably not that good either but hey, I'll probably edit it and repost at some point. I felt bad for making you guys wait so long, so I posted it.**_

_**Anyways, new idea I said about earlier.**_

_**Takes place midway through Breaking Dawn (if you haven't read it and are planning to, discontinue reading this AN now) when Bella wakes up from the change and discovers Jacob has imprinted.**_

_**What if Bella and Edward weren't so accepting of Jacob's attachment to Renesmee? What if they took matters into their own hands with keeping him away from her? With Alice's visions blurred by Nessie, she can't see what they're planning, which they may just use to their advantage. Just how far will Bella and Edward go to keep their newborn daughter away from the dog? To the ends of the earth, methinks.**_

_**What do you think? Not worth it or should I see what I can do?**_

_**Review and let me know what you think of the chapter. Even if it's just a 'you suck', let me know.**_


	18. Crawling

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

**_I know! I'm amazed as well. I never thought I'd have this chapter up so quickly, but hey, when you can't stop writing, you can't stop, can you?_**

_**Before I forget, because I will by the time I finish the chapter, please go and vote for Eternally Damned at the Silent Tear Awards. The link is on my page.**_

_**Edward**_

Of three things I absolutely certain.

First: Bella was in labour.

Second: Everyone thought I was using again.

And third: I had been set up.

But the one thing I didn't know, was who by.

Sitting at lunch with Alec and Jane, I noticed that I had quite a few missed calls from Jasper and Emmett – well, I say 'quite a few' when I mean thirty-seven from Jasper and twenty-nine from Emmett – and I knew that something was wrong.

The short phone call that I'd had with Jasper was both distressing and confusing. Bella was in labour, which meant that I'd said a quick goodbye to the confused twins – explaining what was happening before I left, of course – and leaving the restaurant to get to the hospital quickly. But he'd also said 'you've got a lot of explaining to do'. _That_ was the part I couldn't work out. What had he meant by that?

I didn't have to wait long to find out.

Jumping in a cab, I managed to make it to the hospital in seven minutes before making my way up to maternity – as quickly as I could without drawing the attention of the nurses on the way – before I was apprehended by Emmett.

I had never seen him this angry before. Not even after all the shit that I had done in the past, had I seen him like this.

And it didn't take me long to find out why.

They thought I was using again.

They told me that Bella had found a stash that I'd had and the shock of finding it was most likely what caused her to go into labour. There was only one flaw in their reasoning there.

I had no idea what they were talking about.

I told them that I didn't know what they were on about, but I could tell that they didn't believe me. Then again, considering who I used to be, I can't really blame them. I don't think I'd believe someone like me either.

I could feel them watching me as I sat there, waiting for the doctor to finish whatever exam he was performing on Bella. Probably to find out how far along in her labour she is. They'd told us that labour with triplets is unpredictable, but it was better to be prepared for the long haul, as with any labour. It was impossible to know how long we were going to be here.

What was really playing on my mind was where had that 'stash' that Bella found, come from? It wasn't mine, so where the hell had it come from.

"Edward." I heard a soft voice come from next to me and I looked up to see Rosalie standing there, a worried look on her face. "Are you okay?"

I sighed gently, my head flopping into my hands. "No, Rose." I shook my head, not lifting it up. "No, I'm not. My girlfriend is in labour and I can't even go in there to see her. She, and the rest of you, think that I'm using again, when I'm not. And I can't even get my head around how she would find anything like that anyway."

"She said she found it in your jacket pocket." Rose explained quietly and I became even more confused.

"Which confirms to us, that you're telling the truth." I looked up to see Jasper and Emmett standing in front of me, apologetic smiles on their faces.

"What are you guys talking about?" Rose looked between the two of them, clearly confused.

"If Edward _had _been using again, his stash would never have been that easy to find." Emmett explained, leaning against the wall. "Trust us, Edward got good at hiding it, even after we found out about his addiction. If he had been using, he would never have put it in his jacket pocket." I looked at Rose and nodded slowly. He was right. Even before they found out about my coke addiction, I had been inventive about hiding it, never stashing it in the same place twice. "Besides, we remember what you were like when you were addicted. And you weren't like this."

"Thank you." I whispered softly, resting my head in my hands again. "For believing me."

"It's not us you've got to convince." Jasper sighed, looking at the doors behind him and I nodded slowly. Bella was not easy to convince of anything once she has something stuck in her mind and that's normally. But when pregnant and, now, in labour, getting her to listen to me is going to be like trying to get the Great Wall of China to do a tap dance. Don't ask where I get the comparisons from. They just pop into my head.

At that moment, Dr. Mallory walked out of the room and smiled at me, stopping in front of us. I stood up, wanting to know that Bella was okay.

"She's doing okay." She held a hand up, obviously seeing my stream of questions about to come flying out. "She's three centimetres dilated, so we have a little while yet, though the timing is never precise. When the babies want to come, they'll come. There's no arguing that. She seems a little stressed and preoccupied about something. Do you know what it is? It might help in calming her."

"She . . . she found something and jumped to conclusions." I told her without telling her, if that makes sense.

"Alright." I could see that she didn't want to leave it at that, but I could also see that she knew she wasn't going to get anywhere with me.

"Can I see her?" I asked and she nodded slightly. "Thank you." As she walked away, saying that she'd be back in a little while to check Bella's progress, I looked at the others who gave me reassuring smiles and pushed the door open, slipping inside.

Bella looked over at me, her features darkening and I slowly walked over to her. "Get out." She hissed at me, looking back out of the window, folding her arms over her chest.

"No." I shook my head as hers snapped around to look at me in disbelief.

"I said get out, Edward." Her voice was louder this time around and I shook my head again. I wasn't going to leave this room. "I don't want you here. I want you to get out and stay away from me and my children."

"Won't you even listen to me?" I stopped in the middle of the room, shaking my head. "You . . . you can't just . . ."

"Can't just what?" She asked, sounding more and more pissed as the moments passed.

"Jump to conclusions." I finished quietly and she scoffed at my answer.

"Right." She rolled her eyes, narrowing them at me. "I know Rose, Jasper and Emmett have probably told you what I found, so your secret's out of the bag now, Edward. You don't have to lie and pretend that we're good enough for you anymore. You don't have to pretend that you're happy without your little powdery friend. You don't have to act anymore, Edward. Though I must say, you must be getting better at it. From the looks of things, you even had Jasper and Emmett fooled." Every word she spoke was laced with such venom that it felt like someone was stabbing my heart with a poisonous barb with every syllable. It took all I had not to crumble right now. I was at risk of losing her, yet again. But this time I had so much more to lose. I had an entire family to lose. And I wasn't going to lose them over something I hadn't even done.

"I haven't been _pretending_ or _acting_ through anything." I told her, keeping my voice level and steady, even though it took more energy than I thought to maintain. "Because I haven't been using. Do you really think that I would risk everything I have now? Do you really think that I am that stupid? I might have fucked up in the past, Bella, but unlike some people in this world, I learn from my mistakes. Other than that time you all know about, I haven't used since before I went into rehab."

"You expect me to believe that?" She looked at me, her eyes flashing with anger and hurt. Her face tightened in pain as her hands flew to her stomach. Contraction. I made to approach her, but she held up her hand as it subsided, warning me to stay away from her. "You expect me to believe that in three years, you've only had one slip up?"

"Some people go through the rest of their lives without any." I shrugged, holding her gaze.

"Maybe." She nodded, still glaring at me. "But not everyone is famous. Now, get out."

"No." I repeated, sternly for the third time and she didn't seem to understand that I wasn't going anywhere. "Bella, I haven't been using. I promise you. I wouldn't be that stupid. You know I wouldn't." I made my way over to her, sitting down in the chair next to her bed, but didn't reach out to touch her at all, knowing that would just piss her off. "You're probably thinking that if I'm not stupid enough to do it now, then how come I was back then, right?" I didn't get an answer, so that meant I was right. "Well, back then, I had nothing to lose. I'd already lost the most important things in my life and I didn't see any reason for carrying on. If you didn't want me, then there was no point." I didn't break eye contact with her as I spoke. "But now . . . now I have _everything_ to lose. I have you back in my life. I have children on the way. I have everything that I have ever wanted and there is no way that I would ever jeopardise that. You have to believe me. I don't know where what you found came from, but I _can_ tell you that it's not mine."

"Why should I believe you?" She asked, her voice no louder than a whisper and I knew that she was thinking what I'd been saying through. Her face contorted in pain again and this time I grabbed her hand. She didn't push me away, but held onto it tightly, riding through the contraction. I was surprised that they were so far apart actually. Until she looked at me again. "Dr. Mallory says that the further into the labour I get, the closer together they'll become." I nodded, understanding that. "Tell me, Edward. Why should I believe anything you say? I mean, you've admitted that when Jasper and Emmett found out the first time, that you carried on, lying to them, hiding it in more and more absurd spots so that they wouldn't find it. Why should I listen to you?"

"You've just hit on an important point." I stopped her before she could get worked up. Well, more than she was now. "If I was using again, why would I leave it somewhere you would find it so easily? You've heard from Jazz and Em the lengths I used to go to to hide it from them. Why would I make it so easy for you to find?"

She opened her mouth to answer, nothing coming out before she closed it again. She knew that I had a point and Jazz and Em had indeed told her of where I had hidden stashes, so she knew that I would never leave something in the pocket of my jacket.

"You _have_ to believe me." I whispered, still holding onto her hand. "I'm not using again, I swear. I can't lose you four. You're all I have. I can't lose you."

As I felt a traitorous tear slide down my cheek I knew that somehow, some way, she just _had_ to believe me.

_**Bella**_

What the hell am I supposed to believe?

What I've seen with my own two eyes, or the man sitting next to me. The man that seemed to genuine in his pleadings and so scared over what he could lose as he spoke.

I didn't know what to think.

What Edward had said nudged something in me. When he'd said about the fact that if he'd gone to such lengths to hide it before when he felt he had nothing to lose, why would he leave it where it could be so easily found when he finally had everything he had ever wished for.

As much as what I had seen and found was telling me he was lying to me, he really made sense with that argument. I couldn't think of anything to say to him, knowing that there really was no argument.

Could he be telling the truth?

I looked at him. I mean, really looked at him for the first time since he'd entered the room and apart from the fact he was completely stressed out at the thought of losing us, he looked the same as he had any other time.

Jasper and Emmett told me that there were some things that Edward had displayed – behavioural differences, I think they were called – that differed greatly before and after rehab. Apparently before he was forced into rehab he was irritable, paranoid, restless, moody and on occasion, they would hear him mumbling to himself or sit there tapping along to a beat that no one else could hear. _That_ I thought was weird, but apparently it was called 'Auditory Hallucinations' and it consisted of the possibility of hearing voices or maybe even music that no one else is aware of. Mostly seen in certain mental disorders, but apparently it can be found in long term drug users as well.

But the Edward sat in front of me was mellow and calm, yeah he stressed a little every now and then and had his mood swings, but they always seemed to be in conjunction with my own, always what I needed to bring me back to earth.

He was more like the Edward I used to know, and the Edward, Jasper and Emmett said had come out of rehab completely squeaky clean. Could it be possible that he was telling the truth?

The look in his eyes was nothing but sincerity and pleading. Pleading with me not to abandon him, not to leave him for something he didn't do – whether or not he's telling the truth, I wasn't so sure of.

That was until the tear rolled down his cheek.

Until then, I didn't know what to think, but as soon as that streak of moisture fell from his eye, I knew that he was telling the truth. Most people would think that it was nothing more than crocodile tears, just to make me feel guilty to take him back, but Edward wouldn't ever so anything like that. It wasn't him.

He never played on people's emotions. Not to get something he wanted. If he wanted something like an apology or something along those lines for someone else, then he had no qualms about doing that. If it benefited someone other than him, he would play the emotions card, but never if it was for him. He wasn't selfish in that way. Even when it came to this, he wouldn't do it. It wouldn't be physically possible for him to.

His head dropped onto the side of the bed and I knew he was crying. He was afraid of losing me and the babies over something he was adamant that he hadn't done.

But if he wasn't using again, then what the hell happened?

How the hell had that bag of cocaine found its way into his jacket pocket?

Maybe there was the possibility that he had been set up, but who would want to. There was no one that hated him that much to do something like that.

Well, maybe Carlisle would, but he was in Forks. I think. And we hadn't seen him since the day Edward found out that he wasn't his father.

Other than Carlisle, there wasn't anyone who would do anything like that. I mean, we had run into Mike a couple of times – I swear, he was following me – while we'd been here, and he obviously didn't like Edward that much, considering he wanted to date me and Edward had gotten me pregnant. But he wouldn't do anything like that. Personally, I don't think that Mike would a) know where to get coke from and b) have the balls to plant it on Edward in the first place. Anyway, it had been weeks since we'd seen Mike and the jacket I had found it in – the one Edward was wearing yesterday – had been washed since then.

Wait a minute.

I sat up slightly and Edward raised his head to look at me, his eyes and face distraught as he looked at me. I closed my eyes, thinking about what was significant about yesterday.

"What did we do yesterday?" I asked him quietly and he looked up at me, confused.

"Um . . ." He thought for a moment. "We got some lunch and then came to the pre-natal class here in the hospital. And then we went back to the hotel room. That was about it."

"Pre-natal . . ." I whispered, trailing off.

_~Flashback~_

"_And we'll see you all on Tuesday." The class instructor, teacher or whatever you wanted to call her, grinned at all of us as the pregnant women were helped up by their partners, a couple complaining about a sore back and feet. I couldn't help but snort at one woman who had one of the smallest bumps I'd ever seen and she was complaining that her back was killing her. I wanted to march over to her and tell her to shut the hell up, at least until she really started showing, because I had her beat in all departments._

_Actually, the only other one expecting a multiple birth in our group was Heidi who was expecting twins. She and I got along well and Edward seemed to get on well with her husband Marc. I knew what they were talking about as the two of us chatted. Probably about how awkward it was trying to hug one of us – considering Heidi was a considerable size as well – and the weirdness of the cravings. I didn't care. I thought that they tasted great. Edward . . . did not._

_Especially after I made him try the pickles and raspberry ripple ice cream I'd made him get me. He'd spent about fifteen minutes becoming acquainted with the toilet seat after that one, reappearing with a look on his face that said '_never_ make me do that again'. I was a good girl. I hadn't._

_After saying goodbye to Heidi and Marc, Edward and I made our way through the corridors of the hospital, both excited and yet nervous as my due date got closer and closer. Dr. Mallory had told us to prepare for them to come anywhere up to a month early, which we had done. Edward had warned Demetri of that fact and I had informed Charlie and Renee that they could be grandparents sooner than they thought, considering. I also let Michelle, my boss in New York know, so that she had better bearings for when I could come back to the office. The size I am now wouldn't really be conducive to a productive days work. Not to mention, I don't think I'd fit in the elevator anymore._

_As we walked down the corridor, hand in hand, both buzzing with excitement, we saw someone we didn't really want to run into . . . ever._

_Walking towards us was Aro, a smirk playing on his face as he approached us. There was something going on in his mind, but I didn't really want to put my finger on it. Knowing that man, it was nothing good._

_He stopped in front of us, looking between the two of us and my bump. Edward manoeuvred himself in between Aro and myself, making sure that he was in front of me, should Aro do anything. Which some part of me hoped he did and hoped he didn't. On the one hand I didn't want anything to happen to Edward or my babies, but on the other hand I wanted to see Aro's ass hauled out of here by security and hopefully the police._

_Edward gently moved me around Aro, making our way past him as he stood there, watching us as we moved. I was jolted slightly when Aro's hand came out and grabbed Edward's arm, pulling him to him and hissing something in his ear. Edward didn't respond other than to glare at Aro and wrench his arm away from his grip before placing a hand on the small of my back as he gently pushed me towards the exit of the hospital._

_~Flashback~_

There was something important in that recollection and I looked down at Edward, whose head was resting on his hands again, but he was no longer sobbing. Knowing him, he'd resigned himself to whatever decision I'd made, but just as I was about to speak, I was cut off by another contraction causing me to grasp as my stomach. _Jeez, no wonder they get women on the TV to scream._

"Bella?" Edward's panicked voice caused me to look down at him, noting the redness around his eyes that hadn't been there when he'd walked in, proving that he'd been crying. The look of heartbreak on his face made me believe that he wouldn't go back to the drugs. He wouldn't risk it. And the recollection I'd just had of the meeting with Aro only reinforced that.

Along with the fact that the jacket I had put on earlier, happened to be the jacket that Edward was wearing at the hospital yesterday.

It fit.

"Edward." I said softly and he looked up at me expectantly, probably expecting me to tell him to leave again. "What did Aro say to you yesterday?" I asked and his brow furrowed in confusion.

"Aro?" He asked, running a hand through his hair. "What does he have to do with anything?"

"Just tell me." I pushed and he sighed, shaking his head a little.

"He said that he wasn't the only one that could lose everything." He sighed, sounding tired as he watched my reaction.

_He wasn't the only one that could lose everything_. I thought to myself, the realisation clicking in my head as Edward laid his back down on the bed.

I lifted my hand and gently ran it through his hair, knowing that I had been wrong about my assumptions. To be fair, I should have listened to him and I know I jumped to conclusions. I needed to work on my trust issues when it came to Edward, but it was hard. Being with an ex-junkie was hard and yet, I knew that I couldn't be without him.

He lifted his head as my fingers played with his gorgeous bronze locks, looking at me, a mixture of shock and relief in his eyes.

"I believe you." I whispered and the breath of relief that gushed from him was audible. "I'm sorry I didn't before, but I didn't know what to think. I just . . . jumped to conclusions. Like you said. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." He whispered, lifting my hand and pressing his lips to it tenderly.

"I think I know what happened." He looked at me, his eyes turning dark as he took in my expression.

"What?" His tone was wary as if he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer.

"Aro." I whispered and his brow furrowed in confusion again before smoothing out and contorting into an expression of pure hatred.

"That bastard." He hissed, biting down on his lip, probably to stop him to doing anything else. That was what he always used to do when he was younger. If someone riled him up enough to warrant a physical reaction – but he knew he was going to get in trouble for it – he would close his eyes and bite his bottom lip, sometimes so much that it bled. He told me that the pain emanating from his lip distracted him from the antagonizing thoughts of those around him, and the feelings going on inside. The only time it hadn't worked was when some kids from the reservation near Forks were winding him up.

He may have walked away from the fight with a fat lip and a black eye, but hell, the other kid had a broken nose and was missing two teeth as well as the black eye and a fat lip. An angry Edward is not an Edward I like to see.

"That's what he meant." I said softly and I nodded slowly, knowing what he was talking about. "Only he would stoop that low."

"Well, I think that someone else would as well." I shrugged and he chuckled once, nodding, knowing that I was talking about Carlisle.

But Carlisle wouldn't have known what to use to frame Edward. He wasn't aware of Edward's previous habits and neither was Esme, although Edward knew that he needed to tell her at some point. Ever since he had crashed after the concert she had attended a couple of months ago, she had wanted to know. Edward had to wait for the right time to speak to her about it. Over the last month or so, she had been arranging for her things to be moved from Forks to Boston, trying to work her way around Carlisle who was making things extremely difficult for her. It was clear that she wasn't rolling over for him anymore though. She was stronger than she had been a few months ago and I could see that Carlisle didn't like that one bit. I wasn't sure I cared though.

Edward looked up at me, his eyes wide and full of hope as he clutched onto my hand tightly, but not tight enough to hurt. "Are we okay?" He asked softly, his breath tickling the back of my hand.

"If you can forgive me for being so hasty and judgemental." I answered and he smiled.

"There's nothing to forgive, love." He whispered as he pressed his lips to my hand.

I hoped that we would be okay after this. I had been judgement and hadn't given him a real chance to explain before condemning him, which wasn't fair to him, because he had even told me that even now, such a long time after rehab – though when you really thought about it, it wasn't that long ago that he was in there – he still thought about drink and drugs as his first escape of the world, quickly turning his back on the idea before it could manifest into something more. It was hard for him, especially with those thoughts running through his mind. He had more trouble than the rest of us and I couldn't really fault him for that. He had been trying tremendously hard.

I just hoped that he would forgive my assumptions.

_**Edward**_

I was going to kill Aro.

Painfully.

Slowly.

I was going to make sure he paid for the way he tried to take my life from me. The way he tried to take Bella and the babies away from me. How could that man call himself a father and a human being?

He had tried to turn Bella against me, tried to make her hate me. I didn't want to know how he knew what to use to do just that, but it almost worked. If I hadn't been able to remain calm during this – other than my little breakdown a moment ago, but I wouldn't say that was out of control – I wouldn't have been able to come up with arguments that allowed her to see that I hadn't been using again.

Everything I had said was true. If I had been using I would have found a better place to stash it than a jacket pocket. Even in a hotel room, I knew where optimum hiding places were. Bella knew about the struggles I'd been having recently. I'd told her about how I'd been tempted, but hadn't acted on it apart from the once she knew about when she'd told me about the . . . abortion. It was still hard to say that word. Even in my mind.

I hoped that everything would be okay between us now.

If I didn't get put away for murder that is.

Dr. Mallory came in a little while later, to check on Bella. She performed another exam telling us that Bella was coming along slowly but surely at four centimetres. I looked at my watch and saw that it was four thirty. I wasn't sure what time I'd gotten here, but I knew I'd been here for at least three hours or so.

* * *

If I told you that Bella's labour was long, it would be an understatement.

Twenty-seven frickin' hours.

Yeah, I know that there are women who've probably gone longer than twenty-seven hours, but still, you would have thought with three of them wanting to come out, they'd try to get here a little quicker. Although saying that, I did want them to stay in there when Dr. Mallory announced that she was ready to be taken through to delivery.

Although, saying that, an hour, a lot of cursing, screaming, Bella letting me know that if I ever tried to have sex with her again, she was going to castrate me herself with a pair of rusty scissors – a threat I didn't doubt – and her begging me to push for her, getting upset when I told her that I couldn't, that she had to do it, later, I was so proud of her.

I was at the NICU, where they had told us that the triplets would be staying for a little while, considering they were so small. Bella and I had been prepared for this, but it didn't ease seeing them in there. They weren't hooked up to breathing tubes or anything like that, but they were just being kept for observation. Dr. Mallory told us that if they did well and gained weight quickly then they would be able to come home with us soon.

God, I hoped it was soon.

The three of them were in aligning incubators, our two boys either side of our little girl, each wearing either a little pink or a little blue wristband with either Baby Boy or Baby Girl Cullen written on it. Bella had insisted that they take my last name, even though I was insisting that hers be included in there somehow as well. She wouldn't have it, but I would take to her when it came to registering them.

Bella had been placed in another room now – apparently, Demetri had organised for Bella to have private rooms during her stay. I was happy about that because I don't know if I could deal with being surrounded by pregnant women in semi private rooms. One was enough for me.

Bella was sleeping soundly, which didn't surprise me, considering she'd just given birth to three beautifully healthy baby triplets. I'd taken this chance to come and see them, letting Bella have the peace and quiet she deserved.

"Hey." A quiet voice behind me jolted me out of my musings. I turned around to see Rosalie standing next to me, looking through the glass that allowed parents to view into the NICU. "Where are they?"

"You see those three next to each other?" I pointed towards them, smiling, not needing to say anymore.

"Do you have names yet?" She asked, looking up at me expectantly.

"We do, but I'm not telling you until we have them with us and Bella is awake." I told her and her face fell, forming into a scowl as I stuck my tongue out at her.

"The mature father, huh, Edward?" I turned to face Dr. Mallory as she made her way up behind us.

"Hi." I couldn't help but chuckle as I looked back at the triplets. "Any idea how long they're going to be in here?" I asked her and she shook her head.

"I don't know, I'm afraid." She sighed, placing a hand on my arm lightly. "You'll have to talk to the paediatrician about that."

Ah yes. The paediatrician.

Truth be told, I'm actually a little scared of her. She creeped me out. Her name was Chelsea Morgan – I know what you're thinking, all the doctors names begin with 'M' right? It's weird. Bella and I have already laughed about that point, trying to get her mind off of the contractions that had started becoming more frequent and from what I could tell, more intense - and she came on a little too strong for my liking. As if it wasn't obvious that I was a new father.

"Oh, here she comes now." Dr. Mallory smiled, waving as she approached. I looked down at Rose who smirked up at me wearing an expression that said 'well, you shouldn't look like you do then, should you?' _Thanks Rose, really helpful._

"Hello, there." She smiled as she stopped in front of us, her gaze lingering on me.

"I'll leave you to it then." Dr. Mallory gave us a small wave as she made her way back down to wherever it was she disappeared to.

"So, what can I help you with, Edward?" She asked, her tone slightly suggestive, but not too intensely so, what with Rosalie standing there.

"I was wondering when the triplets would be able to come out of the NICU." I told her coolly, not relaying anything in my wondering other than the welfare of my children, which was what I wanted. I could see Rose starting to giggle at the behaviour of the doctor standing in front of us – which was highly unprofessional, to say the least – so I nudged her in the side, trying to tell her to shut the hell up.

"Well, we want to get them up to around six pounds or so, before they leave, which we're hoping shouldn't be too difficult, or take too long." She sounded disappointed when saying this. "We're keeping them in here to monitor them, make sure that they're okay, basically. Their lungs developed enough, which is – in all honesty – unusual, so they don't need aid when breathing. They're small, but all in all we're not overly worried about them. They're strong, which is the most important thing."

I nodded as she walked off. "You realise, she didn't actually answer your question." Rosalie scoffed and I chuckled slightly.

"I know." I sighed, turning to face her. "I think that was as close to an answer as I'm gonna get."

"True." She nodded, smiling at the three of them. It didn't seem real at all. I hadn't been able to touch them yet and even though I wanted to more than anything, I would wait until Bella was strong enough to come and see them. I wasn't sure when that would be, but hopefully it would be soon. She was going to get antsy about not being able to see them. I know she would.

Rosalie and I made our way back to Bella's room in silence, not needing words as we walked.

Opening the door to Bella's room, I saw that she was still asleep. I sat down next to her, resting my head on the side of her bed as I had done before. I noticed that Rosalie either hadn't come in with me or she had left when she'd seen that Bella was still asleep. Not that I really minded. Alone time with Bella wasn't something I was going to pass up. Especially seeing as I wouldn't be getting much of that any time soon. _Maybe when they're in school._ I thought, yawning to myself.

I hadn't realised how exhausted I really was as I laid my head back down next to her, closing my eyes, but I sure as hell wasn't going to be saying no to some sleep.

* * *

I was woken by the sound of quiet voices and people moving about around me.

"Are you sure he's alright there?" I heard someone ask quietly as a hand started to play with my hair gently.

"He's fine." That was the voice of my Bella. She was awake and I wasn't. How much do I suck?!

Rhetorical question!

"Okay then dear." I heard some more moving about and curiosity, more than anything, pulled me out of the darkness around me.

"Hey." Someone whispered as I opened my eyes. "You okay?" I looked up at saw Bella smiling down at me.

"Should I be asking you that?" I smirked at her as I sat up and she rolled her eyes, but still smiling. "I'm so proud of you."

"Why?" She asked, sounding confused.

"What do mean 'why'?" I felt my jaw drop as Bella hooked a finger underneath my chin and snapped it shut, jarring me slightly. "Are you kidding me? Wait until you see them, Bella. They're gorgeous."

"You've seen them?" She asked, sounding disappointed and I knew that I was definitely being an ass at the moment.

"Only through the glass." I admitted, hopefully making her feel a little better. "I didn't want to go in and see them properly for the first time without you there."

"Really?" She asked and I nodded, receiving a kiss in return.

"Bella!" A scolding voice interrupted as she moved and Bella looked over at the nurse sheepishly.

"Sorry." She mumbled, going slightly red and I was confused at why she wasn't allowed to move. That is until I saw the tubes appearing from under the gown Bella was wearing. "Don't worry." She whispered, obviously seeing my expression. "They're just pumping milk for the babies."

"Oh." Was my intelligent response. Who'd have thought I had an IQ higher than most, huh? Must have destroyed most of it.

"It's okay, baby." She whispered, running her hand through my hair again, bringing me back from wherever I was. "Just so they can eat."

"I hope we can take them home soon." I whispered, pressing my lips to her forehead.

"Me too." She replied, the volume the same as mine.

"That all depends on how quickly they put on weight." The nurse said from behind me scaring the living hell out of me. "Sorry, dear." She chuckled noting that she'd made me jump. I scowled at her and she ruffled my hair as you would do a child. I raised an eyebrow at Bella and she shrugged, a smile on her face. "The faster your little ones gain, the faster you can take them home.

"That's good to know." Bella smiled and I nodded, resting my chin on my hands, which were folded on the bed.

I wanted to take them home so much.

They were here and they were _ours_.

Not even Aro and Carlisle double teaming me could bring me down now, that's how much of a high I was on. And it beat out any drug induced high I had ever experienced.

I never wanted this to end.

_**A lot of you guessed that it was Aro that put the baggy in the pocket, so if you did, give yourself a pat on the back.**_

_**If some of you were hoping for a bit more of the labour in this chapter, I'm sorry, but considering I've never been through it, all I would be writing would be complete and utter crap. Maybe once I've been through it, I'll be able to write about it, but for now, I'm leaving it at that.**_

_**Now, I've been given an updating rota by Shelby so Tattward is next. Sorry for those of you wanting others, but she has a pitchfork. And it's scary.**_

_**Let me know what you think in a quick review.**_


	19. Somewhere I Belong

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Changes to the band – character replacements:**_

_**Chester Bennington – Edward Cullen (lead vocals)  
Mike Shinoda – Emmett McCarty (MC, vocals, rhythm guitar, keyboards)  
Rob Bourdon – Jasper Whitlock (drums, percussion)**_

_**I would have updated this last night, but unforeseen circumstances – namely, my mum's car deciding it didn't want to go up a snow and ice covered hill and having to walk for over an hour to get home – meant that I couldn't. So here it is.**_

_**I know some of you are waiting for an update on Eternally Damned and I will stress this now, the story is **_**not**_** finished yet. I still have some things I need to get out of the way when it comes to that Edward and Bella. But at the moment, every time I start to write, I lose my focus and I can't write unless I know what's going into the chapter. Or else it turns into a rambling mess, much like this AN. Anyway, on with the story.**_

_**Names of the babies are revealed in this chappie, by the way.**_

_**Edward**_

It had been two weeks since the babies had been born and they were finally coming home with us.

To say that Bella and I were ecstatic was an understatement. Though I'm not sure what other word could be used to describe how we were feeling.

Bella had been released from the hospital four days after the triplets had been born. They'd wanted to keep her in so they could monitor her for the first few days after birth. Apart from the fact she was exhausted most of the time, spending a lot of the time sleeping, trying to rebuild her energy, she was fine.

As soon as the nurse had finished pumping milk for the babies – that sounds _really_ weird, but hey – Bella had insisted that I take her down to the NICU to see them. The nurse had assured me that she would be fine to go, and that it would be a good thing for the babies to have their parents feed them from the start. Familiarisation or something like that. I just couldn't wait to hold my little ones. I had been waiting for this the moment I found out Bella was pregnant. True, she might have already been six months along, but that's not the point. I had been waiting and now they were finally here.

Bella's reaction to seeing the triplets was incredible. Her eyes and expressions were so full of love and devotion and I knew that I must have had the same expressions on my face, because that was all I felt in those moments.

When we were allowed in, the nurse – whom I learned was called Maria – led us over to a small private room included just for this particular reason as many visitors to the NICU didn't really want to see a breastfeeding mother. There were soft sofas and chairs located in the room, obviously set up so that more than one couple could be in here at a time.

Taking hold of my baby girl I had never felt so complete in my entire life. She was so tiny – weighing in at three pounds eleven ounces – but I knew that I wouldn't, that I _couldn't_ hurt her. I was given a bottle of Bella's breast milk and I couldn't help but grin when she latched onto the teat immediately, sucking the milk down with gusto.

Looking over at Bella, I was met with an unusual sight. She was breastfeeding the boys, at the _same time_. Now _that_ was freaky. She looked up at me, with a look of pride on her face and she shrugged, grinning. I'm guessing that was a sight I was going to get used to.

I couldn't help but look down at our little girl again, taking in the wondrousness that was this tiny human being in my arms. I couldn't believe that I had helped to create this perfect little creature in my arms.

"She has your hair." Bella said quietly and I looked at her confused. She nodded towards her and I noticed the tiny tuft of bronzy hair on our daughters head. "She's beautiful."

"Just like her mother." I whispered back, looking over at her, seeing her blush as she looked down at the boys. "What's that like?"

"It feels . . . really weird." She laughed slightly, looking from the boys to me. "But amazing at the same time."

Part of me told me that I should be glad I wasn't Bella in that instance. For I knew she wouldn't be _that_ enthused about feeding the babies that way any time soon.

That had become our daily routine. When the triplets needed feeding, we would always be there. We spent most of our time with them, so we were pretty aware of when they were hungry. Bella rotated which of them would be bottle fed each time, which was a pretty good idea, because neither of us wanted any of them to miss out on the milk straight from the source. It was still weird seeing her breastfeeding two at the same time. Not sure I was ever going to get used to that.

The most important thing was that the triplets had gained enough weight and been given the all clear to go home. Well, we were still the in the hotel at the moment, but that would be changing soon. We would be taking the three of them to see their Grandma Renee and Grandpa Charlie – both of whom were excited and yet complaining that they were too young to be grandparents. I knew they didn't really care though. They were over the moon. We had told them not to come to Seattle because it was a long drive and they wouldn't be able to see them properly, due to the fact that only Bella and I were allowed in the NICU with them.

They had been released early this morning and Bella and I were currently on the way to taking them to Forks. Bella was turning every so often to check on them, although the three of them were sound asleep, probably lulled into sleep through the subtle vibrations of the car. It was adorable to see her slipping into her maternal role as easily as she was.

"I can't believe they're ours." She whispered as she turned around again, facing the front of the car and gazing out of the window.

"I know." I grinned back, picking up her hand and placing a kiss on her knuckles without taking my eyes off the road. "We did good."

"We really did." She grinned back.

It felt strange to be driving such a long distance myself. I hadn't really driven anywhere since the band had become a hit. Demetri always insisted on being picked up and shit, but it felt good. I needed this. I needed to drive.

Passing the sign welcoming us to Forks, I glanced at Bella who was bouncing in her seat before she turned around and cooed at the babies telling them how excited their grandparents were to be meeting them and how everyone was going to be learning their names.

I couldn't help but smile smugly at that thought. No one apart from Bella and I, oh, and the person we had seen to register the three of them that morning when we'd left the hospital, nobody knew their names. Nobody had been impressed at our withholding the names, but we wanted everyone to be there when we told them. Alice was still in New York, but Jasper would be phoning her so she could hear when we told them all.

Pulling up to the house Bella had grown up in, I didn't even have time to turn off the engine before Renee was running out of the house, Charlie standing there, grinning behind her. I stepped out of the car and was thrown back into it with the force of Renee's hug. She kissed my cheek countless times before releasing me, pinching my cheeks and wiggling them before running around to Bella who was laughing her head off from the other side of the car. I scowled at her and grinned at the shock she received when her mother appeared in front of her face.

"You alright there, Edward?"

"Jeez!" I swear my heart stopped for a moment there as Charlie materialised next to me, chuckling heartily as he clapped me on the back.

I looked over at the front of the house to see that Jasper, Emmett and Rose were standing just behind my mother who looked like she was about to do an amazing rendition of Alice as she stood there. I shook my head, chuckling to myself as I opened the back of the car, unbuckling the car seat one of the boys was seated in. They were all still asleep, thank god, because I had found that when one wakes up, the others do and it was a nightmare to get them back to sleep. And that was in the hospital. Who knew what they were going to be like here?

"Want me to take him?" Charlie offered behind me and I nodded, gently removing my son from the car and handing him to his grandfather, who looked like he was going to shed a tear as he looked down on the tiny human being in the carrier. Who knew?

I took out the other two, placing the carriers on the ground momentarily as I grabbed their enormous baby bag and closed the car. I didn't bother locking it, seeing as it was Forks and well, we were at the chief of police's house.

"Oh, Edward." Renee gushed as she looked down at them. "Can I?" She looked up at me and I nodded, smiling slightly. I picked up our little girl as Renee took hold of the last carrier, gleefully carrying him inside as she and Esme gushed over the little boy.

Bella walked around the car and wrapped her arms around my waist as we walked into the house, hearing Rosalie join in with the cooing and aw's that permeated the air.

"What did we expect?" She asked me, flatly, not really expecting an answer. "Really?"

"This." I chuckled closing the door and walking into the living room, following Bella. I dropped the baby bag next to the sofa and placed the carrier on the floor next to the other two. Though the other two were now empty and their occupants in the arms of their grandma's.

Rosalie looked at me and I chuckled, unclipping the last baby and lifting her out of the carrier as smoothly as I could, settling her in my arms before making my way over to Rose who held out her arms eagerly, grinning from ear to ear.

"So," Renee looked at the two of us expectantly and we looked at her, playing ignorant. "Names."

"Wait!" Jasper called, but not loudly enough to wake the triplets up, taking his phone out of his pocket and hitting a speed-dial button, calling Alice.

"_The babies are home!"_ I heard her voice squeal and we all shushed her, Bella explaining that they were sleeping at the moment. "_Sorry_."

"Well, names then." Esme looked at me, breaking me down in a way that only a mother could.

I looked at Bella who nodded, grinning.

"Well," Bella bit her lip gently. "The boy Esme is holding is Masen Charles." We looked over at Charlie who looked stunned. "After Dad."

"Thank you, Bella." He whispered, choked with emotion, which was amazing for Charlie.

"Actually, it was Edward's idea." Bella admitted and his gaze flicked to me.

Before I knew what was happening, I had been pulled into an embrace by Charlie. "Thank you, son."

"No." I shook my head as I pulled away from him. "Thank _you_. You've been more of a father to me than anyone I've ever known." He clapped me on the back once more before sitting back down where he had been next to Renee.

"What about the other two?" Rosalie asked, tears in her eyes, choked up by what had just occurred between Charlie and I.

"Well, our other little boy is Killian Edward." Bella informed them and they all looked at me. "Not after _this_ Edward, but after his Papa."

I looked at Esme who looked like she was about to cry. "Your grandfather will be so touched, Edward." She looked at the others, who looked slightly confused. "Edward is named after _my_ father, Edward Platt." They understood the significance of the name now and couldn't help but smile at the two of us.

"And this lovely young lady?" Emmett asked as he leaned over Rosalie.

"Christina Elizabeth." I said quietly watching both Esme and Renee look over at us. Both Bella and I had grandmothers called Christina and Elizabeth was my mother's sister.

"_They're all beautiful names, you guys."_ Alice's voice filtered through the room. "_I can't wait to meet them."_

"We can't wait for you to meet them." Bella said back, just loud enough that she could hear her without disturbing the babies. "No shopping for them, Alice. At all."

"_Spoil sport."_ Alice moaned while the rest of us laughed. Whether she would adhere to Bella's wishes remains to be seen. Personally, I didn't think the little fey could control herself, but there you go, that's just me. "_I have to get back to work now, guys. I wish I could be there with you. Give them all a kiss from me."_

"Will do." We said our goodbyes to Alice before Jasper hung up the phone.

My attention was quickly diverted to Rosalie when Christina started fussing. She was waking up from her nap and I knew she wouldn't like being in a stranger's arms upon waking. I wasn't quick enough getting to Rosalie before she opened her bright blue eyes that started watering immediately. Rosalie looked at me, handing her to me, asking what she did wrong as I took her.

"It's not you, Rose." Bella assured her quickly. "She's just really fussy."

I made my way over to where I had been sitting before, cradling little Chrissie in my arms as she bawled, hoping she didn't wake her brothers up.

"Hey." I rocked her gently as I had learned she liked over the last couple of weeks, gently shushing and comforting her. She wasn't really crying, just a bit disgruntled at waking up with someone she didn't know. Her cries started to die down almost immediately as she registered my voice, opening her eyes to stare at me.

"She's a Daddy's girl." Bella grinned as she watched me with her. I pouted at her and she giggled at me, sticking out her tongue. I responded in the same way, causing chuckles to sound throughout the room.

"I have to say I'm disappointed." Emmett sighed, earning glares from both Bella and I. What the fuck did he have to be disappointed with? "I mean, all these names and not a single Emmett."

"Idiot." I sighed, rolling my eyes and shaking my head at him. "He is, you know." I looked down at Chrissie, bouncing her slightly. "He's an idiot."

"Edward, stop marring our daughter against Emmett." Bella rolled her eyes, grinning at me.

"I'm not." I replied innocently, looking up at her. "I'm just telling her the truth."

"Still." She raised her eyebrows before turning back to Esme and Renee, watching them fuss over the boys.

"She's got you whupped, hasn't she?" Jasper chuckled from behind me and I looked up at him, confused. "Little Christina here."

"Of course." I replied, looking back down at my gorgeous baby girl. "And I'm glad to be."

"I can tell." He chuckled, smiling down at her as she gazed up at him. "She's absolutely gorgeous." He reached down and gently ran a finger over her cheek and she looked at me with the closest rendition of a 'daddy, who the hell is this man?' look she could accomplish at the age she was. And let me tell you, it was pretty damn close.

"He's your Uncle Jasper." I removed the little cap that she was wearing, placing it in the baby bag, considering it was getting warmer in here, what with all the bodies crowded in the small front room. Bella and I had put the three of them in thick overalls as well, considering the cold outside, but I knew that they wouldn't be needing them in here. Getting her out of the damn thing was the problem. "Jazz, can you just pull this thing off her legs?" I asked him as I held her slightly away from me. "Cheers." I took the overall from him, placing it into the carrier she had been in before turning my attention back to her.

I looked up to see Bella smiling at me, her eyes full of nothing but love. I'd expected that, but what I wasn't expecting to see was that it wasn't Christina she was looking at. It was me. I couldn't help but smile back at her as she grinned at me, her attention turning as one of the boys started fussing. From the way Renee was holding him, I'd say it was Killian starting to kick up a fuss. If Chrissie was shaping up to be a daddy's girl, then Killian was definitely becoming a mama's boy. It seemed that Masen was the only one that didn't have a preference between us.

Looking back down at Chrissie, I noticed that she had fallen back to sleep. Perfect and serene in her dreams.

In that moment, it became clear to me just how much I _did_ have. I had Bella back in my life. The one woman I knew that I wouldn't be able to live without. I had my mother back in my life after so long and she was quickly adapting into her role as both a mother and a grandmother. I couldn't deny that I needed her around. I had Renee and Charlie back. The two people that had been more like parents to me than my own had through my teenage years. They had taught me things, given me advice, helped me up when I was down so much when I was younger that, in my mind, nothing I did now would be enough repayment for them. I had my friends. Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and – even though she wasn't here at the moment – Alice. They were the best friends anyone could have ever asked for and I wasn't going to be letting them go any time soon. Jazz and Emmett picking me up when I was at my worst, Alice and Rose helping me when I needed it more than anything. Some part of me knew that if it wasn't for their help on the night I collapsed in their building, I wouldn't be where I was now. I needed to thank them for that.

And now, I had three beautiful babies in my life. I was a father. Everything around me fell away when that thought passed through my mind. I'm a _father_. No matter how many times I tried to convince myself of that fact, it still felt like a dream. Even though I was holding at least one of them most of the time, it was still hard to get my head round. And the fact that I was a father with Bella made it seem even more surreal than it already was. Not only was she back in my life, she was the mother of my children. It seemed that someone was finally taking a liking to me after all these years.

I couldn't have wished for more.

_**Bella**_

I knew that bringing the babies back to Forks was going to be eventful and I was right. It didn't make the experience of seeing Renee and Esme gushing over the boys, or even Edward comforting our little Chrissie after she'd woken up in unfamiliar arms anything less than it should have been.

Everyone loved the names we had picked out. Not that it would have mattered either way, but still, it was nice to know that they were approved of. I swear Charlie was even close to shedding a tear when we revealed Masen's middle name. I don't think I've ever seen him so choked with emotion.

I stood up, making my way through to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water when I knew someone had followed me in here. I turned around to see Charlie standing there in the doorway, a smile on his lips.

"Everything okay, dad?" I asked him, taking a sip of the water from the glass in my hand.

"Everything's perfect, Bells." He sighed, moving towards me and surprising me by wrapping his arms around me. Charlie was never really emotional, or at least, didn't let his emotions be seen very often. Maybe that's why he worked so well with my mother. Her emotions were always on display, so they kind of cancelled each other out.

"Are you sure?" I asked him as he pulled away from me.

He nodded, looking at me as though he was appraising something precious. But then again, to him, I must have been. His only child, his only _daughter_, now a mother. Must have been hard on him to accept.

"I know that I was hard on Edward when I found out that the two of you were back together." I nodded, because he was. He hadn't fully accepted that it was _my_ fault Edward left town after the breakup and I wasn't sure I ever wanted Charlie and Renee to find out what a weak, heartless bitch I had been back then. "But now, I see the love he has for those babies and for you, and I know . . . he's not going anywhere."

"I know he's not, dad." I sighed, looking down at the glass in my hand. "He loves those babies too much to leave them-"

"It's not just the babies he's in love with, Bells." My dad cut me off, a small smirk playing behind his moustache.

"What are you talking about?" Confused? Me? Yes.

"Bells, I might not be the best guy at showing my emotions most of the time, but I am good at reading people. Cop, remember? Reading people is what I do and I can tell you that the guy is completely head over heels for you." He sighed, placing his hands on my arms, squeezing gently. "You might not see it for whatever bizarre reason, but he is. The way he looks at you, there's no other way to describe it. He's in love with you, Bells. And something tells me he's not letting go a second time."

"I don't want him to." I whispered and he smiled at me, placing a kiss on my forehead.

"Good." He grinned at me and I couldn't help but grin back. This was a side to Charlie that wasn't seen very often, or by very many people, so we embraced it when it did shine through. It must be the appearance of the triplets that was making him all mushy. I've found that the one thing that can turn adults into complete mush is babies. And that's all it takes.

I followed Charlie through to the living room, leaning on the doorframe, watching the people in my life. People that helped to shape it and make it what it was now.

My parents, whom I loved unconditionally. They had been there for me through the whole ordeal with Edward, though they didn't want me to go to NYU after what had happened, they didn't stop me, letting me know that they were there for me no matter what decision I made. Esme, who was responsible for creating the most perfect creature to grace the planet. Yes, he might have his faults and have made mistakes, but that didn't matter to me. I owed her so much for the creation of Edward, though I wasn't sure how I'd tell her that. My gaze flicked to Rosalie and Emmett, who were sat there, admiring how competent Renee and Esme were with the babies. Esme _must_ have had some contact with Edward at that age to know what she was doing. She looked like a pro. Obviously Carlisle hadn't had his hooks as far into her as he did now back then. She must have had some free will left. The two of them looked so . . . _together_ . . . in that moment and it was clear that the both of them wanted what Edward and I had. And I didn't think that it would be that long until they had it. Jasper was completely enamoured with Christina, cooing at her in ways I'd never thought I'd see Jasper do. It was amusing to see actually and I knew that when he was ready to take the plunge, he would make an incredible dad.

And Edward.

Edward had slipped so easily into his role as a father, even though the babies had only just come out of the hospital and I knew that there was nowhere else he would rather be than with his children. Christina had him wrapped around her little finger completely and the boys had charmed him in their own ways. He was going to be one of those fathers that couldn't say no, no matter what. Though to be fair I was probably going to be the same.

I was broken out of my musings by a knock on the door. I turned around to get it, seeing as I was closest and everyone else who would open the door was consumed by baby.

Opening the door, I couldn't help the grin that appeared on my face as I took in the person standing in front of me.

"Jake." I threw my arms around him, glad that I had left my glass of water in the kitchen, knowing that I would have spilt it all over him and me.

"Hey, Bells." He chuckled, squeezing me tightly to him. "I heard you were back in town."

"How?" I asked as I pulled away from him, slightly confused.

"Small towns. People talk." He shrugged and left it at that. I narrowed my eyes at him but he didn't budge, giving me that cheeky grin he always had when we were younger.

I practically pulled him inside, surprised when he had to duck down to get in the door. He was _huge_. I mean, Emmett size! He definitely wasn't the scraggly kid I had known growing up. He was built, obviously hitting the gym hard or doing whatever it was that guys do to keep in shape. His dark hair was long, pulled back into a ponytail away from his face. His onyx eyes shined at me, full of laughter and the playful attitude he had always had before I left.

"It's good to have you back, Bells." He smiled at me and I felt my heart drop a little.

"Jake . . . I'm not staying." I sighed, shaking my head as we stood there. "I'm heading back to New York in the morning."

"What do you mean?" He asked, seeming thoroughly confused.

"I'm not staying, Jake." I repeated, looking directly in his eyes. "I can't. I have responsibilities back in New York, that I can't just drop."

"Bella!" Renee called from the front room and I turned and dashed in there quickly, seeing my mom holding out Killian to me. He was fussing and I took him from her quickly, gently shushing him and I bounced him in my arms, calming him down. I looked at where Edward was sitting to find him not there anymore.

"Where's Edward?" I asked, looking at the others and Rosalie pointed upstairs.

"Bathroom." She said simply and I nodded. He must have snuck up there while I was answering the door. Sneaky sod.

"Whoa." I heard Jake breath from the doorway, where I turned to face him, still holding Killian, who was calming, slowly, but surely. "Who's babies?" He asked, laughter in his eyes.

"They're mine, Jake." I told him and his features darkened slightly. What the hell was that about? "I was serious when I said about having responsibilities, Jake."

"Whose are they?" He asked as I heard Edward's footsteps coming down the stairs behind him.

"Mine." I heard his voice say softly yet confidently, the sound of liquid velvet washing over me as it did every single time I heard him speak. It was enough to make me swoon like I girl in high school all over again. He looked at me and I nodded and his hands clenched into fists at his sides.

Edward made his way past Jake, and although Jake stood a good few inches taller than him, Edward seemed more intimidating in that moment. Maybe it was because he was now seen as the protective father he would most definitely be seen as in the near future. I wasn't too sure.

"Bells." Jake's eyes flashed to me and I gulped slightly, wondering what was going through his mind, yet not really wanting to know. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure." I handed Killian to Edward, who was looking at me, letting me know with his eyes that all I had to do was shout and he'd be there. I didn't doubt him. He and Jake had always had this animosity between them and I'm not being self-centered or anything, but I knew it revolved around me. Edward had always been wary of Jake because he knew that Jake had feelings for me. More than my feelings were for him. Jake had always thought that Edward wasn't good enough for me. That anyone other than him would be alright, but just not Edward. I never understood that.

I followed Jake outside the front door, not wanting to be overheard or disrupt the babies. I wrapped my arms around myself as I followed Jake. He stopped over by his truck, which was much like my old one had been, other than it was made in this decade.

"What's going on, Jake?" I asked him, walking up beside him and he turned to face me.

"Are you completely and utterly stupid, Bella?" He asked me, not holding back on the venom in his voice. "Are you?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" I shot back, straightening up even though my five foot four didn't compare at all to Jake's six foot whatever. Maybe seven foot something.

"You and _Cullen_?" He sneered Edward's last name like it was something nasty he had stepped on. I hated this … this …… whatever this was between Edward and Jake. Edward, even though he didn't like Jake, had always been courteous and civil to him, but Jake had always regarded Edward as though he was the enemy. Even after Edward came to my rescue in Port Angeles after I got separated from Jessica and Ange. Thank God Alice wanted to go out somewhere to eat, huh?

"I'm not sure I follow." I crossed my arms over my chest, staring up at him, hating his childish behaviour.

"Are you really going back there?" He asked, his features softening and his voice ringing with exasperation. Jake had seen how I had been when Edward had taken off and had immediately blamed him, not listening to me when I told him it was my fault he was gone. That I'd brought it all on myself. "After everything he did to you?"

"He didn't do anything to me, Jake." I shot back and his expression hardened again. He had heard this before and I could tell that he still didn't believe it. "_I'm_ the one that ended it with him. _I'm_ the one that pushed him away."

"But you didn't make him leave." He shot back and I felt like we were sat in my bedroom eight years ago for the second time around. "Did you make him leave town, Bella?"

"No." I shook my head, knowing the real reason Edward left. Jake didn't know that, and I couldn't tell him without getting permission from Edward first. "But what I did was the last push he needed. When I told him that I didn't love him anymore, I could literally see his heart shattering in front of me. The light in his eyes died and I knew that I had just killed the essence of the most beautiful soul on the planet. If you knew how he'd grown up – and just so you know, it wasn't as some rich kid, so don't even go there – then you would be reluctant to hurt him as well. He's been hurt too much, Jake. Even before he left. He hated it here. He only stayed here for me and only me. He wanted out but he couldn't be without me. I couldn't hurt him any more than I already had, so I knew that a clean cut break was what was needed. I see that I was wrong now, but I thought I was doing the right thing, even though, when I turned around, seeing him on his knees in the rain made me want to run back to him, tell him that I had lied and I wanted him, I _loved_ him, I thought that I was doing the right thing. Little did I know that my act would be what separated us for a long time, his parting gift being white roses and water lilies and a small card saying everything he ever needed to. Nothing that happened between us when he left is his fault. It's all mine, Jake. All of it is mine."

I hadn't told him any of this before and I could see something registering in his mind. Maybe he was becoming more receptive to the idea of Edward and I being together. I don't know if he would ever fully accept it, because of history and all that shit, but hey, baby steps, right?

I wiped away tears that I hated were falling, cursing my hormones, wishing they'd found another moment to make themselves known.

"I'm sorry, Bells." He said softly, wrapping his arms around me gently. I rested my head on his shoulder, revelling in the warmth he always seemed to give off, because I was actually quite cold. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"Don't worry about it." I pulled back, sniffing slightly shaking my head at him. "It's hormones. They say that I'm going to be all over the place for a while, while everything settles down, so . . . don't worry about it."

"What did you mean about Edward not growing up as a rich kid?" He asked, confused at my wording and I thought for a moment, glancing at the house. Edward wouldn't be happy that we had gone outside. Not because he wanted to listen in or anything like that, but because it was cold out here and he wanted me to be safe.

"It's not my story to tell." I said lamely, wishing that I could enlighten Jake so that he would just leave Edward alone, because I knew that the money difference between Edward and Jake bothered Jake a lot, but I could never do that to Edward. I could never reveal anything about the time in his life where he felt the most unloved and vulnerable. The time when he thought he had no one. "If you want to know about Edward's past, you have to go right to the source."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair before turning his onyx eyes on me. "I'm sorry for blowing up at you. I just don't want you to get hurt again."

"It was me who did the hurting in the first place." I reminded him and he nodded slowly, mulling the words over in his head. "Can we go in? It's cold." I wrapped my arms around myself and he flung an arm around me, keeping me warm as we made our way back into the house.

As we walked in, I caught Edward's eye. He was silently asking me if I was okay so I gave him a small smile. He smiled back and I knew that everything was copasetic with us. I hoped he knew that there wasn't any chance of anything happening with Jake. I turned and saw Jake looking at the two of us, a perplexed look on his face before I indicated the kitchen, walking through.

"Its okay, Jake. We've both got things to sort out in our relationship, but now that the babies are born we can hash it all out." I told him as I sat down at the small kitchen table, him following suit.

"Why wait until the babies were born?" He asked, sounding confused at the way we were handling things. "Wouldn't it have been better to get everything sorted _before_ they got here?"

"Well, that _was_ the original plan, but then we had that little incident in Seattle, so we decided that we'd wait until they were here." I explained and his brow furrowed his eyes deep with worry.

"What incident in Seattle?" He asked, leaning across the table and taking my hand. "Bells, what happened?"

"Edward and I were out in Seattle in a small café and we got mobbed by paparazzi."

"Jeez." He breathed, glancing over his shoulder. "What happened?"

"The babies were stressing because I was and I had to spend a day or so in hospital but I'm fine. _We're_ fine." I told him, squeezing his hand.

"And where was Edward?" He asked, his tone not accusing, but obviously wondering where the father was in all of this.

"Well, first he was yelling at the paparazzi, then he was in the ambulance with me and then he was freaking out in the waiting room because they wouldn't let him through."

"Serious?" Amusement flashed through Jake's eyes and I nodded, knowing that it was probably the 'freaking out in the waiting room' part that had amused him.

"Oh yeah." I nodded, grinning at him. "According to one of the nurses he looked as though he was going to start throwing a fit if he didn't get some news soon."

"He must have been worried, though." The amusement was replaced with an all consuming seriousness again and I nodded, sighing gently.

"He was." I whispered, looking through to the living room where I could see him with Chrissie again, smiling down at her as she slept. The two of them were so gorgeous together, but I could tell that Edward was tired. "He's been amazing these last few months. And since the three of them came along, it's like he was meant to be a father."

Jake looked over at where Edward was sitting with Christina. I could tell he was analysing him, though he had to know that it wouldn't have mattered to me what he thought. Edward was in my life forever. And even though I told myself I didn't want him to be, I knew deep down that babies or no babies, he would have been.

"I can see that." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. What is it with the men in my life doing that? "I guess, when I saw him come down the stairs, it freaked me out. I didn't want you to get hurt and I know what you're going to say." He held up a hand as I was about to say something. "'It wasn't his fault' and I think that I get that now. I know it's taken me a long time, but after what you said outside, I think I understand what you mean. Though I don't know what he went through growing up, but from what you said, my imaginings were probably completely wrong, or what he's been through in the years you were apart but I can see who he is now. I know I've always said 'anyone but him' but . . . in all honesty, I think that he's the only one I'd want you with."

Well . . . that shut me up.

_**Jacob**_

I could tell that she was taken aback by my little confession, but what I'd said was true.

I knew she didn't understand why I hated Edward as much as I did when I was younger and being honest, neither did I. But now, being older, I can see that it wasn't hate I was feeling towards Edward. It was jealousy.

All I could see was that he had a big house, loaded parents, people that worked for him, perfect GPA, and was on every frickin' team the school had. Who wouldn't have been jealous?

And of course, he had the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world.

Bella.

But now, with what Bella had told me without really telling me, I realised that Edward's life as he was growing up might not have been as copasetic as I once believed.

Thinking back, I don't think I ever remember seeing Edward's parents at any kind of school function. I remember one instance in second grade, where we were putting on a play. Everyone else was excited to be performing in front of their parents, having them fussing over them after the performance, telling them how proud they were.

Everyone . . . except Edward.

_~ Flashback ~_

_This was great._

_We had just finished the play, that took forever to get ready and all the parents really liked it. My mom and dad were telling me how proud they were and Charlie and Renee too._

_Everyone was having a great time._

_I couldn't help but grin at Bella as she giggled with Jessica and Angela, her two best girly friends, before running off with them. Girls were weird._

_I looked around, looking for some of my friends, but everyone was laughing and smiling and talking, really happy. At least I thought so._

_I looked over towards the big windows in the hall and saw someone standing on his own. It was Edward Cullen. He wasn't happy or smiling or laughing or talking. And his mom and dad weren't here. He was looking out of the window like he was watching for them to come._

"_Hi, Edward!" I called, running over to him. He turned around but didn't smile at me._

"_Hi, Jake." He said softly, looking back out of the window._

"_Are you okay?" I asked him. He didn't say anything, only nodded his head. "'Cause you don't seem it." I looked around at the people around us, looking for his mom and dad. I remembered what they looked like from Edward's birthday party earlier on in the year. But I couldn't see them. "Where's your mom and dad?"_

_He looked down at the floor and sniffed lightly. I wondered what was wrong. "They didn't come. They never come."_

"_Why?" I asked, wondering what kind of mom and dad don't come to see their kid in a play at school._

"_Because they don't care." His voice was only a whisper but I heard it, even over the loud people behind us._

_I was about to ask him what he meant, but was interrupted by a woman. "Edward!"_

_We both turned to see a dark haired woman walking towards us quickly, making her way through the crowded room. "Who's that?" I asked him, confused. That wasn't his mom._

"_Maria." He sighed, looking back out the window. "She's my nanny."_

"_Why's you got one of them?" I asked, only really really _really_ posh people have nannies, right?_

"_Because my mom and dad don't look after me." He sounded really upset about that, and I would be too if I was him. That's what moms and dads are supposed to do. "She takes care of me."_

"_Come on, Edward. Let's get you home." She had reached us and held out her hand for him. "Your mom and dad will be worried."_

"_No, they won't." He mumbled as he took her hand and she led him away. "Bye, Jake."_

"_Bye, Edward." I replied wondering if he really was okay or not as she led him out of the school and down to some fancy looking car._

_~ End Flashback ~_

I couldn't help but wonder about that short conversation I'd had with Edward that night.

He didn't really talk to anybody. He kept to himself most of the time, unlike me. I wondered if his home life had something to do with that.

"Jake?" I jumped at the sound of someone behind me. Someone that wasn't Bella. "Jeez!" I turned around to see Edward standing there, looking as though someone had been about to punch him, although creeping up behind me was not the best idea.

"Shit, man, sorry." I could feel my cheeks reddening with embarrassment about the fact I had nearly knocked out the father of my best friends babies. "You okay?"

"Just about." He shook his head slightly as though trying to clear it. "Though you need to watch where you swing those fists. Might not miss me next time." He chuckled as he walked over to the other side of the kitchen, opening the cupboard above the sink and retrieving a glass. He filled it with water before turning to face me. "Where'd you go?" He asked, an amused expression on his face.

"Huh?"

"You seemed pretty far away when I walked in."

"I was." I admitted, nodding my head and looking at my hands. "I was in second grade."

"Why were you there?" He asked, confusion lacing his tone as he set the glass down and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Actually, I was thinking about that play we did." I grinned up at him and he chuckled, shaking his head slowly, gazing out of the window.

"I remember that shit." He chuckled softly. "We thought we were some hot stuff, when the play probably really sucked."

"Hey, the parents thought it was good." Wrong, Jacob! Duh! I couldn't help but remember his face back then as he stared out of the window, his features becoming much like those of that little boy in my memory. "You okay?"

"Yeah." He sighed, picking up his glass again. "Why were you thinking about that anyway?"

"Just something Bella said." I looked to where she had been sitting, realising that she wasn't there anymore. "Where did-"

"Killian was fussing again." He explained nodding towards the living room where the others sat with the babies. "He's a mama's boy, enough said." I couldn't help but laugh as he smirked at me. "What did she say?"

"Nothing really." I sighed, running my hand through my hair. How the hell was I going to explain this? How the hell was I going to explain that I'd been having a go at a woman who'd just had three babies about the guy she had had them with?

"Let me guess . . ." He sighed, slowly walking over to the table and sitting in the chair opposite me, placing his glass in front of him. "You weren't happy about me being the father to the babies and thought you'd find out what she was thinking. Though, you now realise that from the beginning you had the completely wrong end of the stick and it took one little sentence from Bella to realise that not everything may have been as it seemed." I stared at him, my mouth agape. "Am I close?" He asked as though he didn't know already.

"Uh, yeah." I shook my head as he nodded slightly, looking down at the table in front of him. "Hit the nail on the head, actually."

"What did she say to you?" He asked, looking up at me, looking all kinds of vulnerable as he watched me. Seeing him that way, even though now he was a huge celebrity rockstar whatever, it made me think of that boy I had known growing up and it made me wonder if there wasn't more to what Bella had said,

"She said that you hadn't grown up as a typical rick kid and that Bella was the only thing keeping you in this town." I didn't look at him as I spoke, not wanting to know his reaction. "That you wanted out, but only stayed here for her."

"That's true." He sighed gently and I looked up to find that he had his head on his hands which were laid flat out on the table. He sat up slowly, his eyes closed tightly as though he was trying to escape something. I wondered what it was. "I know that you think I grew up as a rich kid, Jake. I know it. You don't have to lie or pretend or whatever, because I know. You're not really that hard to read." He paused, taking a sip of his drink. "Being honest, Bella's right. It was her keeping me in this place after I turned eighteen. If it hadn't been for her, I would have left straight away."

"What about your parents?" I asked. Wouldn't he have stayed for them?

The snort that followed that question told me maybe not. "What parents?" He shook his head. "I wasn't raised by my 'parents' Jake. I was raised by Maria, you remember, you met her after the second grade play." I nodded, not saying anything. Something told me that he needed to vent a little. To someone who didn't know what was going on. As everyone else seemed to. "My whole, I've always felt like I wasn't good enough, even though, in school or whatever, I knew that I was. I had a pretty much _perfect_ GPA, top of every class – though Bella always provided me with ample competition." I chuckled, remembering the two of them, even when they were dating, how fiercely competitive they could be. "But no matter how hard I tried, no matter _what_ I achieved, it wasn't good enough. I later found out that I was a prop. Something Carlisle had used to further himself in the company, considering they wanted 'family men'."

"No way." I breathed, my mouth falling open again. He nodded quickly, taking another sip of my drink. "The bastard."

"Oh, we're not even at the best part yet." There was more? "Even when I got accepted into Julliard, Dartmouth, Harvard, Columbia, I didn't get anything from them."

"One thing I'm not following on. If you hate them so much, how come Esme's here?" That was something I was confused about.

"I'm getting to that part." He raised a finger and I shut up, realising how wrong I'd been about him. I noticed him gazing out into the living room for an extended amount of time, not really focusing on anything.

"You okay?" I asked and he ran a hand through his hair again. It was still that freaky assed bronzy colour that everyone seemed to fawn over. If I hadn't known him from so young, I'd say that it was dyed, but I knew better. Anyway, can they make a hair dye that changed colour? Meh.

"Yeah. It's just there are some things my mom doesn't even know yet, and I haven't really worked up the balls to tell her yet." He sighed, looking slightly ashamed with himself.

I thought for a moment before standing up. "Come on." I nodded towards the door and he looked at me warily. "Don't worry, I'm not going to kidnap you, murder you and hide the body."

"Like I trust you on that one." He chuckled and I couldn't help but laugh.

"I wouldn't want to rid the world of one of its favourite singers now, would I?" I laughed and he rolled his eyes, groaning slightly.

"God, not you too."

"'Fraid so, Eddie." I laughed as he glared at me for using the name he hated so much.

We walked outside, letting the others know we'd be back in a little while. I could see that Bella was apprehensive about Edward and I being alone together, especially _away_ from everyone else, but a few whispered words and a swift kiss from Edward, she relaxed. I guess they were back together properly now. I was surprised about how little that bothered me. It was practically non-existent.

We walked into the woods that surrounded the house a little, getting away from everyone. He seemed to enjoy being out here, surrounded by nature again. Which begs the question, why did he live in New York City?

"At that point in my life, I wanted to go to Julliard more than anything. But Carlisle and Esme saw it as a waste of money." He sighed, sitting on a fallen tree and resting his elbows on his knees. "Turns out it didn't matter anyway, considering I left."

"When did you see Bella again?" I asked him, curious as to when their relationship started up again, because she hadn't mentioned anything to me. Though there was a very big chance that she wouldn't considering she knew how I felt about him.

"About nine months ago." He sighed. "She showed up at a concert of ours in New York. She was a competition winner – though I think it was Rose and Alice who entered the competition and they dragged her along. Anyway, they'd won backstage passes, so when I get off stage, she's just . . . _there_. In front of me."

"Bet that was a shock." I chuckled once and he snorted, nodding.

"A mind-fuck is more like it." He sighed, resting his chin on his hands. "She wanted to talk. I said okay, but not at the show, so we went back to my place. And before you say anything, I had the full intention of just talking. Nothing more."

"Let me guess, very little talking got done, huh?" I raised an eyebrow and he nodded. "Is that the night she got pregnant?"

"Yeah. A few days later we had a huge blowout and I didn't see her for six months after that, until she turns up at my hotel suite in Seattle, telling me she's pregnant and that they're mine." He sat up and I nodded.

"What did you fight about?" I was confused. Luring Bella into a fight was something that was hard to do. She had to be really passionate about something to really go for you. Even then, it was short-lived.

He ran a hand through his hair, glancing back at the house quickly before letting out a deep breath. "Alright." He whispered as though it more to himself than to me. "Okay." He closed his eyes and gripped the knees of his jeans, the material scrunching up underneath his fingers. He looked as though he was going to hurt himself soon.

"Hey, man, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I told him quickly but he shook his head.

"No." He said quietly. "You have to promise me that you won't utter a word to anyone. Nobody. If this gets out, it's not only me that's done for, it's the band and Bella and the babies will be affected as well." I definitely didn't want that so I shook my head, indicating that I wouldn't tell anyone.

He closed his eyes again and gripped the sleeve of his shirt. Had he been a cutter or something? I was confused. But as he slid the material up his arm, I saw no evidence of self harm at all. That is until he turned his arm so that the crook of his elbow was visible to me.

My jaw dropped when I saw the purple marks littering the skin of his arm. How the fuck could he do this? To himself? To Bella? What the fuck?

I wanted to shout at him and pound on him until he got the message, but when I looked up at his face, whatever will I had to do anything like that vanished immediately. He looked so broken and ashamed of himself that I didn't have the heart to do anything to him.

"It wasn't heroin." He said softly, sliding his sleeve down again, covering the marks. "It was liquidized amphetamines and methamphetamines. Never touched heroin." He took a deep breath, letting it out before opening his eyes. "After I left, I moved to New York and was able to get a job quite quickly, working in a bar. It didn't pay very much, but it was enough to put a roof over my head and food in my stomach and that was all that mattered to me at that point. Then I met Jasper and Emmett and they offered the third bedroom at their place, which I accepted because it was less rent and I would at least have some company.

"It was great for a while. I mean, if you don't count the fact that I was having a breakdown practically every night and had a gaping hole in my chest that I knew could only be healed by one person, then it was. That was . . . until I found that alcohol numbs. It numbed me in a way that I wanted. I wanted to forget Bella and I wanted to forget Forks. And it worked, for a while. But it wasn't enough. That's when I met my dealer in New York. He got me started on weed, but then I 'upgraded' as it were to other things. I tried pretty much everything under the sun, other than heroin. Even high I knew never to touch that stuff. My personal favourite was cocaine. I'm surprised I still have a nose the amount I was putting up there each day-"

"You were doing it daily?!" I asked, reeling from all of this information that was being thrown at me.

"I wasn't coming down, Jake." He looked at me and I could tell that he was ashamed. I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't dabbled in drugs because everyone does at some stage. But I hadn't ever gotten myself hooked. I knew that it ruined people's lives and it looked as though I was getting a firsthand narrative of someone who barely made it out. "For me it was get high, sleep, wash, hit up again, maybe eat, stay out of Emmett and Jasper's way and repeat. That was my day for so long."

"Didn't the two of them notice?" How could they not have from what he was telling me?

"Eventually." He sighed, his hand trailing through his hair for the fiftieth time in the last three minutes. No wonder he always looked like he'd been thoroughly fucked. Nervous guy, obviously. "It was only when I OD'd that they forced me to get help."

"You OD'd?"

"Yeah." He nodded, looking back down at his hands. "Guess it takes dying for three minutes or so to really straighten someone out doesn't it?"

"You _died_?" What the fuck?! No way!

"I get that a lot, but yes, I did." He looked me square in the eye. "I haven't used since Jazz and Emmett shoved me into that rehab centre four years ago. And I have no plans to."

"Glad to hear it, man." I clapped him on the back and he gave me a small smile. "You still haven't explained about the rentals, though."

"Guess I haven't." He sighed, standing up and walking in slow circles in front of me. "Where to begin with them?" He scoffed, kicking at the ground. "Well, as I was growing up, I thought that they were both just disappointed in me, but I couldn't really fathom why, because, you know, my high school years weren't really something anyone could complain about."

"I'll say."

He smirked at me before shaking his head lightly. "Anyway, a couple of months ago, I found out why Carlisle hated me so much."

"I can't believe that your dad would hate you." I breathed, wondering how someone could hate their own child.

"That's just it, though. He's _not_ my dad." What? Huh? Oh. _Oh!_

"Your mom had an affair." I never thought that Esme would do something like that. I'd only met her a couple of times, but she seemed like the sweetest woman anyone could ever meet.

"Not exactly." He didn't look at me, rather finding a very interesting tree to study while I sat there figuring out what he was talking about.

Oh!

"Shit." It came out as a whisper and he nodded.

"Now see why he hates me?" He held out his arms slightly, a sad smile on his lips.

"What about your mom?" I asked, still confused as to why she was here.

"She never hated me. She loved me but she feared Carlisle. He'd beaten her down so that she didn't think that she had any right to anything. Verbal and emotional abuse rather than physical. It was only a couple of months ago when Bella and I came back here to visit Renee and Charlie that I saw her again. Since then she's left Carlisle and is filing for divorce, but the bastard is being difficult." He decided that taking his anger out on a dead branch of the log I was still sitting on would be a good idea, kicking it and sending wooden debris flying everywhere, chuckling as I scowled at him.

"Did you really expect him to roll over and let her do it?" It was a rhetorical question but he shook his head anyway.

"No, I didn't. But I just wish that he would get out of our lives forever, you know?" He was seething, his rage at Carlisle finally showing.

"Whoa, seems you might need my help channelling that rage of yours." I laughed and he smiled slightly, shaking his head.

"Sorry, man. Bella and I are headed back to New York in the morning." He shrugged and I laughed, standing up and walking towards him, making it my turn to glance at the house.

"Alright, let's just say you're not the only one with a secret or two." I smirked at him.

His brow furrowed before an eyebrow raised probably looking for more of an explanation. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't tell Bella, because I wanted it to be a surprise, but I guess it's better if you know, so you don't go all overprotective and shit."

"O-kay." He was still confused and waiting for me to continue.

"I'm moving to New York in couple of weeks." I grinned, loving his expression as he took in my words, before a smile slowly appeared on his face.

"New job?" I nodded, grinning like an idiot. "Let me guess, something to do with restoration of old cars?"

"How-"

"Please, that's all you'd ever talk about. _Ever_." He grinned at me and I couldn't help but laugh.

"You're not pissed or anything, are you?" I didn't want him pissed which would cause Bella to get pissed. Especially with the babies an all.

"Why would I be pissed?" He shrugged, throwing me for a loop. Was this the same guy I knew before he ran away? Where did all the overprotective shit go? "You're Bella's friend. I have no reason to be pissed."

"Really?" I was pretty sure that I was standing there, mouth open, looking like I was waiting for a bug to fly into my mouth while he laughed at me.

"Of course, man." He chuckled. "Shut your mouth." Actually, I didn't want to risk flies entering my mouth, because I knew that was a distinctive possibility here.

After confirming that what had been said in the woods stayed in the woods, we both went in search of our balls – though I was convinced that his were situated in the baby bag sat in the living room of Charlie and Renee's house – before returning to the house, making it a slow and leisurely walk.

While I was walking, I realised that every opinion I had ever had of Edward Cullen was completely wrong. He wasn't some rich kid that got everything he wanted. It seemed as though he had to work for everything he had or wanted, not something I had ever imagined. He hadn't had what every child should have growing up. Loving parents. Although my mother had passed when I was younger, I knew that she loved me. But Edward didn't have that at all. Not once did I remember seeing Carlisle and Esme at a school function, no matter how important. They always sent the nanny with Edward. Maria? She must have been a big influence on him.

I had always thought that he'd gone to college, like the big spenders do, but finding out that he had spent such a long time trying to escape the pain and the emptiness he was feeling by destroying himself, it made me wonder about a lot of other things.

Edward wasn't the man I'd thought he was. But I knew now that he was stronger than anyone else I knew.

And even though I knew that I could never have her, I didn't want Bella with anyone else.

Reaching the edge of the woods, I was surprised when Edward stiffened up and stopped beside me.

"Shit." He hissed before taking off in the direction of the house.

What the hell had gotten into him? I ran after him, confused by the black Mercedes that was parked in the driveway behind the rental car that Edward had hired, blocking him in. As I drew closer to the house, losing Edward quickly – damn that guy was fast – I could hear raised voices and screaming babies.

What the hell was going on?

_**I know this chapters long, and a lot of it is repeated but the talk between Edward and Jake is important to the rest of the story.**_

_**Gimme a review.**_


	20. New Divide

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Bella**_

The entire car ride back to Seattle was tense and uncomfortable and I hated it.

Edward spent the entire ride glaring out of the window, his fist clenched and at his mouth as he rested his elbow on the small lip on the door by the window. He hadn't said a word.

I had taken it upon myself to drive back to Seattle, considering Edward was still wound up about the confrontation with Carlisle back at the house and I didn't want anything to happen to any of us. The four of them meant too much to me to risk. Anything happens to them and I wouldn't be able to carry on.

He hadn't been too impressed when I demanded the keys from him, but he understood that he was still too aggravated to be allowed behind the wheel of a car. I hated seeing him this way. I hated not knowing what was going on inside his head. As time went on, we had become more open with each other, letting each other in. We still hadn't had the big talk that we both knew was coming, but we were getting there with the communication. Which was why I hated it when he was like this. I had no idea what was going on.

All I knew was that it had something to do with Carlisle.

_Flashback – Earlier that day._

_I couldn't help but wonder what was going on when I heard the front door click closed and peek out the window to see Edward and Jacob walking into the woods together. Strange. Those two had never really gotten on. I wondered what was going on with them._

"_Huh." I let a breath out through my nose as I looked down at my little boy. He was looking up at me, his blue eyes changing colour ever so slightly. I could see that he was going to have his father's eyes. It looked as though Masen's were going the same way, but Christina's eyes were still a vivid blue. No sign of changes in hers. Maybe they'll stay blue. Who knows._

"_What's the matter, Bells?" Jasper walked up beside me, grinning at Killian who stared blankly back at him. Probably wondering what he was. Don't worry baby, I wonder the same thing every day._

"_Huh?" I looked at him but saw he was too enamoured by Killian to look at me._

"_Something going on outside?" He nodded backwards towards the window and I sighed, looking down at my baby again. It seemed that all three of them were going to have the same reddish tint in their hair as their father did. I hoped their hair would be easier to control than his was._

"_Edward and Jacob." I sighed, wondering what was going on with them. "I saw them walking off into the woods together."_

"_Don't let Emmett hear you say that." He smirked up and me, his eyes glinting in the way that only Jasper's could. "He'd have a field day."_

"_Well thank you for your enlightenment." I rolled my eyes at him and he laughed lightly._

"_Maybe they wanted to talk in private and knew that they couldn't do that inside." He suggested, running a finger down Killian's cheek lightly, causing him to turn his head lightly, probably wondering what the hell was touching him. I couldn't help but smile down at my baby. So innocent and pure. "I mean, they go back, don't they?"_

"_Yeah." I nodded, my gaze flicking to Jasper. "But they don't really get on. I mean, Edward's always been nothing but courteous or whatever, but Jake . . . he's kind of like Emmett." He raised an eyebrow, asking me to explain. "He acts first and thinks later. He's always been forceful about the fact that he doesn't want Edward near me. I've never really understood why."_

"_Sounds like someone has a little crush." Jasper teased and I knew that he was talking about Jacob, not me. Now that I had him back, I wasn't going to let Edward go again. I was his for life. I just hoped he was mine._

"_I don't know." I sighed, looking around at the others. "Maybe."_

_We left it at that, Jasper not needing any more information than that. He was able to understand a situation with minimal information provided. I swear, were he not a member of the band, he should have gone into detective work or something like that._

_There was a knock at the door and I handed Killian to Jasper, who took him enthusiastically, making all these cooing noises at him – which was really strange to witness – causing my son to gaze up at him with a 'what the fuck' expression. I made my way to the door, chuckling at the little interaction, not expecting to see who was on the doorstep in front of me._

_Carlisle._

"_What do you want?" I asked, trying to keep the wavering out of my voice. I hoped it worked._

"_I want to see Esme." He replied, his tone as cold as his stare. I knew he partially blamed me for the fact his wife had left him but I couldn't care less. From what I had learned from Esme and Edward over the last few months, the son of a bitch deserved to be on his own._

"_She doesn't want to see you." I told him, my voice more confident now that I knew what he was after. As long as it didn't involve my children, I was okay. Well, not okay, but you get what I mean._

"_Listen, I know that she is in there and I want to talk to my wife." He practically snarled at me, taking a step closer to where I was standing, just inside the door._

"_When she wants to talk to you, she will. Go home, Carlisle." I tried to close the door, but his foot stopped it from closing the whole way. I knew that I couldn't hold him off if he really wanted to get in the house._

"_Dad!" I shouted, wanting him to come and help me. To my surprise, it was Emmett who got to the door first, his giant hand pushing it onto Carlisle's foot, practically squashing it. The door slammed closed and I bolted it closed._

"_Who was that?" Emmett asked, looking down at me in alarm._

"_That," I pointed towards the door, which Carlisle was now banging on incessantly. "Would be Carlisle Cullen."_

"_You mean, Edward's dad?" Jasper asked, looking at the two of us. "Well, not his dad, but you get what I mean."_

"_Wait, what?" Renee and Charlie had appeared, their mouths dropping open in surprise at Jasper's words._

"_Oops." He looked away from the two of them as their gaze flicked to me. I'd forgotten that they didn't know._

"_What does he mean by that?" Charlie looked gobsmacked but I wasn't really worried about that now. What I was worried about was the fact that the racket Carlisle was making on the door was upsetting the babies. They were starting to fuss from where they'd been put back in their carriers._

"_I'll explain." Jasper motioned for the two of them to follow him back into the living room as Esme and Rosalie joined Emmett and I in the foyer, glaring at the door._

"_What's going on?" Esme looked and sounded distressed and I saw her gaze flicking from Emmett and I to the door._

"_Carlisle." I replied and she looked panicked._

"_Hey," Emmett stepped over to her, enveloping the small woman in his arms. "I won't let him hurt you, okay?" She nodded into his arms. It brought a smile to my face, seeing Emmett so accepting of Edward's mother. Even though, I think he knew what had happened when he was younger. Saying that though, it was all because of the man making a huge noise on the other side of the door._

"_He's not going to leave." Esme sniffed lightly, running a hand down Emmett's cheek as she pulled away from him. "If I don't talk to him, he'll never leave."_

"_Don't worry, Es." Emmett grinned, standing just in front of her so Carlisle wouldn't be able to get to her, but so she could still confront him. "He won't touch you."_

"_Thank you, Emmett." She sighed and nodded at me, meaning that I could open the door._

_I opened the door to find a very pissed off Carlisle glaring at me and the others until his gaze finally came to rest on Esme._

"_What are these?" He growled through gritted teeth, holding up a set of papers, which I guessed were the divorce papers she had sent through to him._

"_I think it's pretty clear what they are." She replied, sounding oddly confident. But then again the hulk standing in front of her might have had something to do with that._

"_Don't be ridiculous, Esme." Carlisle spat, his arm dropping back down to his side as he glared at her. "You can't divorce me. You'll have nowhere to go. Where will you go, what'll you do?"_

"_Well, for the last few months, I have developed a wonderful bond with my child – something I have you to thank for actually." I wasn't sure if it was possible, but Carlisle's expression just grew even darker with the mention of Edward. "And I'm hoping that he and his wonderful girlfriend might supply me with somewhere to stay while I get myself sorted."_

_I knew that she was only saying that so that she didn't have to tell Carlisle where she was really going. She didn't want him to know that she was going back to Boston to stay with her parents. It would only cause hassle if he knew that._

"_Of course, Esme." I nodded and smiled at her, playing along. Even though I knew she was lying to Carlisle about her eventual destination, over the last three months she had been incredible, helping out both Edward and I. I was grateful for her experience with being pregnant and child birth and I think Edward was just happy to have his mother in his life._

"_You know that I can pick up my business anywhere in the country," the smirk she gave him was so conniving at that point and I loved it. It showed that even in the short time she had been away from him, she had learned to stand up to Carlisle. "Why do you think I had it set up in my name. Not yours."_

"_This is ridiculous, Esme." He laughed, shaking his head. "We both know that you're not going to go through with this. Now, get your things and get in the car. We're going home."_

"_No." She shook her head and I felt my pride in Esme growing immensely._

"_Excuse me?" He looked shocked at the answer he had been given, obviously expecting her to roll over and give him what he wanted._

"_I said no." She crossed her arms over her chest and stared him down. Good girl, Esme. "I've spent enough of my life bowing to what you want, Carlisle. That stopped three months ago. Because of you, I missed out on my child's entire lifetime. You took him away from me, Carlisle and I will never forgive you for that. Now, sign the papers and get out of my life. You have no place in it anymore!"_

"_Esme," his voice was low and I could see the anger building in his eyes. I was guessing that Emmett had seen it as well because he tensed up at Carlisle's demeanour. "I don't want to play games here and I don't want to have to do this in front of all these people. Now. Get in the car and we can forget all about what's happened here."_

"_Didn't you hear her?" Rosalie answered for him. "Are you deaf or just stupid? She said no, you dumbass."_

"_Was I talking to you?" Carlisle snapped and I could have sworn Emmett growled at him. I felt like punching him. "No, I wasn't. Don't get involved in something that has nothing to do with you, young lady. It's not advisable."_

"_Young lady?" Rosalie scoffed, stepping up in front of him. "Listen to me, _old man_. I don't care who you think you are, but no one talks to someone I care about like you've just spoken to Esme without answering to me."_

"_Right," Carlisle rolled his eyes, clearly not impressed at the fact he was being challenged. "Now, I want to talk to my wife. Now move."_

"_No." Rosalie smirked and folded her arms across her chest. Gotta love the balls that girl's got. Never one to back down from a fight._

"_Carlisle." I sighed, stepping up beside Rosalie. "Just leave."_

"_Not without my wife." He sneered and I glanced at Esme who was shaking her head. "Esme. Get in the car!"_

_His raised voice must have carried through to the babies because they all started screaming at the same time, obviously frightened by the loud noise. I glared at Carlisle before making my way through to the living room, where Jasper, Charlie and Renee were reaching down, attempting to comfort them. I took Killian from Jasper, knowing he wouldn't settle otherwise as I heard a new voice enter the fray outside. The voice I've wanted to hear since Carlisle turned up._

"_What the hell are you doing here, Carlisle?" Edward sounded pissed, probably at the fact that Carlisle was standing in front of people he loved and that his children were crying out and he had to deal with something else before he could see them. "No, scratch that, I don't care. Get lost!"_

"_I'm not going anywhere without Esme." Carlisle was still sticking to the argument of not going without Esme. As if there was any chance of that happening. "I want my wife."_

"_Do you really think that anyone here gives a shit what you want, Carlisle?" Edward's tone was mocking. It was a tone I'd never heard him use before and I didn't like it. Hopefully, it was reserved for Carlisle only. I'd hate to have him use that tone on me. "No one does. Not even Mom. You're not wanted here, so leave." He obviously didn't move because Edward started laughing. "You know, I always thought that you were smart. But yet, you seem to be the dumbest person I've ever known right now. You come here, to a police chief's house and demand to see someone. We could have you arrested for harassment and not even have to call the police. I just have to shout for Charlie."_

_Not really, because Charlie made his way out of the living room and to where everyone else was. I looked at Jasper and he nodded, having told him what he knew about Edward's parents and such. Renee looked at me, her emotions showing through her eyes and I could tell she wanted to envelop Edward into a hug as she felt for the seventeen year old boy she knew as her son. She felt for him back then and she felt for him now. The babies still weren't calming down, though Killian had quieted a little. At the moment, I think it was purely because his brother and sister were still going that he was still crying._

_It broke my heart._

"_You know, I don't regret leaving. Because it meant that I was as far away from _you_ as I could possibly get. I just regret leaving mom behind." Edward's words were filled with venom that made me flinch. Jasper had the same reaction and something told me that he had been on the receiving end of that tone before. I hated to think when._

"_Well, I wonder if your mother knows why we didn't hear from you for the first four years or so." I could hear the smirk in Carlisle's voice and I stiffened. Jasper looked at me alarmed. How had he found out about that? Shit! Esme didn't know! Neither did my parents! Fuck! Shit! Bollocks! "I hear communication is extremely restricted in rehab, isn't it?"_

"_What?" Esme's shocked voice rang out through the house and I knew that she had made the connection quickly. "Edward, what's he talking about?" Her tone was fearful and yet demanding at the same time._

_The door slammed closed as Carlisle started to walk away from the house, clearly pleased with himself. Bastard._

_Edward walked into the room and I handed Killian to Rosalie. She looked slightly panicked, not having dealt with a screaming baby before. I made my way over to Edward, who wrapped his arms around my waist and sat down in the chair he had been in before. I went down with him, landing in his lap as he held me close to him, burying his face in my shoulder._

"_Edward, what did he mean?" Esme's eyes were filled with tears as I looked up at her. She caught my eye, pleading with me to answer her questions. I mouthed 'later' at her and she nodded, though not happy._

_This was going to be a long day._

_End Flashback_

We had left shortly after, after getting the babies settled and to sleep. I could tell that Esme wanted to know what Carlisle had meant by the rehab comment, but didn't want to ask for fear of setting Edward off. We had all seen him when stressed out, and it wasn't pretty.

I pulled up to the hotel we were still staying at and we climbed out, grabbing the baby bag and babies and handing our keys to the valet.

The elevator ride was silent and tense, just as the car ride had been but I wasn't expecting anything different.

We put the babies in the bassinets we'd bought for them, not wanting to go all out and get cribs when we were heading back to New York in the morning. We would have them sent to Charlie and Renee's for when we stayed with them. Which I couldn't really see being that often, because their house wasn't really big enough.

Once they were all settled and asleep, I made my way into the kitchen area, placing the baby monitor on the counter as I started to search through the cupboards. The others were going out for dinner, leaving us with a little time to ourselves, not wanting to impose on us at the moment.

"You want something to eat?" I asked as Edward slowly came into view. He looked troubled and worried and I wanted nothing more than to ease those lines away.

"No." He shook his head sadly, leaning against the wall and closing his eyes. I made my way over to him, resting my hand flat on his stomach and one on his lower back. I rested my forehead to his shoulder, wanting so desperately to know what was going on inside that mind of his. I lifted my head when he shifted slightly, moving away from me. "I um, need some . . . time. To figure this out, in my head." He looked at me, sighing gently. "Alone."

I nodded, trying to keep the hurt off of my face as I watched him walk towards our bedroom. I knew that he needed to deal with this on his own. He needed to work out what he was going to say to his mom on his own but I so desperately wanted to be there for him. I wanted to help him through what he was going through. I wanted to be the support he needed at the moment. I felt useless knowing that he was on the other side of that door, hurting and I couldn't do anything about it.

I don't know how long I stood there after the bedroom door clicked closed, but I knew that I had to make something for dinner. Neither of us had eaten since we'd had a rushed sandwich from the hospital cafeteria before the babies were released and I didn't know about Edward, but I was starving.

I searched through the cupboards, finding some spaghetti we hadn't opened and I wanted to thank Alice for informing the hotel staff that we wouldn't be needing the kitchen cleaned as I did that myself. If there was one room in a house I made sure was kept clean, it was the kitchen. It was like my safe room. The kitchen went untouched by hotel staff.

As I made the sauce and left it to simmer slowly, I sat down and flicked on the television, flicking through the channels. Looking through the menu on the screen, I saw that there was a real life programme thing on, focusing on people dealing with the after effects of an addiction and how it affected their families. I turned it to the right channel, considering I was kind of in the same situation. I turned the volume down, not wanting to wake the babies or disturb Edward at all.

As I watched, occasionally adding to the sauce, I realised that Edward was not a singular in what he had said back in the hospital about not being able to get the substances out of his mind. It seemed that all of them were struggling. Not having been addicted to anything before, I wasn't sure of how he was feeling. Hence, why I was watching the programme.

There was one girl on the programme that had openly said that even though she had been clean for two years, if someone came up to her and offered her cocaine – which she had been addicted to – she would take it, as it was easier than living her life the way she was each day. Fighting to stay in control. How the smallest things could set her off.

I know it was wrong of me, but I couldn't help but wonder what Edward was doing in the bedroom. I looked at the clock and saw that it had been an hour and a half since he had retreated back there and I was getting worried. Maybe it was just the fact that I was watching a programme about recovering addicts. Could Edward still be considered recovering, as it had been almost four years since he'd been in rehab?

Unable to shake the unease growing in my mind I made my way down the hall. I knew that I was horrible for thinking this way. That I should trust him, but I don't know what it was. Maybe it was just something that was going to be in my mind for a long time.

I eased the door open, not wanting to seem like I was checking on him to see if he was doing whatever, but just to see how he was.

I looked over at the bed and physically relaxed to see that he was asleep, curled up on his side. I made my way over to him and knelt down next to his side of the bed, my heart breaking as I did so.

The skin around his eyes was red and puffy, tear tracks evident on his face making it obvious that he had been crying. Here he was, trying to deal with everything on his own and yet I was thinking he was relapsing. How much of a bitch was I? I pressed my lips to his forehead gently, running my fingers through his hair as I stood up, padding my way out of the room and closing the door quietly.

Why did I think that he would be doing drugs or something like that? Especially when the babies were in the vicinity. I believed him when he said that he would do anything for his children. He loved them more than anything in this world. That much was plain.

I drained off the spaghetti and piled some onto two plates, turning on the oven to the lowest heat as I spooned out the sauce. I placed the plate for Edward in the oven, intending to keep it warm until he woke up as I made my way over to the sofa and watching the rest of the programme I'd started.

The pain that these people went through was astonishing. The daily fight that they went through, and that was just fighting their body's physical need for the drug as it adjusted to not having it in its system anymore. It showed the state of some addicts whilst in the first stages of withdrawal and you could see how much pain they were in. I hated to think that Edward had gone through the same thing. I was just thankful that that was behind him now.

"Hey." I heard his voice call softly and I turned around to face him.

"Hey." I smiled at him from where I was sitting, finishing my dinner. "There's some for you in the oven if you want it."

"Thank you." He pressed a kiss to the top of my head as he walked passed, letting me know that we were okay. I hoped that what happened today didn't affect him too much. He settled down next to me and slowly began to eat the food I had made for him. I picked up the remote to change the channel, thinking that he wouldn't really want to watch something he's lived through himself. "You don't have to change it." He said softly, causing me to look at him. "I can tell you're curious and I know what it's all about. You don't have to change it if you don't want to."

"Are you sure?" I asked, not truly believing he was alright with this. He nodded, smiling at me and I settled into him, wanting to learn more about what happened when in recovery from an addiction, but not wanting him to be more uncomfortable than he had to be.

He ate his dinner in silence, placing his plate on top of mine on the floor when he was done with it and wrapping his arms around me. He shifted underneath me, pulling his legs up so that he was lying partially underneath me on the sofa. I settled my head onto his shoulder placing gentle kisses on his neck as I stretched out next to him.

"Everything okay?" I asked softly, looking up at him. He had a troubled look on his face. One I didn't want to be there.

"When we get back to New York," he paused for a moment, trying to either figure out what he was going to say or trying to get up the courage to say it. I feared for a moment about what it was. "I think I'm going to go back into therapy." His voice was barely above a whisper but I heard every word loud and clear.

"Are you sure?" I asked, wanting to make sure that this was something _he_ wanted to do, because according to stories I had heard, it didn't matter if other people wanted you to do something, if you didn't want to do it, there was no point.

"Yeah." He nodded, his green eyes filled with sadness. A sadness I wanted to wash away forever. "I need to. I can't keep doing this. Living like this."

"Living like what?" Was there something he wasn't telling me? He tensed for a moment, realising his slip up. "Edward, living like what?" I didn't want to push him, but I had to know what he meant by that. Was he not happy with us? Did he not want us anymore?

"I didn't mean it how it came out." He whispered softly, his eyes closing slowly. "It's um . . . it's hard to explain."

"I know I'm not a therapist or anything, but you know you can talk to me, right?" I wanted him to know that. I needed him to know that. He nodded slowly and I pressed a kiss to his cheek, willing him to open up to me.

"I know. But I think it's _because _you're not a therapist that it makes it harder, if you get what I mean." He looked down at me, obviously registering my confused expression. "I'm not explaining this right." He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"You don't have to tell me anything." I assured him, because even though it would kill me not to know, I wasn't going to push him for more than he was able to give. He was obviously reeling inside from what had happened over the last few months and it was having more of an effect than we thought.

"I know." He whispered, nodding yet not looking at me. "I know I don't. But I want to. I need to let someone, _you_, in. I can't do this on my own anymore." He sounded so broken that it broke my heart.

"What's going on?" I asked, wanting to ease it out of him without pushing. "Why back into therapy now?" _Duh, smart question Bella!_ I flinched internally at the idiocy of my question.

"Because I can't handle what's happening anymore. I don't know how to explain it, so if something comes out wrong, then I'm sorry." He whispered, his eyes finally meeting mine. "Everything over the last few months. Carlisle and Esme. Aro and all that that's brought with it. The babies. It's all too much." He caught sight of my expression when I mentioned the babies, and placed a finger to my lips. "Like I said, things are going to come out wrong." I nodded, remembering his words. "Not the babies themselves, but everything that's happened surrounding them. What with Aro and his little threats, the incident with the paparazzi and worrying about what's going to happen when we get back to New York. Will they be safe? What about everything they're going to need in the future. Will I be able to provide what they need? I know it's a long way off, but I can't help but wonder about schools and stuff. Will they go to a good school? Will they make friends? And I can't stop all these thoughts running through my brain.

"And what with everything else that's happened running through my head as well, I just . . ." He took a deep breath and looked at me pleadingly. "Don't hate me for this, Bella." What did _that_ mean? "I can't help but want to escape. Some part of me wishes that the bag you found in my pocket was mine, because that means I'd have more stashed somewhere else and I'd have a way to get away from all the stresses that surround me. It's the coward's way out, I know that, but I can't help it. I swear, I haven't touched anything. I promise."

"I believe you." I whispered, running my fingers up and down his arm as he nodded, taking a deep breath.

"When something like what happened today happens, I can't help but want to clock it all out, with the only real way I know how." He sighed, looking ashamed at his words. "And when Charlie offered me that beer after Carlisle had gone, I was so tempted, _so_ fucking tempted to take it and just say 'fuck it' to everything."

"But you didn't." I tried to reason with him. "You didn't take it."

"I know." He nodded, still sounding upset with himself. "But it was such a close call and I . . . I don't want anything like that to happen now that we have the babies. Now that they're here, I have to think of them before anything. Them and you. You're the only things I need. But sometimes, something clouds over the fact that I know that. And it's getting harder and harder to remember that, even though they're here and they're just . . . perfect. It's so hard."

"I'm here for you, whatever you need." I whispered in his ear as he leaned his head on my shoulder. I had somehow managed to manoeuvre my way up so that I was practically sitting on him. How had I gotten here?

"Thank you." He whispered softly, his arms wrapping around my way.

"So is your therapist good?" I asked, wanting to know more about this guy that was going to be helping Edward through these issues. He said that it was the same therapist that had been with him through rehab and his outpatient programme. I hoped he was good.

He nodded against my shoulder. "Gianna knows everything. She's been there with me from the beginning."

"She?" His therapist was a woman.

He looked up at me slightly amused. "That's not a problem, is it?"

"No!" I replied a little too loudly and I slapped a hand over my mouth, hoping I hadn't woken the babies. "No. It just . . . surprised me, that's all."

"You thought my therapist was a man?" He asked, raising an eyebrow and I nodded.

"Well, no one said otherwise, so . . ." I trailed off, realising how pathetic and stupid I sounded. I was jealous of my boyfriends' therapist. How twisted was I?

"Love." His voice was low and soft as his took my chin in between his thumb and forefinger gently, turning my head so I had to look at him. "Gianna is married with children and very much in love with her husband. Or at least she was the last time I saw her. She's been there with me since I was a snivelling, shivering withdrawing mess when I was first sent into rehab and she's the only one I trust to help me."

"I know." I whispered, pressing a kiss to his lips gently. "I'm sorry I sounded so possessive and weird. I don't know why I was."

"Don't worry, love. I'd probably be the same if the roles were reversed." His grip on my waist tightened and I couldn't help but feel loved as his nose ran up and down my jaw, breathing in heavily each time. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me, resting my head on top of his as we sat there in silence.

I don't know how long we sat there, only being interrupted when one of the babies started fussing quietly. We didn't want all three of them to wake up, so I quickly made my way into the bedroom that Alice and Jasper had been using and checked on them. Jasper was flying back tonight to New York. He wanted to be with Alice and knew that we would most likely appreciate the extra room. Can't say it wasn't appreciated.

After a little while, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett walked through the door, smiling when they saw us curled up on the sofa.

"How are the little ones?" Esme asked, sitting down on one of the chairs in the room.

"Sleeping for the moment." I replied as Edward nodded along with my statement.

Esme looked at Edward sadly and I knew that she needed some time alone with _her_ baby. She heard something that had confused and upset her earlier on today, and she needed answers. I knew that for a fact.

"You need to talk to your mom." I whispered so quietly into Edward's ear that I knew no one else would hear my words. He looked up at me, his eyes filled with worry at my words and I nodded. "It'll be okay." I whispered softly, pressing my lips to his before scooting over so he could stand up.

He made his way over to his mom, holding out his hand and pulling her into a hug before the two of them disappeared into the bedroom Edward and I shared. They needed this time alone. I realised that.

"You two are so cute together, you realise that, right?" Rosalie's voice pulled me out of my little spacey moment and I looked at her, confused. "That little thing before Edward went with his mom. It was so cute. It was like there weren't any words needed."

"Right." Emmett stood up, clapping his hands together and I glared at him, glancing at the baby monitor, relaxing when I saw that there was no activity on the little lights that framed the speaker, visibly showing us when the babies were fussing. "I sense a girly talk coming on, so I'm going to say adios." He grinned down at us before kissing Rose on the head and disappearing into the last bedroom.

I sighed gently, looking back at the closed bedroom door, hoping that everything was okay in there.

"Hey," Rose knocked my knee lightly. "Is everything okay?"

"I think Edward's having a really hard time dealing with everything at the moment." I sighed, playing with the hem of my shirt. "He says that when we get back to New York, he's going to schedule an appointment with his therapist." She nodded, her expression saddening lightly. "I think he's struggling at the moment."

"Poor guy." Rosalie sighed, resting her head on the back of the sofa and closing her eyes. "It'll be okay though."

"How do you know?" I bit my lip as she smiled at me.

"Because you're together." She replied, sounding very much like Alice in that moment. "And I get the feeling that with you behind him, he'll be okay."

"I hope you're right, Rose." I sighed, urgently wanting to believe her. "But we've still got our shitload of baggage to get out onto the table. Who knows that I won't break him again once all that comes out?"

"You're not going to leave him, are you?" She asked, her tone serious and I shook my head quickly, my heart clenching at the idea. "Then he'll be okay. If the two of you can work this shit out together, you'll be fine."

"I hope so, Rose." I sighed, looking back at the door. I really hope so."

_**Opinions?**_

_**How do you think Esme will react to Edward's story?**_

_**What do you think will go down once they get back to New York? Let me know what you think.**_


	21. Faint

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Edward**_

Telling my mother about my years as a coke addicted alcoholic was easier than I thought. I just stayed over the other side of the room and didn't look at her. Because I knew that if I did, I would break and I wouldn't be able to continue.

I knew that Carlisle's appearance and the revelation he had made that led us to this point had shaken her today. It wasn't something any of us were expecting.

You would have thought that even someone with the smallest amount of common sense there was available in the world, would know not to stroll onto the property of a Police Chief and start aggravating a) his daughter b) the father of his grandchildren (whom he happens to get on with) c) the paternal grandmother of his own grandchildren and d) his grandchildren themselves.

Not such a smart move.

I didn't look at her as I spoke. I knew that it would be hard for her to understand how I had been upon arriving in New York. But I had managed to get through most of the story with Bella and I knew that I could do it with my mom. I owed her that much, didn't I?

When I finished speaking, she sat there on my bed in what seemed to be a perpetual state of shock. I didn't want to rush her but sitting there like that was worrying me. I didn't know what was going through her head and that scared me. For all I knew, I could be expecting a bigger blow out than the one I had with Bella in her bedroom in New York. That wasn't something I'd like to relive

"Mom?" I pushed myself off of the wall gently and slowly made my way across the room towards her. She didn't make any movement that let me know she had registered my movements near her so I sat down next to her slowly and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Mom?"

Her head snapped towards me and I internally flinched, expecting some kind of argument to ensue, but it never came. She just sat there in front of me, her eyes wide and imploring, shining with tears she had yet to shed, scanning my face for something unknown to me.

Her lips trembled lightly as she looked at me, the welling tears breaking free of her eyelids and slowly tracing down her cheeks. I wiped them away slowly, not wanting my mother to cry over something I had done. She was too beautiful to cry.

"Oh, my baby." She whispered, her hands coming up to cup the side of my face gently. She let out a breath as she watched me, her green eyes that were so much like my own glistening, the light from the window casting their images lightly in the moisture. "I'm so sorry, baby."

_What?_

What was _she_ sorry for?

I'm the one that's just told her what a proverbial fuck up I am. She shouldn't be apologising for anything right now.

"What for?" I asked her, my clear confusion showing in my tone and she closed her eyes, more tears travelling down her cheeks. "Why are _you_ sorry?"

"Because if I had been there . . . if I had stood up to Carlisle and cared for you myself, showed you my love like you deserved then you wouldn't have left. You wouldn't have gone through all of that." Her voice was barely above a whisper and her eyes were closed the entire time but when they opened, they were full of a pain I knew so well.

The pain of guilt.

She felt guilty for bowing to Carlisle. For bending to what he wanted. I knew that she was partly to blame for the way I grew up, but now that I knew what he had been like when I was a child, I couldn't find it in me to resent or be angry with her anymore.

"No, Mom." I shook my head, taking the hand that was on my face in my own and interlacing our fingers. She looked down at our hands, sniffing lightly and I grabbed a box of tissues from the table by the bed. She gave me a watery smile, taking two and setting one on her lap lightly.

I took a deep breath, knowing that I needed to get this out, but not sure I could. "Mom. You need to know that no matter how you treated me when I was younger, it wouldn't have made a difference." I placed a finger on her lips when she tried to interject and she narrowed her eyes at me in the way only a mother can do. "Things that were out of our control happened before I left and personally, it wouldn't have mattered how I was treated at home. I still would have left."

"But maybe you wouldn't have lived the way you did." She whispered, taking my other hand in her own.

"Maybe. Maybe not." I shrugged lightly, not meeting her eyes. "I don't know. And I won't ever know. I can't change the past. And I'm not sure I want to. I learned a lot about myself when I was in rehab. Things I know I wouldn't have learned if I hadn't been in there, so it's not all bad. I mean, yeah, it's not a vacation spot I'd choose, but it's better than being on the streets." I gave her a small smile, not receiving one in return. "If I hadn't gone down that path I wouldn't be where I am now. I wouldn't have Jasper and Emmett, or the band, or Bella and the babies. I wouldn't have any of it."

She nodded slowly, her eyes still scanning my face as she sat there. "I still feel somewhat responsible and nothing you can say will take that feeling away. Understand that now." Her tone had taken on the parental tone that signalled something wasn't up for discussion. _When had she practised that?_ "You're my baby boy and I love you so much. I don't think I'll ever be able forgive myself for not being there for you when you were growing up." She took a deep breath, looking down at our hands again. "I think Carlisle knew how much I loved you. How much you meant to me and that's why he took me with him whenever he went on a business trip. He didn't want me to bond with you. Didn't want me to put you first."

"Had issues sharing, huh?" I scoffed lightly and she nodded, a slight sniff coming from her as she wiped her nose off again. "Because I'm not his." I nodded slowly, looking away from my mom again as a gush of air suddenly left her body.

Her arms flew around my neck, pulling me to her tightly. I wrapped my arms around her waist burying my head in her hair. She smelled floral and sweet, just as I always remembered the person sneaking into my room to kiss me goodnight did.

It was _her_.

This made me hold onto her tighter than before and she laughed lightly in my ear, complaining that I was tickling her slightly. I tickled her a little more and we ended up collapsing onto the bed. She sighed, running her hand through my hair, humming a sweet tune I vaguely recognised.

"I don't care that you're not Carlisle's." She whispered against my forehead lightly. "I don't care whose you are. All that matters to me is that you're _mine_. You're my baby. _I_ made you and that's all that matters to me."

"Thank you." I whispered, closing my eyes slowly before opening them again to find her watching me with a look I hadn't seen in her eyes before. It was just pure unadulterated, unconditional love and from that moment on, I knew it was genuine. I knew that I had my mother, for the first time in my life. She had heard my most closely guarded past and she hadn't run away. She knew almost everything and she was still here.

"I am so proud of you." She whispered into my hair and I couldn't help but give her the – as Bella has so kindly dubbed it – 'what the fuck' look I was apparently so skilled in giving. "You've come such a long way. From what you told me – being an alcoholic and a . . . a . . ." I nodded, knowing what she meant. "To being where you are right here, right now. You've recovered from all that."

"Technically, still _in_ recovery." I corrected and she hit me lightly on the shoulder.

"Picky." She rolled her eyes and I couldn't help but laugh and love how natural it all seemed. "But anyway, you've come from being so low, to becoming the lead singer of one of the most famous bands in the world, you've found the love of your life, your soulmate and you're now a father." She sighed, her fingers running through my hair again. "I'm so proud to call you my son."

We lay there, talking about nothing in particular for a while. I wasn't sure exactly how long, but I knew it had to be late. I had heard the babies fussing a couple of times, but was kept in place by Bella calling that she had them. I felt bad, but I knew Bella would just turn me back around and march me back into the room with my mother.

"Your Nana, Grandpa and Aunt Lizzie are going to be so proud, you know." She whispered after about five minutes of silence between us.

"Hmm?" I looked up at her and she smiled down at me.

"The baby names." She clarified and I nodded in understanding. "They're going to be so proud."

"You think?"

"Well, you had a baby named after you, wouldn't you be?" She asked and I chuckled lightly. "But then again, your grandfather already has." I looked up at her, my brow furrowed, wondering what she meant. "You, of course."

"Oh yeah." I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity and lay my head back on her shoulder. "Is the baby _still_ crying?" I asked, listening.

One of the babies had started crying a little while ago and I was starting to worry a little bit. I mean, they had only just come out of the hospital. They were still so tiny and vulnerable. Honestly, I had been holding myself back not going out there before now.

I stood up and my mom stood up behind me.

"Oh," she wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me in for a hug and placing a kiss to my temple. "I know how hard it must have been for you to tell me, sweetheart. I'm glad you did and that I know. I love you so much, Edward. Don't ever forget that."

"I love you too, Mom." I whispered back, holding her close to me, not wanting to let her go, even if she was only a floor away from me. She had opted to stay on the floor below us rather than the room opposite.

I let go of her and made my way in the direction of the crying. I walked out into the living room area of the suite and saw Bella standing there, gently rocking a screaming Masen. We had taken it upon ourselves to colour code the boys until they had more discernible features – a feat Alice would be proud of – so I knew that the green tint of the onesie covering the little person in Bella's arms was Masen.

"Everything okay?" I asked quietly and Bella turned to look at me, her eyes worried and wide.

"Yeah." She sighed, looking down at the bawling baby in her arms. "He won't stop crying."

"You want me to try?" I asked and she debated for a moment as I made my way over to her before handing me the baby. "Hey, little guy." I tried soothing him as she handed him to me.

"He's not hungry, his diaper's dry, he doesn't want his pacifier or anything else." She sighed running her hands through her hair as she watched me with him. "I don't know what's wrong with him." She sounded on the brink of tears. "I'm terrible at this. I'm going to be a horrible mother."

"Hey, hey!" I closed the distance between us, grabbing Masen's burping towel from the baby bag and flinging it over my shoulder before lifting Masen higher up onto my shoulder and supporting him along the length of my arm, making sure I supported his head in the palm of my hand, as I wrapped an arm around Bella, pulling her to me. "Listen to me: you are _not _a horrible mother. You're just new at this. All you need is practise."

"You don't seem to be having any problems." She gestured to the baby in my arms.

"Can you not hear him screaming?" I raised my eyebrows and she let out a breathy laugh.

"Yeah, yeah I can." She nodded, running her hands through her hair again.

"Well, I can't. I'm deaf in that ear now." I smiled when I heard her laugh lightly. At least she wasn't stressing as much. "All we need is practise. No parents are ever perfect. I think mine are a good example of that argument." She shook her head at me and I couldn't help but smile at her. "We'll learn as we go along, alright, love?"

"Yeah." She nodded, biting her lip.

"Why don't you go and lie down. You look exhausted." I ran my thumb gently down her cheek and she nodded, looking longingly at Masen before making her way around me.

I bounced him up and down lightly on my shoulder, hoping the movement would soothe him as I rubbed his back gently. I turned around, taking a few steps towards where Bella was standing, leaning against the doorframe, watching us. She smiled lightly before turning to make her way into the bedroom. We both froze as Masen let out a belch that his Uncle Emmett would be proud of and I was glad I had picked up the burping cloth.

"Well, I think I found out why he was crying." I laughed lightly, loving the grin that spread across Bella's face. "I'll get him settled." I settled him in my arms, chuckling when I saw the satisfied look on his face as his eyes slowly closed. "Feel better, buddy?"

I took him through to the room Jasper and Alice had been staying in, placing him in one of the bassinets Alice had demanded we get before she left. Not going to argue with that girl. I swear, evil pixie on crack that one.

After getting Masen settled and determining that the other two weren't going wake up while I was in the room, I made my way back to the bedroom, grabbing the baby monitor that was still on the coffee table on my way through.

I slipped into the room to find that Bella was lying on her side of the bed, her arm outstretched onto mine with her legs curled up under the duvet. I changed quickly and slid into the bed, taken slightly off guard when her arm immediately curled around my waist, pulling me to her. I wasn't going to complain.

"I swear a newborn should not be able to belch like that." She mumbled against my shoulder and I couldn't help but agree with her.

"Well, we can't be having him doing little dainty burps now, can we?" I wrapped my arms around her and she scowled up at me, trying not to smile.

"He's gonna be a bruiser." She rested her head back on my shoulder, her brow furrowed, clearly in thought. "Is it possible for babies to take after someone they're not even related to?"

"Not genetically, no." I answered, running my fingers through her hair, releasing the strawberry scent as it fell back into place each time. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I don't want our son to end up like Emmett." She stated matter of factly and I had to laugh. "What?"

"Nothing." I shook my head, clearly not appeasing her in the slightest. "Alright. Imagine trying to convince people that someone Emmett's size is your son." She smirked slightly, seeing the humour in my words. "Besides, I don't think either of our boys will be _that_ size."

"I want them to look just like you." She said softly, her hand running up and down my arm lightly. "They're going to be gorgeous, just like their daddy."

"Well, our little girl is going to be beautiful, just like her mommy." I whispered softly and she scoffed lightly. "Of course she's going to be beautiful like you. And don't you dare come out with the 'plain Jane' argument, because if I remember, I was having to shoo them away when you were eight months pregnant with the three of them."

"Doesn't count." She mumbled and I chuckled, kissing her forehead lightly.

"Yes, it does." I replied softly knowing that she was so exhausted, she would fall asleep before she could argue with me.

I looked down at her, brushing a few strands of hair away from her face to find that her breathing was steady as she clutched me to her. It was almost as if she were afraid I were going to disappear on her. Not happening.

Sighing gently, I pressed my lips to her forehead again, before making sure the monitor was turned up and turning the lamp off, settling down to try and get some sleep before we were awoken at some ungodly hour.

* * *

If you're ever planning on taking a plane ride across a country, travelling nearly two and a half thousand miles with three newborns, I'll give you a piece of advice: don't!

We knew that it was going to be a long day of travelling and the triplets were going to get fussy and restless, but hell, I wasn't expecting Chrissie to start full on screaming about just over half way there. I think we were somewhere over South Dakota or Iowa when she started up.

I couldn't calm her down as we were sitting there, and I knew that some of the other passengers were getting irritated with her incessant screaming – which thankfully, the boys didn't pick up on, to preoccupied with their Aunt Rose and Nana Esme – so I scooped her up and headed towards the little corridor bit by the toilets. Not the best place to have a newborn, but I didn't really feel like dealing with angry plane passengers at the moment.

After I'd gotten her calmed down, I found that I couldn't put her down at all, or she'd start fussing and start to wake up.

_That_ became interesting as we got off the plane. Thankfully, the women at check-in and arrivals seemed to understand about sleeping newborns and let me get away with it. Well, if they hadn't I would have blamed them straight away. Not a chance of me being blamed.

So after a flight from Seattle to JFK Airport and a twenty minute taxi ride and around nine hours or so of travel today, Bella and I were in the elevator on the way up to the penthouse in my apartment block. And we were both ready to drop.

As soon as the elevator doors dinged open, I stepped out, Chrissie – finally settled in her carrier – and punched in the code to open the door, allowing Bella to step inside first. She placed the boys just inside the door, stepping back out to take over from me holding the elevator doors open – well, I say holding them open, I really mean standing in front of them, keeping them open – so I could put Chrissie inside and grab the bags that were in the elevator.

"Hi!" I yelped and jumped as I walked into the apartment, being greeted by an overactive pixie, standing there, grinning at me. I shoved a hand over my mouth, inwardly cursing myself for being so loud and glancing at the triplets, sighing quietly when Killian stirred, but none of them woke up.

"Is that them?" Alice's eyes were wide with wonder and excitement and I nodded. She let out a small squeal and bounced on the balls of her feet as Bella walked in and chuckled lightly to herself, shaking her head at her overly energetic friend.

"I'm going to say this now," Bella pointed a finger at Alice who frowned at her, seeming to know what was coming. "You can see them when they wake up. They've been fussy all day and this is the first time they've really been asleep. So before you even ask, the answer is no."

"Oh, Bella!" She whined quietly, having taken note of the fact that Bella had mentioned they were asleep. She looked at me, her bottom lip sticking out a little.

"Hey." I narrowed my eyes at her, warning her to stop. "Don't even try it, pix. Not a chance."

"Spoilt sports." She grumbled, huffing lightly as Bella and I dumped our bags unceremoniously on the floor by the couch, picking up the babies and making our way towards my bedroom. Was it just mine now? Or could it be classed as _ours_? I guess that depends on whether Bella wants to move in here or whatever. Because that, I certainly wouldn't mind. "Um, where are you guys going?"

"To put the babies to bed." Bella replied a certain 'duh' factor in her tone. I couldn't not laugh at her sarcasm.

"Well, if you're doing that then you're going the wrong way." Alice replied cryptically and I raised an eyebrow at her. I looked at Bella whose expression must have been a mirror of my own as we stood there, babies in hand, wondering what the little fey in front of us was on about. "Follow me." She indicated to follow her with her finger and turned on her heel towards where Jazz and Em's rooms were.

I looked at Bella, who shrugged, before giving in to curiosity and following Alice. She was stood outside Jazz's room with a smug smile on her face. She opened the door and stepped inside, indicating for us to walk in.

I wasn't so sure Jasper would like the idea of us being in his room, but I had learned the hard way not to argue with Alice. I was still cursing Emmett for letting it slip to her about my pierced nipple. Let me tell you, that shit hurts.

"What are we doing in here, Alice?" Bella asked, setting Masen on the ground in his carrier as I did with Killian and Christina.

She flicked on the light and I felt my jaw drop. This was _definitely not_ how I remembered Jasper's room being before we left.

Where the walls had been a dark blue before, they were now painted in soft brown tones, a deep brown at the bottom fading in shade until they were a sort of beige colour at the ceiling. There were three cribs lined up against the back wall, each the right distance apart to have one or two people in between, say for night feedings.

Each crib was made of a deep dark wood and as I looked at them, I could see that it had the name of the respective baby carved on the end.

The rest of the furniture matched the cribs, a dark dresser on one wall a changing table on the opposite side. There were two rocking chairs in one corner, tilted so that they faced each other and there was a small play pen situated next to it.

Alice had given us a nursery.

"What do you think?" She asked, her tone slightly sceptical about liking it.

"Alice . . ." Bella seemed awestruck and her voice was full of tears. What with her hormones being as out of whack as they were at the moment, I was surprised she wasn't full out bawling her eyes out. "It's beautiful."

"You think?" She asked, her grin widening as she watched Bella run her fingers reverently over the crib with Killian's name engraved on it.

I spun around and wrapped my arms around the tiny woman, grinning at her little yelp and giggles as I lifted her off of the ground. Her arms wound their way around my neck as she hugged me back.

"Thank you so much." I whispered into her ear, pressing a soft kiss into her hair.

"It was my pleasure, Edward." She replied, grinning at me as I put her down.

"I do have a question, though." She tilted her head at me, wondering. "What about Jazz?"

"Oh, he and Em are moving in with Rose and me in our apartment." She waved my question off and I felt myself becoming more confused.

"What?" Bella appeared beside me, clearly wondering the same thing I was. "What does that mean?"

"It means that you and Edward will be living here, and Em and Jazz are moving in with me and Rose." Alice replied sweetly, looking between the two of us as we stood there letting that sink in.

"And when was this decided?" I could hear Bella getting upset and I felt my heart sink a little. Did she not want to live with me? What about the fact that we had been basically living together in Seattle? Did she only put up with me because she was pregnant? She obviously didn't want to be with me like that now.

I moved away from the still smiling Alice and the fuming Bella to tend to the babies, who were still sleeping soundly. I managed to manoeuvre the carriers so that I had all three of them on me at once, carrying them towards the cribs.

I turned to see that Alice and Bella had left the room, probably aware that the triplets were still sleeping and that it was best not to wake them up.

As carefully and gently as I could, I removed their onesie overcoats and placed them in the corresponding cribs, gazing at them each for a moment. How could I have helped to create such beautifully perfect creatures? I didn't think it was possible. But somehow it was.

They were here. They were mine.

But for how long?

I tucked the carriers out of the way, taking the baby monitors out of the baby bag and placing one of them onto the little stand between Killian and Chrissie's cribs, hoping that it would pick up on Masen fussing as well. It had picked up on all three of them last night, so hopefully it would last. I picked up the second monitor and turned it on, quietly leaving the room.

I heard raised voices as I entered the living room, causing them to abruptly stop as Bella glared at Alice and Alice looked frustratingly back. I sighed gently, making my way towards my bedroom and closing the door lightly, leaning against it as I tried to understand what Bella was feeling at the moment.

What was she thinking?

Did she want to go back to living with Alice and Rose?

Would she want to take the babies with her?

Of course she would. And I couldn't stop her. I wouldn't separate them from their mother.

I sighed, running my hand through my hair as I walked towards my bed, toeing off my shoes as I did so, kicking them to the side of the room. I sat down on my bed, placing the monitor on the bedside table as I looked around. Alice hadn't been in here and moved Bella's things in. For that I was thankful. I didn't think that would be a wise move on her behalf and apparently, neither did Alice.

Was I glad to be back here?

Sure, I missed my own bed. The security of my things around me. Knowing what was where and where it belonged. But if you asked whether I actually missed _being_ here, I couldn't give you an answer.

I guessed it depended on the woman in the living room at the moment.

Shaking my head, I made my way to the dresser, grabbing a pair of pyjama pants from the third drawer and changing into them, I climbed into bed.

It felt wrong.

The sheets were cold and stiff for not being used for such a long time. I made a mental note to put them in the wash tomorrow morning, not having the energy to do it now, or the will to go out there and see whether the argument between Bella and Alice had dissipated. Yes, I was afraid. So sue me.

I checked to make sure that the monitor was on properly, satisfied when the sound of one of the babies moving lightly came through, ready to check on them should one start fussing. Whoever invented these little machines was a godsend.

I turned on my side, wanting Bella to be there. Wanting to come into contact with her protruding belly, swollen with my children – which wouldn't be happening now – but mostly, just wanting her there next to me. Wanting her soft curves and strawberry hair. I wanted to hold her and have her close to me while we both slept.

It's official: Edward Cullen is a girl.

No matter how much I tossed and turned, I couldn't get to sleep. I knew that simple fact was going to kill me in the morning, but I just couldn't seem to find any rest. Every time I closed my eyes, they would snap open and something would flitter through my brain.

I was partially thankful when one of the babies woke up for a heinous o'clock feeding, purely because it gave me something to do.

As I stood there, feeing Killian, I was slightly dismayed at the fact that Bella hadn't come to my room and she wasn't out in the living room. Alice must have put her stuff in Emmett's old room and she must have been in there.

Why did my heart sink at that?

She was under the same roof as me. Wasn't that good enough?

_No._

The answer hit me as Killian signalled that he'd had enough and required burping. I placed the bottle on the side, picking up the burping cloth I'd grabbed from the bag and placed it over my shoulder, gently patting his back as I encouraged him to burp.

Even though they were only two weeks old and this was only the second night we had them at home, I was starting to discern different things about each of them. Take burping for instance. Killian responded to a light patting halfway down his back, giving me a manly burp not unlike the one I had received from Masen earlier on in the day – something I couldn't help but grin at. Masen responded to someone slowly rubbing his back up and down with the tiniest amount of pressure whereas with Chrissie, you had to rub circles on her back to get anything out of her.

Weird, huh?

Placing Killian back in the crib, I prayed that the other two didn't wake up as I made my way back to my bedroom.

But of course, as soon as my head hit the pillow, a whimpering came through the monitor.

I wanted to let Bella sleep, considering she was still trying to get her body back in whack from the birth so I quickly made my way to the nursery seeing my little girl with her face all red and scrunched up, arms in the air as I leaned over and picked her up. She quieted a little in my arms, but was still letting out a rather loud noise as I heated up the water in the saucepan again, checking it was alright before setting the bottle in the centre, waiting for it to warm up before giving it to her. Bless Bella for the milk. I saw that we had enough bottles of Bella's milk for each of them. Thank God because I didn't think I could work out the process of formula at 1:08AM.

After repeating the process I had done with Killian with Chrissie and Masen, it was nearly two in the morning.

I crawled back into bed, setting the monitor on the bedside table, feeling the exhaustion of the day catching up with me as I lay there and drifted in and out of sleep. I wanted it to come, but it was still eluding me.

Let's hope I could get a little sleep before the next round.

* * *

After the initial feeding I was woken up twice more by the triplets, each of them needing to be fed burped and changed. I made sure that I got to them as quickly and quietly as possible, not wanting to wake Bella unnecessarily.

But that left me trying to sleep at nine in the morning, with the traffic and general hubbub of New York happening outside my window, the sun shining through the glass and an almost certain visit from Alice the hyperactive pixie at some point soon. Personally, I was surprised that she hadn't appeared already.

I had managed to drift off at about six meaning I had about three hours or so of sleep under my belt when I someone's fingers gently running over my cheek and jaw, almost reverently as if trying to commit my face to memory.

I breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent of strawberries and I knew that it was Bella in here. Was there something wrong with the babies? What was the matter?

"Hey." She whispered softly as I opened my eyes, meeting her deep brown orbs. "Morning." There was a small smile on her face as I blinked the sleep out of my eyes, trying to wake up. "How'd you sleep?"

"Like a yo-yo." I replied, my voice still thick with sleep as I stretched out.

"Huh?"

"Back and forth." I gestured loosely with my hand, emphasising the back and forth to my room and the nursery.

"Thank you." She whispered and I turned to look at her, raising an eyebrow. "For seeing to them last night."

"Well, it's my job." I replied, sitting up and sliding off the end of my bed, stretching a little more.

"Are you okay?" She asked quietly and I heard her moving behind me slowly. "Scratch that, you're all tense. What's wrong?" _Was I really _that_ readable?_

"Nothing." I shook my head, pulling on a t-shirt and making my way out into the main apartment and towards the kitchen. I saw that I had made a little mess last night in my sleepy-baby-feeding haze. I grabbed a cloth and wiped it up, running the cloth over the whole o the counter. I knew that I was letting my OCD tendencies show through a little, signalling that I was aggravated and needed to calm down.

"Seriously, what's wrong?" She asked, stopping behind me.

"Nothing." I repeated, filling the cloth with water and squeezing it out before I continued cleaning.

"There's obviously _something_ up." I could see her reflection in the microwave door and I could see that she was getting aggravated now. "You're going all OCD freak in here. What's the matter?"

I stopped at her words. '_OCD freak'? Is that what she thought of me?_ "OCD freak?" I questioned quietly and she froze, clearly not realising what she'd said.

"Edward, I didn't me-"

"Mean it like that?" I threw the cloth in the sink and turned to face her. I knew that I was overreacting, probably by quite a lot, but I was exhausted and wanted to sleep. But clearly since someone has some other plans for me, I wasn't able to do that last night. "Then how did you mean it, Bella?" She didn't answer me, only bit on her lip lightly, looking everywhere but at me. "Right."

I took a deep breath and made my way into my bedroom, sighing as I heard the click of the door closing behind me. I made my way into my en suite, biting my lip and grabbing the cleaning supplies I had under the sink, giving my bathroom a complete run down.

When wound up some people drink. Some hit things. I clean. What of it?

After I'd finished cleaning my bathroom, I climbed into the shower, wanting the water to wash away all of the crap going on in my life at the moment. It wouldn't work. I knew it wouldn't but I wanted to at least try.

After spending twenty minutes or so under the steaming jet, I felt marginally better, so I climbed out, grabbing a towel and noticing how red my feet were. I must have had the water up hot. Whoops.

I dressed in a pair of loose fitting jeans and a plain white t-shirt, not needing to dress up for anyone or go out anywhere today. I flung myself onto my bed, face down, sighing loudly.

There was a light knock on the door and I didn't acknowledge it, hoping that whoever it was – because Alice and the others were bound to be here by now – would go away.

"Edward?" A soft voice called from the other side. "Edward, it's Rose."

"Yeah?" I called from where I was on the bed, knowing it would sound muffled. "Come in, Rose."

The door clicked open and her blonde head poked around the corner, a small smile on her face. Her eyes were worried though and that confused me.

"You okay?" She asked, closing the door and making her way towards me as I rolled over onto my back. She sat down on the end of the bed, tucking her feet up underneath her, seeming uncharacteristically shy. Maybe it was because she was alone in the bedroom of a guy her boyfriend was practically brothers with or because I was her best friend's boyfriend.

Either one, possibly.

"Are you and Bella okay?" She asked, her brow creasing slightly. This was great wasn't it? Bella and I had only been back in New York for a day – less than – and we were already having problems.

"I don't know." I sighed, running my hands slowly down my face before they fell limply to my sides, bouncing slightly on the bed. "I don't think she wants to be here, you know?"

"What do you mean?" Rose shook her head, her curls bouncing around her shoulders lightly. In my exhausted state, the shininess of her hair was mesmerising. I hoped she didn't take it the wrong way.

"Yesterday, Alice showed us the nursery – which I know you had a hand in." I pointed at her and she smirked at me, letting me know that she did in fact have a part to play in the construction of the nursery. "And she told us about Jazz and Emmett moving in with you two and Bella just . . . I don't know . . . flipped, really. I don't know what to do, Rose." I sighed and she smiled sadly at me, obviously not knowing what to say. Either that or she did but was being cruel and not helping me.

"Unfortunately, I don't know." _Don't know it is, then._ "I think the two of you are going to have to work this out on your own."

Great.

The words I didn't want to hear right now.

What the hell was going through Bella's mind right now and what the hell was I supposed to do about it?

Fuck if I know.

_**So, they're back in New York.**_

_**Is there drama starting already? Have to wait and see, won't we?**_

_**What did you think?**_


	22. Numb

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Bella**_

I couldn't work out what was up with Edward.

Everything had been fine when we'd arrived back in New York with the triplets last night and even after we'd been ambushed by Alice. But there was something up with him now, and I couldn't figure out what it was.

I didn't even get a chance to try and figure it out before the others arrived, wanting to see the babies.

Rose immediately told Alice that the nursery was perfect for the babies and let me know that I was 'so lucky' that she'd done that for me. Edward as well.

Who had not made himself known since our little blow-out this morning.

I was starting to get a little worried about him. He never usually locked himself away like this. Normally, he would hash it out with someone, wanting to know what the root of their problem was. But it seemed, when it was _his_ problem, he didn't want to talk. Not that I could blame him. I just wanted to know if he was alright.

As Esme and Alice were gushing over the nursery, I noticed that Rosalie had disappeared. Making my way out into the main area of the apartment, I noticed the boys looking very at home on the sofas. As they should. Technically, this should still be _their_ home and if Alice had thought to ask Edward and I what our opinions were, it still would be.

It was clear that Edward didn't want me to live with him. The way he had reacted last night showed that much. The way he had disappeared after putting the babies down let me know what he was thinking. He didn't want me here. Which, being completely honest, hurt. We had been basically living together – yeah, it may have been a hotel room, but what's the diff? – for the last few months and we get back to New York and what? He doesn't want to know? I think I'm allowed to be a little hurt, don't you?

Some part of me was glad that Alice hadn't been overly presumptuous and put all of my things in Edward's room. I think that would have been pushing him a little too far, obviously.

I raised an eyebrow at Rose as she appeared from Edward's room and made her way over towards me. Her face was blank but her eyes were serious and hard. I knew that there was something going on and Rose knew what it was.

And I had a feeling I was about to find out.

"You need to talk to him." She said softly, glancing at the boys, who seemed to have noticed squat about her reappearance and words. "Seriously."

"Rose, I appreciate you and Alice trying to help, what with setting up the apartment and the nursery and everything, but it's obvious he doesn't want me – want _us_ – here. So maybe it's best if-"

"Oh my God, if those babies are able to communicate with _anyone_ when they're older, it'll be a miracle!" She whisper shouted at me, her eyes cold and hard.

"What are you talking about, Rose?" I blinked at her in confusion as she stood there, her arms folded over her chest, breathing through her nose. She closed her eyes, before opening them again slowly.

"You need to talk to him." She reiterated, stepping aside so that I could get to Edward's room without having to walk around her. "Look, I don't know what the hell is going on with you two and communicating with each other, but you need to talk to him. Now."

She was right. I knew she was. If anything, I needed to apologise for what I'd said to him earlier. I didn't mean it and I knew it had upset him. I hadn't meant for the words to come out that way.

And I had been berating myself for it since they'd slipped out.

I knew how Edward was. I knew how he dealt with things. When he was stressed out, he cleaned. He had always been that way. And it had never really bothered me before. It was just the way he was able to process things in his mind. But for some reason, this morning, it had really gotten to me. And for the life of me, I couldn't understand why.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I had slept like shit last night.

Last night had been the first night in around three to four months that I hadn't slept with Edward next to me. And I hated it. I hated not having him there, next to me, one arm holding me close to him and the other wrapped protectively across my belly, hand splayed out, subconsciously feeling for the triplets.

But last night I didn't have that and I hadn't slept properly because of it.

I knew this morning that he had taken care of the triplets last night, having taken the baby monitor into his room with him. I'd thought about going to get it, but I didn't want to disturb him and I knew that, should he wake up to find it missing, he would panic.

At least I knew he loved the babies.

I sighed gently, glancing at Rose, who glanced at the door again, a small, encouraging smile on her face. I knew I needed to talk to him – about much more than the altercating in the kitchen this morning – and she was just providing the little shove that would get my stubborn ass in gear.

I stopped outside the door, taking a deep breath and tapping on it lightly. I heard a muffled 'come in' sound from the other side, so I slowly opened the door.

Edward was sitting in the middle of his bed, legs brought up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them. He had his chin resting on his knees and he looked troubled. He glanced up at me before his gaze turned out the window. I closed and locked the door behind me, not really wanting any interruptions to occur. The others were occupied and Alice, Rose and Esme would be able to calm the babies should they start up. They had all been fed, burped and changed and were sleeping soundly, so they shouldn't be any problem. I had pumped milk for the babies this morning, so they had enough to last them until this evening, so hopefully I shouldn't be needed for that. I needed this time to speak to Edward. _We_ needed this time. Yeah, I knew that they would all notice my disappearance, but I couldn't really bring myself to care. The man I love was hurting because of a comment I'd made and like hell was I going to sit there and let it carry on.

"Edward?" I whispered softly, still standing against the door, not really wanting to get any closer to him. He looked at me, his eyes shifting as the rest of his body stayed in the same position. "I'm sorry." I pushed myself off of the door and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. "It just slipped out. I don't know why I said it."

"It's okay." He whispered, looking down at the bed covers as though they were the most interesting thing in the world. "I know how I get when I get stressed. It's not your fault. I know I can be pretty trying sometimes."

"No." I shook my head and he looked up at me again. "That's just it, though. I know what you're like and it doesn't bother me. But there was . . . something was different this morning. Something big and I didn't know what it was. But . . . I think I do now."

"You do?" He sounded confused and I nodded, looking down at my hands.

"Its okay, Edward." I felt my eyes welling up as my heart felt like it was being torn in a thousand different directions. "It's obvious you don't want me . . . _us_ . . . here. I'm sure that Em and Jazz will be okay with moving back in here. I mean, it'll probably-"

"Wait! What?" I looked up at him and saw a look of shock and confusion on his face. "You think I don't want you here?"

"It's alright, Edward." I waved him off as he sat up straight, trying to push the slightly stinging sensation away from my eyes.

"Bella, that's exactly what I _do_ want." I knew that my face was contorted into what Rosalie had dubbed the 'what the fuck' look as I watched him slide over to me. "Bella, I want nothing more than to have you and the babies living here with me."

"You do?"

"Yes!" He nodded quickly, taking my hands in his. "But . . . the way you blew up at Alice last night over the fact that they had switched your stuff with the guys' and created the nursery. It made me feel like you didn't want to move in here. It made me feel like you didn't want me in your life in that way. It made me think that all you wanted me to be was a father to the babies and that we were over. I felt . . ."

"Felt what?" He couldn't stop now. He couldn't stop when I was so close to finding out how I could stop him from hurting. Someone as beautiful, kind and good as Edward shouldn't be hurting. Not now. Not ever. "Edward, felt what?"

"Rejected." He whispered, averting his eyes. "It felt like you were saying you didn't want me again and I-" He didn't finish his sentence and I immediately flew back to the day I had told him I didn't want him anymore. That didn't love him anymore.

I threw my arms around his neck, knowing that it probably wouldn't help how he was feeling at all. I had managed to hurt him again and I hated myself for that."I'm so sorry, baby." I whispered, running my fingers through his hair gently. He slowly wound his arms around my waist, clutching me to him. "I would want you never to feel that way again. Ever. I will always want you and I will always be here. For as long as you want me."

"I'll always want you with me." He whispered, pulling back a little and looking me in the eye. "Why did you blow up at Alice last night, then? If you wanted to stay with me . . . then . . . why?"

"It wasn't the fact that she'd moved all of my stuff, because she does that anyway." He nodded, smiling slightly, understanding Alice in that respect. "But I think it was the fact that neither of us had any say in it. I mean, normally, I get at least _some_ say. Of course, if I had I would have leapt at the chance to live here with you . . . I guess I was just overwhelmed and taken off guard at the suddenness of it all. What with the fact we'd been travelling with fussy triplets all day. It was not a good combination." I sighed, resting my forehead against his gently, closing my eyes. "Please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive." He whispered in response and I felt his lips brush across mine gently. "Just promise me one thing." I nodded, opening my eyes, gazing into the beautiful emerald gems he possessed. "Talk to me. If there's something going on with you, please talk to me. I can't handle situations like last night."

"I promise." I nodded and he smiled slightly. "If you promise me the same thing. I know I know what you're like when you're stressed. You clean to process everything, but I don't always know what's going through that brain of yours. Even though I wish I was, I'm not a mind reader. I need you to let me know when there's something bothering you, or I'm never gonna know. Deal?"

"Deal." I pressed my lips to his again, effectively sealing our deal.

"Rose is right." I chuckled lightly, resting my head on his shoulder.

"About?" He sounded confused as his fingers came to brush through my hair, untangling what knots had formed throughout the last two hours or so.

"We suck at communication."

"We never used to." He sighed and I nodded gently. It was true. We had always told each other our feelings. Never held anything back. Part of me reasoned that that was why we were so strong as a couple. We had always been honest with each other.

I had yet to figure out what happened.

We sat there for a while, not talking at all, but needing to be with the other. I gently ran my fingers up and down the flames the laced his wrists and part of his forearm, smiling at the colours jumping off of his skin.

"Did I ever tell you about the guy in China that had copied all of my tattoos?" He asked, a smile in his voice. I looked up to see him shaking his head slightly at the memory.

"No." I raised an eyebrow at him and he nodded, sighing gently. "Seriously?"

"Yeah." I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me. "He was like 'Dude, check me out!'"

"So what did you do?" I asked, wanting to know how Edward dealt with the crazies there was no doubt he had following him.

"I thought 'I fucking hate you'." I felt my eyebrows shoot up at his admission. "I didn't say that to him. Or at least, I don't think I did." He looked away from me as he thought for a moment before turning back to me. "I don't remember, but I don't like it when fans copy my flame tattoos."

"What? Are they like your signature mark or something?" I asked, smirking and he nodded.

"Yeah . . . they kind of are. And it really bothers me when others get them done." He sighed, shaking his head. "It's like, if you're going to get flames on your wrist, get flames on your wrist. Don't get _my_ flames on your wrist."

"It is amazing to the lengths some fans will go to just to get the attention of their idols." I sighed, resting my head on his chest as he hummed in response. "Look at me. I had your babies." It got the response I was looking for and he chuckled lightly, wrapping his arms around me. "Are we good?" I asked quietly and he sighed.

"As long as we both promise to talk to the other one when there's something bothering us. You know, like we used to." He slid down the bed, so that we were both lying down and I nodded, tentatively pressing my lips to his.

His response was immediate, his lips pressing into mine as his hands settled with one on my waist and the other in my hair. I moved so that I was above him, my lips still pressed to his, drinking in his sweet taste. A taste I could never get enough of. One I never wanted to stop tasting. I rested both of my arms either side of his head, completely lost in the way his lips felt on mine.

I felt the contrast of steel and muscle as his tongue traced my lips gently, tenderly willing them to allow him access. I parted my lips and his tongue was immediately battling with mine, trying to become the dominant part in our little war.

My fingers laced themselves into his hair gently and I smiled to myself, upon hearing him groan as my nails scraped along his scalp.

The both of us groaned in frustration as someone knocked on the door. He looked up at me, his eyes almost black with lust as I rolled my eyes and moved off of him. He sighed gently, running his hands through his hair as he sat up. I couldn't help but watch him as he made his way to the door, smirking at me over his shoulder as he realises that I, in fact, locked the door.

He opens it and I immediately hear a baby whimpering. "I'm sorry to interrupt the two of you." It was Rose, so I knew that it must have been important, seeing as she knew what was going on in here. Well, not completely, but you get what I mean. "But she won't settle."

"Hey, bubba girl." I smiled at Edward's little name for Chrissie, feeling my heart melt as he took her from Rose. "Thanks, Rose. Could you . . . bring the other two in here?"

"Of course." I could hear the smile in her voice before I heard her walking away.

Edward turned and made his way back towards me, a small smile on his face as Chrissie tried grabbing onto his finger, without much luck. "I just wanted it to be us . . . you know?"

"Yeah, I do." I nodded, sighing gently as he sat down, completely enamoured with our little girl. I looked up as Alice and Esme walked in with Masen and Killian, passing Killian to me and Masen to Edward. He looked so natural sitting there, a baby in each arm as the two of them left the room.

The both of us moved into the middle of the bed, laying the babies down next to each other before getting comfortable. The three of them lay there, their eyes wide whenever the bed moved.

"I can't wait until they start laughing." I sighed and Edward nodded, running a finger down Masen's cheek, resting it in his hand. I smiled as Masen's tiny little hand grasped Edward's finger, his own not even reaching the entire way round. They really were tiny.

"God." Edward breathed next to me, shaking his head slightly. "I can't believe they're ours."

"Well, they are." I clarified, chucking lightly. "And unlike the others we don't get to give them back. We're the ones that have to put up with everything. The tantrums, the screaming, the pranks that they're obviously going to pull on each other. And that's just when they're little. I mean, think about when they're teenagers. I mean, we'll have to deal with girlfriends and boyfriends-"

"Not on my watch." Edward shot back and I raised my eyebrows at him. "The moment the three of them hit thirteen, I'm locking them in their bedrooms, putting bars on the windows and not letting them out until they're forty." He looked at me, completely serious and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh dear, you're gonna be one of those dad's that sit there with a shotgun on the table the first time any of them brings someone home to meet you, aren't you?"

"What, like your dad?" He shot back. _Well, that shut me up._

"Touché." He smirked at me and I couldn't help but press a kiss to his lips. "We did good."

"Yeah, we did." The love in his voice was palpable as he looked down at the three of them. "Interesting story, though, don't you think?"

"What do you mean?" Huh?

"Yeah, they were conceived with reunion sex after around seven years after which Mommy and Daddy didn't speak for six months and all the other shit that happened in between." He smiled innocently at me and I shook my head, rolling my eyes.

"We are not telling that story." I told him, being one hundred per cent serious.

"Well, apart from the fact that everyone who will want to know _already_ knows." He smirked at me, knowing he'd won this round.

"Alright, alright." I shoved him playfully and he laughed, earning little squealing noises from the triplets as the bed moved.

"Do you like that?" Edward looked down at the three of them, earning an answering squeal from Killian. "Do you? Do you?"

I couldn't help but laugh as he leaned down and rubbed his nose against Killian's belly, earning this cute babbling noise from him as his arms flailed lightly and he tried kicking his legs. He wasn't really getting very far. Oh, how I wished they could laugh at this age. Unfortunately, that probably wasn't to come for the next few months. According to Esme, Edward first smiled when he was six weeks old and laughed at ten weeks. She said it was one of the most precious memories she had of him and I didn't doubt her.

"You know, if I didn't know that was most likely gas, I'd say he was smiling." Edward sighed sitting up, running his finger down Killian's stomach. "What are you thinking about?"

"Something your mom told me." I sighed, resting my chin on his shoulder.

"And what was that?" He raised an eyebrow at me, looking all kinds of sexy as he did it. If the babies hadn't been in here and we didn't have to wait another three and a half weeks, I would have jumped him right then and there. Whether he liked it or not.

"Nothing." I smirked as his other eyebrow shot up.

"Tell me." I could see the beginnings of a mischievous smirk forming on his lips but hoped he wouldn't push it, especially with the babies here.

"Nope." I replied popping the 'p', realising I was wrong the minute he appeared above me.

"Tell me." I could feel his breath on my throat as he ran his nose up and down my jaw, trying to wear me down. The only thing stopping me from spilling everything to him was that I knew we couldn't do anything.

"Not a chance." His face appeared above me again, an evil glint in his eye before he moved off of the bed, grabbing me and flinging me over his shoulder. "Edward!" I squealed, knowing what he was going to do. It was the same thing he had always done when we were younger and I kicked and punched at his back as he made his way towards his en suite. "Edward, what about the babies?"

"They're fine." He replied, chuckling. "They're in the direct centre of the bed, so there's no chance of them falling off, apart from the fact they've not really mastered the whole moving aspect of life yet and if they start crying, we'll hear them. Are you going to tell me yet?"

"No!" I wailed, hitting his back again as he turned on the shower.

"Are you sure?" I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Yes!"

"Yes, you're sure you're not going to tell me, or you are going to tell me?"

"I'm not telling you!"

"Wrong answer." I knew it was even before he turned, making it so that my head was directly under the shower spray. My screams of annoyance were drowned out by the water raining down on me. "Changed your mind yet?"

"I hate you!" I screamed before he turned, yanking me off his shoulder and dumping me in the shower. "You're such a bastard."

"I know." He shrugged, smirking at me. "You gonna tell me?"

"No." I shook my head before lunging forward and pulling him to me. I crashed my lips to his, my tongue forcing its way into his mouth without my even realising it. He moaned into my mouth, his grip on the edge of the shower doors tightening. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and quickly pulled him under the spray with me.

He yelped, shaking his head as he registered the water raining down on him before pulling back and scowling at me. I grinned at him and he shook his head, chuckling at my expression no doubt.

To be fair, we probably did look quite amusing.

We were broken out of our little steamy, water-filled haze at the sound of one of the babies crying in the bedroom. Edward disappeared, shedding his shirt and grabbing a towel as he went. I felt my girly bits tingle as I watched the muscles of his back move under the ink littering his back, the thick letters of the _Linkin Park_ tattoo standing out against his pale skin.

I followed him into the bedroom, seeing that it was Killian that was crying, his tiny face scrunched up and red, tears rolling down his cheeks as though there was no tomorrow while the others lay there giving a 'Mom, what's he crying about?' look.

"It appears Masen's already starting on the sibling rivalry." Edward sighed, wiping Killian's cheeks with a soft tissue. "I came out here to see Killian wailing and Masen's fist in his eye."

"Oh, poor baby." I cooed, taking him from Edward. I noticed that Edward had wrapped him in the towel he had grabbed and raised an eyebrow at him.

"It made more sense to wrap him up than try to dry myself off before seeing to him." I nodded in understanding. "And _you_," He shed his jeans before climbing onto the bed and hovering above Masen. "We don't tolerate violence in this family. Understand?" He picked Masen up, holding him slightly above him, his jaw dropping as Masen's tiny fist made contact with his nose. I couldn't help but laugh at him.

"I don't think he understands." I sighed gently, smiling down at Killian who had stopped crying, whimpering softly.

"He might only be two weeks old, but he's got a fair old punch on him." Edward laughed, settling him in the crook of his arm, running his fingers down Chrissie's cheek. "No wonder Killian's crying."

"You're okay, aren't you little man?" I looked down at Killian, smiling to myself at the way Edward had referred to the five of us as a family. "See? He's fine."

Edward placed Masen back down on the bed, reaching out for Killian. I felt my brow furrowing at him as his arched slightly. "You're soaking Bella. You're gonna make him sick."

"Oh sh- Fudge." He laughed as I glared at him. "What? There will be no swearing around the babies."

"You better make Emmett and Jazz aware of that rule." He laughed as I passed Killian to him. He placed him down on the bed next to Chrissie this time before sliding off the bed and grabbing a t-shirt and sweats for me to put on. "Here." He passed them to me and I turned around, slipping into the bathroom to change.

I tossed my clothes into the hamper he had in there, knowing they would need to be washed before making my way out into the bedroom. I saw that Edward had changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t shirt himself and was now entertaining the triplets with his keys. I couldn't help but giggle as I watched them.

"They seem to really like keys." He shrugged, shaking them again as the three of them tried wriggling to get to the keys above their heads. Not really getting very far with that one, are we?

"I think it's the noise they make." He nodded, smiling down at them. I noticed that Masen wasn't watching Edward, but staring intently at me instead, his eyes wide as he looked at me. I noticed that his eyes were darkening, whereas the others weren't, though none of them were retaining the blue they had been born with. It seemed that Masen would be inheriting my eyes and the other two were taking after their father. I leaned over, picking him up and holding him close to my chest, closing my eyes and breathing in his gorgeous baby smell. I opened my eyes to see Edward watching me as I sat there with Masen, a small smile on his face. "What?"

"Nothing." He sighed, looking at the other two.

"Seriously, what?" I couldn't help but wonder what was going on through that mind of his.

"All of this, right here . . ." he gestured around the room, indicating the babies and myself. "Is all I've ever wanted. Ever."

"Me too." I whispered and he looked back up at me, his eyes intense.

"We could have had this years ago." His voice was hoarse and strained with emotion as he watched me. "All of this: us, the babies . . . we could have had it years ago."

"I know." I nodded, looking back down at Masen who was watching me with wide eyes as his head flopped forward onto my shoulder. "I know we could have."

"So why didn't we?" He asked, his tone quiet.

"I know you want an explanation. Some kind of insight as to what I was thinking," he nodded tersely, gazing down at the babies. "But I don't have one."

"What?" He looked up at me, anger blazing in his eyes. I knew he wouldn't lose control here, not with the babies in the room or even the apartment and maybe that was why he was doing this now. "What do you mean you don't have one?"

"I don't." I shook my head, shrugging. "I know you want to know what I was thinking and all I can tell you is that I _wasn't_ thinking. If I _had_ been thinking, do you really think I would have listened to Carlisle?"

"What did he say to you?" Edward's tone was as dark as his expression, his obvious hatred for the man he used to call his father shining through. "What did he say to you, Bella?"

"I don't remember exactly what it was, but he was playing on the fears that any expectant mother has." He shook his head, not understanding what I meant. Of course he wouldn't. He wouldn't see it from my point of view. "He kept telling me that I wouldn't be a good mother, that I wouldn't be able to provide for it. Saying that it would be better for everyone if I got rid of it. That . . . it wouldn't ruin your life."

"He said _what_?" Edward growled, his hands fisting the sheets next to him. "He told you that it would be _ruining my life_ if you kept it."

"He used the one thing that he knew would work against me." His eyes met mine as my vision blurred with tears. "You. He knew that you were the most important thing to me. He kept taunting me with the knowledge that you didn't really want the baby, that you were going to leave as soon as you could. He _knew_ that it would work. That it would get me to do whatever he wanted me to do. All he had to do was threaten what I had with you . . . not even that . . . just make me think that what I had with you was in danger and he knew I'd do anything I could to keep you."

"Why didn't you come to _me_?" His tone wasn't angry anymore, but pleading, trying to understand.

"Because he made it sound like you were stringing me along. I know it sounds pathetic now, but you know how he is. How he can manipulate people." He nodded in understanding. "He made me believe that you didn't really care, that you didn't want it or me. That you were going to leave and abandon us and I remember something in me snapping."

"But you _know_ that I wouldn't have left you." He took a deep breath, his fists still clenched in the sheets as he watched Masen and Chrissie where they were lying on the bed. "You _have_ to know that."

"I do _now_." I shook my head, pressing my lips to Masen's forehead gently. "I don't know."

"What happened after that?" He asked in a whisper, his eyes flicking towards me and I knew what he was asking. I shook my head, trying to think about what happened after that, but coming up empty. "Bella?"

"I don't know." I answered honestly and he sighed, closing his eyes as a tear slid down his cheek and dropped onto Chrissie's cheek, startling her slightly. He wiped the tear away, looking down at the two of them with so much love I could feel it radiating off of him. "I don't actually remember making a conscious decision."

"What do you mean?" He looked up at me, confusion etched in his features.

"I mean, I don't actually remember agreeing to anything at all." His brow furrowed even more as I spoke. "It's like, from the moment Carlisle suggested the abortion to when I woke up is a complete blank. All I remember is him giving me a drink because I started freaking about what to do and then waking up in a clinic in Seattle."

"What the hell?" He whispered, watching my face for any signs of deceit. I had never been a good liar and had never been able to get away with it with Edward, other than the lie about the miscarriage and not loving him anymore. I don't know how I got away with those two. "I don't understand."

"Neither do I." I shook my head, looking down at Masen who had fallen asleep on my shoulder. I had been rocking him gently as I had been talking.

I looked at Edward, who nodded silently, picking up Chrissie gently, settling her against his arm before manoeuvring Killian to hold him as well. We made our way out into the main area of the apartment, seeing that the others had left.

I led the way through to the nursery, considering Edward couldn't open the door with two babies and placed Masen in his crib. I turned to see Edward placing a soft kiss to Chrissie's forehead before settling her in her crib. He turned to me before moving towards the door and grabbing the baby monitor off the side. I turned the one in between the cribs on before following him out of the room, closing the door quietly.

I walked out into the living room, seeing Edward sitting on the sofa, his head in his hands. I sat down at the other end, not saying anything, knowing that he needed time to process what information I had given him.

"I don't understand." He said softly, settling back on the sofa. "How can you not remember?" His tone was frustrated as he ran his hands through his hair, not looking at me.

"I don't know." I shook my head, feeling my eyes stinging with tears. "I don't know."

"_How_?" I heard the venom in his tone and saw the anger in his eyes as he glared at me. I had never seen him this angry. Even when we had been fighting back before I knew I was pregnant, I hadn't seen the anger I was seeing now. "How is that physically possible? I mean . . . how do you not remember getting the abortion? You . . . it just . . ." He leaned forward again, his hands burying themselves in his hair, his grip so tight his knuckles turned white with the pressure. "Tell me what happened. What you _do_ remember."

"I remember Carlisle coming to my house. I'd been feeling really lousy and didn't go into school, you remember?" He nodded, taking a deep breath, his eyes closing slowly. "And I remember arguing with him, him telling me everything I told you earlier. I remember freaking out and nearly having a panic attack. He went into the kitchen and poured me a glass of water but after that . . . things go blank. I remember driving somewhere . . . being in a car . . . but . . ." I looked up at him to find him watching me, tears in his eyes. Why couldn't I stop hurting him? I wished I knew what had happened, just so I could tell him, so I could put his mind at rest.

But I couldn't.

I didn't even know what happened.

"I, um . . . I need to work this out." He sighed, standing up. "I need to think about this for a while."

"Okay." I nodded, knowing that he didn't want to be near me at the moment. Hell, _I_ didn't want to be near me at the moment, not that I had a choice.

He walked past me and into his bedroom without looking back and I slumped down on the sofa. I felt the sob working its way up through my chest and I couldn't hold it back as I heard his bedroom door close.

How on earth was I going to fix this?

I couldn't lose him.

Not again.

I would find out what had happened.

I had to remember.

I owed it to Edward to remember.

And I would give him the information he deserved to have.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


	23. One Step Closer

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Edward**_

I knew that retreating into the confines of my room was a cowardly thing to do, but I needed some time on my own to work out what Bella had said to me.

She had explained what happened the day she . . . I couldn't even bring myself to think the word.

She had told me what had happened that day, but all it did was raise more questions in my head about what did happen. Bella couldn't really lie for shit, so I knew that she was telling me the truth when she said she didn't remember anything. Why the hell didn't she remember?

I pulled my laptop across from the table and settled it on my knee on the bed. Waiting for it to turn on, I felt the guilt had having walked out on Bella just now starting to creep in. I wanted everything to be okay between us, but with the knowledge of what really happened to our first baby, that might not happen.

I opened up the internet browser to Google and typed in '_temporary memory loss'_. I took a deep breath while I waited for it to load. Scanning the list that appeared in front of me I knew it was a lost cause before I even clicked on anything. They were all links for things like Alzheimer's and I think it's pretty clear that Bella doesn't suffer from that.

I clicked on one, purely to see what it contained and whether or not it could help me explain what had caused Bella to forget something so important.

It seemed to be useless as I scanned the page in front of me. I was about to click out of it when something caught my eye. _'Drug causes'._

_Of course!_

I should have realised it sooner! Even I had to say that there was many a period I didn't remember because of the fact that I was so fucked.

I scanned the list quickly but none of them really jumped out at me. All the information told me that they could create brief moments of memory loss that may or may not be recovered at any given time.

But what Bella had said made it sound like hours at least.

I went down the list, looking further for something that would trigger my memory. But when I found it I wished I hadn't.

_Rohypnol_

_Gamma Hydroxybutyric Acid_

_Ketamine_

_Date Rape Drugs!_

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, releasing it slowly as I looked at the screen again. It said that each of the three drugs listed above came as a liquid, powder or pills – which I was already aware of – and were practically undetectable when ingested. The GHB would have a slightly salty taste, but other than that there was really no way for someone to know they could be drinking one of the three drugs.

It made me sick to think about it.

If I'd doubted Bella's story when she'd told it, I didn't now. . _All I remember is him giving me a drink . . ._ That's what she'd said. And she couldn't remember anything after that until she woke up in the clinic. As I read down the lists of what each drug could do to you, even though many of the effects were similar there was one that stood out for me:

_Memory problems._

Bella couldn't remember anything.

Carlisle had fucking _drugged_ her!

Was there anything he wouldn't do to ruin the lives of others? Was there no low that he wouldn't stoop to? Some part of me wished that we were still in Forks so that I could finally give him the beating he deserved.

I couldn't get to Carlisle, but I could reassure Bella. Now that I had that theory in my head, it made more and more sense the more I went on going over what Bella had told me.

Picking up my laptop, I made my way out into the living room again, seeing Bella still sitting there on the sofa. She wasn't staring at anything in particular, her gaze resting on the wall in front of her. Her face was streaked with tears, her eyes red and puffy. She turned to look at me as I stood there, a small sob emanating from her.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, shaking her head and looking down at her lap. "I don't remember. I wish I could but . . ." She shook her head again, sniffing.

Grabbing a box of tissues from the side, I settled onto the sofa next to her. I put my laptop on the coffee table, the screen facing down slightly, obscuring what I had discovered. I pulled out a couple of tissues, wiping her cheeks and handing her one so she could blow her nose, because that was all her.

"I know, I know." I whispered, running my fingers through her hair. "I know why you can't remember."

"What?" She looked at me, blinking a couple of times, probably trying to understand what I was saying to her. "What do you mean?"

I pulled away from her, picking up my laptop and handing it to her. She looked at me confused and I nodded for her to read it. She slowly started to read what was on the web page in front of her, her features morphing into an expression of shock.

"Oh my God." She whispered, her hand covering her mouth slightly as her wide eyes darted to my face. "You think he drugged me."

"From what I've read on here, I'm certain of it." I turned the computer slightly so that the two of us could see it. "You see here? 'Virtually undetectable'. With any of these, you wouldn't know what was in your drink unless you were familiar with it. That much is clear." I looked at her, running my fingers through her hair. "I don't blame you anymore."

"What?" She leaned into my touch, her tone disbelieving as she watched me.

"I don't." I shook my head, not able to find it in my heart to blame her for what happened. Carlisle had drugged her. I was sure of that. "It wasn't your fault what happened. You couldn't have stopped him. You know what he's like."

"Evidently not." She sighed, closing her eyes, placing her hand on top of mine. "Who would've thought that he'd drug me, huh?"

"Shouldn't have put it past him." I sighed, resting my forehead on her shoulder gently. I couldn't believe what he had done to her. It was clear that he had done this because he hated me. He didn't want me to be happy in any way because I wasn't him. It didn't matter to him that he was destroying the lives of other people as well. All that mattered to him was breaking me. Because he was evil and manipulating enough to think like that.

I knew that he was a nasty piece of work. I'd known that basically my entire life, given the way he'd treated me growing up, but I had never believed he would murder an unborn child.

"Well, he's out of our lives now. He can't get to us anymore." She whispered, sounding slightly triumphant about that.

"That's not exactly true." I replied and her brow furrowed, confused. She was right in the fact that Carlisle couldn't really reach us here. I mean we were on the other side of the country and it would be difficult for him to find us in the city. Even if we were in Manhattan. But there was one thing that would draw him here. "My mom."

"Shit."

"Ah, no swearing." I raised a finger and she batted it away from her, a small smile on her face.

"The babies aren't here." She replied a slight singsong tone in her voice.

"Maybe not, but if you get used to not swearing when they're not around, then you won't swear when they _are_ around." She raised an eyebrow at me, questioning my logic obviously.

"I guess you're right." She nodded, chuckling as she brushed a few stray hairs away from my face. She never seemed to like it when my hair flopped over my eyes. Never been sure why. "But you realise that Emmett is the one you're going to have to reinforce that with, right?"

"Oh yeah." I nodded quickly and she raised an eyebrow, not believing me. "He knows he'll get an ass whooping if he swears around the babies."

"Good." She sighed, running her fingers gently up and down my arm. "I hope the divorce goes through quickly."

I doubted it would. Carlisle wasn't going to let my mother go that easily. He might have despised me, but my mom was precious to him. He wouldn't let her go without a fight.

My real hope was that a judge would see how frightened she was of Carlisle – because no matter how much she denied it, she was – and issue a restraining order, meaning he couldn't approach her. That would be the best option for her. All I wanted was my mother safe.

She didn't deserve to be tied to him any longer.

And if I had my way, she wouldn't be again.

"So do I, love." I whispered, resting my head on the back of the sofa again. "So do I."

"So . . . are we okay?" She asked, her eyes wide with fear. Probably fear of my rejection. How could I reject her now that I knew what the monster I had called my father had done to her? I couldn't do that to her.

"We're fine." I whispered, brushing a few loose strands of hair out of her face, tucking them behind her ears. "Carlisle had better watch out though."

She smiled tearfully at me, resting her head on my shoulder and after a while of just sitting there in silence, her breathing levelled out and I knew she'd fallen asleep. I lifted her up easily considering she couldn't have weighed more than one ten soaking wet.

I lay her down on my bed, wondering what she would think when she woke up in here and just as quickly realising I didn't care. I wanted Bella in here, in my room with me. I wanted to wake up to her every morning. To see her sleepy smile as she woke up. I wanted to soothe her through any nightmares she may have and be there to comfort in the aftermath. I wanted to wake up tangled in her and the bedsheets as I always used to.

The current issue going on between us was far from over, but we had to deal with it another day. Maybe a day when I wasn't gasping for a drink or itching to get at something which would just take away the pain, take away the stress, take away everything.

It would be discussed. But at a later date. Preferably when we don't have the babies with us.

I picked up my phone, pressing a light kiss to her forehead before slipping out of the room. I scrolled down my list of contacts until I found the name I was looking for, pressing the call button.

"Hello?" I light, feminine voice came from the other end. I was calling her cell, so she didn't have the professional demeanour she did when answering her office phone.

"Gianna?" I asked, wanting to make sure I had the right woman, though I would recognise the sound of her voice anywhere. She had soothed me through my initial withdrawals and had eased me through therapy and rehab, going at my own pace, never rushing me or forcing me as others most likely would. "It's Edward."

"Oh, hello!" I heard the enthusiasm as she realised who she was talking to. "How are you, Edward? Is everything okay?" Her tone had taken on the calm tones she had always used when we were in session and I knew it was what I needed.

"I think, um . . ." I ran a hand through my hair, starting to pace lightly. "I think I need to see you again." I licked my lips, hating how weak I sounded as I leaned against the wall, letting my head fall back hitting it lightly with a hollow thud. I hoped it was the wall that was hollow and not my head. "Soon."

"I have a spare two hours tomorrow, if that's alright with you." She replied immediately and I instantly felt better. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face knowing that of all people, Gianna was the one who knew how to help me.

"That's perfect." I couldn't help but wonder how she had spare time for me at such short notice. Maybe she didn't and was just going to bump people around. I couldn't help but feel guilty at that thought and hoped I was wrong.

"Alright then." I could hear the smile in her voice as she spoke and I felt myself relaxing. "I know how much you hate the stuffy offices," boy was she right about that, "so how about we meet in Central Park around noon? By the bridge?"

"That's perfect." I repeated, closing my eyes slowly. "Thank you so much."

"Anytime, Edward." She sighed gently and I could practically see her shaking her head at me. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I said goodbye and hung up, feeling a lot better even though I hadn't seen her yet.

This had to work.

. . . . .

I woke up the next morning, feeling Bella's soft warmth pressing into my side lightly. I blinked a couple of times, my eyes trying to adjust to the light flooding into the room. I had forgotten to close the blinds last night and was paying for it now. The only shitty thing about this room was that no matter what time of year, the sun always shines directly onto the head of the bed.

Fucking hated it.

Bella stirred next to me, her head moving slightly as the tiniest little moan escaped her. She had slept pretty hard last night. She had woken up when the babies started crying but had fallen asleep when I assured her I would take care of it.

"Morning." I whispered to her and she looked up at me, slightly startled. I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face at her bewildered reaction to my presence. Clearly she thought that she was in the room Alice had made up for her, confused as to why she was not.

"Morning." She sat up, running a hand through the tangled mess she called hair.

I looked at the clock, seeing that it was seven am and the babies would want feeding soon. I had run out of milk on Killian's last feeding at five, which thankfully was the last time any of them woke up, so this time it was all Bella.

We both climbed out of bed, a small smile playing on Bella's lips as she processed the fact that she was in my room. I walked around the bed, wrapping my arms around her waist and she rested her head on my chest, sighing gently.

"Baby." I whispered softly and she hummed gently in response. "I have a meeting with my therapist today." She looked up at me, her eyes shimmering with what looked like pride. "I'm meeting her at noon." Her eyes flashed slightly and I knew that the little jealous streak Bella kept hidden inside most of the time was trying to make an appearance. "Hey." I pulled her closer to me. "Gianna's a friend. Nothing more. Well, other than the fact she's my shrink, but you get what I mean. She's married with kids that she loves more than anything. _You're_ the one I want, alright."

"I know." She sighed, biting down on her lip lightly. "I just . . . I can't help it."

"I know." I _did_ know. I was the same whenever guys – like that creepy guy from Port Angeles – watched her or whatever. It made me angry, especially when it was clear she was with someone else. "Just to let you know, Gianna will probably want to meet you at some point." She stiffened slightly and I chuckled. "Nothing to worry about, but she does with everyone. She likes to gather information about those important to her patients – the most influential in their lives, as it were – so she might want to talk to you. Now if she does, will you promise to keep the green eyed away?"

"Okay." She nodded, brushing a few stray strands of hair out of my face before smiling up at me. "I'm proud of you, you know."

"How come?"

"Because one) you've taken the step in admitting you need her help again and called her and two) you were able to openly admit it to me without me pushing you. It takes a lot of strength to do that, Edward. Even if you have been through it before." She smiled up at me, biting down on her lip. "And that makes me proud of you." I leaned down to kiss her but she pulled away from me, turning her head. I felt my expression turning into a pout and she shook her head. "Morning breath."

I rolled my eyes, hooking my finger under her chin and pulling her face around to face me. "I don't care." Before she could argue I captured her lips with mine and she moaned lightly, leaning into me.

The sound of whimpering turning into crying broke us out of our small moment. I groaned lightly and she sighed, looking at the monitor on the table as though it was the small machines fault our children were hungry.

"This time it's all you." I told her with a smirk.

"I guess I do kind of owe you some nights." She smiled sheepishly at me and I shook my head.

"Ran out of milk last night." I explained and she nodded, chuckling lightly. "And since I can't make it on my own, it's all down to you."

"Uh-huh." She shook her head, kissing me gently again before slipping out of the room to go and see the babies.

I sat on the bed, listening to the sounds coming over the monitor as she entered the room. It turned out to be Chrissie that was crying as Bella made her way over to her, trying to soothe her with calm tones as we had been advised before they were born. My mother had been very helpful in that way. It seemed that she had been with me until I was old enough to walk and talk, before being taken away by Carlisle, keeping her separate from me.

I wouldn't be missing out on my children growing up. Not for anything in the world.

. . . . .

It was five to noon and I couldn't stop my foot from bouncing on the ground as I waited for Gianna. I had helped Bella change, feed, burp, wash and put the babies down before leaving. She explained that she, Rose, Esme, Alice and Tanya had a girly day planned. Bella's last words as I walked out of the door were 'I hope it's not shopping'. She still wasn't a huge fan.

What she had said to me this morning made me feel that I could actually get over the last semblance of dependency I had on the substances which nearly ruined my life those few years ago.

I knew that with the support of my family, friends and Bella, I could do it.

"Edward." I turned, hearing Gianna's voice calling me. I walked over to her, wrapping my arms around her as though I would an old friend. But then again, my relationship with Gianna had transformed from the initial doctor-patient relationship to that of friendship as my time in the clinic passed. "How have you been?" I stepped back slightly, having felt the slight bump underneath her shirt. Her enormous grin told me that I was right in my assumption that she was pregnant again. I also knew that this wasn't about her expecting and I would be called out on any avoidance bullshit I tried to pull. Which had happened before.

"Um . . ." I ran a hand through my hair, tugging on the ends lightly as I searched for the right word. "Stressed, I think is the best way to cover it."

"Tell me." She motioned for us to walk across the bridge as she would if we had gone outside while I was in rehab. She knew I hated stuffy offices and places that were too enclosed. So she always let me have my sessions somewhere I would be more comfortable, like out in the grounds or somewhere similar.

With her words I started telling her everything. I started with the meeting up with Bella at the concert, the shock and disbelief I had felt at the fact she was standing right in front of me. I loosely told her what happened afterward and she rolled her eyes at me, shaking her head. I explained about what I knew of the next day, Bella's jumping to conclusions over my previous drug use. I told her about going to Bella's apartment and her rejecting me coldly, leaving me standing there in her hallway like an absolute loser. I told her about the run in I'd had with Rosalie and Alice and ultimately the fight Bella and I had had.

She remained quiet as I talked about the last few months, being with Bella, my reaction to finding out she was pregnant and the arrival of the babies and everything that went with them.

I didn't know what I was expecting from her when I told her about the revelation with Carlisle and Aro but her stony silence wasn't something I had foreseen. She had a perfect poker face and you could never tell what was running through her mind. I was sure that I had given her more than enough information to last her a lifetime in the last hour and a half but once I had started, it all seemed to come out.

"It seems like the last year or so has been a bit stressful for you." She observed and I chuckled lightly, nodding.

"A little, yeah." I didn't look at her, watching the other people around. Children playing and couples sitting, laughing and enjoying each other's company. Maybe Bella and I would bring the triplets here at some point in their lives. I hoped so.

"I'm going to come right out and ask this . . ." She said softly, sighing as she looked at me. "Have you turned to either drugs or alcohol to try and ease the pain of what happened through the last few months?"

I took a deep breath, having expected this question. "Yeah." I nodded, feeling ashamed of my actions and she sighed next to me. "Once." I knew that she was disappointed in me. She thought that I was better than that, stronger than that, strong enough to resist once I was released from rehab. It seems that she was wrong. "I'm sorry."

"What are you apologising to me for?" She sounded confused and I looked up at her to see a bewildered yet partially amused look on her face. "Edward, I'm not the one you should be apologising to for your relapse." _What was she talking about? She's my therapist, who else would I apologise to for it? Other than Bella of course, but I've been there and we've hashed that out. _"The one you really need to apologise to is in here." She rested her hand lightly over where my heart lay in y chest and I let out a shaky breath. "If I'm correct, you still haven't forgiven yourself for your slip, have you?" I shook my head slowly, still ashamed of the reality of the past. "Well, you need to find it within yourself to. What's done is done and it can't be undone. From what you've told me, Bella has forgiven you, Jasper and Emmett have forgiven you and even your mother – with whom you remember we spent a lot of time discussing," she looked pointedly at me and I nodded, biting my lip gently. "She has forgiven you as well. The only one who hasn't is you."

"I don't know how to." I whispered finally, hearing my own voice shaking with the fear running through me.

"You'll find your way. I can't tell you how to find it, but I can help you down that path." She rested her hand on my shoulder gently. "You _are_ strong enough to get through your problems, Edward. Never doubt that you are." She was silent for a moment before turning to face me again. "Bella is aware that you're here, yes?"

"Yeah." I let out a breath, looking back over the park. "I wouldn't keep something like this from her."

"And what did she say?"

"She said . . . she said she was proud of me." My voice was nothing more than a whisper as I admitted Bella's words from this morning.

"And she has every right to be." I turned to see her grinning widely. "It's good that you trusted her to let her in on this information. Letting her know you're thinking about getting back into therapy is good, Edward. Not only do you feel free of the stress carrying around a secret such as that would bring, but it lets her know that you're willing to open up to her. That's a problem I have with several patients. They come and see me and none of their spouses knew about their weekly appointments."

"See, if I didn't know, then what I would be imagining happening would probably be a lot worse than the truth." I shook my head, wondering why people wouldn't tell their significant others about being in therapy.

Actually, that's a lie.

I did know why.

They were ashamed and didn't want to admit that they had problems they couldn't deal with by themselves. Either that or some of them had been forced by parents or someone similar.

"I think that is what happens a lot of the time. They complain to me that their spouses think they're cheating on them and they can't handle it. So I do what I always do." I looked at her curiously and saw she was smiling at me, her light brown eyes dancing and mischievous. "I tell them to tell their spouses they're in therapy."

"Do they ever?" I asked and she shook her head.

"No." Her tone was laced with disappointment as she gazed out over the park. "And that's what keeps them coming back. They don't seem to understand that by keeping it from their partners or family, they're undermining their trust." She turned her head and looked at me again. "That's where you're already different to many of my patients. You've been open with Bella about the fact that you're coming to see me . . . she does know I'm female, right?"

I laughed out loud shaking my head slightly. "Yes, yes she does. She's okay with it. I mean, when she found out she was pregnant and there was a jealousy thing there – I think – but she's told me she realises that you're the one who helped me before and you succeeded – mostly –"

"Edward-" I held up my hand refusing to let her argue.

"It's true though." The look on her face clearly showed me the thoughts going through her mind. It was the 'not this again' look that I had seen on Rosalie so many times in the last few months. Dealing with Emmett has its responsibilities, I'll tell you that much. "You helped me but . . . I'm still not okay. I still can't sit in the same room as people say . . . having a beer. It's like the other day, Bella's father offered me a beer and I had to be a jerk and say no."

"You know why you said no." She said softly and I nodded, closing my eyes. "Right now, you're in a place where your mind _and_ your body are craving alcohol or . . . maybe even to a certain extent cocaine." _Lay it on me thick, why don't you?_ "Right now, you wouldn't be able to sit down and have a drink without following it with more. Purely because of where your mind is." She stood up straight, giving me a friendly smile. "I'm glad you found the courage to call me again, Edward. I think . . ." She pulled out a small organiser and opened it, clearly flicking through the next few days. "I have an hour free tomorrow and we can go back to a regular appointment, if that's what you want. I don't know what this was but if you wanted to start back up with therapy then we can do that but if today was just a nudge back on the right path, then that's okay too."

"No." I shook my head, disagreeing with the last part. "Today wasn't just a nudge or whatever. I think . . . I think I need to see you again. Regularly."

"Alright." She nodded, resting a hand on my shoulder as I closed my eyes slowly. "Okay, well, I have tomorrow at three. We can set a regular appointment then, alright?"

I nodded again, returning her small smile. "Thank you."

Walking back home, I felt an immense relief wash over me. Gianna could help me. She had that kind of gift. She was sensitive and actually listened when you spoke rather than other therapists who just sit there, write something down and go 'and how does that make you feel?' every so often.

I walked back into the apartment as Bella walked out of the nursery. A brilliant smile lit up her face as she saw me. It was infectious and I couldn't help but smile back. She walked over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist and pressing her lips to my jaw. I wrapped my arms around her waist, resting my forehead against her shoulder gently.

"How did it go?" She asked, her fingers entwining themselves in my hair, gently playing with the few small strands on my neck.

"It was okay." I nodded, turning my head and pressing my lips to hers. "I'm going to see her tomorrow and we're going to work out a regular appointment."

"I'm so proud of you." She whispered and I felt my brow furrowing, wondering why as I lifted my head up.

"How come?" I looked into her eyes, trying to see something behind there, telling me _why_ she felt that way towards me.

"Do you _know_ how many guys would scoff at the idea of therapy? The idea that they need someone else's help to deal with their problems?" She shook her head, her fingers brushing over my forehead lightly. "You are the only one I've ever known who openly admits that he might need to go and see his therapist again. That makes me so proud."

I rested my forehead against her, whispering a quiet 'thank you' before pressing my lips against hers, having craved the silken softness of her mouth all day. Her tongue slipped in between my lips and I moaned at the taste of her. She was so fucking exquisite.

The front door burst open and we both jumped about a foot in the air, breaking apart. Instead of looking at the front door, the both of us froze, looking at each other, relaxing slightly when neither of us heard any stirrings coming from the nursery.

We both turned to see Rose and Alice standing there, fuming, glaring at . . . _me?_ What had I done wrong?

"You . . ." Rosalie held up a finger, pointing at me, stepping towards me slowly. I had the urge to throw Bella at her, crying 'take her, not me!' I didn't, in case you were wondering. "How the fuck could you?"

"How could I what?" I asked, completely dumbfounded. I looked down at Bella, who shook her head, looking as though she was wondering what Rosalie had been taking.

"You know exactly what." She seethed, her teeth clenched. Alice wasn't much better as she stood there in the doorway. What the fuck was going on? Em and Jazz weren't anywhere around, so I guessed they hadn't told the two of them that they were coming around here to harass me. "How could you do that? She's just had your children!"

"Rosalie, I'm going to ask you something and hopefully I can get a straight answer." I carried on before she could hit me. "What on earth are you talking about?"

"Don't act like you don't know, Edward." Alice came up and stood next to Rosalie, shaking her head. Her blue eyes were murderous as she glared at me. "You don't have to hide her anymore. We know all about your little hussy."

"Little hussy?" Bella looked up at me and I shook my head. What the hell were they talking about?

_Shit!_

"Yo, Ed!" I groaned lightly upon hearing Emmett's voice. Okay, maybe the girls had called them after all. "What the hell is this I hear the girls are talking about? I get a call saying that they've seen you with some tramp in Central Park. What the fuck, dude?"

"I've just found that out myself." Bella looked up at me, her eyes clearly confused. I could see the stubborn streak in her not wanting to believe what they were saying and to ignore their comments. I hoped she would. I needed her to.

"So what the hell are they talking about?" Jasper stood behind Alice, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Gianna." Realisation flooded their expressions as their mouths made little 'o' shapes. Rosalie and Alice looked confused, probably wondering why the guys had stopped their onslaught. Jasper watched me as I stood there, not breaking eye contact with him.

"Are you back-"

"Yup."

"Since when?"

"Today."

"How come?"

I shrugged lightly, holding Bella closer to me. "Need it."

"What the fuck is going on here?" Rosalie practically bellowed, looking ten different shades of pissed off.

"One thing, Rose." Bella held up a finger. "No swearing in this apartment anymore." She rolled her eyes, obviously not really caring for our new rule.

"Seriously, though." Alice still hadn't taken her eyes off me as she stood there. "You guys know the little skank then."

"Hey!" I pointed at Alice and she bristled immediately. Normally, Jasper would have stood up to me, but this time, he knew Alice and Rosalie were in the wrong. He knew I wouldn't do anything to hurt Alice at all, but he also knew how protective I was of Gianna. "She is _not _a skank."

"Well, what do you call her then?" Rosalie smirked in response.

I looked down at Bella who nodded, resting her head against my chest. She knew who I was talking about, as I had been talking about her this morning. She sighed gently, before closing here eyes.

"I call her my therapist." I said shortly and they both stood there, staring at me in disbelief.

"What?" Alice shook her head, clearly lost. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not cheating on Bella." I stated firmly and Rosalie snorted. I glared at her, my eyes meeting her cold blue ones. "I'm not. Gianna, the woman I was with in Central Park is my married, pregnant therapist. Has been since I was in rehab. Well . . . not the pregnant part but you get what I mean."

"Why should we believe you?" She asked shaking her head and crossing her arms across her chest.

"Because that's what friends do." I stated simply and Bella tightened her hold around my waist.

"If you were having therapy, then how come you were in the park?" Alice shook her head, looking confused. "Wouldn't you have been sat in an office?"

"Edward doesn't like offices." Jasper said softly in her ear. "Even when he was in rehab, Gianna quickly caught on that if he was in an office he would close up. So they used to have their sessions outside or another part of the centre."

"Really?" I nodded.

"I can't stand them and she knows that." I rested my cheek on Bella's forehead, sighing gently. "Gianna's been there with me since I was admitted to rehab. She's been through it all with me. There isn't anyone else I'd turn to for help. On a professional level."

"Well, that's good to hear." Alice murmured, a small smile on her lips. "I'm sorry, Edward." She said quietly, looking at her hands in front of her. "I just . . ."

"It's okay." I nodded, knowing what she was trying to say. She thought that she'd seen something and was trying to protect her friend. "I understand what you and Rose were doing, but you should have talked to _me_ about it first. I would have been able to explain it all to you." The two of them nodded.

"It's just a good thing I knew where you were, wasn't it?" Bella looked up at me, grinning and I chuckled, squeezing her lightly. "Edward told me this morning where he was going. I knew that his therapist was a woman and I also knew about his severe dislike of offices. I wonder if they have a name for that." She grinned looking at the others who chuckled. "So I knew there was a good chance that he would be out and about with her. Its fine, guys. She's what he needs to help him. She knows how to do that so I'm all for it."

I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face at her words. She was really behind me, wasn't she? Just when I thought she was everything I wanted her to be, she goes and surprises me. Sure the jealousy thing made me feel a little better, but then again, I think it would any man. But having her behind me, it made me feel like I could do anything.

And I would sure as hell try.


	24. Meteora

**DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.**

**I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D**

_**Bella**_

"Sssh, it's alright, sweetie. Daddy'll be home soon." I looked at the clock, hoping I was right in my assumption. He was already fifteen minutes later than he said he would be but knowing the traffic in New York, I wasn't surprised.

Chrissie was screaming in my arms and it was her telltale 'I want my Daddy!' cry. She was a daddy's girl through and through and Edward loved it.

The triplets were now three months old and growing bigger by the day. Masen's eyes had gone the way I thought they would and were now the same shade as mine. A deep chocolate brown. They were gorgeous. Chrissie and Killian had inherited their father's brilliant green eyes, the vibrancy passed down to the two of them.

I sighed, biting my lip as I looked down at my daughter. Her eyes were scrunched closed as tears streamed down her bright red face. I wished Edward would get home soon. It was predictable. She would scream for him, he would appear and take her into his arms and the tears would disappear. Killian was the same with me. Apparently, Edward had had him screaming for nearly an hour and a half before he'd given in and called me to settle him down. He sounded so stressed and it was quite adorable actually.

Big bad Edward being bested by his baby son.

I let out a sigh as I heard the code for the door being entered before it flew open. Before I could even open my mouth to let him know his daughter was screaming for him – which he could probably hear from the lobby downstairs – he had run past me towards the bedroom.

"One minute!" He shouted and I huffed, looking down at Chrissie who had quieted momentarily at the sound of his voice before starting up again as she realised he wasn't there.

"Edward!"

"Gotta pee!"

_Huh! Well I guess we can allow that._

"It's okay, baby girl. Daddy's here. Maybe we need to get him a diaper as well. That would work, wouldn't it?" I tried once again to soothe her with no luck. "What do you think? Should we find Daddy a big diaper to wear?"

"No." I looked up, relieved to see Edward walking towards me, arms outstretched to take her. "Hey, baby girl." He was so adorable when he spoke to the babies in that way. It made my heart melt as I watched him with them. "It's okay. Daddy's here." He took her in his arms and she immediately noticed the difference, her cries quieting to whimpers as he bounced her gently in his arms, quietly shushing and cooing at her. She was silent a moment after and I let out a sigh at the quiet. "How long was she going for?"

"About half an hour." I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder, watching as Chrissie slowly closed her eyes. "That was quick." How is it that guys could go to the bathroom so quickly yet when you're waiting in line for the ladies, it never seems to move? He shrugged as he bounced his baby girl up and down slightly, calming her even more. "She's a Daddy's girl. Completely and utterly."

"I hope she always will be." He whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before pressing his lips to my forehead. I couldn't help but smile at the action and wonder at the meaning behind it.

The both of us had become a lot more affectionate over the course of the last few months. I wasn't completely sure whether it was a conscious thing or not. It just seemed that where we had been avoiding serious contact with each other before coming back to New York, we hadn't been shy with the gentle touches and affectionate kisses when we returned. I think the revelations that had come about since our return had something to do with that.

Edward was still in therapy and doing extremely well. I could tell it was what he needed and didn't contest him in any way. He needed to see Gianna and he had become a lot more relaxed since returning to a regular appointment with her.

I remembered when I first met her. Apparently, since I had a major part to play in Edward's past, she wanted to meet me to get a better grasp of the situation and I had been shit-scared. Who knew what she thought of me? Would she see me as the one that had led Edward to becoming a drug addict?

But all of my fears were unnecessary as she was an amazing woman and I could see there was no one else that could help Edward the way she could.

_As I sat in the waiting room with Edward, I felt extremely nervous. My knee was bouncing up and down and I had to sit on my hands to make sure I didn't bite my nails. I had thought that Edward and I would be sitting down to see Gianna together but as soon as he mentioned that we would be going to her office, I knew I would have to see her on my own. There would be no way Edward would talk once inside an office. He hated them with a passion._

_Being away from the triplets, even for a couple of hours, was enough to get my nerves going. Sure, I trusted Alice, Em, Rose and Jasper to look after them – well, Rose and Alice more than the guys, but hey, they were the ones that would dissuade the guys from trying to teach the triplets things. Not that they could understand much at eight weeks old – but it was the usual separation anxiety I'd heard other mothers talk about._

_Esme had told me when Carlisle had first started to separate her from Edward, she would start to panic. Somehow, he managed to stop that and she pushed it away but all it did was cause a deep seated depression within her heart and a resentment of Carlisle she still harboured to this day. Because of him, she had lost out on the majority of her son's life and she could never get that back. She was trying though. The two of them had been rebuilding their relationship and they were going from strength to strength. She supported Edward in his decision to go back into therapy although she too had been anxious when he mentioned Gianna wanted to meet her as well as me._

_I knew how she was feeling._

"_Calm down, love." He whispered, placing his hand on my knee to stop it from bouncing. He chuckled under his breath as I mock glared at him, wondering how he could be so calm about this. "She's not going to bite your head off."_

"_How do you know?" I shot back quietly and he raised an eyebrow at me. "I mean, how do you know what she thinks of me? She probably thinks that I'm the evil ex trying to worm her way back in because you're now famous and rich."_

"_No." His voice might have been quiet but it was stern and forceful. "I know for a fact she doesn't think that because _I_ don't think that. She doesn't form opinions on what she hears. She makes her own decisions. Yes, she knows that things ended badly with us and she knows about what happened after . . . well, you know . . ." I nodded, knowing what he was talking about. "But she also knows about what we've found out and how far we've come. I don't hold anything back from Gianna because I know that if I do, she won't be able to help me in the way that I need. She just wants to talk to you. Find out how you fit into my life, what role you play and all that. She doesn't just want to take my word for it. She wants to see it from your point of view as well."_

_Even though he had a way with words, it didn't completely get rid of my fears. He had helped to calm my nerves a little and I didn't really feel like I was going into the lions' den as much but I was still nervous as hell._

"_Ms Swan." I looked up to see a woman about the same height as me with light brown hair smiling at me. It wasn't a professional sort of smile but a friendly, welcoming one. She waved me over and I looked at Edward, who nodded in encouragement. I squeezed his hand before getting up and following the woman down the small hallway and into one of the rooms._

"_Hello, Bella." She sat down in one of the chairs in the room, indicating for me to take a seat. I sat in one of the other armchairs, finding it was extremely comfortable. "I'm Gianna."_

"_Hi." I said quietly, not really sure what to do or say. The only thing I'd ever come close to in regards to a therapy session was a fifteen minute session with the school counsellor at the beginning of freshman year of high school to see how I was fitting in. Not that it was a challenge considering I was still going to school with the same kids I'd been with since I was five. "I don't really know what I'm doing right now, so . . ."_

"_Don't worry about it, Bella." She smiled at me, her eyes dancing with amusement. Glad she was finding this funny. "This isn't a 'therapy session' like I'd have with Edward. This is just me wanting to get to know you so I can evaluate your relationship with him a little closer. Don't worry. The same confidentiality rules apply. I won't tell Edward anything said in here. That's all up to you."_

"_Okay."_

"_I do this with all my patients, well . . ." she rolled her eyes slightly, waving her hand a little in the way that said 'you know' and I felt slightly confused. "The ones that tell their spouses, families, friends and so forth that they're actually in therapy."_

"_You have people that don't?" Why would anyone want to keep it from their loved ones?_

"_It's more common than people think, actually." She nodded once, writing something on a pad. What could she possibly have to write down? I hadn't done anything. "People are often ashamed to admit that they need help from a third party and unfortunately a lot of people feel it's a waste of time. They believe that whatever problems they have can be settled within their own circle and so the ones that need therapy do go but they keep it from their loved ones. They might think its better that their families don't know but in actual fact, it damages their relationships, lead people to believe that unfaithfulness is occurring and such." She regarded me closely and I felt like I was being put under a microscope. "Which is why I think that Edward is very lucky to have someone that supports him the way you do."_

"_Of course I support him." I sat up straight and she raised an eyebrow at me, silently asking me something. Not quite sure what. Elaboration, maybe? "I know that the relationship Edward and I have had in the past has been messy and painful sometimes but I still care about him more than I could ever even begin to explain. I don't know how to explain it. It's like . . . when he's in pain, I can't help but hurt. He needs to talk to someone outside of our friends and such. Someone he trusts and if he's in therapy, that doesn't matter to me. If he's getting the help he feels he needs, that's all that matters to me. All I need to know is that he's okay."_

"_You still love him." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. And a true one at that. I nodded and she wrote something else down. Apparently, my love for Edward was important. "Okay." She sighed, sitting back in her chair, resting her elbows on the armrests and tenting her fingers in front of her. "Edward has given me permission to disclose anything I wish to you in this session and I feel that there are a lot of things that are missing from the story I have."_

"_Okay." I was slightly confused and if I must admit, scared. What was she going to pull?_

"_When I first met Edward, he wasn't the same as he is now. He's come a long way in just three years." I didn't doubt that. From the stories I'd heard, he had been a totally different person to who I knew. "He was an addict, plain and simple. He had just been transferred from a hospital bed to a rehab centre and was pissed about it. Even though it was his choice to be admitted to the centre, he wasn't happy with being in there. He wanted his fix, plain and simple." She looked up at me, silently asking if I wanted to hear this. Did I want to? No, not really. But I had to. I had to know, even just to understand Edward better. "This isn't pretty."_

"_I know." I whispered, nodding, giving her the signal to carry on. "I need to know."_

"_I thought you might." She took a breath, closing her eyes. "When I first met Edward, he was in pain, as most withdrawing addicts are. At first it's not so much a psychological thing, its physical. Especially when it comes to alcohol. Edward was an extreme alcoholic as well as a cocaine and amphetamine addict. Alcohol withdrawals can be extremely painful as the body craves it._

"_Like a lot of those withdrawing he was volatile and aggressive and I hope to God I never see him that way again." I bit my lip, shaking my head._

"_He was never violent." I whispered, looking at her through my hair. She was watching me as I brushed it out of the way. "His temper was always incredible. I never knew how he put up with so much but he did."_

"_It took him a while to open up to me but when he did, I saw less of the aggressive and frustrated man and more of the sad and lonely boy he must have been growing up. He told me a lot of Forks and how he was at home. You've known him for a long time, is that correct?" I nodded, taking a breath._

"_Since we were five. We met in kindergarten. He accidentally broke one of my crayons and made me cry." I smiled at the memory that should have probably faded by now but had remained clear and perfect as the day it happened. "It was my favourite sky blue crayon. He gave me the one from his packet to make me feel better."_

"_You've always been close?" I nodded again. Well, until we were eighteen just after graduation we were. Until the day he disappeared._

"_We were together every day." I sighed, the grin the spread across my face uncontrollable. "We were best friends and eventually . . . I fell in love with him."_

"_And he, you." She smiled at me and I nodded._

"_Well, I hope so or he was lying to me every time he said it." She shook her head, chuckling gently._

"_If there's one thing I know about Edward, it's he doesn't say those words lightly." I shook my head, agreeing with her. He didn't. He never said those three words unless he meant them with his very soul. "From your perspective, what was Edward's home like?"_

"_It wasn't really a home." I sighed, sitting back in my chair. "It was a place he went to sleep and that was it. To us, it seemed like the only one that cared about whether he came home or not was his nanny, Maria. To us, it was as though his parents didn't actually care about him at all. He and his dad, well . . . Carlisle . . . they fought a lot and it always ended up with Edward leaving the house. He'd always end up at my house and . . . it was as though there was nothing that could make him feel better. My mom and dad knew there wasn't something right but they couldn't prove anything. My dad is the police chief in Forks and I could see that there were some occasions where he wanted to try and take Edward out of there but he wouldn't say anything to either of my parents. I was the only one who heard what happened."_

_She nodded as she wrote on her pad. "Edward's told me how much you were there for him as the two of you were growing up. It must have been hard on you. Always being the one he leaned on."_

_I shook my head, not agreeing with her at all. "He was my best friend. What else should I have done?"_

"_You did exactly what a friend should do. You were there for him." She gave me a warm smile and I couldn't help but smile back. I got the feeling from sitting in front of her that she didn't see Edward as a pay check. He wasn't just someone that came in, talked and handed her her money at the end of the hour. He was a real person. One she cared about. "How did your parents react to him being around all the time?"_

"_Both my parents loved Edward." I rolled my eyes at my own statement. "They still do. Sure they were mad at him when he left but I think they're over that now."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Well . . . most people think that any man involved with a father's little girl is in direct danger, right? Wrong. They might act pissed off and protective but place a grandchild in front of them and they're putty." She chuckled at my answer and I knew I had her there._

"_You're right about that one. My husband was terrified of my father when he first met him and my dad was furious when I told him I was pregnant for the first time." Who would have thought? "But when he held his grandson for the first time, I knew there was nothing that was going to come between the two of them. And now, six years later, they're as thick as thieves."_

"_The only problem is my parents are in Washington." She nodded, giving me a sympathetic smile._

"_How did your mother react when Edward reappeared?" She asked, scribbling something else down. She was writing so fast I didn't think she'd be able to read it back when we finished._

"_My mother has always loved Edward. Always." I laughed gently as I remembered some of the antics Edward and my mother had come up with. It seemed that Charlie and I had to be the voice of reason. "The two of them were like two peas in a pod when we were growing up. She loved him like he was her own. I think she still does. My dad and I would always have to separate them when they'd come up with something that would inevitably get them into trouble. He'd always look at me and say 'you get him, I'll get her.' There was never a dull moment when they were together."_

"_And now?"_

"_I have a feeling that whenever they're together, it'll probably be much of the same. I think Edward might calm down a little because of the babies but I'm sure that when they're with someone else or asleep, the two of them will be back to their old tricks." I sighed, thinking of the shit that Renee and Edward could possibly get themselves into. Who knows what the hell they could come up with?_

"_It's good that the two of them get on well." I nodded agreeing with her. "What about Edward and your father?"_

"_Like my mom, my dad loved Edward like he was his own." I sighed, remembering how my dad used to take Edward fishing with him when he was younger. "I think my dad saw him as the son he never had. When Edward left, my dad was upset and angry. I think some part of him felt abandoned as well. The two of them were close in a way that Edward and Carlisle had never been. Well, Carlisle would have actually had to take some kind of interest in Edward, but . . . I think my dad felt kind of betrayed, so he did the only thing he could. He blamed Edward. Even though it wasn't his fault. He wouldn't listen when I tried to tell him that everything was because of me and it was all my fault that he was gone. All he saw was that Edward was gone and he had left when I needed him."_

"_What about now?" She asked, her eyes boring into mine as though she was attempting to read my mind. Wasn't that kind of what she was doing? Being a therapist and all? "How is their relationship now that the babies are here?"_

"_I'm not actually sure." I replied honestly, letting out a breath. "My dad wasn't happy when I went back to Forks and told him I was pregnant. He got over his anger pretty quickly, realising that it wasn't going to change anything and soon became the doting grand-father-to-be. I'm not entirely sure where he and Edward stand, because I think they did that whole 'manly talk without sounding like a girl' thing that we're not allowed to know about but they seemed to be on good terms when we left Washington."_

"_Edward told me that the two of them did reach an understanding and you father said to him that he realised there were a lot of things pushing Edward to leave Forks. I think your dad might actually realise that it was actually a culmination of events that lead Edward to leave." She shook her head, writing some more things down. How has her hand not cramped yet? "But, not having met your father, I couldn't actually give you an insight on that one."_

"_Charlie isn't one to hold a grudge." I laughed, shaking my head. "That's my job."_

"_Alright, Edward's told me about everything that happened after the two of you were reunited." I felt my cheeks flush at the memory of that night. A large part of me wanted to do that again but also the rational part of me knew we weren't there at the moment. I wasn't sure we'd ever be but a girl can hope, right? "I know all about what happened in the following days . . . from Edward's point of view." She raised her eyebrows at me, probably wanting my point of view on the same time frame. "What made you lash out the way you did?"_

"_I um . . . I was afraid, I guess." I shrugged, looking down at my hands._

"_Of what?"_

"_Of Edward." I whispered, not looking back up at her. I could feel her gaze boring into me as I sat there, trying to find the right words to explain. How could I? "A friend of mine, she had an addict for a boyfriend and I saw how much it hurt her. He told her that he'd stop, that he'd get clean but he never did. It hurt her so much and part of me didn't want to go through that pain. And um . . . I also couldn't think about Edward doing that to himself. I didn't want to even think about him hurting himself in any way. It hurts to think that he used to do that. And that part of the reason he did do so much damage to himself, the reason he runs out of energy so quickly, that he can't function properly for days on end sometimes, is because of me. I hate that I had a part to play in all of this." She handed me a tissue and I took it from her, wiping away the tears that had started pouring down my cheeks. "I guess I wanted to hurt him before he could hurt me. It's stupid and pathetic and I could have done a lot more damage than I did but I can't change the past. If I could, I would go back to that morning and not have left. If I knew what I do now I would have waited for him to come to me. But I can't do that. I can't change what's happened no matter how much I want to."_

"_It's good that you realise that, Bella." I looked up to see her watching me with a blank mask on her face. She must have sat through so many break downs in this very room. How did she cope with it all? Maybe she had to see a shrink of her own. "You seem to have learned from your mistakes rather than dwelling on them. How are you and Edward coping as parents?"_

"_It's hard sometimes but I think we're doing okay." I shrugged, playing with the tissue in my hand. "He loves them so much and I know he'd do anything to make sure they're okay."_

"_He'd do anything for you as well."_

"_He told you that?" I laughed and she shook her head._

"_He didn't have to." She sighed, sitting forward slightly, which looked a little awkward, considering she was pregnant. I sighed internally, remembering what it felt like to have that little bump there, that tangible evidence that there was life growing inside you, without it becoming too much of a pain in the ass as it was right at the end. Asking to be helped up was a little embarrassing. "I can see it in the way he is when he talks about you. You do come up in our sessions quite often." I sat up a little straighter with that knowledge. Edward talked about me? "Don't look so surprised. From what I can gather from you and Edward, you and your family were the only support system Edward had. You were a large part of his past and you're an even larger part of his future. You're the mother of his children. Of course you're important." She took a deep breath, flicking through another pad of what looked like typed notes from another session. Probably Edward's. "Edward's told me about the recent revelation about his father."_

"_Who do you mean?" I asked and she raised an eyebrow at me. "Carlisle or Aro?"_

"_Carlisle." She sighed and I looked away, closing my eyes, feeling my fingers balling into fists at the thought of talking about him. After what Edward had discovered it seemed more and more plausible that Carlisle had in fact drugged me. I never knew that someone could be that low. "He told me about the discovery the two of you made concerning your first pregnancy. Do you think that's affected your relationship with Edward?"_

"_Yeah." I nodded, knowing for a fact that it had. "I know now that it wasn't my fault, even though I can't let go, It was me that invited him into my house. I listened to him when he was saying all of those things about Edward and yet, even though I knew they weren't true, some part of me was listening to him. I wouldn't have gotten rid of the baby and I remember for years I wondered why I had. All I'd wanted was a life with Edward, children, a home and I couldn't fathom why I'd destroyed that. I couldn't even remember doing it. I figured that it was one of those instances where your mind blocks out what it doesn't want to remember. That does happen, right?" She nodded and I let out a breath, thankful that I wasn't sounding nuts right now. "I guess I figured I just blocked it out."_

"_It seems that the two of you are functioning extremely well as parents and as friends. I'm guessing you want more than that." She stared at me, not allowing any movement of mine to escape her scrutinising gaze._

"_I'll take whatever he can give me."_

We sat and talked for a little while longer and I let her know all the fears I had about how Edward was and the possibility of a relapse. She informed me that while the urge might always be there for him, if he had the right encouragement and support, he would be alright. He just needed to know that people were there for him.

"Hey," I shook my head a little, snapping out of the daze I had been in for clearly some time now. Edward was standing in front of me, smirking, as he normally did when I'd been caught off in what he had named 'Bella's World' when we were ten. Chrissie was missing and he nodded towards the nursery, waving the baby monitor at me. "Where'd you go?"

"Nowhere." I whispered and he smiled at me, walking towards me and wrapping his arms around my waist. It felt so natural being with him. It was like we were in our own little bubble and nothing could reach us. That was until we heard a baby cry over the monitor. That was more likely than not to happen.

Before I'd realised what had happened, Edward had guided the two of us towards the sofa and we'd flopped down, settling into it easily as we'd always used to. I wasn't sure how I'd fit into his life now that the babies were here. Sure, I was the mother of his children, but what if that was all he'd ever see me as? Would we ever be anything more than that? I knew I couldn't hope that we would be. My heart wouldn't be able to take it if it turned out we couldn't ever go back to somewhere near what we'd had before. So I didn't want to even think about what could happen there. I'd go with it and if it turned out Edward felt the same as I did, then I would be classed as the happiest woman in the world. But if he didn't, then I'd have to find some way to deal with that.

"You're doing it again." He said softly, startling me.

"What?"

"Bella's World." He chuckled and I felt the blush in my cheeks. "What's going on in there?"

"Ah, that's for me to know and you to worry about." He actually looked a little worried at my words. Would he be worried if he really knew what was happening inside my head? I hoped not. "What do you want to do tomorrow?"

He sighed, shaking his head. "I don't want to do anything apart from what we are right now." He smiled down at me and I couldn't stop the grin that spread across my face. "Seriously. You know how I am with birthdays. I don't want it."

"I'm not the one you have to convince." I laughed and he rolled his eyes.

"Ah, yes. _Alice_."

Tomorrow was the best day in the year, if you ask me. Edward's birthday. Well, it was the day the love of my life and the father to my children had come into the world. What better day could you ask for? Edward, like me, wasn't a huge fan of birthdays and avoided mentioning his at all. Unfortunately for him, Emmett had let slip last week that it was Edward's twenty-eighth birthday tomorrow and Alice had nearly had a coronary because she hadn't had ample time to plan something.

A stern look from Edward had her calming it down to nothing more than the six of us, Esme and Esme's parents. His birthday just happened to land on a Friday this year and Esme's parents were making the trip from Boston to see him. It would be the first time in years.

Esme had been doing very well for herself. In the last few months, she had managed to restart her interior design business, word of mouth through clients and such having spread from Washington, meaning she was very well received. She had decided that she didn't want to be away from Edward again and had found herself a small apartment in Brooklyn Heights and absolutely loved it. It wasn't that far from where Edward and I lived, which appeased him somewhat.

I think if he'd had it his way, she would have been under the same roof as us.

She had served Carlisle with divorce papers and also filed a restraining order against him, just in case. Apparently, normally one wouldn't have been granted but after hearing what all of us had to say about him, the one in charge thought it best to file one in case he may turn violent. The only time Carlisle was allowed within one hundred feet of Esme would be when there was a chance they'd have to meet in court. Edward didn't want Esme anywhere near him again but understood that for her to finally be free of him, she'd have to face him sooner or later.

That and she wanted to give him a good slap.

Her words, not mine.

She had also started attending a support group for abused spouses. She had told us that to begin with, she felt as though she had nothing to complain about because there were people there that had suffered a lot worse at the hands of their partner. After a few meetings, she realised that no one was judging her because she didn't come in with a black and blue face. They recognised that her scars were on the inside.

She had also met a very nice gentleman by the name of Demetri there. He had just gotten out of a fifteen year marriage to a woman he thought he loved and who loved him. That was until she started to spend every single penny of his money on herself and constantly belittled him in private and in front of their friends who did nothing but laugh and make jokes about him both to his face and behind his back. He had left his marriage with nothing but half the proceedings from their house in Connecticut, the clothes he had packed, his own bank account and a vague idea of where he wanted to go. He had arrived in New York about six months ago and lived in an apartment block just down the street from Esme.

We'd met him once and of course, Edward was a bit wary of him. Both Esme and I could see that Edward was challenging Demetri, seeing whether he was good enough for his mom, but neither of us said anything. Personally, I found it hilarious how much Demetri was kissing Edward's ass. It was like the whole 'boy meets girlfriend's father' thing in reverse. It was odd. I think Esme was just overwhelmed at the fact Edward felt the need to protect her as she did him.

It seemed Demetri was just trying to appease Edward because everyone knows that to parents, kids – no matter how old they are – come first.

Or at least, they should do.

He was still wary of Demetri and his intentions towards his mom but I could see that he saw his mom was happy when she spoke of him, though she insisted that they were 'just friends' and he didn't belittle him in any way. He just wanted to give the old man a little challenge to see if he was worthy of his mother. His words.

Esme hadn't invited him to Edward's little birthday gathering, knowing Edward's apprehension towards him and not wanting to cause him any unease. Edward wasn't about to cause a rift between his mom and Demetri and had said that if she really wanted him there, he could come. Her being as stubborn as her son had stated firmly and in the tone that said 'don't argue with me, I'm your mother' that it was his day and she would see Demetri another time.

She was finally finding the strength to do something she'd never been able to before. She was putting Edward first this time.

"You know there's no way Alice is going to let you get away with that, right?" I looked up at him and giggled at the exasperated expression on his face.

"Can't we just pretend we're not home?" He asked, his eyes wide and I shook my head, seeing him practically deflate at my words.

"They know the code to get in, remember?" His expression became thoughtful at my words and I wondered what the hell I'd unleashed. What the hell was he thinking? Did I really want to know?

"Damn it." He muttered, resting his head on my shoulder again. I giggled, running my fingers through his hair. "There's got to be some way around it." He whispered, probably not registering that he'd even spoken aloud.

"Nope." He looked up at me, slightly shocked. "Yes, I heard you and no there isn't any way around it. Your mother and your grandparents are coming here. Your mom is so excited seeing as this is the first birthday she's been able to spend with you since you were what? Two? And your grandparents want to see you as well. You don't want them to think you don't want to see them, do you?"

"Alright. Enough with the guilt trip." He sighed and I grinned in victory. Mwahaha! "But if any baby pictures of any kind get pulled out, I'm outta here."

"Agreed." I pressed a kiss to his forehead as his eyes closed slowly. Personally, I couldn't wait for tomorrow.

. . . . . . . . .

Opening my eyes the next morning, I turned to see Edward still sleeping, a tiny snoring noise coming from him. It always made me smile when I woke up next to him.

After I went to see Gianna, Edward insisted that he didn't want to sleep in a room separate from me anymore and I had immediately told him that I couldn't do it anymore either. I had been sleeping in his room – well, _our_ room – since then. A lot of my stuff was still in the third bedroom, the one that used to belong to Emmett before he moved out. I had been bringing my stuff into Edward's room in small bundles, not having the time or the energy to move it all in one big go. The whole fazing thing seemed to be working as it was, so I didn't bother to change anything about what I was doing.

I slowly slid out of bed, the arm Edward had wrapped around my waist falling onto the bed with a quiet thump. His fingers slowly curled, tangling in the sheet a little, as if he were searching for me. I smiled, wondering what was going on inside that mind of his.

I pulled on my dressing gown and slipped out of the door quietly. I made my way into the nursery, checking on the triplets. They were all asleep as I made my way over to Chrissie's crib. Her arm was splayed out as she lay there, her breathing even and steady. She was taking on Edward's physical features, as were the boys. They were all going to have their father's slightly oval eyes and the boys would most likely have his bone structure as well. If I was completely honest, I wanted nothing more than two mini Edward's out of my boys. I smiled at the thought of the triplets when they got older. No doubt they'd be running rings around the adults, but hey, they would always be my babies.

I ran my finger over Chrissie's palm and her fingers lazily wrapped around mine, grasping it gently. I couldn't stop the grin that spread over my face at the movement. She was obviously registering my presence even though she was lost in her dreams like her brothers and father.

I gently eased my finger out of her grip and noticed how her fingers curled just like Edward's had not five minutes ago when I'd left his embrace. They were more alike than anyone realised.

I made my way out into the kitchen and set up everything for what I was going to make Edward for breakfast. He would eat anything put in front of him, but I wanted to make it special today.

I decided to make him a combination of his favourites. Pancakes with honey and some French toast with vanilla and cinnamon. I set a mug of coffee and a cup of camomile on the tray for the two of us – I didn't want to start drinking coffee again until I'd stopped breastfeeding the triplets – and made my way back through to the bedroom.

I smiled to myself, seeing that he was still asleep before I set the tray on the bedside table. I sat on the edge of the bed and his arm stretched towards me. I leaned forward, taking in the beauty of the man that lay beside me, wondering how in the world he had ever found it within himself to give me another chance. I wasn't sure I would have. I pressed a kiss to his forehead and he mumbled something I couldn't understand before his eyes fluttered open.

"Happy Birthday." I whispered and he scrunched up his nose at me. He inhaled a deep breath, stilling for a moment, no doubt having smelled the food in the room. "I made you breakfast."

"You didn't have to do that." He said softly as he sat up. I grabbed the tray and settled in beside him. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer yet minding that I had food in my hands. "Yummy." He grinned at me and I giggled in return.

I cut off a corner of a piece of the toast and held it up to him on the fork and he happily took it from me, fork and all. I rolled my eyes at him and he chuckled, taking the fork out of his mouth, chewing heartily.

"That is amazing." He mumbled, cutting off another corner and holding it out to me. "Try."

We spent the next little while feeding each other the breakfast that was supposed to be for Edward. He wouldn't allow me to sit there while he ate, telling me that he felt guilty if I didn't have something as well. All too soon though, we were interrupted by the babies that had decided it was time for _their_ breakfast. Edward laughed as I took the tray from him, thanking me for breakfast as he climbed out of bed.

He disappeared into the nursery while I took the breakfast things into the kitchen. I'd put them in the dishwasher after we'd dealt with the babies.

Edward walked out with two screaming babies that were clearly hungry and passed them both to me as I sat down. I don't think I'd ever get used to feeding two of them at the same time. But when they start teething, that's it, they're all on the bottle. Not happening.

He walked out with Masen, making his way into the kitchen and preparing a bottle for him. It wasn't long before the apartment was silent once again as the three of them had their breakfast.

Before long, we heard the telltale beeping of someone entering the code for the apartment before the door flew open. Every time that happened, I was expecting Emmett to yell out 'honey, I'm home!' but he never did. It appeared he had more sense than that.

"Can we change the code?" He asked, his eyes slightly pleading and I could see he was only half joking. I shook my head and he scowled at me, clearly wanting me to take his side.

"Happy Birthday, Eddie!" Emmett ran towards him, nearly catching him before he darted around the sofa escaping the oaf. "Aww, I want a birthday hug!"

"Not happening." Edward glared at Emmett, even though he was trying to fight a smile. The others walked up behind me, watching the drama unfolding as Emmett attempted to clear the sofa before Edward got away.

Needless to say, it didn't work.

I was nearly thrown off balance when Edward's arms wrapped around my waist and he buried his head in my hair. He was standing behind me, clearly using me as a shield.

"Hiding behind your woman." Emmett shook his head in mock disapproval. "Not cool, man."

"Don't care." Everyone laughed at Edward's muffled reply. It hadn't escaped my notice that he hadn't argued Emmett's wording and I couldn't tell you what that did to me. "Like you wouldn't hide behind Rose."

"Only because he knows I wouldn't protect his sorry ass." Rose laughed and everyone joined in. Well, everyone except Emmett who gave her a pout, causing everyone to laugh even more.

"What time is Esme getting here?" Jasper asked and I looked at the clock, seeing that it was nine thirty already.

"Not for another hour or so." He shrugged, nodding before pulling Alice to him and whispering in her ear. I decided that I didn't want to know.

"Hey, Ed!" Emmett grinned over at the two of us. "Guess what?"

"What?" He was still standing behind me, using me as a shield against the big lug standing across the room.

"Someone sent you a cake!" He seemed more excited about that than anything else.

"Huh?"

"Someone left a cake for you downstairs. The girl at the desk said they dropped it off about an hour ago but didn't want to bother you to bring it up." He grinned, pointing at the box left on the kitchen counter.

Edward made his way over to it, clearly not afraid of Emmett's threat of a birthday hug anymore and opened the box. He pulled out a small slip of paper which held a typed message. I could see what it said but Edward was clearly confused.

"Whose it from?" I asked and he shook his head.

"I don't know." He handed the message to me. "That sounds kind of ominous, though."

I took it and read it, seeing what he meant.

_Happy Birthday, Edward._

_I hope you get everything you deserve._

"I'm gonna phone down and see who left it." He grabbed the phone off the cradle, pressing a couple of buttons that I guess hooked him down to the reception desk. "Hi, this is Edward Cullen. I've just received the package that was left down at the desk this morning and I was wondering who it was who left it?" He didn't say anything and I don't think he registered that Emmett was shifting closer and closer to the cake. "What did they look like?" Something must have been up if he was asking that.

In the next moment I knew I was right as Edward whipped around, eyes wide.

"Emmett! Don't touch that cake!"

. . . . . . .


	25. Chapter 25

**I'm so sorry to inform you lovely readers that this is not an update. This isn't twiXlite in fact! It's me Shelby0321! *****waives hand frantically at all you wonderful people**** ***

**My darling friend twi asked me to let you all know that she is down a laptop right now and cant update any of her stories, or answer your messages and reviews! I offered her mine but alas she is an ocean away! (I've seriously considered UPSing {****is that even a word?**** } mine to her. Seriously I need my Edward fix!) But don't you worry she has informed me that she has lots of notebooks**** {she's kickin it old school for the moment****} that she is diligently writing new chappies in! So if you want updates soon, please send money to PO Box..haha just kidding. (well not really if you would like to donate to a wonderful cause…and lets face it folks, Edward Cullen is in fact a wonderful cause!) Okay, so no on the money, but cross your fingers, rub your lucky trolls or do whatever that brings you good fortune so we will have our dear twi back soon! ;-)**

**Please don't review this because then you wont get to review the real chapter once it goes up! And that would just be sad! **

**And don't worry about the Edwards, I'm gonna take good care of them while she's gone. {wink wink}**

**{Edwards gulp and look around nervously} Hurry back twi!**


	26. TWCS

**_As I'm sure you're all aware FF is deleting stories like crazy and as you all know, I deal with various sensitive subjects within mine so I have a feeling that it's only a matter of time before mine fall victim to the cut._**

**_I'll be posting all of my stories on The Writer's Coffee Shop so if you create an account over there, you can read them all._**

**_I'll be continuing to post updates on here until there comes a time when FF decides it doesn't like me anymore and then they'll still be updated over at TWCS._**

**_I'll be rewriting 'Saving Edward', 'Alive Again' and 'Protecting Him' because I feel like my writing has changed in the three years I've been posting on here so keep an eye out._**

**_This chapter will be replaced with an actual update soon._**

**_See you over there!_**


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